Forwarded by the ASC-VSO Posted: Sun, 25 Apr 2004 03:43:50 GMT In: alt.startrek.creative From: ASC Awards Title: 2003 ASC Awards Dinner Author: Rocky and Seema E-mail: roq@iname.com, seemag1@yahoo.com Part: NEW 6/8 Rating: PG-13 Codes: Everyone, everything, and including a custom-built teak kitchen sink Archive: ASC and BLTS yes, everyone else please ask. Summary: It's the end of the Awards and now it's time to party like it's Website: http://www.angelfire.com/yt/rockyroad/ , http://seema.org **** The Awards staff scrambles to make sure the Voyager crew are ready to present. After a certain captain was found running off in a Mustang with a certain helm boy at a previous Awards dinner, the staff is determined to make another such bout of violence does not ensue. Especially Rocky. She pats Big Betsey lovingly, all the while staring threateningly in Tom Paris' direction. "If he so much as *lays* a hand on her," Rocky mutters under her breath. "There, there," Seema says soothingly, "I'm pretty sure B'Elanna will rip Tom's tongue out before you can use your, eh, whateverthehell kind of weapon that is." "Don't think I won't use it!" Rocky shouts as Tom gets up from his seat and heads in Janeway's direction. Stunned by Rocky, Tom sits back down, this time in Harry's lap. "Tom!" Harry pushes his friend off. Seema sighs. "Rocky, we really do need to talk..." Meanwhile, Sara is trying to keep things going. "We have an Awards dinner to run!" she hisses under her breath. She consults her list. "Let me see, who's up first..." Neelix, dressed in a colorful suit, flashes a wide-toothed smile at Sara before heading off to the stage. He waves at the audience cheerfully and practically hop-skips-jumps to the podium. The spotlights swing wildly for a moment before a nice baby blue light illuminates the Talaxian nicely. "Hello! Hello!" Neelix exclaims. "How are you? It's so good to be here and especially to be reunited with my good friends, Captain Janeway and the rest of the Voyager crew." He whips out the envelope. "I've been asked to present the Award for Best Challenge Drabble. As you know, there is some dispute about exactly what a drabble is. Some people think it's a vignette, some believe it's a story with a certain number of words, others say it's a very short story, but this year's fine entries all had 100 words. Third place goes to 'Position Wanted' by Rocky!" The crowd applauds. "Second place goes to 'Kismet' by Cait N.!" "First place goes to 'Job Description' by Rocky! Congratulations to all of you!" Backstage, Harry is pacing nervously while Tom Paris tries to calm him down. "Come on, Harry, this isn't the first time you've done this!" Tom says. "Your fear of the audience is irrational and unjustified," Tuvok says. "They have spent many hours writing about us and so clearly, they enjoy our presence." Harry scowls at both of them, but before he can response, Sara Goose pushes him out into the bright spotlight. She shrugs as she passes Tom Paris. "Sometimes, you just gotta throw the kid out there." Paris shakes his head in sympathy. "Poor Harry. He's had to grow up so fast. I tried to teach him, I really did, but every time he comes up in front of the Promotion Board, he gets all tongue-tied and stares at his feet. No wonder he's going on a decade as an ensign." Tom goes off in this vein for a little longer, but the Awards staff turns their attention back to Harry Kim, who now wears a deer-in-the-headlights look as he stares at the audience. Finally, he clears his breath. "Uh, I'm here to present the Award for Best General Pairing Drabble, uh, and like Neelix said, these are stories of about 100 words about --" here color rises in Harry's cheeks "-- the love lives of, um, some of my fellow crewmembers, um, and certainly not mine. I mean, not all the time. I don't really get the girl, you know. It's like she's dead, or a Borg, or a terrorist." Harry's voice shakes a little bit. Backstage, everyone lets out of a collective groan of sympathy, one that is echoed by the audience as well. "Poor Harry," Tom remarks, "one hundred words would be excessive to sum up *his* love life." Onstage, Harry reads, "Third place goes to 'A Moving Experience' by Rocky!" "Second place goes to 'Distant Memories' by Alex Voy!" "First places goes to 'Desperate by Rocky'!" Backstage, there's an uproar as a very handsome, leather clad gentleman appears. Janeway promptly swoons into Tom's arms. The EMH rushes over to assist, as the leather clad gentleman strikes a pose. Chakotay stands up, arms akimbo. "You!" Chakotay exclaims. Kashyk pumps out his chest. "Me!" Chakotay gives Kashyk his very best glare. "I can't believe the Awards Staff has hired a Mass Murdering Xenophobe as a presenter! What does that say about the integrity and quality of this event?" "Well, it was by special request," Seema says, gulping. "Kelly Chambliss is a big fan of yours, uh, Mr., uh, Kashyk." "Is anyone watching the clock? The networks are going to start getting cranky with us," Sara says. "I am ready to do my work," Kashyk says. "Just give me the envelope and we'll get started." "Over my dead body!" Chakotay yells. "That can be arranged," Kashyk says, licking his lips in anticipation. "That's more Kathryn for me!" "Hey! None of that!" Sara says. "You--" she points to Kashyk "-- on stage! And you" -- this is directed at Chakotay "-- sit down and go into that coma mode you're so good at." Kashyk struts onto stage to the oohs and ahs of the audience. He stops momentarily to sign autographs for Kelly Chambliss, monkee, Ventura33 and Abbey Carter, and then moves on to the podium. "Ladies and gentlemen," he says, his voice inflicted with just a bit of breathlessness. A few members of the audience faint at the sound of his voice. "I'm here to present the Award for Best General Pairing. I'm honored and delighted to announce in third place, we have 'A Healer's Hands' by Ventura33!" "In second place, we have 'Harsh' by Rocky!" "And in first place, 'A Sense of Permanence' by Seema!" The lights dim and Kashyk disappears. When the lights come back on, the Borg Queen in all of her fully-assembled leathery green-tinged skin glory stands. In the background, a PowerPoint slideshow gives glowing reviews of a Borg Queen Assimilate Yourself Kit--assembly required, batteries not included. "Hello, individuals," she says very coolly. A hush of fear and consternation falls over the audience. First an MMX and now the Borg Queen? The Queen scans the crowd closely. "Well, hello, Seven of Nine, how nice to see you again. And Jean-Luc? Have you fixed that little problem of yours?" Her upper lip curls into a sneer. "Ahem. It is somewhat a pleasure to be here. I'm always on the lookout for new talent, new perfection to add to my own. Therefore, since there are so many of you to assimilate and so little times, I shall get on with announcing the recipients of the award for Best General Story." "In first place, 'Which Way I Flie' by Kelly Chambliss!" "In second place, 'The World Is Room' by Paula Stiles!" & Seem "In third place, 'Home' by Rocky a!" Backstage, Seven smoothes her catsuit, running her hands over the curve of hip and down the length of leg. It's not lost on Janeway -- or Rocky -- that Chakotay is watching in admiration. His mouth is slightly open, and drool is trickling out of the corner. Sighing, Seema gets a napkin and wipes off Chakotay's mouth, just as Sara brings the make-up people to retouch the tattoo and concealer on the former first officer's face. "Hurry! Time is running out!" Seema exclaims. "And don't worry, the Borg Queen has gone off stage right and you're entering stage left. Don't worry, nothing will happen to you." Janeway jumps to her feet. "I'll take care of you, Seven! I will risk life and limb and crew to keep you safe! I cannot imagine not having you in my life! I will protect you!" "Captain oh my captain!" Seven promptly falls into Janeway's arms, crying. Sara sighs. Now there's make-up all over Janeway's gown, and Seven's breasts, um, need, um, readjusting. Sara sends the make-up people on over to re-perfect Seven. Finally, Tuvok's security guards pry Seven loose and Chakotay grabs her by the arm and leads her out onto the stage. Meanwhile, Seema sighs happily. "Aren't they a beautiful couple?" she asks. Rocky glares and continues polishing Betsey. "Good evening, Seven and I are here to present the Award for Multiple Pairing," Chakotay announces. "This category is for stories which features two or more couples in love." "These stories are true perfection," Seven says. Chakotay looks longingly at Seven. "For what can be more perfect than love? I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes The love that's all around me, and so the feeling grows." Backstage, the Awards staff exchanges horrified looks. Previous Awards dinners have featured singing from the EMH, but never anyone else. Well, aside from Kirk's earlier rendition of "I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt." "Can Chakotay even sing?" Sara's lower lip trembles in fear. "And why oh why did he have to pick that song from 'Four Weddings and a Funeral'? Now I'll *never* get it out of my head!" "I've got my hand on the PA system," Stephen promises. He holds up a PADD. "I can cut him off. Just give me the word." "I wonder if he sings better than he pilots a shuttle?" Rocky asks. "I wish they'd just get on with it," Seema says. "Commander," Seven says, "we must proceed with this Awards ceremony. We cannot delay." Chakotay nods and wipes a bit of spittle of his chin. "In third place, we have 'Ships In The Night' by Rocky!" Seven takes the envelope and reads the next placement. "Second place belongs to 'Q and Sympathy' by Rocky." "In first place, we have 'The Symbols of Our Love' by Seema." Chakotay and Seven walk off stage arm in arm. Chakotay's still humming the tune to "Love is all around" under his breath. As he passes Janeway, he says meaningfully, "You know I love you, I always will. My mind's made up by the way that I feel. There's no beginning, there'll be no end. 'Cause on my love you can depend." "Please," Janeway says, rustling her satin skirts importantly. "It'll take more than some twentieth century love song to win *my* heart." "Tell me! Tell your Angry Warrior! He'll do anything you need him to do!" Chakotay falls to his knees. Seven looks disgusted and flounces off. "Stay there and don't get up," Janeway orders. "Think about your transgressions. When I come back, you can build me an entire bathroom with your bare hands and *then* we'll talk." "Yes, captain oh my captain," Chakotay says meekly. Janeway sweeps on to the stage, her chin lifted high. Her hair is styled in an upsweep, showing off her majestic cheekbones and her forehead. She puts her hands on either side of the podium, and leans forward ever so slightly. In the front row, Kelly Chambliss, Alex Voy and Abbey Carter hold out their note pads for autographs. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm so honored to be here tonight to present the Award for best story featuring myself." She pauses slightly as she hears the sound of sawing and hammering from off-stage. Clearing her throat, Janeway continues. "I am very much touched by the devotion and dedication of each one of you--" somehow, Janeway manages to make eye contact with each and every member of the audience "-- and the amount of time you spend on analyzing me, my actions, my moods, and my hair. It is truly a treat to read what you have written for me." In the background, the sound of hammering grows louder. Janeway raises her voice. "And now, it's time for that moment you've all been waiting for. In third place, 'Retrospection' by Alex Voy!" "In second place, 'Resonance' by Alex Voy!" "In first place, 'Day Trip' by Julie Evans!" The crowd applauds as Janeway moves elegantly off the stage. However, backstage, she nearly trips over her kneeling first officer, whose tuxedo is now covered with saw dust. "What the hell is going on?" Janeway demands. She looks around. "Chakotay!" "I'm very sorry about crashing all of those shuttles and chasing after every blond who ever came my way," Chakotay says meekly. But Janeway is no longer listening. She stares at the bathtub, vanity and toilet that Chakotay has fashioned out of rich yellow-brown teak wood. Janeway runs her fingers along the smooth surfaces. She appears especially pleased about the deep, large bathtub -- large enough for two. "Apology accepted," Janeway says. She focuses her attention on Chakotay. "Does the plumbing work?" He blushes. "The answer to that question is yes, Captain, on *both* counts." "Good." Janeway's lips turn up. "I'd love to try that complimentary peach bubble bath we received in our presenter baskets. Wouldn't you like to help me with that, Commander?" Chakotay moves to unpin Janeway's hair, but not before Seema comes running by and pushes them on to the stage. "Awards now! Bathing later!" Seema exclaims. "Really, don't these people have *any* sense of propriety or timing?" A slightly disheveled Janeway and saw-dust covered Chakotay stumble on to the stage. "We're going to make this quick," Janeway announces. "We're here to present the award for best story featuring Janeway/Chakotay." "Kathryn and I appreciate all of your efforts on our part. You have been so diligent in writing stories about us and our true love." Chakotay looks longingly at Kathryn. "It's written on the wind. It's everywhere I go." In the front row, Jemima groans. "Not the evil challenge *again*." Next to Jemima, Lori wears a satisfied expression. Janeway and Chakotay take no notice. Janeway is practically breathless. "Go on, my Angry Warrior, please, by all means, go on." "I see your face before me. As I lay on my bed, I cannot get to thinking of all the things you said. You gave your promise to me and I gave mine to you. I need someone beside me in everything I do," Chakotay continues in a rich, deep baritone. Backstage, Seema downs another margarita. Stephen is ready to turn off the PA system. Sara just looks miserable. Rocky stands at attention, a blissful expression on her face. Janeway clears her throat; her face is flushed, whether from the heat of the spotlights or something else, it's impossible to completely tell. "Um, as the Commander and I have other things to attend to, I'm pleased to present first place to 'A Trick of the Light' by Seema." "In second place, 'Not So Bora Bora-ing Pink' by Rocky," says Chakotay. "In third place, 'Ex-Q's Me' by Cait N.," Janeway says. She smiles at Chakotay. He reaches up to unpin her hair and she carefully starts to unbutton the front of his saw-dusty shirt. The audience whoops and hollers, but before the couple can get much further, Tuvok's security guards come running out and pull the two off stage. A hot bath is already running in the teak bathroom and steam fills the entire backstage. Seema groans and has another margarita. "I *so* don't need to see this." Thankfully, Tom Paris and B'Elanna Torres are ready to go and present their award. They look mature and well-behaved, a far cry from previous Awards dinner when their antics had the Awards staff in despair. B'Elanna looks elegant in brown velvet, while Tom is wearing a shirt made of many shades of blue. The artistry of the make-up department has minimized the recession level of his hairline. "Good evening," Tom says. "I'm honored to be here with my lovely wife and mother of my daughter, B'Elanna Torres." B'Elanna blushes. "Oh shucks, Tom." Then B'Elanna squints. "Do you hear something, Tom? Is Miral crying?" Tom shakes his head. "You're imagining things, B'Elanna." "No, no," B'Elanna says. She looks offstage. "I hear Miral." Her expression gets a little panicky. Tom looks at the audience, flashing a smile many women have fallen hard for. In the front row, Barbara Watson, along with Julie Evans and Jamelia wave their note pads in an attempt to get Tom's attention. "Miral is asleep and is currently being taken care of by Kes," Tom says confidentially. Before Tom can continue, a loud wail sounds through the auditorium. "She is awake!" B'Elanna storms off the stage. Tom sighs. "She'll be back, I promise. But in the meantime--" B'Elanna reappears, holding a sleepy Miral. The audience oohs and ahhs. "Isn't she adorable?" Tom asks proudly. B'Elanna beams. Miral presses her face against her mother's shoulder and continues to sniffle. "And now, third place for best Paris/Torres story goes to 'Oxygen' by Seema." B'Elanna announces the next Awards. "Second place goes to 'Right in Front of You' by Seema." Tom and B'Elanna exchange looks and then B'Elanna whispers something into Miral's ear. There are a few minutes of awkward silence as the parents try to cajole their toddler. Finally, Miral lisps into the microphone, "First place goes to 'Nomad's Dream' by Ventura33." The crowd goes wild as Tom and B'Elanna and Miral proudly exit the stage. Tuvok is the image of decorum. His tux is perfectly pressed and somehow, he has managed to avoid the sawdust that has enveloped the rest of presenters and Awards staff. He strides confidently and purposefully on stage. "I am here to present the Award for best Single Person story," Tuvok says. "This category is stories about a single individually, usually featuring that individual as the narrator. I'm pleased to present third place to 'Mother Crazed' by Abbey Carter." "Second place belongs to 'Shores of Darkness' by Alex Voy." "First place belongs to Alara Rogers for ' How To Write Moi Without Looking Like More Of An Idiot Than Your Feeble Species Dooms You To, by Q'." The Awards staff lets out a sigh of relief; as usual, Tuvok comes through without a hitch. Last Voyager category of the evening and so far everything has gone relatively smoothly. Everyone backstage, however, has moved to the left side of the stage, as the right side is now occupied by a very naked bathing Janeway and Chakotay. Everyone, that is, except Rocky, who stands guard protectively over the two, shooting evil looks at anyone who comes near the bathing beauties, especially Seven of Nine. The EMH and Kes arrive on stage. Kes is wearing a peach colored gown, while the EMH's cummerband is the same shade. "We are very please to present the Award for Best Voyager Author," the EMH announces. "I know some of you are disappointed that I am not presenting the Filk Award this year. I understand my singing is a highlight of the Awards dinner every year, but this year, the Awards coordinator made it very clear to me that it was inappropriate to sing during this category. Though--" he casts a snarky look towards right stage "-- that advice wasn't apparently passed on to other people. For those of you attending David Geffen's After Awards party, I will be singing a few selections from my new album, 'I Write The Songs.' And yes, for my fans, I will be singing 'Something in the Air Tonight', which is currently number 323 on the IntraGalatic Music Charts. Copies of my album will be available for sale as you depart for the low, low price of two bars of latinum or for download from iTunes for--" Kes leans forward. "Doctor, this isn't a stop on your publicity tour." The EMH nods. "Of course I know this, Kes, but I thought these people would want to know that I'm truly a renaissance man. Not only have I have written a *novel*, I'm now a well-established singing sensation as well." "No doubt, the audience is very happy that you've accomplished so much since your return from the Delta Quadrant. You've more than exceeded the initial parameters of your programming. But now," Kes says firmly, "we must get on with the evening so these nice people get out in a timely manner and thus have the opportunity to buy your album." The EMH nods, albeit a little sadly. "In third place, Seema!" Kes announces, "In second place, Alex Voy!" "First place goes to Rocky!" Kes smiles widely and says, "Congratulations to all of the Voyager writers! Keep up the good work! We really enjoy reading your stories! And please, if I can ask a favor? More stories about me? Please?" -- Stephen Ratliff ASC Awards Tech Support http://www.trekiverse.us/ASCAwards/commenting/ No Tribbles were harmed in the running of these Awards ASCL is a stories-only list, no discussion. Comments and feedback should be directed to alt.startrek .creative or directly to the author. Yahoo! Groups Links To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCL/ To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: ASCL-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/ From ???@??? Sun Apr 25 00:37:01 2004 X-Persona: Status: U Return-Path: Received: from n40.grp.scd.yahoo.com ([66.218.66.108]) by skylark (EarthLink SMTP Server) with SMTP id 1bhBk55o3NZFjw0 for ; Sat, 24 Apr 2004 21:32:57 -0700 (PDT) X-eGroups-Return: sentto-1977044-13496-1082867567-stephenbratliffasc=earthlink.net@returns.groups.yah