Forwarded by the ASC-VSO Posted: Tue, 6 Jan 2004 21:15:32 -0500 In: alt.startrek.creative From: "Djinn" gleenBUFFY@erols.com TITLE: Emotional Rescue AUTHOR: Djinn CONTACT: gleen@erols.com http://users.erols.com/gleen/Djinnslair.htm SERIES: TOS RATING: PG-13 CODES: S/Ch PART: 1/3 SUMMARY: Post-V'ger, Spock is ready to explore his emotions. Chapel only Chapel looked up as Spock walked into sickbay. She grinned at his expression. Even after all these years, he couldn't hide his distaste for exams. "Hop up on the table, Spock. You know the drill." She waited for him to tell her that Vulcans did not hop. A raised eyebrow filled in for the words as he eased himself onto the table. She looked down to hide her grin. She was getting way too big a kick out of yanking his chain. She reached for her scanner, began to check him for lingering effects--or any new ones--from his meld with V'ger. "Sleeping okay?" she asked. "I do not require as much sleep as humans do, Doctor Chapel." "Nice diversion, Spock. Just answer the question." "I have been dreaming more than is my norm." She ran a special check on his neurotransmitters and hormones. They were elevated but far less so than they had been right after the meld. "Well, I hope they're good dreams." "They are...interesting." The emphasis he put on the word made her look up at him. "Care to share?" "I do not." Despite the terse reply, his tone lacked his usual acerbity and his expression was more open than she was used to. Another post-V'ger effect, this more emotional Spock. She was having trouble getting used to it. She began to make notes on her padd. "You are enjoying being a doctor?" She smiled at him. "Don't even think you can distract me from noting your dreams as another effect." "I was merely inquiring as to your satisfaction with your chosen profession." "If you aren't careful, I'll put 'Attempts to make small talk' down as a side effect too." "I believe that was more than just an attempt at small talk." She laughed. "Oh, you think you were successful, do you?" "Indeed. Is that not what we are doing? Engaging in small talk?" "I'd call it banter, but you can categorize it however you like, Spock." She shook her head. "Too bad McCoy isn't here; he lives for good banter." It suddenly occurred to her that McCoy was never around when Spock showed up. If she didn't know better, she'd think Spock was timing his arrivals for when McCoy was off duty or on break. And when she was on. She sighed. This was not a place she was going to revisit. If Spock was only showing up on her shifts, it was just coincidence. "I would like to ask you a question," Spock said. "Ask away," she said, snapping the scanner shut and putting it back with the other diagnostic equipment. "It is of a personal nature." She moved closer. "Do you need to whisper it?" She grinned at him. He actually looked a bit exasperated with her and she wondered if he had an embarrassing post-V'ger rash or something. "Okay, sorry, Spock. What did you want to ask about?" "I was hoping you would join me for dinner." Her chin hit the floor and kept on traveling. She figured it stopped somewhere near engineering. So much for coincidence. "Technically, that's not a question." She moved away from him and opened a drawer at random, began to inventory the contents. Spock didn't need to know that Nurse Percell had already done this. Twice. Business in sickbay had been slow. "You do not appear overly pleased by my suggestion." She shot him a look. "You realize anything you're feeling is because of the meld." "I am aware that I am more emotional since the meld." "Elevated hormones and neurotransmitters will do that, even to a Vulcan. You don't really want to have dinner, you're just..." She couldn't bring herself to say the word horny to him. "I did not suggest that we have sex, Christine. I merely thought a shared meal might prove pleasant." She'd offended him. She shook her head. "I'm sure it would. Find someone else to share it with and have a great time." She closed the drawer, harder than she meant to. "You do not eat?" "Of course, I eat." She looked around sickbay, realized that Percell and Castena were watching Spock and her with barely-veiled interest. "Let's go into my office?" He followed her in. "If you eat and I eat, then I fail to see why we cannot share a meal." She shut the door, leaned against the wall. "I'll be frank, Spock. I'm flattered. Part of me is probably thrilled but I'm not listening to her anymore. This"--she pointed at him, then back at herself, her hand gestures coming out a bit spastic--"is not territory I want to revisit. The big hopeless crush scene was not a happy place for me." He moved toward her. "What if it were not hopeless this time?" She gave him her best rendition of the Vulcan eyebrow of disdain. "Christine. I admit that a large portion of what I am feeling was triggered by the meld with V'ger. But I do not believe that the emotions I am now open to will entirely dissipate over time. I have made a choice. To explore these feelings. Wherever they may lead." "So, you're saying you're curious? You want to play with these emotions? Walk on the wild side?" "That is not how I would choose to put it. But it may be accurate." He touched her cheek. She pulled back quickly, hitting her head on the bulkhead. "Ow! Dammit, Spock." "You were interested in me once, Christine." She pushed him back, moved away from the wall, rubbing her head as she did so. "And you weren't interested in me, Spock. And I don't think you are now." He actually sighed softly. She shook her head. "I was in sickbay when you came to, Spock." She smiled, hoped it wasn't a bitter expression. "'This simple feeling.' Does that ring a bell?" He seemed to draw away slightly. "If you want to ask someone to dinner, ask the Captain." "Jim is my friend." "Which is more than I ever was, Commander." She hit the door switch, bowed him out mockingly. "I'm going to pretend this conversation never happened." "But it did happen." "Work with me here, Spock." She pushed him, hoping he'd take the hint and leave. He did step back. "I am trying to, Christine." "Could you just call me Doctor Chapel? It's so much easier on my psyche." She hit the door switch. As the door slid closed behind them, she held her hand up. "Buh-bye." She rested her head against the wall, tried to ignore that it was still hurting...or that she was trembling. Damn Spock! Just when she thought she was over him, he had to go and pull this. -------------------------------- Spock watched Doctor Chapel as she sat down to eat with one of the other doctors. It was clear by the way she was enjoying her meal that she did indeed eat. She just did not wish to eat with him. "You look like a man with a problem, Spock." McCoy pulled a chair out and sat down. He followed Spock's gaze. "Oh, boy." Spock quickly looked away from Doctor Chapel and the unknown male doctor who seemed to be amusing her so much. "Don't tell me that after all these years, you're actually ready to make a move?" "I was not planning on telling you that, Doctor." "Well, that's good. Because she's moved on, my friend. You are a closed book, a dead letter, a--" "Yes, I grasp the concept, Doctor." "She sure looks like she's having fun with Morrow." McCoy shot Spock an innocent look. "Just as you are having 'fun' baiting me." "Aw, Spock. You make me sound so mean." McCoy leaned in. "I do think she's moved on. Why go and reopen old wounds?" "I was not aware I had wounded her." McCoy rolled his eyes. "Well, it's a cinch that she didn't hurt you any. Nothing gets past that thick Vulcan skin. Not even a clue." Spock was still trying to think of a suitable retort when Kirk walked over. "You two fighting again?" he asked as he sat down. The grin he shot Spock was open and happy, and Spock felt a pang of tenderness for his friend. Not the interest that Doctor Chapel had implied--something different, but in its own way just as strong. He loved Jim, loved him like a brother. And he'd missed him more than he could ever have predicted he would when he'd first set out to purge his emotions. McCoy leaned in. "I'm just trying to tell our Vulcan friend that now is not the time for him to decide he's interested in Christine." Kirk shot Spock a surprised look. "Are you interested in her?" "You do not deem her worthy of interest?" Kirk shook his head quickly. "I didn't mean that. She's delightful." Spock tried to hide his surprise. McCoy didn't. "Something you want to tell us, Jim?" Kirk laughed. "She used to date one of the admirals in my circle of friends. Nothing serious but it gave me a chance to get to know her. I like her. A lot. As I said, she's delightful." He turned to Spock. "So are you interested in her?" When Spock did not answer, Kirk laughed and held his hand up in surrender. "Forget I asked. But you might want to move fast, before that guy"--he gestured off toward Doctor Morrow--"gets the upper hand." He ate for a few moments, then said softly, "Would you like me to define 'delightful'?" Spock knew he was glaring disapproval, tried to force his expression into something more neutral. Kirk only laughed. "God, it's good to have you back." He looked over at McCoy, included him in the smile. "Both of you." "Well, unlike Spock here, I didn't have a choice," McCoy said, but his expression as he looked at Kirk was full of affection. Spock supposed they had all been lonely for each other. It was good to be together again. He watched Doctor Chapel get up and leave with her dinner companion. Perhaps later Spock would ask Jim to explain what he deemed the upper hand...as well as what he meant by delightful. --------------------- "This seat taken?" Chapel looked up, smiled broadly when she saw Kirk. "I was saving it for you." He laughed. "Liar." Setting his breakfast tray down, he nodded at her coffee cup. "You need a refill?" "Please." She watched him as he got himself a cup of the strong mess coffee, then refilled her cup. As he walked back, she found herself grinning. The one good thing about dating Admiral Cartwright had been getting to know her former CO on a personal basis. He seemed to be reading her mind. "So, how's Matthew?" She rolled her eyes. "You know, you could have warned me about him." Cartwright had been fun--for the five seconds a day he wasn't obsessing over work, his next assignment, or the Klingons. He shrugged. "Would you have believed me? Besides, he's a good contact for you. Since you parted on good terms." He shot her a look. "You did part on good terms?" "Yes, I took your advice and cut out gracefully." "Our hasty departure probably helped." She laughed. "I'm indebted to V'ger." Her smile faded. "It feels wrong to joke about it. Because of Will." "I know." They ate in silence for a moment, then he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry about the demotion." "Nothing you're going to do about it now." She smiled when he shot a look at her, his gaze questioning, as if wondering what she really felt. She decided to tell him. "I was in a bit over my head, Jim. I'd have never said that to Will because he seemed so dead set on having me as his CMO. But I'm not sure I was the right person, other than that he listened to me." She shook her head. "Which was only fair considering how many times I listened to him go on about Ilia. Usually over beers." Kirk smiled. "Best kind of CMO does just that. Beers or Romulan Ale. Whatever works." He seemed about to say something else. She shook her head. "It's okay, Jim. I'm over any irritation with you. Truly." "Okay. We won't talk about it again." "Good." She studied him. He seemed happier than he'd ever looked back on Earth. "You're in heaven, aren't you?" He nodded. "It's great to be back. To have her back." She didn't have to ask which 'her' he was talking about. "And to have Spock back," he continued. He shot her an odd look. "Must be a little strange for you...having him around again?" She shook her head. "Not like I see him much." She studied Kirk, tried to figure out what he was thinking. She'd learned that few conversations with him were haphazard, most of them were designed to take you somewhere. She had the suspicion this one was going to a place she didn't want to end up in. "I'm over him," she said in what she hoped was a very final tone. "Yes. About that." He grinned. She glared at him. "If you say another word, I'm going to start calling you Captain Cupid." He laughed. "He's just going through a phase, Jim. Surely you can see that." "Is he?" She shook her head. Trying to debate him was a losing proposition. He was too good at winning. "You might want to give him a chance." He held up his hands when she glared at him. "I'm just saying..." "Well, say it to someone else. There are plenty of hot young babes on this pretty ship of yours who must be dying to date Mister Tall, Dark, and Rigid." She realized that hadn't come out quite right. Could feel herself starting to blush. Kirk was trying not to laugh. "Don't even..." "I'm not saying a word." He nodded at the door. "Oh look. There's Mister Tall--" He broke off when she kicked him lightly under the table. "Spock," he called out, waving the Vulcan over. Spock looked relieved when he saw Kirk. Then he took in Chapel's presence at the table and actually perked up. He headed toward them. She closed her eyes. "This isn't happening." Kirk started to get up and she clamped a hand on his. "Don't even think of leaving." "If you've really moved on, then there's nothing to be afraid of, right?" He gently pulled his hand out from under hers. "Captain. Doctor." Spock looked around for a chair to add to the two-person table she'd chosen. "Here, take mine," Kirk said. "I have to go. You can keep Christine company." He grinned at her. She wanted nothing more than to stick her tongue out at him. He seemed to realize that; his eyes positively sparkled. "See ya." She nodded, tucked into her food, intent on finishing and getting away as quickly as she could. "Is eating with me such an unpleasant notion, Christine?" Spock asked, sounding rather sad. "Would you rather choke on your food than endure a moment more than is necessary with me?" She laughed meanly. "I had a good teacher. It's what you would have done." He looked away. "No. I would have simply stopped eating and left. I do not like to rush a meal." "Touche," she whispered. If his words hadn't been said in such a morose way, they would have stung more. "But I never found your company unpleasant." "Right," she said, but she put her fork down. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." She was curious how he would reply to that. He stared at her, his eyes seemed resigned. "Is this what it feels like? To have hurt feelings? I never knew." "You're saying you have them now?" "I do not know. I know that it troubles me that my presence is not more welcome to you." She laughed, then looked away. The strange dejection in his eyes bothered her. More than she liked. "I've moved on, Spock. Can't you just let me be?" He stood up, took his tray and said, "Of course, Doctor. I apologize for disturbing you." He moved to a table on the other side of the room. His movements seemed more awkward than she'd ever seen them. She got up and dumped her tray, stopping to refill her coffee. Looking back at his table, she knew she was going to go to him and hated herself for it. She should just turn around and go to sickbay. He was leaving her alone. Like she wanted. She walked over to his table. Sat down. Sipped her coffee slowly. "I don't want to be mean to you." "You have not been, Christine. I should have respected your wishes and stayed away." He did not look at her. "Does it hurt?" "Yes. Rejection hurts." He did look at her then. "Is this what you felt?" "Some of it. I doubt that you're getting the full treatment." "You are undoubtedly right." He put his fork down. "I was not as kind as you are being, was I?" She shook her head. "Maybe you had more resolve than I do. Or maybe you really didn't give a rat's ass. I wish I didn't care how you feel." "A rat's ass?" She laughed. "It's a saying." "A perplexing one." He sipped at his water, the gesture almost that of someone frantic for something to do. "You care then? Somewhat?" "More than I want to. But it won't make any difference. I can't do this again. I'm sorry." "There is nothing to be sorry for." He took a deep breath. "You are interested in Doctor Morrow and not in me. I should have realized." She frowned. "He's married, Spock. And just a friend." "But Jim said..." She was going to kill Captain Cupid the next time she saw him. She touched Spock's hand, only letting her fingers linger for a second before pulling away. "This is not going to work for either of us. Eventually you're going to shake V'ger's effects and go happily back to being logical and stoic. And not interested in me." She smiled gently at him. "I'd rather not be very close when that happens. Okay?" "You do not know that it will happen as you predict." She laughed softly. "Yes, I do. It's how it always goes with you. Even women you really cared for couldn't have you for very long." She stood up. "Maybe you should have McCoy do your check ups from here on out?" She smiled gently, then turned and left. She had to force herself not to look back at him as she walked out of the mess hall. ----------------- "Spock, heads up." Spock looked up in time to see Kirk toss him the microspanner he'd been looking for. He caught it easily. "Where did you find it?" "The last place you'd look." Kirk took a deep breath of fresh air. "You could leave that for one of the technicians, you know, and walk with me. I want to see the place." "I am aware of that, Jim. But I can perform this repair more efficiently than the technicians. And you did promise the Prefect that we would be off his planet by dawn." Kirk sighed. "Why is it that the most beautiful planets also have the most xenophobic governments?" Spock could feel his expression soften into his version of a smile. Jim could be so whimsical at times. "They allow us to keep the sensors here. It is more than the Federation expected." Kirk nodded. "I know, I know. And it's our duty to repair them with as little fuss as possible." He looked down the row of sensor arrays, where Enterprise technicians repaired or performed basic maintenance on the delicate machinery." He sighed. "I'd still like to see more of this world." "Then go. I will finish here." "Meaning I'm not much help." "Well, you did find the microspanner." Kirk laughed. "Go, Jim. I will be fine." Kirk nodded, left Spock alone to finish his task. Spock watched him for a moment, glad that his friend was taking the time to enjoy himself, to relax for a moment. A wave of affection ran through him. He did not fight the emotion. Just accepted it. It had been months since his meld with V'ger. The emotional onslaught he had first experienced had died down. He no longer felt the urge to cry at odd moments, did not erupt into spontaneous and ill-timed laughter. And for that he was exceedingly grateful. The experience had been fascinating. And useful. But he would not want to live his life that way. But he was not free of emotions. He was a very long way from the man who had nearly purged every feeling inside him on the hot sands of Gol. He was not even the man who had first gone to Gol, the man who had been so sure that he was losing the Vulcan part of himself that he was willing to eliminate all things human--and some things Vulcan as well--to make himself over into some extreme Vulcan ideal. He sometimes had nightmares that he was back at Gol. Back learning the Kohlinar. Learning to destroy what made him unique. For he was not only Vulcan; he was also Human. With all the associated problems. And the emotions. It was never his destiny to destroy that part of himself, but to learn to better integrate the two. To find his way. As he had been doing, until he had panicked and run away from everything and everyone he cared for. He would not make that mistake again. He focused on his task. Found some small pleasure in the way he moved, in the efficient manner he completed the repair. Was it not logical to feel moved by efficiency? He was not sure, but he did not fight his enjoyment of his skill. He closed the panel, then sealed the array. Checking the system with his tricorder, he was satisfied that it would run at optimal efficiency. He moved down the line, helped a technician with some awkward repairs, then walked on. His attention was caught by a group of off-duty crew, sitting on blankets in the field beyond the array, taking advantage of the sunshine and pleasant weather. Christine was there. Odd that he could no longer think of her as Doctor Chapel. After their last talk, she had become Christine to him, even if she had asked him not to call her that. Spock could feel his lips tighten. He did not feel pleasure when he thought of her. He had no skill to take pride in when it came to romance. In fact, it had probably been a mistake to have ever pursued her. She had been right. He had been more interested in experiencing the emotions than in experiencing her. She had been right all along. He saw her get up to join in some sort of ball game. She laughed and the sound carried to where he stood. He could feel a small smile beginning. He had little experience in seeing her happy. He decided the sound of her laughter was pleasant. One of the crewmen raced her to the ball; they ended up wrestling for it. She won, both she and the crewman laughing as she held the ball away from him and he reached around her, his hands brushing her body as he tried to steal the ball away. Spock suddenly wished he were that crewman. "Must be nice," one of the technicians said wistfully. "To play." Spock nodded, then looked back at the man to see who it was. "Yes, Mister Jensen. It must be nice." He ignored Jensen's look of surprise, moved on to the next beacon. He could not resist another look at Christine. It was allowed. Since he was not interested in her. --------------------------- Chapel watched McCoy pace through sickbay. "Damn fools. Don't have to be on every landing party. They aren't getting any younger," he muttered. She wisely remained silent, let him rant. She knew how worried he'd been about Jim and Spock when they disappeared during the collection mission. Fortunately, the strange singularity that had taken them out of the middle of a landing party, had then deposited them half a planet away without doing them any permanent damage. But it had left them both badly shaken and exhausted from the bombardment of some sort of alien energy field. "Doctor McCoy," Spock said, pushing himself up. "I believe we can track the location of the singularity. Determine if it is native to the planet or if it is free to travel out of the planet's gravity." "So help me, Spock. Lie back down or I'll sedate you." Spock looked over at Kirk, who was still sleeping. Then he turned to her. "I need a tricorder." She looked at McCoy. He shook his head. Spock's mouth tightened. "You had to recall the landing parties, did you not? If we could track the singularity, determine where it will go and if there are others, it would be safe to send them back down." She grabbed a tricorder, walked over to the bed. Handed it to him. They needed the magnesium-trichloride the planet had in abundance. It would be used as the base for a vaccine in critically low supply on a neighboring planet. "It can wait till he's slept, Christine." McCoy seemed angry with her. "He won't sleep, Len. You know that." McCoy's mouth tightened, but he didn't argue. Just turned and went into his office. "Thank you," Spock said softly. "He's just worried about you." "And since you are not, you can think more clearly?" She smiled. "I didn't say that." He began to program in some equations. "So you were worried?" "Of course. You and Jim would be a terrible loss." "Ah." He handed her the tricorder. "I need the readings I took earlier. I uploaded them before the singularity took us." She nodded, went to a terminal and called the data up. "All of it?" "Yes." She downloaded it quickly, handed the tricorder back to him. "You do need rest, you know." He nodded, already keying in more formulas. "And Cygnus XV needs vaccine. Which is more important?" He looked up, seemed unusually interested in her answer. "What is that Vulcan saying? The needs of the many?" "Yes. Precisely." He worked for a few more moments, then asked softly. "How did you come to know that particular Vulcan saying, Christine?" She sighed. "Back in my stalker days"--she smiled when he shot her an amused look--"I researched many things Vulcan." "Ah." He finished programming the tricorder, set it down as it processed the data for him. "I did not consider you a stalker." "Oh, please, Spock. You'd practically run the other way when you saw me in the corridors." "That is an exaggeration." At her look, he said, "I would walk very quickly." She laughed. "Very, very quickly." He gave her the eyebrow and she laughed again. "You have a pleasant laugh." He said it so casually, it took he a moment to realize he was complimenting her. "Spock," she said. "We agreed." "I merely commented on the tonal quality of your laughter. It was not a proposal of marriage." She laughed again. "A joke?" He seemed to shrug. The gesture looked funny, out of character. "Still not over V'ger, huh?" She was no longer keeping track of his progress. Spock had taken her suggestion and started going to McCoy for his check-ups. "On the contrary, I would say I have returned to normal. A new baseline for normal perhaps, but I do not feel unduly disturbed by my emotions." "Good," she said neutrally. "That must have been hard for you." He did not answer, just stared at her. "Spock." He looked away. "Perhaps you could create a rulebook that would indicate what type of behavior is acceptable, and what is not. I admit to being quite confused when it comes to how I should interact with you." She sat down in the chair next to his bed. "It's just that you're pushing." "I was not pushing. You are oversensitive." His tone was the Spock of old. She was not sure what to say. Looked down. Finally, whispered, "This is why I didn't want to go there." "And we did not go there or anywhere, Christine. I have done as you asked. I have stayed away from you. If you would relax, it might help your interactions with me." She stood up. "I think it would be better if I just left you alone with your computations." "As you wish." She walked away, glanced at Jim's bed as she passed and saw that he was awake. He just shook his head, and rolled his eyes. She stopped at his bed, studied the monitors. "You could at least try to be nice to him," he said very softly. She glared at him, then felt bad. "Don't meddle, Jim. Please?" He sighed. "Fine." She patted him on the shoulder, an awkward attempt to reconnect, to tell him no hard feelings. Then she fled to her office. Percell or Castena would call her if they needed anything. End part 1 of 3 -- Stephen Ratliff ASC Stories Only Forwarding In the Pattern Buffer at: http//trekiverse.crosswinds.net/feed/ Yahoo! Groups Links To visit your group on the web, go to:http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCL/ To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:ASCL-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service. From ???@??? Wed Jan 07 23:35:01 2004 Status: U Return-Path: Received: from n13.grp.scd.yahoo.com ([66.218.66.68]) by cockatoo (EarthLink SMTP Server) with SMTP id 1aErSd1ks3NZFkl0 for ; Wed, 7 Jan 2004 20:34:21 -0800 (PST) X-eGroups-Return: sentto-1977044-12845-1073536430-stephenbratliff=earthlink.net@returns.groups.yahoo.