Forwarded by the ASC-VSO Posted: 21 Apr 2004 16:24:40 -0700 In: alt.startrek.creative From: whoa_nellie40@hotmail.com (whoa nellie) Title: Goose and Gander Author: Whoa Nellie (whoa_nellie40@hotmail.com) Series: TNG Repost: 7/7 Rating: NC-17 Codes: P/Vash Summary: With a little more than a month left until Picard and Vash's Author's Note: Feel free to archive to any pertinent site. In preparation to play in our Double Entendre universe in the coming year, we're reposting the stories from that universe as a refresher (or introduction to those who haven't read our earlier work). These stories have been polished up a bit, but they are still are earliest pieces from when we began writing nearly a decade ago. Edited-down versions of most of our stories can be found through our author page at fanfiction.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=85355 As always: Paramount owns all the marbles, we just have a lot more fun playing with them. Feedback is always appreciated - posted or e-mail. Whoa Nellie's Picard/Vash Romance Fan Fiction website is at: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Galaxy/7926/ Whoa Nellie's Sci-Fi Romance Fan Fiction website is at: http://www.geocities.com/whoa_nellies2000/ Continued from Part 6 "So, how bout a little sneaky peak to get the party rolling?" Vash called out as she held up two bottles of wine. She handed one to Blair Durante, a pretty red-head who was a college girlfriend and an expert in molecular cybernetics. "Where'd that come from?" Robin Lefler asked. "I raided my man's liquor cabinet," Vash boasted, very pleased with herself. "The captain keeps bottles of chardonnay onboard?" Alyssa Ogawa asked, sounding surprised. "He's French, any self-respecting Frenchmen always has good wine nearby," Rochelle Bernadine explained with a toss of her blond hair, her own French accent coming through. ................................................ Picard found himself nodding in agreement with Rochelle. ................................................. "Still, this looks like awfully expensive stuff to be swigging down," Alyssa remarked as she watched Beverly Crusher accept the bottle from Blair and take a long drink. "It's the expensive stuff all right," Beverly assured the younger woman. "But look at the label, Alyssa. He owns the vineyard." "Oh," Alyssa giggled. "Well then hand it over." ...................................................... Rolling his eyes with feigned insult, Picard huffed, "Number One, those ladies are guzzling down my label's best chardonnay like it was bathtub gin." "Try not to take it personally, sir." ...................................................... "I just can't believe you're getting married, Vash," Blair teased. "You, the one that always declared, 'No man is going to tell me what to do' and 'I certainly don't need a man to take care of me.' Not only are you getting married, you're marrying Starfleet's Captain Heroic and living on the starship he commands." "I don't need a man to take care of me," Vash laughed, "however, I've discovered I like having a man take care of me. It does have it's advantages. Whenever a problem arises, you point the problem toward the imposing man in uniform and say, 'Talk to him.' He also squishes the really big bugs, moves the heavy objects and pays the check." "He squishes the really big bugs?" Blair rolled her eyes in disbelief. "Vash, honey, are you aware of the fact that the man you're about to marry is considered a living legend?" Vash exchanged glances with Beverly and Deanna. Turning to Blair, she replied, "Yes, of course I'm aware of it and sometimes, I'm even conscious of it." "Sometimes?" Blair prompted. "I met and fell in love with Jean-Luc before ever seeing Captain Picard," Vash explained with a smile. "Jean-Luc is a very complicated man, with many facets to his personality. I live with the man, not the legend, behind the legend is a very passionate and demonstrative man, with a gentle charm and a very quick wit. A born scientist, there are times when he will become so engrossed in solving a mystery or a problem that I will literally have to remind him to eat. When he has solved the mystery or found the answer to the problem, I've seen his face light up like a ten-year-old boy as he tells me all about it. I've also had this man pursue me around the bedroom with the tenacity of a randy twenty-year-old cadet taking leave on Risa." ....................................................... Hearing the ladies laughing at the last statement, Riker raised an eyebrow at Picard. "Like you wouldn't if you were in my shoes," the captain offered in defense. ...................................................... "However, there are times when I'm very conscious of the legend, the consummate starship captain, confident, determined, resourceful and completely in command. Just put him in his dress uniform, it hits me like a ton of bricks," Vash continued, her voice becoming more impassioned. "Whenever he is on the bridge in his command chair, he looks every inch the hero he's reputed to be. No matter how many times I see it, the sight of him on the bridge always . . ." "Always . . ." Beverly coaxed impishly. "Makes me horny," Vash admitted, "Without fail, I see him on the bridge, I get all hot and bothered, and I start thinking of ways to seduce him. And if he knew about this, he'd probably revoke my bridge privileges." ................................................... "Au contraire, ma chere," Picard quipped to his first officer's great amusement. Leaning back slightly in his chair, he added, "I must admit, Number One, this is quite informative." ................................................... "Will you listen to me?" Vash scoffed at herself. "I sound like a lovesick schoolgirl suffering from her first major crush." "Whoa boss, you really got it bad for the man, don't you?" Barbara Caldwell chimed in. The pretty brunette was an assistant archaeologist onboard and reminiscent of a younger Vash. Looking over at her protégé, Vash gasped in mock surprise, "You think so, junior." Rochelle chuckled, "There is only one thing that surprises me about this." "And that is?" Vash asked. Rochelle grinned, "Your French, ma amie, your pronunciation was always so atrocious." "It's improved," Vash remarked dryly. "Vash, I was a little surprised when you said we had a shuttle," Deanna confided as she handed one of the wine bottles to Lefler. "Do you know which one we're taking?" "What do you mean which one?" Vash feigned innocence. "The only one suitable for the captain's wife, the captain's yacht." "Hot Damn!" squealed Robin amidst deafening cheers and high fives. Beverly draped an arm around Vash's shoulder, "You shameless slut, you slept with the groom, didn't you?" "Beverly, of course I didn't sleep with him," Vash protested. "I fucked him, there was no sleeping with him," she clarified. ............................................... Picard choked on a sip of tea. Recovering, he muttered, "I didn't hear that." Risking a glance at Riker, "And neither did you." "Yes, sir," Riker replied, unable to look at Picard for fear of laughing. .............................................. "I stand corrected," Beverly quipped. Taking a swig of wine, Blair noted, "There are distinct advantages to bangin' the boss." Barbara picked up with, "Oh, you mean like, 'servicing the C.O..'" ................................................ Picard closed his eyes in resignation. .................................................. Beverly chimed in, "Sexin the Skipper." ..................................................... Picard gritted his teeth, "She knows I hate that term." "Sexin?" Riker inquired, choking down a laugh. "No, Skipper." ........................................................ "Copulating with the Captain," Deanna added to the melee. ........................................................ Riker leaned back in his chair, giving in to the need to laugh. ......................................................... Rochelle gave the piece de resistance, "Mounting Mon Capitaine." "My, that was vivid, wasn't it, children?" Vash giggled. .......................................................... Head buried in his hands, Picard nodded in silent agreement. Stretched full length in his chair, Riker clutched his midsection as tears rolled down his face. ........................................................ Glancing over at Rochelle and Blair, Vash asked, "So girls, now that you've met him, what do you think? ........................................................ "Oh God, no," Picard muttered into his hands. ....................................................... Blair sighed, "He certainly fills out the uniform, tight package, real nice ass." "Noticed that, huh?" Vash chuckled with pride. "It's kind of hard to miss," Rochelle jumped in. "Of course, Commander Tall dark and edible is definitely do-able. I wonder, if you bounced coins off their butts, which would bounce higher?" She postulated an intriguing theory. Vash championed her man, "Jean-Luc, definitely Jean-Luc's." "Well, Will's ass is awful tight," Deanna remembered fondly. Vash shrugged. "They're both in the readyroom, replicate a coin and we'll go find out." Beverly laughed, imagining the scene. "Excuse me gentlemen, could you both stand up and bend over? We have a bet to settle." ...................................................... Riker looked over at Picard in sheer terror. Picard immediately spoke up, "Computer, secure ready room door, my authorization only." "Well done, sir. ...................................................... "And those mouth-watering physiques aren't even their best features," Alyssa added with a shy giggle. "No kidding," Beverly agreed, "there is only one thing sexier than Will Riker's sparkling blue, bedroom eyes and 'your place or mine?' smile." "The captain's voice," chorused Beverly, Deanna, Robin and Alyssa. Deanna mused, "It's a tool he uses most effectively. On the bridge, his powerful voice resonates with authority. It's part of that commanding presence he has that is very reassuring when you're staring at a fleet of enemy ships. However, in private, his tone softens to a rich, gentle baritone that can melt butter. He's one of the few individuals that my mother would rather hear their voice than receive their thoughts." "Oh, he does have the most unbelievably sexy voice," Robin sighed. Not sounding the least bit apologetic, she added, "Sorry Vash, but every woman on this ship I know has at least one sexual fantasy involving the captain." ..................................................... Picard blinked in astonishment at that little bombshell. Tugging uncomfortably at his uniform jacket, he sat back in his chair and rubbed the bridge of his nose. The captain was finding all this feminine adulation a bit disconcerting. He risked a glance at his first officer, who was grinning with unholy glee. "You were right, sir. This is quite informative. All this time to prepare for command I've been learning fencing, history, diplomacy and military strategy from you," Riker managed to deadpan, before laughing, "when what I really need was voice and diction lessons." "Number One," Picard admonished. "I'm very sorry, sir," Riker said, sounding anything but sympathetic. "I'm sure hearing this has been a horrible experience for you. Such heavy burdens of command, what will you do?" "Absolutely nothing." With amused exasperation, he lamented, "Are you quite finished now?" "Now, that all depends on the ladies, sir," Riker retorted. ........................................................... "No need to apologize, Robin," Vash giggled conspiratorially. "I have my fair share of lustful fantasies about our distinguished captain, I just get to act on them." "While we're on the subject, Vash, there's something I've always wanted to know," Robin broached a subject they were all curious about. "Do tell," Vash encouraged. "Well . . ." Robin began slightly hesitant. "Is he as good as he looks?" "Ooh-la-la," Vash trumpeted, briefly closing her eyes. "Jean-Luc is the most extraordinary lover I've ever had. No one even comes close. The sex is absolutely mind-blowing. Trust me ladies, the most impressive Picard Maneuvers are not found in Starfleet Academy text books." "Really rings your bell, does he?" Beverly giggled. "At least two, usually three times a night. This man is amazing in bed . . ." Vash gushed, "or on the floor, on the couch, the dining table, the holodeck, a shuttle craft, his readyroom desk . . ." .................................................... "The desk?" Riker gestured to the piece of furniture between them. "It was convenient at the time," the captain replied, trying to contain his triumphant delight at hearing Vash's answer. "Look, it's just me in here. I've been your second-in-command for over a decade, I'm going to be the best man at your wedding. I promise not to tell a soul that you're human, so please, just let it out before I explode!" Riker implored, looking over expectantly at Picard. "YES!" Picard crowed exultant, slamming his fist victoriously on his desk. Composing himself, he sat back in his chair. Completely straight faced, he addressed Riker with his usual aplomb, "It's always nice to hear one's efforts appreciated." Riker erupted in another fit of laughter. .................................................... Alyssa suddenly giggled, "Can you imagine the captain's reaction if he could actually overhear any of this?" Vash smiled lovingly at the thought of Jean-Luc's response, "Oh, I know exactly what his reaction would be. Tugging on his jacket, he'd roll his eyes. Then rubbing the bridge of his nose, he'd give us one of those long, suffering sighs and complain, 'Is there anything you ladies won't tell each other?'" "She's got him pegged," Beverly chuckled to Deanna. "Ladies, I think we need to get Vash off this ship quickly," Blair urged with feigned seriousness. "She's has that sappy expression on her face that says 'isn't my boyfriend just the dreamiest.'" "Here, Blair," Vash handed her a bottle as she retorted good-naturedly, "Drink this and shut up." Vash noticed Lieutenant Kerwin approaching, "Okay guys, time to clean up our act for awhile. Here comes the pilot." "Why clean it up at all?" Beverly asked mischievously. "Because it's not nice to terrorize the junior officers, Beverly," Vash teased. .......................................................... "Well, I guess the fun's over, sir," Riker was breathing heavily from the exertion of sustained laughter. "It's probably safe to unlock the door." "She's still intoxicated and on my ship. I'll let her clear the shuttle bay first, Number One. She probably just forgot about the bet with all the other topics coming up." "I'll pretend that you didn't intend that particular pun, sir." .......................................................... The next morning, actually closer to noon, Vash stirred awake to the sound of Jean-Luc quietly moving in the outer room of the quarters. She wasn't hung-over, exactly. Beverly had given them all an antitoxin hypospray at the end of the evening. Actually, Beverly had given them the hypo this morning, around 4 am. With her eyes closed, she laid there preparing herself for the, albeit well-deserved, ribbing she knew would be forthcoming from her soon-to-be spouse. She heard his approach and opened her eyes to see him standing in the doorway, smiling down at her tenderly. To her surprise, he was holding a breakfast tray with a single red rose laying in front of the meal. She could smell the coffee and a Belgian waffle topped with strawberries which looked divine. "Good morning, I thought you might be hungry," Picard greeted her quietly. Even though it had been quite informative, he was still feeling slightly guilty for eavesdropping on her and her girlfriends the night before. "I am, thank you; but, I think it's probably more like good afternoon," Vash replied as she watched Jean-Luc walk over to the bed with the tray. She was just a little baffled, this scene was more like a peace offering rather than the good-natured scolding she was expecting. As she sat up running her hand through her hair, she groaned, "I'm sure I look like something the cat dragged in." "Quite the contrary." Picard placed the tray across Vash's lap as he sat next to her on the bed. His eyes drank in the way her lavender, satin negligee clung to her. Leaning over to brush a kiss across her cheek, he quoted softly, "'Earth has not anything to show more fair.'" "Ohhh, you are a silver-tongued devil," she cooed, amused at hearing him recite Wordsworth this early in the day. "What did you do?" "Moi?" Picard sat back and gave her his best 'who me?' expression. "Vous," Vash insisted with a smile. She picked up the rose and tapped him on the nose with each word, "Johnny . . .what . . .did . . .you . . .do?" "Well, it was early in the evening and I was with Will in my readyroom. Just before we started on the reports, I contacted the shuttle bay to check with Lieutenant Kerwin on the status of the yacht," Picard explained, trying to sound as innocent as possible. "You and the rest of the ladies came in just as we finished our conversation. In his hurry to greet you, Mr. Kerwin inadvertently forgot to close the channel." Instantly realizing that Jean-Luc and Will had listened in on the conversation in the shuttle bay, Vash started laughing. She could only imagine how the girl-talk they heard must have flustered the two of them. Right off hand, she could think of several comments that must have turned Jean-Luc the same shade of crimson as his uniform tunic. He was so adorable at the moment, looking like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar, unable to even meet her gaze. She teased him mercilessly, "So, we entertained ourselves with a little eavesdropping, did we? What's next? I know, you and Billy are planning a panty raid once we get to the Picard estate." "It wasn't eavesdropping," Picard defended himself in vain. "The shuttle bays are secured access areas of the ship and, as captain, it is well within my rights to monitor activity on any secured access area of this vessel." "Of course, Captain," Vash nodded with feigned seriousness. Raising an eyebrow at him, she giggled, "That's weak, Jean-Luc." "I know," he sighed. Looking very contrite, he asked, "Are you angry?" "No. Lucky for you, I find the very idea of you overhearing that particular conversation, especially in front of Will Riker, utterly hilarious. I'm sure it was quite enlightening . . . for both of you," Vash laughed. "I must admit, it was educational. I never realized my voice was considered so intriguing by you ladies," he replied as he picked up a strawberry. With a slight flush, he inquired, "Was Lieutenant Lefler accurate in her assessment of the number of my . . . admirers?" "Uh-huh," Vash nodded as she took a sip of her coffee. "I always assumed that Will was the object of feminine adulation onboard," he remarked, sounding mystified as he took a bite of the strawberry. Vash put down her coffee, "Jean-Luc, you're a hero to the women on this ship, handsome, powerful and enigmatic. I doubt very many women would actually kick Will Riker out of bed but he still plays second fiddle when compared to you, or at least he did. Too bad you didn't have this information a year ago or you might have been able to put it to use." She patted his cheek and added, "Now, however, you, my boy, are off the market. They can only dream about what I have. And after listening in on our girl-talk last night, I'd wager nobody thinks you need a horga'hn anymore." Picard chuckled, "I believe Will came to that conclusion the first time he laid eyes on you. Nevertheless, I wish you could have seen his reaction when you mentioned my readyroom desk." "Ohhh," Vash cooed as she took a strawberry, "did the girls and I shock poor Billy?" "Not really," Picard smiled. "But some of your divulgences about you and I certainly surprised him." "As far as the girls were concerned, I was only confirming already strong fantasies about your capabilities," Vash noted, biting into the strawberry. In a coyly suggestive tone, she prompted, "Was there anything that shocked and surprised you, Johnny?" "There was a discussion on how sexually exciting you found the ship's C.O., especially in his dress uniform or sitting in his command chair on the bridge. You mentioned how either sight invariably inspires you to make plans for his seduction," Picard said with a raised eyebrow, "I simply had no idea that you were so infatuated with the ship's captain." "Oops." It was Vash's turn to blush as she thought back to exactly what she had said about her own steamy reactions to his Captain Picard persona. She thought, 'this could be a minor tactical disadvantage in the future.' "Which reminds me, I need to have your bridge privileges dramatically . . . increased," Picard informed her wolfishly, leaning in to capture her lips with his in an ardently impassioned kiss. **FINIS** -- Stephen Ratliff ASC Awards Tech Support http://www.trekiverse.us/ASCAwards/commenting/ No Tribbles were harmed in the running of these Awards ASCL is a stories-only list, no discussion. Comments and feedback should be directed to alt.startrek .creative or directly to the author. Yahoo! Groups Links To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCL/ To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: ASCL-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/ From ???@??? Sun Apr 25 00:06:51 2004 X-Persona: Status: U Return-Path: Received: from n27.grp.scd.yahoo.com ([66.218.66.83]) by killdeer (EarthLink SMTP Server) with SMTP id 1bhAQU3O13NZFlr0 for ; Sat, 24 Apr 2004 21:02:48 -0700 (PDT) X-eGroups-Return: sentto-1977044-13474-1082865768-stephenbratliffasc=earthlink.net@returns.groups.yah