Forwarded by the ASC-VSO Posted: Wed, 07 Jan 2004 07:29:53 GMT In: alt.startrek.creative From: Jungle Kitty kittyjungle@earthlink.net Title: Toy Story Author: Jungle Kitty Contact: kittyjungle@earthlink.net Series: TOS (Star Trek: The Original Series) Corrected: 1/6/2004 (minor text changes and corrected header information) Part: 1/1 Codes: Kirk, Brandt, Alex, A/U, TNG implied, first-line challenge, humor Rating: PG Feedback: Yes, please! Archive: ASC, BLTS, and WWOMB yes, all others please ask ARCHIVISTS PLEASE USE THIS VERSION. Thanks. Summary: This story follows "Schroedinger's Christmas Present" Adventurers action figures. But even a favorite toy can be improved upon. Thanks to Wildcat for the beta and to Pine Trees for nudging me about the head. ;-D The Star Trek characters and universe are the property of Paramount and Viacom. This not-for-profit piece of fan fiction is not intended to infringe upon that. The copyright applies only to the author's original characters and creative content. *** TOY STORY (c) Jungle Kitty 2004 "And that's how I ended up here, Captain." Alex flicked the Diana Toy action figure, sending her swinging. She'd been hanging from the fireiron stand for several minutes, suspended by a string of tinsel tied around her left ankle. Alex wasn't happy with her, not at all, and he was very tired of doing her squeaky voice. "Mommy!" he yelled. "I want the Starship Adventurers to do their own talking!" Brandt had been staring glumly out the window as Diana Toy recounted the tale of her capture and interrogation by the Blorg. From what she'd heard, it was a replay of an earlier capture and interrogation by the Renegade Space Pirates. Still, the breathless description had provided a small measure of distraction. Anything to keep her mind off the story she couldn't stop replaying--the one where Jim's Christmas leave draws to a close. To make things worse, he was spending the last of it at HQ in a briefing that should have ended hours ago. "MOMMY! I! WANT!--" "Alex," she said wearily, cursing the holo-ad that had made him aware that his action figures could be upgraded to speech and movement capabilities. "Isn't it more fun when you make it up yourself?" "No!" He came to her and tugged on her hand. "They only say what I say." "It's not playing if all you do is watch them." "But--" "How about if I play with you?" He sighed begrudgingly. "All right. But you have to be the girls." Together, they returned to the fireplace where the officers of the Ultimate Starship were waiting. "All right, Big Willy Rickher." Alex marched Captain Lucky John Piccolo along the hearth as he said importantly, "Get Diana Toy down from there." "Yes, SIR!" He flew Big Willy to the top of the fireiron stand and untied the tinsel. "OW!" cried Diana Toy as she plunged to the floor. "Don't be such a wuss!" growled Wurf the Klunkin Warrior. "I fell on my head!" "You fell on your ponytail." "Get Bimberly Cruncher to look at it," said the captain. "I'm a doctor, not a hairdresser." The redhead stomped into the scene. "And I want to be the weapons officer!" "MOMMY! The doctor has to be the doctor!" "All right." Suzanne yanked Diana's ponytail into place and posed the doctor next to her. "I think she has a cranial concussion and split ends." "Well, fix it. And make it snappy." Piccolo shoved the doctor. "I'm not waiting around for *her.*" "Alex," Suzanne said in her own voice. "A good captain is concerned for every member of his crew. Even ones like Diana Toy." Alex rolled his eyes. "This is the boringest adventure ever--Wait, the Blorg are attacking again! Agh! Agh!" All the action figures were thrown into an orgy of yelling and fighting that lasted until bedtime. *** Around midnight, Suzanne had checked on Alex who was sleeping soundly, slipped a holo of the three of them into Jim's duffel bag, and removed the Qool action figure from the dog's water dish. Now, as she dried him off, she said, "I bet it wouldn't be that hard to program these dolls myself..." With sudden determination, she went to the closet and brought out the game her brother had given her for Christmas. *What Would You Do?* was the hot gift that year and had proven to be very entertaining. Miniature holograms of famous people moved around the board as the players were asked how each would react in a given situation. The holos acted out the correct answers and now they were going to save her a week's salary if she could download their programming to an action figure. She pried open the game's central housing, hooked Diana Toy up to the controller (using Gordy LaFork's wrench and Diana's own hairpins) and began cycling through the personalities. Settling on a character from classic adventure fiction, she chuckled, "As God is my witness, you'll never be helpless again." *** Diana Toy looked around and realized that she was looking around! She was moving her eyes and seeing things! How could this be? She listened for the voices that usually told her what was going on but there was only silence. She stood up-- "I'm standing up! On my own!" --and walked stiffly to where her shipmates lay in a heap. "Wake up! Captain Piccolo! Big Willy! What have they done to you?" In the distance, she could see the shuttlecraft laying on its side. It was very far to walk, especially in high heels, but a good officer wouldn't let that stop her. With a toss of her ponytail, she started off in that direction. Suddenly, the path was blocked. She looked up and up and up until she fell over and lay on the ground, blinking in surprise. Two huge figures towered above her. They hadn't noticed her and she held her breath as they spoke in booming whispers. "WHEN DO YOU LEAVE?" "0800 HOURS." "THEN LET'S NOT WASTE A MINUTE OF IT." As they moved away, one of them picked up the shuttlecraft and set it up on a high wooden surface. Once the giants were gone, she began looking around for something she could use to get to the shuttlecraft. Maybe she could pile things up-- "GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" The dog! She didn't know how she knew what it was but she did. She remembered being forced to ride on its back several times. As she fled from it, she began remembering other things. There was a third giant being, smaller than the two she'd just seen but more dangerous because he was insane. It was he who had stranded her among the choking globs of dust and tied her to the iron tree and choked her with her own ponytail. And most humiliating of all, he always made her say, "Help me! Save me! Big Willy, where are you?" Well, where was Big Willy now? Disabled, with all the rest of them, leaving her alone to confront the giant beast who was closing in fast. What to do? A weapon. She needed a weapon. She ran her fingers through her hair but her bobby pins were gone! What had happened to her? Who had stolen her only means of defense? She ducked behind a wooden pillar, telling herself to think! Think! Oh! She remembered her first conscious moments. The thrill of sentience coursing through her being, her bobby pins humming with the knowledge that poured through them and into her. Where had that intelligence come from? The bobby pins had been attached to-- to--Of course! LaFork's wrench! Oh, what would she give for that wrench! It was almost as useful as a bobby pin. "Damn damn damn!" I'm swearing! she thought. And I like it. I like swearing and fighting and--and--and-- She could hear the dog sniffing for her and she flattened herself against the pillar. It was coming closer, the noises got louder and then she felt its hot breath as it banged its snout against the pillar. --and I don't like to lose! She sprang out of her hiding place, threw herself into a shoulder roll and landed only a short distance from the other Ultimate Starship Adventurers(tm). Keeping one eye on the dog, she began pulling the weapons from her friends' lifeless hands. Finally, armed with a Phoser(tm), a Kat'legh(tm), and a Surgical Salt Shaker (patent pending), she took up a fighting stance between her fallen comrades and the slobbering beast. As the dog slowly moved towards her, she checked the setting on the Phoser. *Play*? What the hell kind of setting was *Play*? What happened to *Stun*? And *Kill*? She ratcheted it up to the highest setting--*Boo-boo*--and fired. It made a zapping sound and shone a bright light in the dog's face. The dog looked startled but didn't back off. She fired again and this time nothing happened. "Damn!" She tossed the Phoser at the dog and ran to the brick wall. "If I survive this, I'm going to learn a more effective swear word than damn!" The thrown Phoser surprised the dog but it recovered quickly and now its horrible face was only inches from her own. Bracing herself against the wall, she drove her heels into the dog's glistening nose and roared, "I! have had! enough! of you!" The dog yelped and began running in circles. Not waiting for it to recover its senses, she raised the Kat'legh and let out an angry shriek as she charged toward her opponent. *** "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OUT HERE?" the bigger of the two giants bellowed. "LUKE! LUKE!" the other giant yelled as she chased after the dog. "DROP THAT--WHATEVER IT IS!" Suddenly freed from the dog's mouth, Diana plummeted to the ground and dragged herself to the safety of the pillar. From there, she watched the two giants restrain the dog, knowing that soon they would turn their attention to her. How could she defend herself now? The prongs had broken off the Kat'legh after only three stabs and the Salt Shaker had been empty from the start. All she had now was the clump of fur she had pulled from the dog's leg right before it closed its sharp-toothed maw around her. Could a bit of hair somehow be turned against the giants? "MOMMY?" Oh no! The insane one had joined them and with that, she realized her doom was upon her, the doom that all Starship Adventurers must eventually face. The Koby Ouchy Maroo(tm). She pushed herself to her feet and stood proudly. "It is a good day to be recycled," she said. "MOMMY, WHY IS DIANA TOY'S SHIRT TORN?" *** After checking the dog for injuries (no physical ones but he wouldn't go near the action figures), they had listened to Diana Toy's report (which she insisted be recorded into the official log). Jim and Suzanne had kept silent but Alex had interrupted several times with cries of "Wow!" and "I wanna play that!" When she finished, Jim asked if she'd mind leaving them alone for a few minutes. "Of course, Admiral. I'll see to my friends." "They're not dead, you know," Suzanne said gently. "Just inanimate." "It's too bad I lost Dr. Cruncher's Salt Shaker. That probably would have activated them." She took a few limping steps, stopped to adjust her knee joint and then walked easily across the floor. As she began arranging the other Adventurers into more dignified positions, Jim whispered to Suzanne, "Whose personality did you give her?" "I started out with Horatio Hornblower but he didn't work well in an outer space scenario so I gave him an updated context." "What did you use for that?" "The bedtime story you made up for Alex." "So she's...me?" "The part of you that's suitable for children." "Great." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "What do we do now?" "Play with her!" Alex cried. "She can do anything!" "Alex, she's not really a toy anymore. She's..." He looked over at the now neatly laid-out Adventurers. Diana Toy stood nearby hefting a marble, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Well, I'm not sure what she is but we can't let her terrorize the dog. She has to go back to being a toy." "But I love her! She's the best Starship Adventurer ever! Daddy, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease!" "Suzanne, could you tone her down? Maybe set some limits?" "Limits? On *her*?" "You can do it. I dare you." Jim gave her his most enticing smile. "I double-dare you!" Alex piped up. "A double dare? In the middle of the night? I'd look pretty sorry if I turned that down, wouldn't I?" "Pretty sorry. Really sorry. Super sorry--" "All right, Alex, that's enough. You can keep Diana Toy but I have to make a few changes first." "What kind of changes?" "She's too...independent. And I want to fix that strange speech pattern she has." Jim frowned. "What strange speech pattern?" *** Diana Toy chose her moment carefully. At exactly 0755 hours, when the three giants were hugging and booming out their goodbyes, she took careful aim and threw the marble at the dog, hitting it squarely between the eyes. The beast reacted with a frightened yelp and while the puzzled giants reassured it, she scurried along the wall, climbed the duffel bag, and slid inside it. She had no intention of losing her independence. Or her speech pattern. A--living room--was...too-small-a-world...for a WOMAN--of! her! abilities! [End] -- Stephen Ratliff ASC Stories Only Forwarding In the Pattern Buffer at: http//trekiverse.crosswinds.net/feed/ Yahoo! Groups Links To visit your group on the web, go to:http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCL/ To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:ASCL-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service. From ???@??? Wed Jan 07 23:50:19 2004 Status: U Return-Path: Received: from n30.grp.scd.yahoo.com ([66.218.66.87]) by merlin (EarthLink SMTP Server) with SMTP id 1aEs9y1AS3NZFlq0 for ; Wed, 7 Jan 2004 20:52:15 -0800 (PST) X-eGroups-Return: sentto-1977044-12858-1073537393-stephenbratliff=earthlink.net@returns.groups.yahoo.