Forwarded by the ASC-VSO Posted: Sun, 25 Apr 2004 03:38:13 GMT In: alt.startrek.creative From: ASC Awards Title: 2003 ASC Awards Dinner Author: Rocky and Seema E-mail: roq@iname.com, seemag1@yahoo.com Part: NEW 1/8 Rating: PG-13 Codes: Everyone, everything, and including a custom-built teak kitchen sink Archive: ASC and BLTS yes, everyone else please ask. Summary: It's the end of the Awards and now it's time to party like it's Website: http://www.angelfire.com/yt/rockyroad/ , http://seema.org **** Vic Fontaine strolls on to the stage. "Welcome to the Annual ASC Awards, folks. Glad to see we've got a nice crowd here this evening. In addition to our live audience, it may interest you to know that this event is being beamed by subspace to over 1 billion viewers across all four quadrants. We've got a great show planned, so with no further ado, let me introduce our first presenters. "For the category of Featuring Archer, the captain of the NX-01 Enterprise, himself, along with his faithful, and dare we say, most trusted companion!" Archer and Porthos come on stage to a smattering of applause. Porthos immediately turns soulful eyes on his master. "Already, Porthos?" says Archer, his tone scolding. "Didn't you go before we left the ship?" Porthos gives a short bark. "Just a little humor there, folks," Archer says, with an 'aw shucks' smile. He slips the dog a cube of cheese. "That's what you wanted, isn't it?" Porthos thumps his tail on the stage, then gets up on his hind legs and begins nosing Archer's pocket. "No, I'm not going to give you any more," Archer says, patting the dog down. "You know the Doctor says it's not good for you." Porthos gazes at Archer and thumps his tail again. "All right, boy, just don't tell anyone." Archer pulls out another piece of cheese, along with an envelope. As he opens up the paper, he asks, "Would you like to do the honors?" Porthos, having finished his snack, lies down and closes his eyes. "I'll take that as a no," Archer says. "Well, one of the things about being captain is that sometimes you've got to take the tough jobs on yourself. So, here goes. First place for Featuring Archer goes to 'Hard' by KayJay." "Second place for Featuring Archer goes to 'Friend in Need' by Mareel." "Third place for Featuring Archer goes to 'Porthos' Plea' by Meghan Elizabeth." The band begins playing, indicating it's time to clear the stage. Archer bends down and speaks to Porthos. "Come on, boy, time to get up." The dog doesn't move. Archer smiles apologetically. "He's really good at playing dead, isn't he? Seriously, we're both a bit warp-lagged, you know, doing so much traveling back and forth between Earth and the Expanse lately..." Archer raises his voice a little. "Come on, Porthos, we're finished giving out awards, time to go off the stage." The dog yawns, lifts his head to regard his master, and then lies back down. "Oh for crying out loud!" Archer hoists Porthos by the scruff of his neck and proceeds to carry him off, almost staggering under the weight. "Whew, no more treats for you, boy!" Backstage, on his way to be a presenter, Mayweather brushes by some Xindi Reptilians who stare at him, but don't say or do anything overtly threatening. Mayweather shudders. "What are *they* doing here?" he asks. "It seems that this sphere wasn't abandoned after all," Seema says placatingly, while simultaneously giving Rocky a dirty look. "Fortunately, they don't have any objections to our being here, provided they can keep an eye on the proceedings." "And have complimentary use of the hololounges," Stephen adds. Mayweather nods dubiously. "OK." "You'd better get out there," Seema adds. "You wouldn't want to miss your chance for a major speaking role!" Mayweather winces. "I wish you wouldn't put it that way." Onstage, Mayweather says, "I'm here to present the ENT Drabble awards. As you know, a drabble is a short story which consists of exactly 100 words. Since there were so many entries this year, they were split into two separate categories, General Drabbles and Episode Drabbles." "Don't forget Drabbles Featuring Reed," adds the Armory Officer as he strolls onstage. In the front row, Mareel jumps to her feet and tries to get Reed's attention. The British-born officer pauses and quickly signs Mareel's notepad before continuing towards Mayweather. "Of course not," Mayweather says, muttering something unintelligible under his breath. The closed captioning Universal Translator promptly translates it as 'you have the breath of a Rigellian yak.' "Don't let me stop you, go ahead with what you were doing," Reed says with an airy wave of his hand. Mayweather, doing his best to ignore Reed, pulls out an envelope. "First place for General Drabbles goes to 'Prototype' by Alex Voy ." "Second place for General Drabbles goes to 'The Full Shell' by Jemima." "Third place for General Drabbles goes to 'The Frustration of the Expanse' by T'Lin." "And now for Episodic Drabbles." Mayweather searches his pockets, but there is nothing else there. "Oh, no," he says. "What's the matter?" Reed asks. "I can't find the second envelope." "Are you sure they gave it to you?" Reed asks, a superior look on his face. "Oh, sure, blame the organizers," mutters Rocky, standing in the wings. One of the Xindi Reptilians comes up to her. "Looking for this, Human?" he asks, holding up an envelope. Rocky lets go of Big Betsey with one hand, and snatches the envelope with the other. "Where did you get this?" "Took it off the Enterprise helmsman when we bumped into him," the Xindi says, with an ugly laugh. "Hey, there are still hostilities open; we've got a reputation to maintain!" Rocky shakes her head and sends a flunky out to hand the envelope to Mayweather, who accepts it gratefully. "First place for Episode Drabbles goes to 'Shadow' by KayJay." "Second place for Episode Drabbles goes to 'That Dare Not Speak Its Name' by Rocky." "Third place for Episode Drabbles goes to 'Twilight Remembered' by T'Lin." Reed smiles patronizingly at Mayweather and steps up to the microphone. "First off, let me say how flattered I am to be the subject of so many fine--" At Mayweather's throat clearing, he breaks off and says, "Right. First place for Drabbles Featuring Reed--" He stops again when he sees Hayes and another MACO approach. "What are you doing here?" Reed asks. "Sorry, Malcom," Hayes says, plucking the envelope out of Reed's hands. "But I've been assigned this duty." "What do you mean, you've been assigned to do this?" Reed exclaims indignantly. "These are drabbles about *me*! Do you have to horn in on every single one of my duties?" "Sorry," Hayes says again. "But orders are orders." "We'll see about this!" Reed goes storming off stage. Hayes exchanges glances with his fellow marine and then says, "First place for Drabbles Featuring Reed goes to 'Is That a Phase Pistol in Your Pocket Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?' by Taryn Eve." "Second place for Drabbles Featuring Reed goes to 'Just Before Morning' by Mareel." "Third place for Drabbles Featuring Reed goes to 'Rhapsody in Blue' by Mareel." Mayweather and the MACOS exit the stage. Vic Fontaine says, "Wow, now that's dedication. Great to see how much those guys love their work. Up next we have the category of ENT Filk or Poem, and to announce those winners we have our very own and much loved Denobulan--" Vic breaks off as his communicator chirps. "Yo, whaddya want?" ::Got a slight problem with one of the members of Phlox's Menagerie,:: crackles a voice. "Is that the singing group you cats insisted on hiring for the Intermission?" ::No, we mean one of Doctor Phlox's creatures. One of the animal wranglers just did a headcount and realized one of the sloths is missing.:: "This is turning into a real three ring circus," Vic says. "What do you want me to do?" ::Stall a little bit. Phlox says he's not coming out till he knows all of his 'friends' are accounted for.:: Always a trouper, Vic launches into a song. ("All of me, why not take all of me...") He has just reached the chorus when Phlox comes out on stage, accompanied by his pet bat. Vic breaks off in mid-note. "Everything OK now, Doc?" "Yes, yes," Phlox says with a smile. "Those foolish trainers didn't realize that these are Ankarean two-headed sloths and therefore thought we had twice as many creatures as we actually did." "That's a relief," Vic says. "Say, Doc, why do you have all these animals with you, anyway?" "They're part of my medical response kit, of course," Phlox answers in surprise. "Along with the other physicians, I have agreed to give some of my time to manning the first aid station, just in case there are any mishaps among the members of the audience or the presenters this evening." "OK." Vic starts edging away. "Actually," continues Phlox, "I'm surprised there haven't been any real escapees. This little rascal here," he indicates his bat, "somehow always manages to find a way out no matter how often or how well I secure her cage." The bat lets off a high-pitched scree. Several members of the audience cover their ears, wincing. Others look puzzled; apparently they haven't heard anything. Backstage, the Xindi-Reptilians break for the exits, howling in pain and fear. "To business, yes, my precious," Phlox tells his creature. He whips out an envelope. "First place for Filk/Poem goes to 'Impulse' by Dwacon." "Second place for Filk/Poem goes to 'Archer, Archer' by Kapitan Quirk." "And finally, third place for Filk/Poem goes to 'Cowboys and Xindians' by Dwacon." During a commercial break, Vic entertains the crowd with another number, this time backed up by some befeathered (not referring to their costumes, but to their natural epidermis) flamenco dancers. Admiral Forrest, in full dress uniform, enters the stage with Ambassador Soval, who is in his ceremonial robes. "I fail to comprehend the purpose of this activity," Soval says. "It is entirely illogical." "We are here to present awards to outstanding stories," Forrest explains. "For example, you and I are going to handle the category of ENT General Story." "I should have realized this is one of your ridiculous Human rituals," says Soval with an expression that is almost a sneer. "If your people spent more time on important pursuits, perhaps you would not be as backward as you are compared to other races of the Galaxy." "Oh, like the Vulcans?" says Forrest evenly enough. "That is definitely a worthy goal to aspire to," says Soval. "Although it is not as easy as you may have been led to believe." "I'll keep that in mind," Forrest says, then hands the envelope to Soval. "Ambassador, would you do the honors?" Soval takes the envelope with a look of distaste, then opens it and reads. "First place for General Story goes to 'Back Home' by KayJay." "Second place for General Story goes to 'Enemy Within' by Snowballjane," says Forrest. "Third place for General Story goes to 'Intermediates' by nostalgia," says the Ambassador, finishing up. Vic watches them go. "Talk about your odd couple," he says. "I've known some Vulcans in my time, but I've got to say I don't think they make 'em any more like the Ambassador. "Our next award is for ENT General Pairing. Here to present, Commander Charles 'Trip' Tucker III!" Trip comes out, looking very handsome in a formal jacket and bolero tie. "Evenin' folks. It's an honor and a pleasure to be here with y'all. I've had my share of romantic adventures over the years, even had the distinction of bein' the first man to get pregnant. So I guess it's appropriate that they asked me to present this award." Trip beckons off to the side. "I hope nobody minds, but I brought along a friend to help. Amanda Cole, one of the MACO's from the ship." Amanda comes out, dressed in an ivory lace gown that clings in all the right places. "Thank you, Trip," she says sweetly. "Would you like to get started?" Trip asks. Amanda gives him a smoldering look that seems to imply she's ready for just about anything he's got in mind. "One moment." Trip and Amanda look up in surprise as T'Pol strides on stage. She is wearing her silver catsuit and the expression on her face is anything but happy. "T'Pol!" says Trip weakly. "Fancy meetin' you here." "Sub-commander," Amanda says steadily. T'Pol addresses her remarks to Trip. "What is *she* doing here?" "Amanda is helpin' me--" "Oh, I'm sure she is helping you a great deal," T'Pol says coldly. "Did I not make clear to you that you were to have nothing further to do with this woman?" "Well--" "Good," says T'Pol. "You may proceed." She unceremoniously pushes the female MACO offstage. "Beggin' your pardon, T'Pol, but have you been dippin' into the Trellium-D again?" Trip says in a stage-whisper. T'Pol gets him in the instep with the heel of her boot. "I said, you may proceed." Trip doubles over in pain, but manages to right himself after a few seconds. In a hoarse whisper, he gets out, "First place for General Pairing goes to 'Thirty-Seven Degrees And Falling' by nostalgia." T'Pol takes the envelope. "Second place for General Pairing goes to 'Darkness, To Emptiness' by Ananke." Trip, back to his normal speaking voice says, "Third place for General Pairing goes to 'Bittersweet Reunion' by T'Lin." Vic shakes his head. "Some guys just have no idea what they're getting into." Looking as though he hadn't meant to say that out loud, he quickly goes on to say, "Our next award is for Featuring Reed. Please welcome a very special young lady, who probably has a greater knowledge of the real inside story of the development of the Warp 5 engine than many officials, Ms. Ruby Kawalski!" Ruby comes out on stage, clad in an elegant green gown. "I know what you're probably all thinking--just who is this woman and what is she doing here. I'm Ruby, the barmaid at the '602'--popular hangout for all the Starfleet types. Does that ring any bells?" A loud 'Ah!' ripples through the audience. "Yeah, I thought so," Ruby says. "I could tell you a thing or two about any one of the men of Enterprise. Especially Malcolm Reed." She pauses tantalizingly for a moment. "But this is a family-oriented show after all." She pulls out an envelope. "First place for Featuring Reed goes to 'Hurricane Feezal' by PJ in NH." "Second place for Featuring Reed goes to 'Indiscretion' by Mareel." "Third place for Featuring Reed goes to 'Without Change' by Mareel." As Ruby exists the stage, she passes by Reed himself and plants one on him. "See you around, Malcolm," she says sweetly as she sashays away. Reed stares dazedly after her for a long moment, then comes to himself when Sato snaps at him. "Are you coming or not, Malcolm?" He follows Hoshi out on to the stage, just as the overhead loudspeaker announces, "To present the awards for the category of Featuring Sato, Lieutenant Malcolm Reed and Ensign Hoshi Sato!" "Thank you," Hoshi says, beaming brightly. She is wearing a bright red sequined gown. "And for those of you in the audience from the Asmonean sector, let me say 're'ack ha lach'manya!'" There is some scattered applause until the closed captioning Universal Translator renders the message as, 'there is a large mouse regurgitating on your pumpkin.' Reed hastily says, "Hoshi, hadn't we better get on with it?" "Look, bucko," she says tartly. "This is the award for stories dealing with *me*. I'm the presenter. I only asked you to join me because you wouldn't stop sulking after Hayes did the Reed Drabbles!" Reed quickly says, "Fine, fine, have it your way." "I intend to," Hoshi says. She smiles again at the crowd. "Time is short, so I'm afraid I can't greet all of you in your native tongue." A sigh of relief is heard--from backstage. Hoshi pulls the envelope out of her matching evening bag and clears her throat. As she prepares to read off the names, the camera pans the crowd, settling first on Snowballjane, then moving over to nostalgia, and finally Mara Greengrass. "First place for Featuring Sato goes to 'Wheel of Dreams' by Ananke." "Second place for Featuring Sato goes to 'Herculean Labors' by Mara Greengrass." Taking pity on Reed (or perhaps remembering the existence of the R/S category in other years), she hands him the envelope. "Third place for Featuring Sato," Reed intones, "goes to 'Vergessen' by nostalgia." Vic casts an appreciative eye as Hoshi exists the stage on Malcolm's arm, then turns his attention to the threesome waiting in the wings. "Pulling double duty tonight, eh?" he says. "Yes," T'Pol says, as she links arms with Tucker and Archer and proceeds to go onstage. She has changed out of her catsuit and is now wearing a white sheath so tight it literally leaves nothing to the imagination. "Are you going to announce us?" "Oh, yes," Vic says. "Presenting the awards for T'Pol Pairing, Captain Archer, Commander Tucker, and last but not least, Sub-commander T'Pol." Trip smiles at T'Pol. "I don't think I told you before, how great you look tonight," he says, putting his arm around her waist. "Yes, you look beautiful, T'Pol," Archer says, glaring at Trip and putting his own arm around T'Pol. "This is the breast--er, best I've seen you for a while." T'Pol is clearly flattered by the attention, but logically concludes that the situation with the two men is about to get out of hand. "Trip, Jon, have you forgotten why we're here?" Trip looks somewhat abashed. "Right, the awards." Archer pulls the envelope out of his pocket. "Yeah, I've got the lips, er list of winners right here." "Thank you," T'Pol says. She takes the envelope from him, her fingers lingering in his a bit longer than necessary, then leans back into Trip's embrace to read. "First place for T'Pol Pairing goes to 'A Man's Best Friend' by monkee." Trip looks over T'Pol shoulder, his mouth just brushing her hair. "Second place for T'Pol Pairing goes to 'A Logical Proposal' by Shouldknowbetter." "My turn," says Archer. "Third place for T'Pol Pairing goes to 'It's Not Easy Being Green' by Rocky." The threesome heads off-stage, arm in arm in arm. "Jeez, just get a room already," Vic says, watching them go. He straightens up and says into the microphone, "Please welcome Zephram Chochrane, the inventor of the warp drive and intrepid pilot of the Phoenix." Cochrane, white-haired and getting on in years, is stooped slightly now, no longer the same fit specimen he was when he made first contact with the Vulcans. "I know all about creative writing--I never said half the things the historians claim I said," Cochrane says gruffly. "And the other half, I was either drunk when I said 'em, or I was just kidding. Just wanted you folks to remember that." The audience sits in stunned silence. "Anyway, I'm here to present the awards for ENT Author." Cochrane fishes in his pocket and pulls out a silver flask, along with a pair of reading glasses. "Here we go. First place goes to KayJay." Cochrane takes a swig from his flask. "Second place for ENT Author goes to nostalgia." "Third place for ENT Author goes to Daria." A young woman is sent to escort the Father of the Warp Drive offstage. Cochrane doesn't look as crotchety as he did a few moments ago. He pats the woman's arm as they exit. "You know, you remind me of someone I once knew. Diana, I think her name was. Or maybe Deena? Something with a 'D'. Fine woman, but couldn't hold her liquor worth a darn..." *** -- Stephen Ratliff ASC Awards Tech Support http://www.trekiverse.us/ASCAwards/commenting/ No Tribbles were harmed in the running of these Awards ASCL is a stories-only list, no discussion. Comments and feedback should be directed to alt.startrek .creative or directly to the author. Yahoo! Groups Links To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCL/ To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: ASCL-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/ From ???@??? 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