Forwarded by the ASC-VSO Posted: Sun, 01 Feb 2004 00:26:59 GMT In: alt.startrek.creative From: Jemima Pereira trek@jemimap.cjbbb.net Title: The Sound of Borgness Author: Jemima Contact: webmaster of jemimap.cjb.net Series: VOY Part: NEW 1/1 Rating: PG for implied monkey sex Codes: C/7, Borg, Borg children, Borg baby, Icheb/Naomi, filk, humor Summary: Filk of the musical "The Sound of Music", Disclaimer: This parody of the Rogers and Hammerstein musical "The Sound of Music" is protected as such by the copyright laws of the United States of America. Notes: Azan and Rebi were the Borg boys, Mezoti was the girl. Thanks to T'Other Liz, KC, Kelly, and Seema for rhymes, adjectives, one-syllable nouns, and kiss-off idioms. The monkey sex is all Seema's fault. Date: January 2004 ***** Cast of characters: Maria - Seven of Nine Captain von Trapp - Chakotay Mother Abbess - Borg Queen, Neelix Nuns - drones Rolf - Icheb Liesl - Naomi The Children - the Borg children (Icheb, Mezoti, Azan, Rebi, baby) Non-singing roles: The Baroness - Janeway Uncle Max - Tuvok List of filks: The Sound of Borgness (The Sound of Music) Drone Seven (Maria) Borg Perfection (I Have Confidence In Me) Our Favorite Things (My Favorite Things) "I" Not "We" (Do-Re-Mi) Sixish Looking Elevenish (Sixteen Going on Seventeen) The Lonely XO (The Lonely Goatherd) So Long, Bug Off (So Long, Farewell) Play Ev'ry Organ (Climb Ev'ry Mountain) Something Tight (Something Good) Voyager (Edelweiss) ***** Filk: The Sound of Borgness Original: The Sound of Music Codes: 7 Episode: pre-Scorpion The Borg are a race Of sublime perfection Of drones we have freed From a thousand worlds The Borg fill this drone With sublime perfection This drone is a part of a greater whole This drone is a cog on the rim Of a wheel that drives every sphere Through the sky. This drone wants to hear Tones pristine and clear And to know ev'ry *why*, To think like the Queen when her mind directs Countless cubes in array, To touch in the night, Every star that we pass on our way. Once you join the Borg You will not be lonely. The sights you will see None have seen before. Each drone will been blessed With sublime perfection When you join our corps. Filk: Drone Seven Original: (How Do You Solve a Problem Like) Maria Codes: Borg Queen, drones, pre-Scorpion Two of Nine: She rushes round With such a sound - She never takes the stair. Three of Nine: She leaks when she assimilates And all the new drones stare. Two of Nine: And underneath her armor She has mammaries to spare! Three of Nine: Drone Seven doesn't fit in the Collective. Two of Nine: She's early for her duties, Four of Nine: But she does them like a drone. Two of Nine: She leaves us still regenerating And does our work alone. Borg Queen: It's time to put Our foot down - All the evidence has shown Two and Three of Nine: Drone Seven doesn't fit in the Collective. Four of Nine: We could have ended like the other five; But Seven saved our lives! Three of Nine: How do you solve a problem like drone Seven? Borg Queen: How do you reassimilate a drone? Four of Nine: How do you find a role that fits drone Seven? Two of Nine: A manifold scrubber! Three of Nine: A sonambulist! Four of Nine: A Queen! Borg Queen: Many a thing she feels she ought to tell you, Many a thing she tries to organize... Four of Nine: But how can you make her stay And do it proper Borg way? Borg Queen: How do you cut her ego down to size? Four of Nine: Oh, how do you solve a problem like drone Seven? Borg Queen: What can you tell a drone who thinks she's wise? Four of Nine: When I'm with her I'm unused Out of contact and bemused, Yet she makes me proud to think that I am Borg. Three of Nine: Unpredictable as humans, Independent like her parents. Four of Nine: She's a good drone, Two of Nine: She's a misfit. Four of Nine: She is Borg. Three of Nine: She'd out-pester any pest, Drive a Horta from her nest, Two of Nine: She could throw an old Hirogen Off the trail. Four of Nine: She's efficient, She's precise, Three of Nine: She's a nuisance. Four of Nine: She's all right. Two of Nine: She's a rebel! Four of Nine: She's perfection! Borg Queen: She's a girl. All: How do you solve a problem like drone Seven? How do you reassimilate a drone? How do you find a role that fits drone Seven? A manifold scrubber! A sonambulist! A Queen! Many a thing she feels she ought to tell you, Many a thing she tries to organize... But how can you make her stay And do it the proper Borg way? How do you cut her ego down to size? Oh, how do you solve a problem like drone Seven? What can you tell a drone who thinks she's wise? Filk: Borg Perfection Original: I Have Confidence In Me Codes: 7 Episode: Scorpion What is this species like? These humans... How's their efficiency? These humans... Highly disorienting To converse one-on-one With the weak - Collective assimilation Would be the correct technique. The Borg found a space fluidic That no one else had ever dared Out came a species fluidic But we were unprepared. A captain of many humans, Thinking in such small terms. So individual Inefficient, Wanting to find a way through Borg space... But she has technology we're seeking. We are seeking a weapon we lack. A nanoprobe weapon, human science, Fix our mistakes with an alliance. Give them a mouthpiece, Get their compliance, Then get them! So, let them bring on all their theories, Borg think better than the weak Borg perfection gets The weapon that we seek! Then we'll make them see Borg perfection constantly. Sternly I will address them. I will be strong and clear, And all these humans, (Assimilate them!) They will adapt, comply This "ally"! Now we know that we'll defeat them, Species 8472. Borg perfection wins, Assimilation time! Time to make them see Borg perfection constantly. Borg perfection is collective, Borg perfection is our gift. Borg perfection is the future for you all! And then you will see Borg perfection constantly. Power resides in numbers. Power resides in tech, Power in cubes and unimatrix, Once you're all drones, you'll see, we're happy! One small drone left to the humans One small drone abandoned here Borg perfection was my ultimate frontier Borg perfection was my ultimate frontier! Back when I could see, Borg perfection constantly! Filk: Our Favorite Things Original: My Favorite Things Codes: 7 Suns going nova And unproven theses, Carbon-based life-forms Of new unknown species. Tachyon particles Made out of strings, These are a few of our favorite things. Heliopauses To heliospheres, Borg cubes transwarping 'Cross thousands of light-years, Every new drone And the knowledge it brings, These are a few of our favorite things. Kyrian starships with antigrav thrusters, Omnicordata in galactic clusters, J-class gas giants with sparkling rings - These are a few of our favorite things. When the Borg come When the drone stings, And you're feeling sad, We'll help you remember our favorite things, And then you won't feel so bad! Filk: "I," Not "We" Original: Do-Re-Mi Codes: 7, Borg children Seven: Let's start at the very beginning. A very good place to start. When you're Vulcan you have... Mezoti: IDIC. Seven: When you're human the pronoun's "I" not "we". Children: We we we. Seven: "I" not "we". The self-referent now has to be "I" not "we". Borg children: "I" not "we"! Seven: I-me-mine-my-he-him-his! (No. I will attempt to make it easier.) I, is me, is only me. Me, the object of a verb. Mine, a name I call my things. My, possessive adjective He, a male humanoid, Him, the object for a guy, His, both adjective and noun! That returns us back to I-I-I! Mezoti: I! Seven: Is me, is only me. Mezoti and Icheb: Me! Seven: The object of a verb! Twins: Mine! Seven The name I call my things. Borg children: My! Seven Possessive adjective! All: He, a male humanoid, Him, the object for a guy, His, both adjective and noun! That returns us back to I-I-I! Borg children: Is me, is only me. Me, the object of a verb. Mine, a name I call my things. My, possessive adjective! All: He, a male humanoid, Him, the object for a guy, His, both adjective and noun! Seven: That returns us back to I! I-me-mine-my-he-him-his-I! Just I! Filk: Sixish Looking Elevenish Original: Sixteen Going on Seventeen Codes: Icheb/Naomi Note: The pylangium is a part of the amphibian heart. Icheb: You wait, K'tarian, in an empty room For mom to turn the light off Your ship, K'tarian, is a flying tomb That Starfleet wants to write off Naomi: To write off... Icheb: You are sixish looking elevenish Guard your pylangium Time to grow up and think hard before you Have an elogium You are sixish looking elevenish You are our rising star - Frustrated ensigns, Vulcan midshipmen Tell you about pon farr. Totally unprepared are you To face a ship of men Skinny and short and horned are you Oh wait until you're ten! You need someone older and wiser Telling you what to think, I am fifteen going on sixteen I'll even buy you drinks! Naomi: I am sixish looking elevenish I know that I'm outsized Guys like yourself may think that I'm twelve - I need to be advised. I am sixish looking elevenish Innocent as a drone Holodeck boyfriends, monkey sex weekends Are a complete unknown. Totally unprepared am I To face a ship of men Skinny and short and horned am I I'll wait until I'm ten! I need someone older and wiser Telling me what to think, You are fifteen going on sixteen You'll buy me a drink! Filk: The Lonely XO Original: The Lonely Goatherd Codes: 7, Borg children Seven: Up on the bridge is a lonely XO Le-o-la le-o-la le-o-la Not much to do for the lonely XO Le-o-la le-o-la-a Crew on the decks that are far below go Le-o-la le-o-la le-o-la Hungry and tired of the same old chow go Le-o-la le-o-la-a Borg children: O le-o-la le-o-la, o le-o-la o-la O le-o-la le-o-la, le-o-la le-o-la Seven: Cook in the mess of a starship slow goes Le-o-la le-o-la le-o-la Icheb: Tom in a bar with a holo-glow goes Le-o-la le-o-la-a Borg children: Crew on repairs in the broken bow go Le-o-la le-o-la le-o-la Seven: Doc playing golf like a sickbay pro goes Le-o-la le-o-la-a One former drone in a dress cut low goes, Le-o-la le-o-la le-o-la Mezoti: She has her eye on the lonely XO Le-o-la le-o-la-a Seven: Soon Cap'n Kate with her glare aglow goes, Le-o-la le-o-la le--uh-oh What an ado for a drone and XO Seven and the Borg children: Le-o-la le-o-la-a Seven and the Borg children: Ummm (ummm) ... Le-o-la (le-o-la) Le-o-la-a (le-o-la-a) Le-o-la (le-o-la) ... Child: One former drone in a dress cut low goes, Seven: Le-o-la le-o-la le-o-la Child: She has her eye on the lonely XO Seven: Le-o-la le-o-la-a Seven: Soon Cap'n Kate with her glare aglow goes, Le-o-la le-o-la le--uh-oh What an ado for a drone and XO Le-o-la le-o-la-a Seven and the Borg children: Handsome is he, le-o-la le-o-la... Soon the XO will become her new beau Seven: Le-o-la le-o-la-a Seven and the Borg children: Le-o-la, le-o-la Le-o-la-a, le-o-la Le-o-la-a, le-o-la-a, le-o-la-a Le-o-la, le-o-la Borg children: Leola! Filk: So Long, Bug Off Original: So Long, Farewell Codes: Icheb, Mezoti, Azan, Rebi, Borg baby Episode: Imperfection Borg children: There's a redshirt a-waiting for to beam us away 'Cause our trip on this ship is through And off in the nursery an unnoticed babe Is crying out a mute "boo-hoo." Borg baby: Boo-hoo, boo-hoo Borg children: So suddenly they ditch us Boo-hoo, boo-hoo And here they come to pitch us Boo-hoo, boo-hoo And so we go... Icheb: Boo-hoo... Borg children: ...boo-hoo. Icheb: So long, bug off, I don't expect to write. Azan: I hate to go and miss this endless flight. Icheb: So long, bug off, hey, who the heck are you? Borg baby: Boo-hoo, boo-hoo, boo-hoo, boo-hoo, boo-hoo. Icheb: So long, bug off, remember to adapt. Mezoti: Watch out - I think that Seven's finally snapped. Icheb: So long, bug off, remember to comply. Azan: I'd like to stay and have a piece of pie - goodbye! Rebi: You all were nuts, and that you can't deny. Borg baby: Boo-hoo, boo-hoo, why can't you hear me cry? Mezoti: The twins have got the shaft and so did I. Icheb: So long, bug off, we leave you high and dry. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye... Crew: Goodbye! Filk: Play Ev'ry Organ Original: Climb Ev'ry Mountain Codes: Neelix (to 7) Episode: Human Error Play ev'ry organ Sing high or low Master every science Everything you know Play ev'ry organ Cook any dish Show off all your talents Till you have your wish A wish that requires All the love he can give Every day of his life For as long as he lives Play ev'ry organ Cook any dish Show off all your talents Till you have your wish A wish that requires All the love he can give Every day of his life For as long as he lives Play ev'ry organ Cook any dish Show off all your talents Till... you... have... your... wish! Filk: Something Tight Original: Something Good Codes: C/7 Episode: Human Error Seven: Perhaps I could be less efficient, Perhaps I could be more polite; The first time in my heartless, pitiless life I'm feeling a bit contrite. For here you are, standing here, kissing me, Though you're made out of light. When chasing a Maquis commander, I always wear something tight. Something close to nothing, Something sheer and slight - When chasing a Maquis commander, I always wear something tight. Chakotay: So here you are standing there loving me, Whether or not it's trite. Seven: When chasing a Maquis commander, I always wear something tight. Both: Something close to nothing, Something sheer and slight. Seven: When chasing a Maquis... Chakotay: ...commander Seven: I always wear something... Both: ...something tight. Filk: Voyager Original: Edelweiss Voyager... Voyager... Every Wednesday I'd see you Sleek and bright, in a plight, How I wished I could be you Lost castaways May you find your way, Find your way to Terra... Voyager... Voyager... Heading homeward to Terra... Sleek and bright, in a plight, How I wished I could be you Lost castaways May you find your way, Find your way to Terra... Voyager... Voyager... Heading homeward to Terra. [the end] -- ---------------------- trek@jemimap.cjbbb.net (remove BB to reply) http://jemimap.ficml.org/ -- Stephen Ratliff ASC Stories Only Forwarding In the Pattern Buffer at: http//trekiverse.crosswinds.net/feed/ Yahoo! Groups Links To visit your group on the web, go to:http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCL/ To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:ASCL-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service. From ???@??? Sun Feb 01 01:13:24 2004 Status: U Return-Path: Received: from n11.grp.scd.yahoo.com ([66.218.66.66]) by killdeer (EarthLink SMTP Server) with SMTP id 1aNaR1UB3NZFlr0 for ; Sat, 31 Jan 2004 22:13:10 -0800 (PST) X-eGroups-Return: sentto-1977044-13115-1075615926-stephenbratliff=earthlink.net@returns.groups.yahoo.