Forwarded by the ASC-VSO Posted: Thu, 15 Apr 2004 05:06:06 GMT In: alt.startrek.creative From: Gabrielle Lawson Title: Oswiecim Author: Gabrielle Lawson (inheildi@earthlink.net) Series: DS9 Part: REP 33/42 Rating: [PG-13] (Violence) Codes: Chapter Fourteen Ensign Thomas had returned to the ship that night before Jordan left for the camp. So for once, Jordan was there when the report was given. Doctor Bashir had been alive as late as the fifteenth of February. The Gestapo files recorded that he was detained for three days under suspicion of espionage before being returned to Birkenau. Unfortunately, the files made no mention of his prisoner number, his barracks, or the work detail he was assigned to. So, while the crew was a little more hopeful, they were no closer to actually finding him. Jordan beamed back down and quickly joined with the next group of men. He was trying to make a systematic sweep of the barracks, working his way in rows from south to north a section at a time. He had begun in the south western corner, nearest to the construction site of the twin crematoria. He could see the tall chimney of the nearest one from where he stood. It looked finished, but the flames had not yet begun to shoot from its top. But Jordan knew, like they all knew, that eventually all four new crematoria would be finished, and then the slaughter would increase. It would be so easy, he thought, to walk over there and blow the whole thing up and then just beam away. But he didn't know what consequences such an act would have in the years and centuries to come. It might change everything. It might make it better. Or it might make it worse. The only future they knew of for certain was their own past and, like it or not, that past included the Holocaust and too many other horrors to count. So in the coming weeks, that chimney would learn to glow and a million people would pass through this hell on their way to destruction. *Julian,* the voice called to him. *Go away,* he thought. He knew the voice would not be able to hear him, but he couldn't make the words come out. All he could do, it seemed, was breathe. *I'm not going away,* Julian, the voice stated evenly. *You need me.* Julian opened his eyes to see who had spoken. O'Brien was kneeling beside him. *I did need you,* Julian corrected, *but you've gone home. No one can help me now.* *You're wrong, Julian,* O'Brien said, taking a seat on the floor. *You can help you. And I'll stay here until you don't need me anymore. Now get up off the floor.* Julian managed a hoarse whisper, "I can't." *Yes, you can,* O'Brien argued. *You've done it before. I've watched you. You always get back up. Haven't you noticed?* Those two words had been very hard for Bashir, and, since he knew it wasn't really O'Brien he was speaking to, he stopped. O'Brien was just a thought he was having, so he answered in a thought. *Maybe if I don't get up, she won't knock me down again.* *Maybe not,* O'Brien conceded, smiling a little, *but you'll be trampled when everyone comes back after roll call. And they'll probably beat you to death for being in the wrong barracks. Please, Julian, get up.* Julian couldn't argue with his reasoning. But at least when getting trampled, one only got hit on the outside. Julian closed his eyes, trying not to remember what it felt like to have that strand squirming around inside him. *No, Julian,* O'Brien admonished. Even with his eyes closed, Julian could see him. The Irishman leaned over to touch his shoulder, but of course, it didn't work. His hand passed right through. O'Brien was a ghost, or Julian was. Only one was real, and Julian felt unlucky in that he suspected it was himself. But O'Brien wouldn't simply go away just because he'd been called an apparition. *You have to get up. Now, Julian, get up!* Julian decided that perhaps negotiation was in order. *If I get up,* he offered, *will you stop bothering me?* *Only when you're safe again.* *But I'll never be safe again,* Julian told him, rolling over. *Can't you see that?* "She'll kill me eventually," he whispered as he gasped for air. *You've got to believe, Julian,* O'Brien encouraged as Bashir lifted himself onto his knees with his good arm. The other hung loosely beside him. It ached and weighed at his side like a pendulum, but it hadn't dislocated this time. The bandages had held. *That's it! Keep going!* Bashir could no longer argue, even in his mind. He was too busy trying to stand. The whole room seemed to wobble and shake, but he found the bunks with his hand and climbed his way back onto his feet. O'Brien hadn't left, and he smiled up at Bashir, clapping his hands together. *I knew you could do it, Julian.* Max had watched Bashir go that morning more confident this time that he would return relatively unharmed. Szymon was more of a concern. But he was a veteran of such selections, and he managed to hide his sickness from the doctors. For once, it was in the prisoners' favor that they only made a cursory inspection of one's health and physical condition. Szymon was dying. Max could tell even though he was no doctor at all. Max had hoped to get some extra food during the day, thinking that a double-ration of bread would give Szymon strength. But the *Blocksperre* had kept him away from the trains, and Max knew by now that strength was something you lost in Auschwitz. It was not something to regain. When night came, Szymon was coughing again, and Bashir had still not returned. Just before curfew, Max heard the lock fall away from the door. Once again, he looked up to see Bashir standing in the doorway. It looked nearly the same as the night he returned from Block 11, when Vlada and he had had to pick Bashir up off the floor. Bashir walked slowly, but not with his usual, careful gait. He stumbled and, several times, nearly tripped on a hand or head on the floor. When he reached the bunk, Max reached down to help him climb. Bashir's eyes were unfocused, and his breathing seemed wrong. He was shaking when he finally climbed over the top railing and collapsed onto the bunk just as he had before. He didn't even take his shoes off. Max leaned over to look at him. He could see no obvious injuries beyond what he'd had before. But he could see that Bashir's eyes were still opened. He stared straight ahead and hardly blinked. The days of rest he'd gotten in the hospital were used up. Bashir was a Muselman again. Max looked over at Szymon, his other dying friend, and found that Szymon had been watching the whole time. He met Max's gaze and then sighed, which started him coughing again. He laid back down and once again, Max was alone. Thomas had at first decided against Novak. He would be searching the *Sonderkommando* tomorrow. He didn't need her problems. Dax though, like the other women, was finished searching. There was nowhere left for the women to go where they wouldn't be questioned. It was up to the men now. Thomas was glad to be back in her Starfleet uniform. Tomorrow, she and the others would rejoin the duty roster. But tonight they could sleep. But the duty roster also showed that Commander Worf was off duty. By tomorrow, Dax's shift and his would be incompatible. They only had this one night, and Thomas knew they would be together. She couldn't disturb them. So she kept her dreams and memories for one more day and went to bed. As sleep took her, she couldn't shake the feeling that she'd broken a promise. Novak beamed down early; he wanted to try and prepare himself. The ship would have been more comfortable, but he wanted more solitude than its corridors of tiny quarters could provide. It was never night there, either, not in the real sense. Night was a construction. And so there was no real morning either, and Novak wanted to be with the morning. He remembered how his grandmother used to rise early and begin baking bread even before the sun would rise. It was comforting to smell it baking while he was still under the warm feather comforter with the cat curled at his feet. He always felt serene there, at peace. And that was what he needed now before he went to search the *Sonderkommando.* But it wasn't quite the same. From where he stood, on the edge of the camp, he could just see the light beginning to rise on the horizon. But it dissipated quickly in the smoke that hung overhead. There was no warm blanket. He turned up his collar to the cold breeze which stung at his nose and cheeks. The sweet, awful smell of burning flesh hung in the air too heavy to be moved by the breeze. There was no serenity to be found, no way to prepare. The rest of the camp was just beginning to rise, but the *Sonderkommando* was already busy at work. They were kept in a different part of the camp, separate from the other prisoners. They worked in shifts, right through the night and all day long, burning the bodies of the dead. Novak headed toward them and tried not to look at the bodies. He kept his eyes off the ground and only looked at the faces of the prisoners. Like the others, their faces were gaunt, their cheeks sunken from hunger. But there was a difference born of their merciless work. Many of them dared to look right at him as he passed. There was no fear left in their eyes, and no hatred. Their eyes were cold, devoid of feeling. They had been forced beyond the boundary of decent men. They went about their work methodically, scarcely noting the people the bodies used to be. They pulled gold teeth from the mouths of men and cut the hair from women. Children who used to play were piled onto the fire with little effort. But their eyes told Novak that they saw everything. They felt everything and they knew that they would be made to walk into the gas as well. In a few months, someone else would be pulling their teeth and lifting them onto the fire. Julian was still awake when Max shook him to wake him up. He had stayed awake the whole night, listening as O'Brien talked of his children, of the future, of the life Bashir might have lived. And with the first rustlings of the other prisoners rising, he'd watched O'Brien walk away. *Time for dreaming is over, Julian,* he had said. *Now it's time to live.* But Bashir knew what he really meant. It was time to work, time to get up and eat a bird's rations and stand in the cold for three or four hours while all around men dropped dead. It was time to meet Heiler and let her beat him for working too slow. The initial pain of what she'd done was gone, leaving only a dull ache in his chest. He would be able to do all those things. But it wasn't life. Life was something that O'Brien could return to, but that Bashir never would. Still, he got up. He joined the line for bread and ate it when it was given to him. He ignored Max and his looks of concern. He was beyond the need for concern, and Max's friendship could only end in the end of Max. Instead, Bashir looked for the man whose face the changeling had worn the day before. He kept his eye on him as he ate and followed him when he went to the latrine for fear of losing him in the crowd. He saw him come back out again just as the *Blockalteste* began to herd them all toward the *Appellplatz.* "Where are you going?" a raspy voice asked from behind. Bashir turned only part way; he didn't want to lose sight of the other man. Szymon had asked the question. He was leaning on Max, kind Max, who helped the sick and condemned as if they were still in a normal world. "A new kommando," Bashir whispered to him. He didn't feel like speaking out loud. Bashir answered him because Szymon was sick. He knew that Szymon would die on his own with or without friendship from Bashir. "What did Heiler do to you?" Szymon asked. *Nothing I could tell you about,* Bashir thought in answer. "What about you?" he asked in return. "The selection." "We are still here," he answered, "Max and I." "Try to stay warm, Szymon," Bashir suggested. "And get a good place in line for soup." Szymon smiled at him. Bashir didn't smile back. He wanted to tell him not to die today, but the words were too much. He turned to look toward the *Appellplatz,* but the man was gone. He'd have to try and find him again after roll call. "*Los, los, zum Appellplatz!*" the *Blockalteste* screamed, and the three of them ran to catch up to the block and join the ranks. Jordan watched the others leave and ducked back inside the barracks. He slid under one of the bunks and hid there until he heard the block elder leave. He was just about to climb back out when he noticed another pair of eyes watching him from the end of the room closest to the door. They were young eyes, full of fear, but surrounded by the face of an old man. *This place will do that to you,* Jordan thought. He couldn't beam out as long as that young man was there. Both of them lay there silently watching each other for perhaps half an hour before the boy spoke. "I can't go out there," the boy told him. He didn't have to speak loudly, Jordan could hear. "I can't." Jordan didn't know what to say. He certainly wasn't going to squeal on the kid. He was hiding himself. The world outside was insane and brutal. "They killed my father, you know," the boy said. "Yesterday, right in front of me. He was supposed to be in the next barracks. He came to give me an extra bit of bread. The block elder beat him, smashed his face in. Right in front of me." "Shh," Jordan said. The boy was half-crazed and was beginning to speak louder. "They'll hear you." Still Jordan's stomach turned at what he had heard. He doubted the boy's sanity; he didn't doubt that he was telling the truth. "And he took the bread," the boy nearly shouted. "Ate it with my father's blood still on his hands. They made me carry him outside. Did you see him last night, lying in the snow?" Jordan shook his head. He couldn't tell the young man that he'd been in a different barracks the night before. "Now there's no one," he said, quiet again. "My mother and my sisters are gone. They were too young. They went to the smoke. Now there is only me." He stopped and a gloomy silence filled the spaces beneath the bunks. It was filled again by the sound of shouting and of feet running, slapping and slurping in the mud. The door burst open quickly and the boy froze. Jordan did too, though he reached his hand slowly into his pocket. They found the boy first and grabbed his feet. He screamed as they pulled him out. "Help me!" he shouted. "They'll kill me like they killed my father!" He tried to hold on to the bunk but there were two pairs of legs that Jordan could see. The boy wouldn't be strong enough. They pulled him free, and Jordan could hear the thump when they hit him. "There's someone else!" he cried from where he was sprawled on the floor. "There!" He pointed right to where Jordan lay under the bunks. "There was only one missing number," one of them argued, bending down to lift the boy. He struck him and again the boy fell. "But he's there!" he choked out with obvious effort. A leather-booted foot caught him in the ribs. "Go see," the leader sighed, and Jordan watched the other set of legs move down the barracks toward him. They still couldn't see him, not until they bent down. It was dangerous to try and beam out with them in the room, but there was no choice. All the second man had to do was bend over and look under the bunks. Jordan would be dragged out and beaten just like the boy. Of course, unlike the boy, he still had strength enough to fight back, but it would only cause more commotion, more attention, and he'd still be unable to beam back to the ship. The boots came to the end of Jordan's bunk and stopped. Jordan tapped the comm badge in his pocket four times. When the man bent down to look underneath, he saw nothing. He snorted once. "It was some sort of trick," he called to the other man. "There's no one there." He returned to the other man and helped him to drag the barely conscious young man to the *Appellplatz* to be counted with the others. The more he walked among them, the more Novak found his eyes drawn to the bodies. He couldn't help it. Bashir might be one of them, too. But even the children drew his eyes. Their motionless forms shouted for his attention and broke his heart. He wanted to shout with them. Children were supposed to play, to laugh and learn. They were supposed to grow up, to become someone. They were the future and here they were slaughtered, being put into the fire. It was wrong and Novak silently, secretly raged against it. He was glad when he could finally leave them, though he felt guilty for it. He felt he had betrayed them by keeping silent even though he knew his one voice would not stop the killing. He was sure he would see their faces for the rest of his life. But for now he left them and the sad men who burned them and moved on to crematoria. Only two of them were nearing completion. Number IV would be done within days, and its ovens were already being tested. The *Sonderkommando* would work here as well, firing the ovens to test them for defects. Once the engineers were satisfied, the body-burning would start to take place inside, and the infamous chimneys of Auschwitz would spill forth their smoke filled with the ash of the children Novak had seen outside. It was hot inside the building, and haunted, though no one had been gassed there yet. Novak wondered why the Nazis didn't feel it. Didn't the dead voices of the children follow them to bed at night? Didn't the screams of the women pierce their hearts, the choking of the men foul their stomachs, the stench of the dead burn their lungs? Were they not at all human anymore? Sometimes, when they weren't watching, he looked at them trying to see the difference between himself and them. They looked so normal, just like men. It made no sense. Prisoners inside the building had removed their coats or simply not worn them at all. They shoveled fuel into the ovens while the SS and the engineers watched. Novak could hear them talking. There were problems with Crematoria II. Novak would be searching that one after lunchtime. It was supposed to be finished by now and processing transports. Novak couldn't understand when they discussed the actual problems. They were too far away, and the words were too technical, words he had never learned. The prisoners here didn't even look up when he passed them. He pretended to be checking the ovens as they worked so that he could get a look at their faces. They worked fearfully, and just as somberly as the men outside. They were aware of his presence, but they didn't acknowledge it. They all looked old with their haggard faces, though Novak could tell that some of them were still quite young. For some, the stubbly hair that showed beneath their caps had turned gray. The work had aged them. Mud caked on their wooden clogs showed that they had worked outside. They knew what would burn in the ovens they were testing. These were the poorest of men. The ache in Bashir's chest had increased during the morning. All his aches and pains had increased, and he was glad for the chance to sit and drink the murky soup that was his lunch. The work here was harder than what he'd been doing at the crematoria. This kommando was building barracks, and Bashir had to work with lumber. He was constantly lifting and hammering. His whole body had to work, and many parts of his body didn't have the strength. The *kapo,* too, made the work harder. He was a brutal man, and he would beat his fellow prisoners whether or not the SS were watching. He wore a green triangle on his uniform. Red was for communists, pink for homosexuals. Green, if Bashir understood it properly, was for criminals. Three men were dead before lunch and a fourth was beaten into a coma. Bashir didn't doubt that the man had been a murderer in his previous existence in the world beyond Auschwitz. He was one of the few who hadn't had to change his vocation upon entering the camp. Heiler kept his distance, letting the *kapo* keep the prisoners in line. Whenever Bashir caught site of him, he was conferring with the other SS. He wasn't completely preoccupied however. One of the dead belonged to him, and Bashir suspected that he was proving his worth to his new coworkers and reemphasizing a point with Bashir. The man he had killed was the one Bashir had followed to work after roll call. There would be more room in the bunk when he returned tonight, though he was sure he'd be too sore and too exhausted to appreciate it. When the *kapo* decided they'd had enough time for eating, he began to yell again, kicking prisoners in the back until they poured the rest of their soup out on the ground. Bashir poured his out voluntarily before the man reached where he was sitting. His life was already forfeit. A few milliliters of lukewarm water wouldn't make a difference. Pain would. He had more than enough already. He wondered why Heiler had chosen this kommando for him. He doubted he would last long here. Bashir returned to the lumber pile and lifted one of the boards with his right hand. He lifted his leg and let the board rest against his knee while he wrapped the warped and crooked fingers of his left hand around it. He did it quickly, not wanting to give the *kapo* a reason to watch him. His hand was numb so he didn't feel pain, but he also didn't feel the wood. He couldn't grip the board well, and it often tried to slide from his grasp. He had to hold most of the weight with his right hand which had also lost its feeling. It was only by sheer luck that he made it to the partially- built barracks every time without dropping it into the mud. But luck hadn't been with him since he was abducted from the ship, and the board began to slip from his fingers. He couldn't catch it with his left hand, the broken fingers wouldn't move the ways he needed them to. He tried to hold it with his right, but it fell, catching him on the shin of his bruised leg. He didn't have time to contemplate that explosion of pain however. Another one had erupted on his back. The blow came so quickly and so powerfully that it drove him instantly to his knees. The second was just as hard, punctuated by the *kapo*'s crazed screams. "*Ungeschicktes Judenschwein! Heb es auf! Heb es sofort auf!*" Bashir's left arm wouldn't hold him, and he fell over, rolling on his back. He could see his attacker now, and the two- by-four he was using to beat him. He was also in a position to see the man choke. It was amazing. In the middle of one of his tirades, just as he swung the board around again, a long strand of leather had wrapped itself expertly around his throat. Bashir followed it back to the whip handle in Heiler's grip. The changeling pulled hard, and the board simply fell out of the kapo's hand. "*Das ist mein Jude,*" Heiler said calmly, releasing the whip. "*Wenn irgendjemand ihn verprugelt, dann ich!*" The *kapo,* still gritting his teeth and rubbing his neck, nodded his assurances and even bowed, cowering before the SS. Heiler must have been satisfied, because he turned his back on the *kapo* and returned to wherever he had been. "*Steh' auf!*" the *kapo* growled at Bashir, scowling. "*Zuruck zur Arbeit!*" He walked away without so much as a kick, leaving Bashir to pick himself up out of the mud. He felt dizzy and he couldn't stand up straight, but he could see the glares of the other prisoners. Heiler had showed favor with him, saving him from a beating that might have killed him. But it appeared she had also set him up as a favored prisoner, a traitor of sorts to the others in the kommando. They would hate him. Bashir couldn't really complain. They wouldn't dare touch him. They feared the SS more than anything, and he wouldn't make any friends. Novak approached the construction site with a little surprise. Crematoria IV and V had had a rather innocent appearance, looking like brick boxes with chimneys, but the two he approached looked like nice houses or small country mills. They didn't look like killing factories, and yet these two would 'process' even more people than the two near the pyres. The first one he came across was a flurry of activity. They were still laying bricks there and digging into the mud for the underground cellars where the people would die. There was months of work left to do. There was less going on at the farthest one, Crematoria II. A construction kommando was still working there, but only on the final touches. It was for the most part, finished. But there were problems. The SS had been complaining about it. The ovens weren't right, or the door to the chamber didn't seal. Something was holding it up. Crematoria IV would open first. The *Sonderkommando* might still be inside though, training themselves or testing the ovens. Novak stayed at the unfinished one for several hours, watching the prisoners, looking for Bashir among them. The ovens there weren't fully installed yet. It didn't have the menacing look that the others did. He wasn't in a hurry to see the ovens of Crematoria II, but he knew that he had to go there. From where he was, he couldn't see any other SS guarding the prisoners, but he knew they had to be around. He could see the *kapo,* and hear him haranguing the prisoners on the construction squad. The *kapo* had his back to Novak, and didn't see him approaching. Novak watched as he grabbed a passing prisoner and cringed inwardly when he realized the man was about to be beaten. But the *kapo* didn't beat him. He even stopped yelling. He was talking to the man. Stevens, on the engineering staff, had been showing his particular brand of genius lately and had designed little gadgets to aid the away team in their search. Novak pulled out such a gadget from his inner breast pocket now. It was very small, slightly larger then a pea. It looked like one of the hearing aids Novak's grandmother had worn after her hearing had started to go. She wouldn't go to the doctor for surgery. She was stubborn that way. He placed the device in his ear now, and the sound of the construction became a roaring din. But equally as loud was the conversation between the *kapo* and the worker. "The Englishman isn't here today," the *kapo* was saying. "A different kommando," the worker said, and amazingly, his voice didn't sound fearful. He did sound hoarse though. He coughed once and then added, "Heiler went that way, too." "Good for us," sighed the *kapo.* "You should work before they see you." He tapped the worker on the shoulder and then went back to screaming at the prisoners. Novak didn't bother approaching. The conversation had just saved him another look at the *Sonderkommando.* But more importantly, it let him know that Bashir was alive that morning, provided he was the Englishman they spoke of. *My God,* Novak thought. *He was right here.* He needed to contact the *Defiant.* Novak turned around, removed the device and walked away from the construction site. It was too bad they hadn't said which kommando the Englishman had gone with. Sisko was finding it harder to sit still now that they knew where Bashir was. When it was all still up for grabs, he could keep himself calm, focus on other things. But now, with the ship almost as repaired as they could get it, and Bashir somewhere in the camp below them, he was antsy. It was doubly hard sitting still while the away team went down day after day looking for him. He had traded shifts with Worf so that he could see them off in the morning. Then he just waited all day for them to return so he could hear what they had found. He knew they were doing a good job, making a thorough search. But that didn't shake the irrational feeling that he could do it better. He would really just feel more useful if he could be there, searching with his own eyes. He had told the crew to assume that Bashir was alive until they had proof otherwise. But now he was beginning to doubt his own order. Every day that went by put them farther behind Bashir and put Bashir closer to death--if he had still been alive to start with. He knew that others in the crew felt that way, too, but they wisely kept it to themselves. The away team surprised him though. They were the ones that faced the horror day after day, yet they were the most optimistic. They were very determined that they would keep going back until they'd searched every inch of the camp if that was what it took. He was proud of them. He had already filled out the paper work for commendations. He just had nowhere to file them at the moment. "Captain," Kira called from the helm. "We're receiving an urgent signal from Lieutenant Novak." "Beam him aboard," Sisko ordered, coming up behind her. "He wants to stay, actually," she told him. *Strange,* Sisko thought. The away team usually didn't call unless they needed transport. "Put him through." Kira pressed the control and then nodded that the connection was established. "What is it, Lieutenant?" Sisko asked. "I heard two people talking, sir. The *kapo* and a worker from a construction detail. The worker told the *kapo* that 'the Englishman' had a different kommando today. Just changed. Apparently he was there the day before, sir." Sisko froze. He didn't mean to. He just stopped moving. He even stopped breathing for a moment. When there was no reply, Novak spoke again. "I'm going to stay and keep looking, Captain. It's got to be him." Sisko nodded, though, of course, the Lieutenant couldn't see it. "Yes, do that." And then he regained his composure. He was the captain after all. He couldn't to go into shock at every piece of news. Good news. He smiled. "Good work, Lieutenant. We'll let the others know. *Defiant* out." Kira was smiling, too. In fact, the whole bridge crew was on the verge of cheering. All the others had been found. Bashir had been their focus for almost a month. And he was alive. To Be Continued.... -- --Gabrielle I'd much rather be writing! http://www.stormpages.com/gabrielle/trek/ The Edge of the Frontier http://www.stormpages.com/gabrielle/doyle/ This Side of the Nether Blog: http://www.gabriellewrites.blogspot.com -- Stephen Ratliff ASC Awards Tech Support http://www.trekiverse.us/ASCAwards/commenting/ No Tribbles were harmed in the running of these Awards ASCL is a stories-only list, no discussion. Comments and feedback should be directed to alt.startrek .creative or directly to the author. Yahoo! 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