Forwarded by the ASC-VSO Posted: Tue, 6 Jan 2004 21:15:53 -0500 In: alt.startrek.creative From: "Djinn" gleenBUFFY@erols.com TITLE: Emotional Rescue AUTHOR: Djinn CONTACT: gleen@erols.com http://users.erols.com/gleen/Djinnslair.htm SERIES: TOS RATING: PG-13 CODES: S/Ch PART: 2/3 SUMMARY: Post-V'ger, Spock is ready to explore his emotions. Chapel only Spock stared out past the viewscreen in the darkened auxiliary observation lounge. The stars slipped quietly past, slightly skewed as they always were when the ship was in warp. He took a deep breath, let it out slowly, then did not breathe, held the moment of between. He heard footsteps coming toward him. He had hoped that no one would disturb him here. For some reason, he had not wanted to meditate in his quarters, where he could have had perfect privacy. It was illogical to feel irritation that one of the crew had chosen to come to what was, after all, a public place. He was not far into the meditation at any rate. He had not even reached the first level. He sat quietly as the footsteps came closer. Then they passed and he realized the other person had not seen him in the corner, sitting so still, his black robe disappearing into the darkness of the space. He heard a sob. Rose slowly, trying not to make any noise. He would leave; whoever was here would never know that he or she had not been alone. He moved silently to the door, heard another sob and looked back to see who was in such distress. It was Christine. He was torn. She had made it clear she did not want him near her. But it was obvious she was in some sort of pain. He shook his head at his own folly. What good would he be? She had come to the small observation room to be alone, not to deal with him. He turned to go. "Spock?" He turned, surprised. She was wiping her eyes. "How--?" "--Your robe smells like incense." She sniffed. "Are you all right?" She slowly shook her head. "Is there something I can do?" She shook her head again. "Do you want me to leave?" Again she shook her head. She was not all right, there was nothing he could do, but she did not want him to leave. He could feel his brows pulling down into a slight frown. How exactly was he supposed to act? "My father died today." She sniffed again. "He's been sick. Really sick. We all knew it was just a matter of time. He didn't even know me the last time I saw him, just before I shipped out." Her shoulders were shaking. "It's like my father was already gone, you know?" He moved toward her. The few times he had seen his mother cry, Sarek had held her. Would that be appropriate for this occasion? She turned back around, leaned her head against the viewscreen. "Have you ever lost anyone, Spock?" He thought he had lost Jim. More than once. But Jim had not died, and Spock had not had to grieve long. Did Sybok count? He had idolized his older brother, had been crushed when Sarek cast him out. "Yes," he said softly. "Did it hurt?" "Yes." He touched her shoulder gently, felt her lean into his hand slightly. "Yes, it hurt." She pulled away, wiped at her face again. "Thank you." She moved past him, toward the door. He could not see her face. "Christine? If you need to talk, I am here." She turned, and he saw that her eyes were bright with unshed tears. She tried to smile; the expression came out as a grimace. "Right here? In the observation lounge?" Even he could tell that the joke fell flat. "You know what I mean." She nodded. "Thank you. But I'm fine now." "Of course." It was the exact same thing he had told his mother when she came to comfort him after Sybok had gone. But he had not been fine. He did not think Christine was either. ---------------------------- Chapel moved through the market. She could feel Spock shadowing her, was starting to get angry. Every time she turned around, he was there. A few booths behind her, ostensibly looking at this or that item for sale. But she had never seen him shop with such dedication of purpose. In fact, she had never seen him shop. She doubled back suddenly, the move taking him by surprise as she strode up to him. "You're following me. Why?" "I am merely shopping." "That's crap." He almost looked angry. "It is not 'crap,' as you put it. My mother's birthday is approaching. I am at somewhat of a loss...I have never given her a present before." "And now you suddenly want to?" He nodded. "It would please her, I think. Make her happy. Another post-V'ger effect, I presume. But surely not a negative one?" She was suddenly very embarrassed. "You're not following me?" She felt off balance; she'd been feeling that way ever since her mom had called to tell her about her dad's death. "I'm sorry." She could feel her face reddening. "I thought..." She fought back tears--why did they seem so close all the time? He surprised her by touching her hand, a sudden surge of support going through her as their skin made contact. She looked up at him in shock, saw that he seemed to be as surprised as she was. "I beg forgiveness. I did not intend..." He pulled his hand away. "I am concerned for you. My desire to help must have led me to..." He looked down, some sort of shame written on his features. "It's all right. It was a kind gesture." She swallowed hard. "I'm not doing very well, Spock." "No, I know you are not." She looked down. "Are you really shopping for your mom?" "Yes. I was, however, following you. I had hoped to get some ideas of what to buy her by what you stopped to admire." She smiled, wiped at her eyes as a rebel tear broke loose from the rest. "Do you want me to help you find something?" "Would you do that?" She sniffed again, rubbed at her eyes. They felt sticky and puffy. Sore inside and out. "Yeah. I will." He smiled slightly. "It would be a nice gesture." She nodded, couldn't muster the energy for a smile. Tired, she was so tired. She turned back to the booths. "What does she like?" "I am not certain." She turned to look at him. "You're not?" He shook his head. "Hmm." She studied him. "Does she collect anything?" He seemed to think about that. "Small bottles." "What kind? Glass? Pottery?" "Some kind of brilliant glass. They sparkle when the sunlight hits them." She was not sure what would make them do that. Metal shavings mixed in maybe? Or perhaps the bottles were cut from some sort of gemstone? "We could look for one?" "That would be appreciated." The walked slowly. She tried to pay attention to the things she was looking at but her head hurt and she felt dizzy. "Have you been sleeping?" he asked her gently. "Not really." She wondered why she could not seem to lie to him the way she had been to Len and Jim and Uhura. "You are exhausted." He touched her hand again, this time the surge of energy she felt was much stronger. She looked up at him. "My ability to help you, to bolster your reserves, is limited. You should ask McCoy for a sedative. You need sleep." His look was quite stern. "And I should not have to tell you that." She felt like a child again, in her father's study trying to explain why she had done something wrong. Her father. She closed her eyes, could feel her body begin to shake. "Christine. I will look for the bottle. Thank you for helping me think of that. Will you go to sickbay?" "I don't need to." His voice became more firm. "You will go to sickbay. Or I will take you there myself." She heard very clearly the first officer. She also heard someone who cared for her. She had managed to push everyone else away. But he had slipped in. How had he slipped in? "I'll go to sickbay." She would rest in her quarters. That would be good enough. Maybe this time she would fall asleep before she started to cry. "Give me your word." She sighed in frustration. "Who do you think you are?" "The first officer of the Enterprise." His eyes were exceptionally gentle. "And your friend." She swallowed hard, felt tears threaten again. "Christine. Give me your word." How did he know that she wouldn't break it? How could he possibly know that about her? "Christine." "Fine. You have my word. I'll go to sickbay. I'll talk to Len." She started to head for the beam-out point. The idea of the long walk back was daunting. "Wait." He pulled out his communicator. "Spock to Enterprise." "Enterprise here." "Doctor Chapel is ready to beam up. At these coordinates. Energize when ready." She felt her eyes drooping. How had she gotten this tired? "Thank you, Spock." "You are welcome." He faded to nothingness before her eyes as the transporter took her. She stepped off the pad wearily, headed to sickbay to finally tell McCoy that something was wrong. It was a huge relief to stop trying to be strong. ------------------------- Spock sat down at an empty table in the mess hall. He had hoped Jim or McCoy would join him but they were both otherwise engaged. "Do you want company?" He looked up, could feel his expression lightening as he saw Christine smiling at him. She no longer looked as if she was about to break. Seemed to be stronger, her smile more true. "I would 'love' some company." He thought she would enjoy the phrasing. "Ooh, someone's been studying human pick up lines." She grinned at him. It was an expression that seemed to hold amusement and gratitude and he hoped forgiveness. "Jim may, in fact, be a bad influence," he said. She sat down. "Nyah. He's a great guy. Matchmaking tendencies notwithstanding." He looked at her. "I was not aware he was working on us both." "Oh, he was." She laughed softly. "Big doof." "Doof?" She sighed in mock frustration. "We really need to get you a decent slang dictionary." "Ah, so that I could look up 'rat's ass'?" She nodded. "Exactly. Have to use it right if you're going to use it." "I do not intend to use it at all. Present company excepted." She laughed. "I'm not sure if that's an insult or a compliment." "When you determine which it is, let me know." She smiled and he was relieved to see the expression reach her eyes. "You are feeling better?" he asked. It was the wrong question. Her good humor dropped away. "I am sorry. I do not mean to pry." She met his eyes, seemed to be trying to figure out why he wanted to know. Why could she not just ask him why he cared? "You appear to be doing better," he said carefully. She nodded. "I needed sleep. You were right. And it was foolish of me and worse, negligent, to allow myself to get to that state. If you want to put me on report, I won't fight you." "I do not wish to put you on report." He took a sip of his water. "The tendency to believe that one can solve any problem by oneself is not wholly a human failing." "Are you saying that you've been guilty of that?" He nodded. "I'm just sorry you had to be the one to deal with it." "Interesting." He could feel his mouth turning up slightly, wondered at her ability to provoke his version of a smile. "Because I am not sorry at all." "Spock, don't." He touched her hand, intrigued by her cooler skin. "I believe I have proven you can trust me." She jerked her hand away, looked down. "V'ger and the meld that caused me to act so out of character was six months ago." "I know." "Then perhaps it is time for you to accept that it is possible for me to have feelings where you are concerned." "I can't accept that." "Why not?" She looked down. "I can't do this again." He felt frustration fill him. "Christine, there is no this to repeat. You and I have not had a relationship. What is growing between us is new. There is no reason to run from it." "There is nothing growing between us." She stood up. Picked up her untouched tray. "Leave me alone." She practically fled the mess hall. Spock suddenly wished he was still in a position to not give a rat's ass about her. Whatever that meant--it sounded preferable to this. ------------------ Christine steeled herself as she walked up to Spock's office. She was glad she did not have to go to his quarters. Too many painful memories of his Pon Farr and of her bringing him soup. Now all she had was an apology. She rang the chime before she could lose her nerve. The door opened. She walked in, saw him sitting at his desk. "Hi. Can we talk?" "I am in the middle of a report." He did not look up at her. She sighed. "I'm sorry. I overreacted." "Yes. You did." He still didn't look up. She walked over to his desk, sat in the guest chair. "I'm trying to apologize." "Why?" He finally looked up at her. He seemed tired, defeated even. "You will no doubt lose your patience with me again very soon. I cannot seem to please you." She frowned. "Did something happen? I mean other than my freaking out on you last week?" He did not answer, just went back to his work. "Spock?" "I am very busy, Christine. Perhaps we could continue this discussion another time." He carefully put his hands on the desk. "What happened?" She touched his hand. He pulled it away as if he'd been burned. "Spock?" He seemed very far away when he answered, "Today is my mother's birthday." Christine frowned. Had he forgotten to send her present? Had he not gotten her anything after all? "You sent something?" "Yes. I found a bottle, similar to what I remembered her collecting." "And she didn't like it?" "Oh, she was quite taken with it. I believe she was very happy." His jaw tightened and he looked down. The last time she had seen him act this way was when his father was on board. Sarek. Who could be so disapproving. "Your father didn't like it?" "I do not believe he saw the need for me to give a gift. He did not say anything, of course. Sarek would not be so rude. But his disapproval was more than apparent. I am, after all, very good at recognizing it since I was the cause of it so many times in my youth." "He thought it too human a gesture?" "Most probably." Spock seemed to be holding himself under extreme control. Seemed very much the Vulcan. She thought Sarek should see him now. The bastard would no doubt be proud. "I think if you made your mom happy then to hell with your dad." He slowly looked up at her. "And I'd be willing to tell him that," she said more fiercely than she meant to. His mouth began to turn up into what she was starting to recognize as a smile. "I believe you would." The smile faded; he looked down. "Fathers. Dead or alive, they get to us." She reached out, touched his hand. This time he allowed it. He sighed, and she realized it was a demonstration of trust that he did it in front of her. "I'm sorry," she said. "For Sarek? Do not be. This is an old problem between us." "I know. I'm still sorry. And I'm sorry I overreacted." He looked at her. "I am confused by your behavior. I do not know what it is I do that sets you off." He sighed again, more softly this time. She stared at him. "I'm afraid of you. I'm afraid of loving you." She looked down. "I'm afraid of...I'm just afraid." He did not speak for a long time, just stared at her, his expression soft, almost tender. "I know you have been under considerable stress. I do not wish to add to that. If you want me to stay away from you, I will." He held her eyes for a moment, then turned back to his terminal, as if he knew what her answer would be. As if he knew her. Was she such a coward? All he'd tried to do was be her friend. He hadn't asked her to love him. He hadn't really asked her for anything. Except that she go to dinner. "Who'll keep me honest if you stay away?" she asked softly. He looked up. "I was thinking maybe if you were free for dinner..." She smiled at him wryly. "You wish to share a meal? With me?" She was enormously pleased to see the Vulcan eyebrow of irony begin to rise. "Yes. I promise not to wolf my food down or bolt from the room." "Do not make promises you may not be able to keep." "I won't." She smiled at him. "Would you like to have dinner? Someday?" He nodded. "I would like that." Relieved, she turned to go. "Okay, then pick an evening and we'll go." "Tonight." She turned to look at him. He shot her the eyebrow again. "I fear you will lose your nerve if I do not act quickly." She laughed softly. "You may be right. Buzz me when you're ready?" "I will." Again he gave her the minuscule smile. It made her feel warm inside. But when the warmth faded, she could feel panic starting. "It is a good thing to feel happy in another's presence. Is that not so?" he asked. "You're scary," she said. "I thought you had to be touching someone to read their mind?" He turned back to his work, a satisfied look on his face. "I will see you tonight, Christine." She nodded, walked to the door, fighting down another feeling of panic. They had a date? Was she insane? She swallowed hard. They had a date. She was insane. She looked back at him. He was staring at her, a fond expression on his face, not even seeming to care that she had caught him watching her. She felt a slow smile spread across her face. She might be insane, but it was a nice kind of madness. ------------------------- Spock's chime rang again and he wondered if it was Christine coming back to say she had changed her mind. She had not appeared fully committed to the dinner scenario. He had never expected it to be this hard to win a little time with her. In the past, he would have bet that she would be what his roommate at the Academy had dubbed "the sure thing." She had turned out to be a long way from that. "Come," he said softly, waiting as his door swooshed open. Kirk entered, smiling his easy grin. "Time to knock off." Spock looked at his chrono, was surprised to see that several hours had passed since Christine had come to apologize. "I did not realize it was so late." Kirk leaned against the wall. "What are you working on?" "I am attempting to link the attributes of the singularity we discovered to other known phenomena. I would like to be able to draw conclusions about its origin and capabilities." "Any luck?" Spock nodded. "I believe I have found a similar energy vortex on Lyciria. I will know more when I have completely correlated the data." "Great. In the meantime, you interested in dinner and chess?" "I have plans tonight, Jim." "Really?" Kirk sat down in the chair opposite him. "With a certain doctor we both know?" "It is possible," Spock said, watching as Kirk started grinning. "Jim, it is just dinner." "Dinner with Christine." Kirk shook his head. "Keep it light, my friend. She's seriously gun shy when it comes to you." "I am aware of that." Spock closed down his work and sat back. "I admit to having some trepidations about this evening." "It's natural to be a little nervous. First date jitters." Kirk laughed softly. "I feel like your dad or something. Should I give you 'the talk'?" Spock glared at him. "That will not be necessary." "Should I give her the talk?" Kirk laughed harder. "She's a damned interesting woman, Spock. You do realize that?" "I do." Spock frowned slightly. "I am not completely sure why I did not see that in the past." "People change. Sometimes it takes awhile for someone to grow into herself. Or himself. I'd say you're both late bloomers." Kirk shot him a fond glance. "You're also both nice people. Caring, serious, driven. Find the similarities tonight, Spock. Hit them hard. Make her feel comfortable with you. And for god's sake, keep it light." "You have said that already, Jim." Spock steepled his fingers, pursed his lips thoughtfully. "I am not sure I am capable of keeping it light." "Try?" Kirk pushed himself out of the chair. "And try to have a good time. Remember, this is supposed to be fun." "Yes. Fun." Kirk shook his head, as if in surrender. He headed for the door. "Jim?" Kirk looked back. "Did you ever consider seeing Christine on a social basis?" Kirk gave him an odd smile. "I'm married to the ship, remember?" "Jim? Please?" Kirk took a deep breath. "I don't use the word delightful lightly, Spock. She's a fascinating woman. If things were different...maybe." He shook his head. "But things aren't different. And she makes a damned delightful friend too. And I can always use that." He gave Spock a slow smile, then turned and left. Spock sat back, considering Jim's words. He had not found Christine particularly delightful yet. Perhaps tonight would be a chance to discover the woman of whom Jim was so fond. If he could just keep it light. ------------------------ Chapel sat back in her chair, trying not to take another look around the mess hall. She felt as if every eye was on her, which was ridiculous. Nobody cared that she was having dinner with Spock. He came back with two glasses of water, set them down and sat in his graceful way. She let herself look at him, really look at him. He had aged more than she'd expected. While his hair was still dark and full, his face was more lined than the man she had lusted after for so long. He was starting to look craggy, almost careworn. It was a look he wore well. "Why are you staring at me, Christine?" he asked softly. "I am reasonably certain I have nothing on my face." "I'd tell you if you did." She smiled. "Just trying to see how you've changed over the years." "Kohlinar is an extreme discipline. There was a point during it that I looked in the mirror and saw that I looked older. Much older." He shot her an eyebrow that seemed to say, "Imagine that?" "I thought purging emotions would be good for the skin," she said with a smile. "No facial expressions, no wrinkles." "If that were the case, then I would look very young indeed." She laughed. "True." He seemed to study her face. "You smile often, yet your skin is exceedingly smooth." She could feel herself starting to blush. "Good genes and too much time in a lab instead of outdoors. Or maybe it's all those expensive beauty products." "You do not seem the type." "No?" She leaned forward. "Tell me, Spock. What do you know about the type?" He smiled slightly. "My maternal aunt is what I believe was once called a society matron." Chapel held up a hand. "Enough said. Tubs and pots and bottles line her vanity, I bet." Spock nodded. "When I was younger, I offered her an analysis of the chemical efficacy of the compounds." "Bet that went over well." "It did not. She told me I did not understand the synergy of the ingredients." Chapel rolled her eyes. "We both know science is all about synergy." He seemed to smile again. "Yes, we do." She could feel herself relaxing slightly. It was easy to talk about science. And easy to tease him. If he just kept things light, they'd be fine. "You finished medical school quite quickly, did you not?" "They let me test out of a lot of stuff. Something to be said for working in the flagship's sickbay after all." She grinned. "Not to mention that I already had two Ph.D.s. That went a long way towards credibility." "I imagine so." He ate slowly, not rushing. "You never did say if you enjoy being a doctor?" "No, I didn't, did I?" She smiled. "I do. But other than the nice office and the new title, there are times it doesn't feel that different." He nodded thoughtfully. "I believe you often went far beyond the duties traditionally thought of for a nurse. As you were already serving in some capacities as a physician, it will not seem a dramatic change." She hadn't thought of that. "You're right. I have Len to thank for that. He pushed me, let me grow. He didn't believe in keeping people down if they showed potential." "Are you enjoying working with him again?" She nodded. "You were intended to be CMO, were you not?" She laughed. "I was. But that was for Will, and he's off being a new life form. I don't think he's put a complaint in on my behalf yet." She grinned at Spock, was surprised to see him give her a small smile back. "No, I do not believe that he has. I am sure he will attend to it soon." She laughed. "Somehow I doubt that." She felt the pensive sadness come over. It happened whenever she thought of Will. "What do you think they became?" Spock considered that. "They evolved into some form of pure energy. I believe the potential for them is unlimited." "God?" He shook his head. "I am not sure what that means in a scientific sense. But more evolved than us, certainly. V'ger's knowledge was beyond comprehension, Christine. The worlds it had visited, the technologies and information it had collected were immense. Add to that Commander Decker's natural curiosity, his great capacity for caring, and I believe the new entity will be something truly remarkable." She felt tears sting her eyes. No one had ever put it quite that way before. She found the idea comforting. That Decker would humanize the V'ger part. That he'd keep doing good. She smiled. "He was a very nice man." "And he was your friend. It is natural to feel his loss." He moved his hand toward her but then let it fall to the table without touching her. "You have recently had to deal with a great deal of loss, Christine. I understand that." She looked up at him, saw that his expression was gentle, calm. He didn't look worried about her, was just stating a fact. Letting her be who she was, letting her feel what she felt. She slowly moved her hand, set it down on his. His skin was so warm. Comforting. "Thank you," she said. "For what?" She smiled slowly, shrugged. As she drew her hand away, she felt herself fully relax. Spock was a nice man too. If she let him be. End part 2 of 3 -- Stephen Ratliff ASC Stories Only Forwarding In the Pattern Buffer at: http//trekiverse.crosswinds.net/feed/ Yahoo! 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