Forwarded by the ASC-VSO Posted: 23 Apr 2004 18:00:58 -0700 In: alt.startrek.creative From: whoa_nellie40@hotmail.com (whoa nellie) Title: Here There Be Q-nicorns Author: Whoa Nellie (whoa_nellie40@hotmail.com) Series: TNG Repost 2/6 Rating: NC-17 Codes: P/Vash, Q Synopsis: On the eve of Picard and Vash's first anniversary Q shows up to bestow a gift. He changes Vash into a virgin and throws the couple into a medieval adventure complete with knights, castle and dragons. Author's Note: Feel free to archive to any pertinent site. In preparation to play in our Double Entendre universe in the coming year, we're reposting the stories from that universe as a refresher (or introduction to those who haven't read our earlier work). These stories have been polished up a bit, but they are still are earliest pieces from when we began writing nearly a decade ago. Edited-down versions of most of our stories can be found through our author page at fanfiction.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=85355 As always: Paramount owns all the marbles, we just have a lot more fun playing with them. Feedback is always appreciated - posted or e-mail. Whoa Nellie's Picard/Vash Romance Fan Fiction website is at: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Galaxy/7926/ Whoa Nellie's Sci-Fi Romance Fan Fiction website is at: http://www.geocities.com/whoa_nellies2000/ Continued from Part 1 As his eyes began to focus again, Picard found Vash was gone from his arms and he was standing alone in a forest. He was dressed as a nobleman from around the fifteenth or sixteenth century; black leather boots, black buckskin trousers, and a crimson velvet doublet over a white silk shirt. He noticed Q had not left out details. The doublet, which was the same crimson as his Starfleet uniform, had the Picard family crest embroidered in gold thread on the chest. There was a heavy leather belt with a scabbard around his waist. In the scabbard was a broadsword with an elaborately jeweled hilt. Hung over one of his arms was a heavy cloak of black wool. With a sigh of disgust, he called, "Q." "Over here, and not so loud or My Lordship might reveal our presence," Q replied from where he stood at the edge of the forest just a few yards away. Picard looked over at Q. The entity was dressed as a squire and was holding the reigns of a white Arabian stallion. Ignoring Q for the moment, Picard made his way over to examine the horse. It was a beautiful animal, standing about fifteen hands high with a perfect, graceful build. The equestrian in Picard had definitely taken over. Hearing the horse whinny softly, Picard ran his hand down the animal's neck and spoke soothingly "Easy boy. You're truly a handsome mount." "Is your wife aware of your preoccupation with these beasts?" Q asked, miffed at being ignored. "Oh yes. In fact, she would be rather taken by this animal. Vash claims the Arabian is the breed that best suits me and has often talked of acquiring one for me." Picard commented as he patted the horse. He looked at Q pointedly, "Speaking of which, where is she?" "I was wondering when you were going to ask that," Q smiled as he gestured for Picard to look past the tree line. "She's down there." Picard moved for a better view past the trees. They were on a bluff overlooking a small medieval town. The town was a fortress, completely enclosed by a twenty foot high wall. In the center of this town was a rather horrid appearing castle. Something caught Picard's attention, there was a strange creature chained in the castle's courtyard. It looked like a giant lizard, approximately the size of an elephant. However, the creature had a neck as long as a giraffe and scaly wings. Incredulously, Picard asked, "A dragon?" "Of course. When it comes to the two of you, I want all the trimmings. I spare no expense, so to speak." Q sounded very pleased with himself. "See, you're going to slay the dragon." "Oh, I am," Picard sighed as he leaned against a tree and folded his arms, "Why?" "Because, at noon today, the evil ruler of that kingdom, Lord Baracada, is going to sacrifice a virgin to the dragon in order to gain powers of sorcery. You're the knight that must save the maiden and take her to the safety of your kingdom. Getting into the city won't pose much of a problem, the gates are open. However, getting out will be another story. Once you've ruined Baracada's plans for the day, I'm sure that he will close the city in order to stop you from escaping," the entity informed him. "Baracada? Sounds to me as if whoever wrote this little fairy tale misspelled barracuda." Picard's face showed almost open amusement. "Am I to understand that Vash is the chaste maiden in question?" "Of course." "There's one small problem, Q." "That is, mon Capitaine?" "Vash is not a virgin," Picard said calmly. "I should know, after all, I am her husband." "Not to worry, I have restored her ability to see unicorns," Q assured him. "What?" Picard asked, not liking where he knew this was going. "I've restored Vash's virginity physically, as well as suppressing all memory she has of her own sexual activity. She remembers your courtship and love affair, but not your marriage. She has no memory of any physical intimacy with you, or anyone else for that matter," Q explained smugly. Picard glared menacingly at the entity, "Q." "Well, from here on out, you'll have to carry on without me. I have another pressing engagement," Q replied in a casual tone. "You get to rescue her, sweep her off her feet and deflower her all at once. Enjoy yourself, Mon Capitaine." And with a flash, Q was gone. "Damn," Picard cursed under his breath as he began to take stock of his situation. He checked the horse's saddlebags, finding suitable provisions and a sizable purse of gold coins. Surveying his surroundings, it didn't take him very long to spot a passable trail down to the town. He gathered the horse's reins and swung himself up into the saddle. He was pleasantly surprised to find the saddle was almost identical to his own saddle that he kept on the Enterprise. "Well, my noble friend, it looks like it's up to the two of us to save the fair maiden," Picard remarked, guiding the horse toward the trail. Then he spurred the horse down toward the town. ................................................................. "My dear, I can sacrifice any virgin in the land to the dragon to complete the sorcery incantation. Agree to become my concubine, and I will spare you and choose another," Lord Vlad Baracada offered coarsely as he circled the attractive young woman standing in his throne room. "If my choice is between you and the dragon, I opt to take my chances with our lizard friend out there," Vash scoffed as she met Baracada's stare. He was a tall, thin man with very aquiline features. All dressed in black with his cloak fluttering around his heels, he reminded Vash of Bram Stoker's conception of Dracula. This all had a feeling of deja-vu, or maybe she should say Deja-Q. At least Sir Guy was offering marriage, but even her memory of that scenario had voids in it. How could she remember every plot twist of Stoker's tale and not remember what she was doing before Q transported her from the Enterprise. That's where she had to have been. After all, she was the head archaeologist onboard, not to mention the captain's fianceé. Baracada's cold voice interrupted her thoughts, "I wouldn't count on your intended coming to your rescue. Picard's probably wenching his way through some brothel as we speak." Although she knew Baracada was only tormenting her, Vash fought to quell a small seed of jealousy. Jean-Luc had not even kissed her, the thought of him dallying with some trollop heightened her anxiety about her own perceived inexperience. 'Stop that! Jean-Luc loves you, wants to marry you, and has told you so countless times,' she told herself firmly. Closing her eyes, she thought back to working with him to pull an artifact out of the mud pits on Cenar VII. When the damn thing finally worked lose, it sent both of them falling onto their seats in the next pit. Smiling as he flopped back into the mud, he had chuckled, 'I love you.' "Speechless?" Baracada jeered. Vash opened her eyes to glare at him, boasting with false bravado, "No. Just imagining you sliding off the blade of his sword." "Well, my sweet, as Picard is sliding off my sword, I'll make sure he knows you were charming to the last," he retorted. Gesturing to his guards, he commanded, "Take her to the rock." .................................. Carefully hidden on one of the castle's battlements, Picard surveyed the courtyard below. At the far end of the courtyard, the dragon was pulling at one end of it's chain. The other end of the bulky chain was wound around an immense winch. Embedded in the middle of the courtyard was a large boulder, about the size of a small shuttlecraft. There was a chain with shackles hanging from the boulder. Beneath Picard was an opulent review stand, where Baracada and a few members of his personal guard were standing. A large crowd had gathered on either side of the review stand. The scene reminded Picard of descriptions of public beheadings during the French Revolution. "Subtle Q. Real subtle," Picard muttered under his breath, getting his first glimpse of Vash as she was being lead to the boulder. It was obvious to him that the pale pink gown she now wore was inspired by the babydoll nightie she had on when Q first appeared. The scooped necked bodice with cap sleeves was lace covered satin. Two diaphanous layers of chiffon fell from the empire waistline over the pale pink satin skirt. As the guards shackled her wrists to the boulder, the wispy layers of her skirt snapped against the rock in the steady breeze. Concealing himself in the shadows, Picard started to make his way down off the castle wall. Vash stared above her head at her bound wrists. If only she could pull them down to her mouth, then she could use her teeth to pull out the pin that held the shackles closed. She tugged futilely at the chain. So much for that plan. All at once, she heard a terrible mechanical grinding. She looked to see the winch slowly turning, releasing more and more of the dragon's chain. As the dragon slowly got closer, Vash thought, 'Where is Jean-Luc?' Knowing precisely who was responsible for the whole situation, she hissed, "Q!" "You called, my Lady?" the entity's disembodied voice asked. "Yes, I called! End this and put me back on the Enterprise where I belong!" "All in due time, dearest." Q's voice cooed. "Right now, I want you to look past the dragon to the castle wall and tell me what you see?" Vash stared past the dragon to see a lone, white horse standing in front of the wall. No wait, it wasn't a horse. It had a single, long horn coming from the top of it's head. Bemused, she asked, "The unicorn? What about it?" "Nothing, just assessing my handiwork," he replied, sounding very pleased with himself. "Fine. Dragons and unicorns, you get an A+ in recreating mythical beasts," she huffed in exasperation. "Now, Get me out of here." "I'll admit I've outdone myself, but not in creating the mythical beasts. Au revior, chere." "Q. Q? Q!" Vash called. No luck, he was gone. Vash glanced fearfully back at the dragon. It had traversed half the distance to her. The large monster continuously pulled at its chain, its powerful maw snapping hungrily in her direction. Frantically, Vash started pulling at and twisting in her bonds. As she paused a moment to catch her breath, a commotion in the crowd caught her attention. Vash nearly sobbed with overwhelming relief. With his drawn broadsword gleaming in the noon sun, Jean-Luc was storming toward her and the dragon astride an Arab charger. None of Baracada's men were following him. They were probably afraid that the over-grown gecko wasn't real selective about his meals. With his first pass, Picard brought his sword to bear on the chain imprisoning Vash, severing it from the stone. Pausing only to make sure that she had managed to remove the shackles, he urged, "Stay back, and use the rock for cover if necessary." "What did you think I was going to do, run toward it or something?" Vash yelled after him as he and the horse galloped off, full tilt toward the dragon. The enormous beast lowered his head to meet Jean-Luc's oncoming charge. At the last moment, Jean-Luc veered to the side, using his broadsword to slice open the creature from its shoulder all the way past its hind leg. The monster howled and began to curl itself toward its injured side. Using the distraction during his next pass, Jean-Luc brought his sword down on the dragon's neck, severing its head. Covering her mouth with her hand and suppressing a gag reflex, Vash thought, 'Okay, Jean-Luc, I think it's dead now!' Picard galloped past Baracada's tented review stand. Slashing through its supports with his sword, he sent the whole thing tumbling to the ground causing utter chaos. Sheathing his sword, he brought the horse to a halt in front of Vash. Reaching down, Picard took hold of her arm to quickly pull her up into the saddle behind him. "Come on, it's time to leave." "I take it this means you weren't serious back at Nottingham when you said that you were not going to bother rescuing me anymore." Vash quipped. "Now, you know damn well I didn't mean that." Picard sighed with exasperation and glanced back at her briefly. Placing her arms around his waist, he told her, "Hold on tight, this could get rough." As the pair rode toward the courtyard entrance, Baracada extracted himself from beneath his collapsed viewing stand. Struggling to his feet, he bellowed, "Seize them!" "Seize this, you bastard!" Vash called back to Baracada as their horse bolted out of the courtyard and onto a town street. Not willing to risk turning his head to look at her, Picard could only imagine which one of any number of obscene gestures went with those words. ............................... End Part 2 -- Stephen Ratliff ASC Awards Tech Support http://www.trekiverse.us/ASCAwards/commenting/ No Tribbles were harmed in the running of these Awards ASCL is a stories-only list, no discussion. Comments and feedback should be directed to alt.startrek .creative or directly to the author. Yahoo! Groups Links To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCL/ To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: ASCL-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/ From ???@??? Sun Apr 25 00:26:59 2004 X-Persona: Status: U Return-Path: Received: from n50.grp.scd.yahoo.com ([66.218.67.38]) by eagle (EarthLink SMTP Server) with SMTP id 1bhBbqJD3NZFji2 for ; Sat, 24 Apr 2004 21:24:00 -0700 (PDT) X-eGroups-Return: sentto-1977044-13482-1082867040-stephenbratliffasc=earthlink.net@returns.groups.yah