Forwarded by the ASC-VSO Posted: 21 Apr 2004 16:13:12 -0700 In: alt.startrek.creative From: whoa_nellie40@hotmail.com (whoa nellie) Title: Goose and Gander Author: Whoa Nellie (whoa_nellie40@hotmail.com) Series: TNG Repost: 1/7 Rating: NC-17 Codes: P/Vash Summary: With a little more than a month left until Picard and Vash's Author's Note: Feel free to archive to any pertinent site. In preparation to play in our Double Entendre universe in the coming year, we're reposting the stories from that universe as a refresher (or introduction to those who haven't read our earlier work). These stories have been polished up a bit, but they are still are earliest pieces from when we began writing nearly a decade ago. Edited-down versions of most of our stories can be found through our author page at fanfiction.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=85355 As always: Paramount owns all the marbles, we just have a lot more fun playing with them. Feedback is always appreciated - posted or e-mail. Whoa Nellie's Picard/Vash Romance Fan Fiction website is at: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Galaxy/7926/ Whoa Nellie's Sci-Fi Romance Fan Fiction website is at: http://www.geocities.com/whoa_nellies2000/ "Jean-Luc, does your staff always brutalize visiting admirals this way or am I a special case?" Admiral Gilbert Raleigh complained good-naturedly as he sank down into the couch in the captain's quarters of the Enterprise E after being the latest victim of the senior staff's weekly poker game. "Only the ones they like, Gil," Captain Jean-Luc Picard replied as he handed the admiral a drink. Sitting down in the armchair next to the couch, he had to add, "And they really seemed to like you tonight." Archaeology Councilmember Vash and Commander William Riker cleaned up the last of the poker chips from the table; with the game over, only the four of them were left. Raleigh and Picard had been friends for many years, going back to the academy. Vash glanced over at Picard. With his handsome, chiseled features, steel grey eyes, and sleek muscular build, Jean-Luc Picard was pure masculine virility. The fact that he was bald, except for the closely trimmed grey hair at his temples, only added to his commanding presence. When he spoke, his rich baritone voice and formal delivery resonated with authority. He carried himself with the easy grace of a French aristocrat. If Picard had the appearance of a French aristocrat, then the very British Raleigh could best be described as an Alfred Doolittle from Pygmalion. Only a few years older than Picard and about the same height, Raleigh was a handsome man with a burly build, dark brown eyes, and a strong square jaw. His thick black hair was just starting to go grey at the temples. He spoke with a heavy British accent, occasionally peppered with a little cockney. Where Picard followed the command track, Raleigh was an engineering specialist who had spent years working on drawing boards and testing prototypes. One of the Federation's most brilliant developmental engineers, Raleigh carried himself with the air of someone about to go play darts at a local pub. "After all those years as the bachelor ship's captain, I can't believe you're actually getting married," Raleigh sounded slightly amazed. Then Vash caught his eye as she walked across the room toward them. She was wearing a light pink cashmere sweater dress that ended just above the knee. The soft material skimmed the perfect curves of her feminine silhouette. She handed Picard a drink as she gracefully sat herself on the arm of his chair. Raleigh found his eyes lingered on her sheer silk stockings as she crossed her long, shapely legs. As his gaze focused on the delicate features of her face, he corrected himself, "On second thought, looking at the lovely lass, I can believe it." "Thank you, Admiral," Vash responded with a shy smile as she brushed a stray lock of her shoulder length, brunette hair out of her face. "You're welcome, and, by the way, they have to call me admiral. You, angel, may call me Gil," the admiral told her with a wink. He turned his attention to Will Riker and remarked with a grin, "Follow your CO's example and stay on the command track, my boy. Women may like a man in uniform, but they throw themselves at the man in the center seat. The galaxy's most beautiful women literally swoon over a starship captain." "Yes, sir," Riker nodded returning the grin. "I'll remember that Admiral." "Gil, you've been saying that for years," Picard admonished his old friend. "And to use one of your favorite sayings, it's absolute poppycock." "Oh really, you and I are both men in our prime, physically fit and very successful in our careers. However, you are the one with the charming lady archaeologist perched on the arm of your chair handing you a drink," Raleigh gestured to Vash. Pulling at his uniform jacket, he ribbed Picard with, "The real kick in the pants is that I bloody outrank you." "There is no argument, I'm a very lucky man," Picard slipped an arm around Vash's tiny waist, allowing his hand to rest on her hip. "However, I can assure you that commanding a starship does not give one an advantage in the pursuit of the opposite sex." Hearing Vash clear her throat slightly, he looked up to see her nonchalantly studying the ceiling. "I take it you have something to add, Vash?" "Darling, the fact that you command a starship has nothing to do with our falling in love or our getting married," she told him earnestly. Her blue eyes sparkled impishly as she tried to sound as angelic as possible, "However, it may have had something to do with what happened between us that first night on Risa." "You're not serious," Picard laughed, his eyes wide with astonishment. Before she could respond, Raleigh jumped in sounding very amused, "You and Jean-Luc met on Risa?" "Uh huh," Vash nodded. "It's not like it sounds, Gil," Picard asserted, suddenly feeling like a little boy caught with his hands in the cookie jar. Risa had a reputation as an interstellar pleasure planet with its very open sexuality. "My dear, I would love to hear all about how the two of you met," Raleigh said, shooting a humorous glance at Picard. Riker's grin grew as he chimed in with, "I've waited years to hear this." "Pull up a chair, junior," the admiral quipped. "Yes, sir, right away, sir," Riker joked as he pulled one of the chairs from the table over. Spinning the chair around backward, he sat down straddling it, resting his elbows on the back of it. "Go ahead, ma chere," Picard encouraged, as he glanced up over his shoulder at Vash. "You now have their undivided attention." "It was a number of years ago. In fact, Jean-Luc had only commanded the Enterprise D for about three years," Vash paused, looking at Picard for confirmation. Seeing him nod, she continued, "I was on Risa after Sam Estergon's death to finish his work on the Tox Uthat. Which, by the way, Jean-Luc destroyed to keep it from falling into the wrong hands. Once again demonstrating why he's the starship captain and I'm the archaeologist." Riker and Raleigh chuckled. Feigning injury, Picard uttered, "Ouch, what was that for?" "Just a little target practice," Vash chirped sweetly with a regal toss of her silky, brunette hair. "Anyway, the first time I saw Jean-Luc was in the main lobby of the resort. I was trying to lose Sovak, a slimy little Ferengi, who did some occasional work for Sam. I saw this very handsome man enter the lobby. Not knowing who he was, I grabbed him and kissed him until Sovak wandered off. Then I welcomed the man to Risa and went on my way." "Oh, the mental picture that creates is just priceless," the admiral crowed. "We have only begun. It gets better, much better," Vash assured her audience. "A short time later, I was sitting in the sun on the pool side patio when I noticed 'Mr. Very Good Looking' from the lobby was sitting across the patio reading a book. Two things struck me. First, the book he was reading was Ethics, Sophistry and the Alternate Universe by Ving Kuda. Now this is the type of book you force yourself to read five pages from just so that you can reference it in your master's thesis. I wanted to know who would actually read this thing cover to cover, let alone on vacation. The second thing I noticed was that there was a horga'hn sitting out next to him." "Jean-Luc, a horga'hn?" Raleigh rolled with laughter at the thought of his old friend even possessing the Risan symbol of sexuality. "I had no idea what it was, and I was certainly unaware that displaying it was a request for . . . companionship," Picard tried, in vain, to defend himself. "Someone had asked me to bring one back as a souvenir." "Who would . . ." the admiral trailed off as he noted the look that was exchanged between Picard and Riker. "Oh junior, you didn't." "I wanted to make sure he had a good time," Riker replied. "You let him live?" the admiral chuckled to Picard. "Only because he is the finest first officer in the fleet and I didn't want to do the paper work," Picard quipped dryly. Re-crossing her legs, Vash continued, "So I watched as five different beachbunnies bounced over to offer themselves as . . . companions. And even with all the bouncing, jiggling and giggling going on for his benefit, 'Mr. Very Good-Looking' just kept reading his book. Bunny number five must have told him about the horga'hn because after she left he quickly hid it under his towel." "Five offers, the most I've ever gotten was three," Riker whistled with amazement. "Maybe it's a good thing I brought the horga'hn back for you after all, Will," Picard baited his first officer. "Sweetheart," Riker beseeched Vash to save him, "please go on." "Well, just after he settled back down with his book, Sovak came up to him. During the brief exchange, I noticed Sovak becoming more and more agitated and 'Mr. Very Good Looking' becoming calmer and colder. I wasn't aware of it at the time, but I was about to see my first glimpse of Captain Picard. Slamming his book shut, he stood up to tower over Sovak with the tightly coiled appearance of a jungle cat. Needless to say, our Ferengi friend beat a hasty retreat. I knew I had to meet this man, so I went up and introduced myself . When I asked him to tell me about himself, he said . . ." Vash paused, a wistful smile played at her lips. In a very good impersonation of her future husband, she finished, "I'm the captain of a Federation starship." Gil Raleigh fixed his eyes on Picard. "Jean-Luc, my friend, I think this may be the perfect opportunity to settle our debate over the existence of that certain little perk associated with command of a ship. Will you agree to letting your very charming, bride-to-be settle the issue?" "Agreed," Picard's pride in Vash was evident in his voice and expression. The admiral looked up at Vash, "Truthfully now, lass, what was your first thought when Jean-Luc told you he commanded a starship?" "I was already attracted to him," Vash hedged slightly as she toyed with Picard's academy ring, which hung on a gold chain around her neck. With her eyes sparkling mischievously, Vash finally answered, "What the hell? I'm sorry Jean-Luc, but my first thought was . . . Oh yes, just take me now! " "I guess that settles that," Riker noted. In response to Picard's raised eyebrow, Vash asserted, "Come on Jean-Luc. It's the modern equivalent of a gallant knight on a charging steed. The image is heroic and very romantic." "You win, Gil," Picard gave a self-deprecating smile, "I guess if I have to lose an argument, this is a good one to lose." "So, how long till the big day?" the admiral asked. Picard lovingly glanced up at Vash as he answered, "Just five weeks." "Oh, that reminds me, sir," Riker said with a snap of his fingers. "There is something I needed to talk to you and the admiral about." "Go ahead, Number One," Picard turned his attention back to Riker. "Geordi and I would like to throw you a bachelor party next Friday," Riker offered with a broad grin. "What?" Picard asked, taken off-guard. Vash gently laid her hand on Picard's broad shoulder as she teased, "A bachelor party, darling, where your buddies drag you off for a night of drunken debauchery in a vain attempt to pry you from my evil clutches. You'll have a great time." Ignoring her joke, Picard leaned back in his chair, "Will, I really appreciate the sentiment . . ." He broke off as he felt Vash nudge him. As he looked up at her, she gently chided, "Jean-Luc, let them do this for you." "That kind of carousing was never really my style," Picard persisted. "Oh really, Captain Straight-Laced," Raleigh chuckled, "Maybe we should go tell that to the Nausicaan who stabbed you during that barroom brawl you started on Starbase Earhart." "Admiral, I can't thank you enough for reminding me of that incident," Picard sighed. "All this is why Geordi and I reserved the Zephyrus Club in Tycho City for a private party," Riker explained, very pleased with himself. "Oh my, how uptown, Will, nice choice," Vash gushed, impressed. The Zephyrus Club was a very posh nightclub on Earth's moon. Designed to resemble a cabaret from Earth's 1940's Big Band era, the Zephyrus was best known for its elegant interior and lavish burlesque-styled shows. "You know it?" Riker asked. "Very well, actually," Vash nodded. "Besides Jean-Luc, how can deny yourself the joy of seeing Data at a bachelor party." "I see your point," Picard quipped dryly. "So, you'll go, sir?" Riker pressed his Captain. "I'm looking forward to it," Picard told his first officer with a smile. "It sounds like a very enjoyable evening. Thank you, Will." "So Commander, what do you need from me?" Raleigh offered pleasantly. "Geordi and I know everyone to invite from the Enterprise; however, we were hoping you could help us with . . ." Riker trailed off, not quite knowing how to put it. "The more seasoned officers," Raleigh finished for him. "No problem, lad. I'll have a list for you tomorrow. And let me know if there is anything else I can do to help." "Thank you, sir." Riker started to get up from his chair. "Goodnight everyone. And trust me, Captain, you're going to have a wonderful time." "Well, I intend to enjoy mine," Vash stated. Receiving several curious looks, she added, "Beverly and Deanna are throwing a bachelorette party for me the following week." "Why am I not surprised," Picard sighed. "Hey, what's good for the goose is good for the gander," Vash quipped. As Riker reached the door, Picard called, "Number one?" "Yes, sir?" Picard eyed his first officer, "You aren't planning to have a stripper at this party?" "No, sir. As your first officer and best man, I can assure you that there are no plans for a stripper," Riker gasped with mock horror. His eyes sparkled as he gave Picard a huge grin, "The plans are for several strippers and a few dancing girls too." With that parting shot, Riker was gone. As the door slid shut behind him, Raleigh sighed contentedly, "Sounds like a bloody good time if you ask me." "Strippers and dancing girls," Picard muttered, "I still haven't gotten even with him for that damn horga'hn." Moving from her perch on the arm of Picard's chair, Vash picked up her pet cat, Charcoal, and began to pace the room. Lost in thought, she stroked the black fur of the small animal. Finally, she turned to face Picard, "Jean-Luc, does Will know about the job I had as an undergraduate?" "No, you asked me not to tell him or anyone else; although, I'd like to see his face if he ever found out." Amusement lit Picard's eyes at the very thought. "I've thought of the most wonderful, wicked way for you to even the score with Will," Vash smiled devilishly at Picard. "Instead of telling him, how would you like to show him?" "Show him? What are you two talking about?" Raleigh looked from one to the other, confused. "Brace yourself, Gil," Picard quipped. Turning to Vash, he continued conspiratorially, "All right, petite amie. What is your plan?" Carefully, Vash laid out all the details of her entire plan for the two men. When she was finished, she coyly glanced from one man to the other, "Well?" The admiral regarded Picard, his expression and tone were full of admiration. "It's sheer brilliance. With the element of surprise involved here, our poor boy won't know what hit him." "I agree, it's marvelous," Picard nodded, his voice full of pride, "I told you, Gil, I watched this woman beat a Ferengi at his own game." "Jean-Luc, are you absolutely sure about this?" Vash asked, sounding slightly hesitant as she let the cat down. "I don't want to interfere, after all, this is your bachelor party, your night." "Yes, ma chere, I'm sure." Picard stood up to face her. Pressing quick kiss to her forehead, he assured her, "It's my night and I can't think of a more delightful way to top it off." "Well, its getting late, I'd better shove off." The admiral got up from the couch and straightened his uniform. "Jean-Luc, thank you for an entertaining evening and keep me advised about this little scheme." "Of course, Gil," Picard responded with a smile. Raleigh took Vash's hands in his, "It's been a real pleasure, lass. You're a remarkable young woman, and if flyboy here ever forgets that, you can always come see me. Don't forget, I do have more brass than he does." The admiral leaned toward Vash and in a mock whisper continued, "In more ways than one." "I'll keep that in mind, thank you, sir," Vash replied flirtatiously. "Goodnight, Gil," Picard offered with mock annoyance as he walked the Admiral to the door. "Goodnight, Jean-Luc," the admiral chuckled as he walked out the door. After the door slid shut, Picard turned to Vash and noted with amusement, "Vash, I'm beginning to believe you could charm a snake out of his skin." "Possibly," Vash's eyes sparkled impishly as she seemed to consider it. "Although, I doubt it would be as much fun as charming the flagship captain out of his pants, which we both know I'm capable of." "I supposed I walked right into that," Picard rolled his eyes. "It might help if you didn't make it quite so easy," Vash giggled. "That was a very engaging re-telling of the events leading up to how we met." Picard walked across the room to her. "May I assume that it has been shared with most of the women on this ship." "That would be a pretty safe assumption," she responded with just a touch of bravado as she smiled up at him, tracing along the waistband of his uniform. Playfully walking her fingers up his torso, she began, "We need to have a little discussion about this impetuous youth that was mentioned earlier." With both hands resting flat against the muscular wall of his chest, she pushed him backward until he bumped against the couch. As he fell backward onto the couch, she straddled his thighs. Drumming her fingertips against his chest, she arched an eyebrow, "What's this about you intentionally picking that fight with those three Nausicaans on Starbase Earhart?" "I . . .well . . . uh," Picard stammered as he furiously searched for an rational explanation. The first problem was that, frankly, there wasn't a rational explanation. The second problem was Vash's current position. With Vash straddling him, the hemline of her dress had risen to a very precarious level to say the least. He felt no man should be expected to think rationally under such duress. His hands moved to caress the sheer silk stockings that covered her thighs as he started to explain, "It was a long time ago and I was fresh out of the academy, very full of myself and fairly inexperienced . . ." "Jean-Luc," Vash interrupted as her arms slid around his neck and she brought her face to his. "Ma chere," he breathed, totally distracted by her closeness. "Shut up," Vash chided softly just before claiming his lips with hers in a passionately heated kiss. ..................... End Part 1 -- Stephen Ratliff ASC Awards Tech Support http://www.trekiverse.us/ASCAwards/commenting/ No Tribbles were harmed in the running of these Awards ASCL is a stories-only list, no discussion. Comments and feedback should be directed to alt.startrek .creative or directly to the author. Yahoo! Groups Links To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCL/ To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: ASCL-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/ From ???@??? Sun Apr 25 00:01:46 2004 X-Persona: Status: U Return-Path: Received: from n9.grp.scd.yahoo.com ([66.218.66.93]) by mamo (EarthLink SMTP Server) with SMTP id 1bhAPu2Ah3NZFk71 for ; Sat, 24 Apr 2004 21:01:20 -0700 (PDT) X-eGroups-Return: sentto-1977044-13468-1082865640-stephenbratliffasc=earthlink.net@returns.groups.yah