Forwarded by the ASC-VSO 
Posted: 23 Apr 2004 18:02:31 -0700  
In: alt.startrek.creative 
From: whoa_nellie40@hotmail.com (whoa nellie) 
 

Title: Here There Be Q-nicorns
Author: Whoa Nellie (whoa_nellie40@hotmail.com)
Series: TNG
Repost 3/6
Rating: NC-17
Codes: P/Vash, Q
Synopsis:  On the eve of Picard and Vash's first anniversary Q shows
up to bestow a gift.  He changes Vash into a virgin and throws the
couple into a medieval adventure complete with knights, castle and
dragons.

Author's Note:  Feel free to archive to any pertinent site.  In
preparation to play in our Double Entendre universe in the coming
year, we're reposting the stories from that universe as a refresher
(or introduction to those who haven't read our earlier work).  These
stories have been polished up a bit, but they are still are earliest
pieces from when we began writing nearly a decade ago.  Edited-down
versions of most of our stories can be found through our author page
at fanfiction.net:

http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=85355

As always: Paramount owns all the marbles, we just have a lot more fun
playing with them.
Feedback is always appreciated - posted or e-mail. 

Whoa Nellie's Picard/Vash Romance Fan Fiction website is at:
http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Galaxy/7926/

Whoa Nellie's Sci-Fi Romance Fan Fiction website is at:
http://www.geocities.com/whoa_nellies2000/

Continued from Part 2

	After about five minutes of riding at a hard gallop and turning
countless corners, Picard brought the horse to a stop in a small, dark
alley between two buildings. "We should probably stop for a moment and
let the horse rest."

	"The horse?" Vash sighed wearily from behind him.  As she collapsed
against his strong frame, she laid her cheek against the back of his
shoulder.  "In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly dressed for
this sort of hard riding."

	"No, you aren't, are you?  You'd probably be more comfortable up
here." Picard said, turning his head to give her a gentle smile. 
Letting go of the reins, he effortlessly lifted her into his arms and
placed her in front of him, sidesaddle.  "We'll head toward the large
graveyard I noticed not to far from here.  If we stay in the shadows,
we can slow down the pace a bit."

	"You take me to the most romantic places."  Vash cooed
melodramatically as she laid her head against his shoulder.  Closing
her eyes, she enjoyed the warmth of his strong embrace.

	"We can hide in one of the mausoleums I saw." Picard explained as he
looked down at her.  The bodice of her gown was tightly laced up the
front by a pink, satin ribbon tied in a bow at the center of her
scooped neckline.  The bow drew his attention to the tantalizing way
her chest rose and fell with each breath.  Fighting to ignore the
alluring sight, he swallowed hard and asked, "Vash, tell me how much
you know of what's really going on here?"

	Opening her eyes, she sat up to look quizzically at him.  She had no
idea where he was going with this; but she answered anyway, "Besides
the fact that some guy just tried to feed me to his pet lizard, I know
this must be some prank by Q.  In reality, you're the captain of the
Enterprise  and I'm the head archaeologist onboard and we're engaged
to be married."

	"What the last thing you remember before you ended up here?" Picard
inquired gently.

	"We were out having dinner, to celebrate something."  Vash replied. 
Sounding frustrated, she reached up to rub the bridge of her nose. 
"I'm sorry, Jean-Luc.  I can't remember.  There seems to be blanks in
my memory.  I can recall every detail of novels I read years ago, but
I'm unable to remember entire blocks of time from my own life."

	"It's all right.  Don't try to force it." Picard comforted her as he
reached up to tenderly push a stray lock of hair from her face.  "As
part of this little farce, Q has suppressed certain portions of your
memory.  I'm sure the memories will return as soon as this is all
over."

	"Portions of my memory?  For starters . . ." Vash prompted.

	Picard hesitated for a moment, but decided she had a right to know,
"For starters, we're married, not engaged.  We were out celebrating
our first anniversary."

	"Married!?  How can that be, I mean we've never . . ." Vash trailed
off as she felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment.  Looking down at
the ground, she murmured, "I've never."  Despite her burning cheeks,
she forced herself to meet his gaze, "You've never even kissed me."

	That took Picard by surprise, "You have no memory of me even kissing
you?"  Vash shook her head no.  Wanting to know just how far Q had
taken this, Picard asked, "Can you remember being kissed by any man?"

	"No."  Vash answered, again looking down.

	"Damn Q's propensity for being an extremist." Picard swore to
himself.  Taking a calming breath, he told her, "I'm so sorry, ma
chere.  Q decided to make you a virgin and fabricated all this due to
an idle thought I had about what it would have been like to have been
your first."

	"Were you disappointed that you weren't the first?" Vash asked
quietly, unable to meet his gaze.

	"No.  Absolutely not."  Picard stated emphatically.  "It was simply a
fleeting curiosity about a time before I came into your life.  Nothing
more."

	"So, in reality, I'm not a virgin." She murmured.

	Vash had sounded so unsure of herself, something Picard wasn't used
to. Gently cupping her chin in his hand, he raised her face to his. 
Gazing into her blue eyes, he smiled reassuringly, "In the here and
now of Q's little game, you most certainly are.  So, for the time
being, we will deal only with the here and now."

	"Playing along with Q usually tends to be the path of least
resistance, doesn't it?" Vash smiled back bashfully.

	"He usually gives you no other choice." Picard agreed. "You all
right?"

	"I'm fine." Vash replied.  For a long moment, she was held by
Jean-Luc's gaze, his handsome, chiseled features framing those intense
grey eyes and the firm set of his mouth.  She felt her breath catch in
her throat and her pulse speed up at the thought of those lips on
hers.  Her senses overwhelmed by the passionate charge between them,
Vash retreated.  Breaking off her gaze, she shyly buried her head in
his shoulder.  She snuggled into the security of his embrace, feeling
his heart race as he took a couple of deep breaths.

	"We should probably get under way.  Are you comfortable?" Picard said
softly.  After all, this wasn't the best place to start anything.  She
nodded her head as she slipped her arms around his waist.  Picking up
the reins, he glanced down at the lovely woman in his arms, "You've
had a rough day.  You're safe now, so just relax and rest."

	A short time later, the pair rode through the front gates of the
graveyard.  Looking around, Vash chuckled, "This place reminds me of
work, I feel like I should be setting up a site."

	"In a cemetery?" Picard asked as he guided the horse toward the
larger mausoleums.

	"And exactly what do you think the Valley of the Kings in Egypt is?"
She teased.

	"Point taken." He conceded.

	"Very few archaeology sites are able to find the actual community,
most only find the society's sepulcher sites."  Smiling up at him
impishly, Vash couldn't help but bait him with, "Of course, you'd know
that if you had done your studies at a real university."

	"My Lady is awful uppity for someone who was almost brunch for an
oversized iguana."  He teased back.

	"Now, I thought he looked more like a gecko." Vash laughed.

	"As you wish." Picard chuckled as they came to stop in front of a
large mausoleum that was almost hidden behind overgrown brushwood. 
Dismounting from the horse, he took the stallion by the bridle.  "Stay
up in the saddle.  Your gown and slippers are no protection from these
briars.  I'll guide the horse through them and into the building."

	"I need to have a little conversation with Q about appropriate field
apparel." She grumbled as he led the horse into the building.

	"I wouldn't hold my breath expecting him to listen." He replied.

	Vash glanced around the inside of the mausoleum.  The room was dimly
lit by torches in sconces on the walls.  There were three large
sarcophagi in the room, one on each wall.  The forth wall had a
Catholic-style altar.  Patting the horse's neck, she remarked, "Your
typical Gothic crypt.  Very homey, if you happen to be Bram Stoker or
Mary Shelley."

	"We won't be staying long." Picard assured her.  Suddenly, he heard
movement and motioned for Vash to stay silent.  Drawing his sword, he
peered cautiously around the room.  His deep voice resonated with
authority as he demanded, "Show yourself."

	An elderly, rather pudgy-appearing monk stepped out of the shadows
with his hands up, "Relax, my son.  I pose no threat to you or the
young lady, Lord Picard.  My name is Friar Dominic."

	Picard was still slightly wary, "You know my name?"

	"Of course.  The whole village probably does by now.  Baracada has
been cursing your name at the top of his lungs all afternoon, from
what I'm told.  The brothers and I at the monastery owe you an
enormous debt of gratitude for dispatching Baracada's reptilian
demon."  With a twinkle in his eye, the friar added, "I'm sure the
maidens around here are also very appreciative."

	"Jean-Luc," Vash reached down from the horse to lay her hand on his
shoulder, "Put the sword away."

	Picard glanced over his shoulder at her.  Due to current
circumstances, he knew she couldn't have meant that as a double
entendre.  At any other time, he would have been absolutely certain
she had.

	"I don't think killing a priest is going help our case much in the
cosmic scheme of things."  She said gently.

	"Of course."  He nodded as he sheathed the weapon.

	"Thank you, my boy." Dominic sighed with relief and lowered his
hands.  "Now, you'll be safe once we get you out of the city. 
Baracada's hold on his throne is tenuous at best.  He will not let any
of his forces leave the city, especially after losing the dragon, and
his sorcery abilities along with it, this afternoon.  We'll hide you
in the monastery until dark."

	"We have to make it to the monastery first, Father." Picard reminded
the priest.

	The old priest smiled.  "Faith, my son. The brothers maintain an
elaborate, well- hidden network of underground tunnels and caverns
beneath the city.  We've been using them to help smuggle in food and
goods to ease the burden of the people under Baracada's rule.  We also
used them to smuggle as many maidens out of the city as possible to
safety at our sister convent in a neighboring town.  Behind the altar
in this vault is one of the entrances."  Friar Dominic went to the
altar.  He gently pulled on one of several candlesticks placed on the
alter.  The entire altar slid to one side, revealing the entrance to a
large tunnel.  Gesturing for them to follow, he continued, "Come now. 
We must leave for the monastery before Baracada's guards start
searching the cemetery."

	With Vash still perched in the saddle, Picard took the reins of the
horse and followed the monk into the tunnel.  Friar Dominic pulled on
a lever and the altar slid back into place closing off the entrance. 
Well-illuminated by torches, the passage was about ten feet high and
six feet wide.  The old monk lead them through a complex labyrinth of
tunnels.  Picard estimated that they had traveled about a mile when
they finally emerged into a large chamber.  It looked to be a cross
between a way-station and a warehouse.  In one area there were several
monks working with a large number of crates.  In another area
makeshift cots and large oak tables with benches were set up.  Picard
detected a subtle, but very familiar scent.  "I smell wine casks.  Is
there a wine cellar near by?"

	"You have a good nose. We are under the monastery and the wine cellar
is just beyond that door.  It was the perfect camouflage for this
entrance.  After all, who would ever question having a wine cellar in
a monastery." Friar Dominic chortled, pointing toward a large door
across the room.  Clapping Picard on the shoulder, The old priest
added,  "Now, let's get you two rested and prepared for the next leg
of your journey."

	Moving to the side of the horse, Picard reached up to span Vash's
waist with his hands. "My Lady?"

	Vash braced her hands on Jean-Luc's broad shoulders as he gently
lowered her from the charger to the ground.  She smiled and dropped a
slight curtsey at him, "Thank you, sir."

	Both Vash and Picard turned to look at Friar Dominic as they heard
him issue instructions to the other monks. "Brother Calvin, please
take Lord Picard's horse to the stables and have him fed, watered and
groomed."

	"Of course, brother." Calvin replied.  Before leading the animal
away, he added with a smile, "Anything to help the Dragonslayer."

	Leaning into Jean-Luc, Vash teased quietly, "My, my, my, it looks
like someone's earned himself a new moniker."

	"Vash." Picard admonished under his breath as he rolled his eyes in
exasperation.

	"Brother Jerome," Friar Dominic called. "Go ask Mother Agnes and
Sister Rebecca to put together a satchel of essentials needed by a
lady on a two day journey."

	"Yes, brother." Jerome answered before departing in search of the
nuns.

	"Brother Augustine, please fetch some wine, bread and fruit for our
guests." Dominic requested of the youngest monk.  Augustine nodded and
quickly rushed off.  Friar Dominic turned back to Picard and Vash. 
"As soon as Brother Augustine returns with your refreshments, he and I
will go check to make sure Baracada's men have already searched the
monastery.  Once I know everything is all clear, I'll bring you both
up into the monastery.  I have some maps that will help you with your
journey.  Also, we'll get the two of you properly married so it will
be in the church records."

	"You're going to marry us?" Vash asked, slightly surprised.

	"Of course, my dear.  Did you think I was going to let this dashing,
young buck carry you off without the benefit of marriage?  What kind
of priest would I be?" Dominic answered, his eyes sparkling with
mischief.

	Raising an amused eyebrow, Picard chuckled, "Father, I'm beginning to
think you've done this sort of thing before."

	"Everyone needs a hobby." The old priest laughed.  Brother Augustine
returned with a tray filled with fresh bread, fruit, a bottle of wine
and two glasses.  He set the tray down on the nearest oak table. 
Friar Dominic motioned to the younger monk, "Come along, Augustine. 
Let's leave these two to rest and eat."

	The two monks headed up to the monastery, leaving Picard and Vash
alone in the large, underground chamber.  As she watched Jean-Luc pour
wine into both glasses, Vash asked, "I thought you said we were
already married?"

	"We are, chere." Picard smiled, handing her a glass of wine.
"However, as you pointed out earlier, it's usually easier just to play
along with Q's little games."

	Taking a sip of wine, Vash nodded, "True.  Is that why you so readily
trusted the monks?  After all, they're just as much a creation of Q's
as Baracada is."

	Picard picked up his own wine glass as he remarked, "Q's intention
here is not to see us running for our lives to evade Baracada's
forces."

	"And his actual intention would be?"  Vash prompted.  As he took a
drink, Jean-Luc eyed her meaningfully from over the top of his glass. 
Remembering their conversation in the alley, she fought down a blush. 
"Oh."

	Even though she tried to hide behind her glass as she took another
drink, Picard caught the rosy flush that highlighted Vash's lovely
features.  He set his own goblet aside and stepped toward her, closing
the distance between them.  The low scoop neckline of the gown,
combined with the way the gown's bodice laced up the front with pink
ribbon provided him an alluring view.  His appreciative gaze trailed
down over the diaphanous layers of the pale-pink gown clinging to her
feminine silhouette.  Placing her glass next to his on the table,
Picard took one of Vash's hands in his.  Raising her hand to his lips,
he placed a kiss on the back of her hand and lowered his voice to a
deep, resonating whisper, "I would marry you over and over again."

	The soft brush of his lips against the back of her hand felt like a
lightning strike, causing a shiver to race through Vash's entire body.
 As the sensation spread across her breasts, the peaks hardened
pushing against the satin and lace of her gown.  Her breath caught in
her throat at the warm timbre of his voice and the intensity of his
steel-grey eyes.  With her heart pounding, she wondered how it was
possible she was married to this man when the thought of his kiss
alone was enough to make her weak in the knees.  Looking down, she
demurely averted her eyes.

	'Oh no, petite amie.  There will be no escape this time.' Picard
thought to himself as he released her hand.  Tenderly, he cupped her
chin and drew her gaze back up to his.  His eyes drank in the features
of her beautiful face with her blue eyes, delicate cheek bones and
full, rose-petal lips.  Hoarsely, he whispered, "I love you."

	"I love you."  Vash echoed breathlessly, her eyes drifting shut as
Jean-Luc lowered his face to hers.  Her lips trembled as his lips
brushed over hers in a barely-there promise of a kiss to come.  Again,
his lips caressed hers ever-so-softly.  Finally, his lips claimed hers
in a gentle, warm kiss.  Vash slipped her arms around Jean-Luc's neck
and her body melted against his.  He moved one hand to the back of her
head, entangling it in her hair as he slid his other arm around her
tiny waist, holding her against him.  She lost herself in the strength
of his arms and the clean, masculine scent of his aftershave.  He
gradually deepened the kiss, pressing his mouth harder against hers as
their heated passions built.  With her whole body in a state of
highly-charged anticipation, Vash arched into him feeling the entire
length of his hard, muscular form against every inch of her own,
quickly  overheating body. The action did more to inflame the ache
building inside her, rather than ease the sensations.

	Faced with the sweet innocence of her reactions, Picard fought to
keep a tight rein on his own desires.  The way in which her supple
curves moved against him as she responded to his kiss was almost
maddening.  He wrapped both arms tightly around her tiny waist,
suppressing the urge to explore those same supple curves.  With each
passing moment, his muscles tightened and his hardness grew.  At this
rate, he would soon be tempted to take her right there on the table. 
Under present circumstances, that was simply  not an option.  He
reluctantly broke the kiss, placing several tentative kisses on her
reddened, passion-swollen lips before pulling back.  Her eyes still
closed, Vash's skin was tinged with a flush of desire.  The full
curves of her cleavage rose and fell with her ragged breathing.  After
taking a moment to catch his own breath, he softly beckoned, "Vash."

	Vash's eyes fluttered open to gaze up at Jean-Luc.  Her heart was
pounding, she was flushed and her knees felt as if they were about to
buckle under her.  Gripping the hard bulge of his upper arm for
balance, she swallowed and gasped, "I must have drunk the wine a
little too fast."

	"Of course." Picard answered, carefully hiding a smile.  After all,
they both knew it had nothing to do with the wine.  He gently helped
her sit down on the bench before sitting down next to her.  "We both
should eat something."

	"That's probably a good idea." Vash nodded.  It didn't take long for
the two of them to consume the bread and most of the fruit.  Peering
down onto the tray, Vash was very amused to see that there was one
particular fruit Jean-Luc had scrupulously avoided.  With Q's little
tricks having done nothing to suppress her naturally impish sense of
humor, she had a very devilish thought.  She kept her voice as
innocent as possible, "Jean-Luc."

	"Hmmm." He replied, looking up from his wineglass.

	Emboldened by their earlier kiss and the knowledge that he had no
idea this was coming, Vash picked out the largest and ripest piece of
fruit in question.  Holding it up in front of her by the stem, she
deadpanned, "Cherry?"

	Jean-Luc Picard nearly choked on his wine as he stared at her
wide-eyed.  She burst out giggling at his astonished expression. 
Quickly recovering, Picard set his wine glass down on the table.  He
grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap, tickling her ribcage
mercilessly.  Laughing so hard she could hardly catch her breath, Vash
squirmed helplessly in his embrace.  As she continued to twist and
turn in his lap trying in vain to escape his fingers, he chuckled
"Eventually, young lady, you will learn to give me the respect due a
ship's captain."

	"Never!" Vash panted defiantly between giggles and, finally managing
to work one of her hands to his side, she zeroed in on his own
ticklish spot.  He jumped, but quickly grasped both of her hands in
his.  They both sat there, at a total impasse.  She couldn't escape,
but he couldn't let go of her hands to tickle her without being
tickled himself.  Raising an amused eyebrow, she said, "Check."

	"Check." He agreed with a smile. "Truce?"

	"Truce."  Vash nodded after taking a moment to consider it.  They
both let go of each other's hands cautiously, seeing if the truce
would hold.

	As Vash sat perched on his lap, Picard placed a hand on the small of
her back.  She was smiling at him, her bright blue eyes sparkling with
playful mischief.  He utterly adored her.  Feeling blissfully content,
he reached up to tenderly cup her cheek in his palm and said simply,
"You're wonderful."

	Staring into his intense grey eyes, Vash felt that passionate charge
pass between them again.  She blushed at the praise, but didn't look
away.  Sitting on his lap, she was completely surrounded by the sheer
virility of his masculine presence.  The hard length of his body
beneath hers was driving her to distraction.  Her gaze was drawn to
the firm set of his mouth.  Desperately, she wished for him to kiss
her again.  Nuzzling her cheek against his large hand, Vash pleaded in
a whisper, "Please . . . Jean-Luc."

	Even without the words, Picard knew what she wanted.  As he used the
hand that cupped her cheek to draw her face up to his, her eyes
fluttered closed.  His mouth captured hers in another deep, gentle 
kiss.  Returning his passion, Vash's small hands slid up the crimson,
velvet doublet to encircle his neck.  A small sigh escaping her, her
body melted against his own.  As his lips moved over hers, he
delighted in the feel of her pressed against him.  Hearing approaching
footfalls, Picard reluctantly broke off the kiss.

	"Someone's coming." He whispered as he gently lifted her off his lap
and set her back down on the bench.  Picard stood up in front of her
and took on a slightly protective stance with his hand resting on the
hilt of his sword, just in case.  He relaxed when he saw Friar Dominic
come through the entrance.

	"Come along now, youngsters.  The coast is clear and we have a lot of
things to do."  The old monk called as he gestured for them to follow
him up into the monastery.

	"So, when was the last time the flagship captain was referred to as a
youngster?" Vash teased under her breath as she took Jean-Luc's
offered arm.

	"Not since the last time the flagship hosted Admiral Leonard McCoy."
Picard whispered in retort to a quietly giggling Vash.

.............................

End Part 3

--
Stephen Ratliff
ASC Awards Tech Support

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