Forwarded by the ASC-VSO Posted: 30 Mar 2004 19:22:02 -0800 In: alt.startrek.creative From: djinn@djinnslair.com (Djinn) TITLE: The Lost Years: Chaos (Slayer Series) AUTHOR: Djinn CONTACT: djinn@djinnslair.com http://www.djinnslair.com SERIES: TOS RATING: PG-13 CODES: Ch, K, U, Others PART: 6/7 SUMMARY: The seventh in the Lost Years series. Kirk watched Christine as she worked on Emma's arm. He'd used his flag privileges to get his "cousin" Emma Drake seen at Starfleet Medical. Christine had used a few dark looks to get the doctors on duty in the emergency clinic to back off. Nobody seemed to want to argue with her. He could suddenly see her as CMO. She was running some scans over Emma's head. "Still trying to get to the bottom of those migraines?" Emma asked. She had a strange look on her face. Off somehow, but Kirk wasn't sure how. "You shouldn't have to be in pain all the time," Christine said, glancing over at him. He smiled at her, and she smiled back. He and Emma were the only ones getting smiles out of her tonight. He felt a hand on his arm, turned and saw Uhura. She was in civilian clothes. "Nyota, what are you going here?" She smiled grimly. "I have my comm system set up to notify me if certain people are admitted into the local hospitals." She shook her head. "I can't do much, but I can do that." He smiled. "Good thinking." She nodded distractedly. "What happened?" "Big battle." He looked down. He felt surprisingly bad about how things had turned out. He wished they could have wooed David over to their side. He thought he could have liked the man. "Is Christine okay?" Uhura was watching her with concern. "She's all right. Emma has a broken arm." "And David?" Kirk shook his head. Uhura looked down. "I'll pray for him." He smiled. "That'd be a good thing." He thought David might need the prayers. Christine finished her scans of Emma's brain, moved down to check her arm. She moved aside to let the nurse in with the regenerator. "One more pass, I think," she said, and the nurse nodded. She walked over to Kirk and Uhura, let Uhura pull her into a hug. "I'm sorry, Christine." She nodded, then she looked over at him. "There was no other way." "There wasn't." He'd been working it over and over. It had ended the only way it could if no one would bend. He was just glad she'd come out unharmed. She turned back to check Emma's arm, and he said softly to Uhura, "You should have seen her fight, Nyota. It was beautiful." Uhura smiled. "I take it Chekov's little toy worked?" He smiled. Patted the violin case he still had slung over his shoulder. "I'll have to tell him that." "He'll be thrilled." "He needs to work on the chemical mix. It burns too slowly." But was it smart to make it burn any faster? What if it had hit Chris? If it had been too fast, he'd have never been able to extinguish it. Not that he could have extinguished it on his own. Why hadn't he thought to ask them for an extinguisher? She would have burned to death and it would have been his fault. "Wherever you've gone," Uhura said softly. "Leave it." She touched his hand. "She's fine." He shot her a puzzled look, unsure how she knew what he was thinking. "How...?" She smiled. "You get a certain look where she's concerned." She looked at Chris. "She looks all in." "She needs sleep." He could hold her tonight, hold her in his bed. Then he realized there was no need. David was dead and she could sleep in her own bed. He felt a bit bereft at the thought. Uhura walked over to Emma, who was sliding off the exam table, her arm in a sling. "How long do I have to wear this, Christine?" Emma asked. "A few days." Christine smiled. "Don't you like the color?" "It's fine. Just unwieldy." Christine nodded. "Let's get you home." "I can do that," Uhura said, moving gently between Chris and Emma. "You need to get some sleep." Emma nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow, my dear. You do look very tired." She touched Chris's arm. "It's been a hard night for all of us." Chris nodded, let Uhura lead Emma away. "You can use the transporter to get her home," Kirk said. "Just tell the tech I've authorized it." Uhura nodded and led Emma out. He watched Chris as she cleaned up. "I should leave this for the nurse. Old habits die hard." She looked over at him. There was something lost in her expression and he moved toward her. She shied away. "I'm okay." "I know you are." When she turned around, an angry look on her face as if he was humoring her, he said softly. "Chris, I'm not worried about you. I'm just feeling bad for David. And for us. For having to be the ones who did it. You did what you had to do. Like I knew you would." She moved closer. "You have such faith in me." He nodded. "I do." He smiled, pulled her to him and she didn't resist. Her arms wrapped around him. "I didn't want him to die." "I know." They stood in silence, warm in the cocoon of their embrace. "You can go home tonight," he said, his voice sounding more forlorn than he meant it to. "I don't want to." She pulled away. "But I probably should. Safer." He touched her hair. "We'll be okay. Come home with me. I don't want to be alone tonight either." She nodded, grabbed up her stuff and led him out of Starfleet Medical. As she turned for the exit, he touched her hand. She took it. Squeezed hard. "I'm sorry, Chris." "Me too, Jim. Me too." They didn't talk the rest of the way home. ----------------------------- Christine hurried down the street to Emma's townhouse. She didn't understand why Emma wasn't answering her comms. She had visions of her watcher hurt, perhaps when Emma had reached for something and had wrenched her healing arm. She ran up the steps, hit the chime. "Come on, come on." She looked down at the padd she carried. McCoy had once told her that the hardest part of being a doctor was delivering bad news. Medicine had come a long way, but there were still times when there was nothing anyone could do. How did you tell someone they had virtually no time left? She should have seen the symptoms. The sensitivity to light, the headaches. Even during the fight, it must have been double vision that made Emma misaim the weapon as she had. How cruel would it be for her watcher to have fought so hard for her life and then find out that it was for nothing? If someone had caught it sooner, maybe then they could have done something-- Christine pushed the thought away. Chorealpaneic Encephalitis was not something you caught sooner. In Christine's infectious disease course, the professor had called it a sleeping killer, lying hidden for years after exposure, slowly weaving itself into the body's vital systems. By the time the first symptom was seen, it was long past too late. Emma had probably been carrying it for years unaware that her body harbored a time bomb. A time bomb that no one would think to look for. It wasn't the kind of disease that flared into epidemics. It wasn't airborne, didn't spread through casual contact. You had to be exposed to infected brain or spinal tissue. Christine smiled grimly. The demons they routinely fought often tore their victims apart, exposing every kind of tissue. Emma had probably been infected by a corpse she'd examined. She'd probably never realized that the victim had been doomed long before the big bad monster got to him. Christine rang the chime again, then keyed in her medical emergency override, pushing the door open when the lock clicked. She thought she heard movement upstairs, and yelled out, "Emma?" The movement stopped. "Damn it." Something was in this house. Something that didn't want her to know it was there. Well, that something was in for a rude awakening. She crept down the hallway. The noise had come from Emma's bedroom. She kicked the door in, poised to attack. There was no one in the bedroom but Emma, standing by the bed, holding a jacket. Christine dropped her hands, letting her fists unclench, feeling foolish. "Emma, for God's sake, I called. Didn't you hear me?" She suddenly realized there was a suitcase on the bed, half filled with clothes. Another small bag sat on the floor, full of books and weapons. Christine turned to her watcher. "You're going somewhere?" Emma seemed unable to look at her. Christine realized she wasn't wearing the sling; it was lying on the dresser. Emma followed her gaze, then looked away. Christine saw a smaller case, full of hypos sitting on the bed. Walking over to it, she checked out the contents. Painkillers, sedatives, anti-anxiety meds. Enough to put down a small elephant--permanently. She dropped her padd on the bed, turned and stared at Emma. "You already know, don't you?" Emma was clutching the jacket to her, as if it were a lifeline. She backed up, sat down quickly in the chair against the wall. "How long have you known?" Christine asked. "Quite a while." "My god. It's why you took David up on his offer. You knew you'd be dead soon anyway." "I told you. It was a good offer." Emma smiled sadly. Christine held up the meds. "And these?" Emma met her eyes, her expression bleakly determined. "I like to think of those as dignity." Christine blinked back angry tears. "Dignity? You're running away. All those damn lectures to me, and you're running away?" "Really, dear. You're being overdramatic." Emma's voice was lacking its normal starch. She cleared her throat, seemed to draw herself up as if in an attempt to look like the watcher that Christine had first met. "This is a private matter." Christine fought the urge to hurl the medicines against the wall. Emma would just get more; it was easy to do if one had the resources and the will. She walked over to Emma, looked down at her. "It's not a private matter anymore. I'm involved." "Oh, for god's sake, Christine. I'm your watcher. One who you didn't even want. I don't expect anything from you." She stood up, pushed past her and folded the jacket carefully, sticking it in the suitcase. "It doesn't matter what you expect, because you're stuck with me." Emma walked to the closet, reaching for a handful of clothes and carrying them back to the suitcase. She didn't look at Christine, kept her head down. As she folded a skirt on the top of the pile, she said, "Go away, Christine. I don't need you here. And you've proven you don't need a watcher. You had to rescue me, after all." When Christine didn't say anything, Emma sighed. "I should think that you'd be happy to be rid of me. I'm certainly happy to be done with this assignment." Her voice broke on the last word. Christine moved closer, reached out and turned Emma's face to her. Her watcher's eyes were filled with tears. Emma's chin trembled as she tried but failed to hold back a small sob. Christine let her go. "Where will you go?" Emma shrugged. Christine let her hand rest on Emma's upper back, rubbed it gently, the way Jim always did for her when she was upset. There was no fire left in Emma's voice as she whispered, "I have so little time left, Christine." "I know." Christine took a deep breath. "Why would you run?" Emma turned to her, almost violently. "How could I not? I didn't want you to have to see me die. Not after you've made so much progress. Not when you have a chance to find some happiness." "You think I'm not strong enough?" Christine shook her head, could feel tears fill her eyes and didn't try to fight them as they fell. "Well, you're wrong. Because of you, I am strong enough." She took a deep breath. "I won't let you die alone. And fortunately for you, I happen to be a doctor now." She nudged the bag of meds away. "I can take care of you much better than these can." "Why?" Emma shook her head; tears ran down her face. "Why put yourself through this?" "Because a watcher I know told me that I shouldn't run away from things. I should stay. I should fight." "There is no more fighting to do. There's nothing you can do. I'm going to die." "Yes, you are. But not alone, Emma. You won't die alone." Christine took another deep breath, the sound raspy, full of pain. "Please don't go. I can't bear thinking of you alone." Emma turned, pulled her into a fierce hug. "Sweet, sweet child." Christine held her friend tightly. "I'm older than you, Emma." Emma pulled away, smoothed back Christine's hair. She shook her head, as if in defeat. "I know you are. And soon you'll have to be the watcher." Christine took a deep breath, forced herself to stop crying. She stood straight. She'd won. Emma would stay. Now...now Christine had to be strong. "You think that any of that tweed will fit me?" Emma laughed, then pulled out a linen handkerchief and blew her nose. "Do you have any idea how unsanitary that is?" Christine reached for the cloth. "Tissues, disposable." Emma pulled it away from her. "In a few weeks, it won't matter." Christine dropped her hand, nodded. Such blunt acceptance. But, Emma was right. In a few weeks, it wouldn't matter. "Promise me, we'll be honest. None of this sparing my feelings, or sugarcoating the truth. And no more tears. I don't want to cry anymore, and I don't want you to." "I promise." She tried to push Emma away from the suitcase. "Let me do this. You rest." Emma scowled at her. "That's what I mean. I can still do this now. Let me. Soon enough I'll be resting." She looked down. "I'll be resting forever." Christine nodded, hurt at the tone. "Oh, Christine, go make us some tea or something. We're not on deathwatch yet." She tried to smile. "Right. Tea. Good idea." "Christine?" Emma called out as Christine walked toward the door. "I love you. Thank you." Christine turned to look at her. "You have only yourself to blame." She tried to grin, almost made it. "You had to go and help me get well." Emma smiled at her, so much fondness beaming out of her eyes that Christine nearly choked on the lump in her throat. Turning quickly to hide the tears Emma didn't want to see, she fled to the kitchen to make tea. Tea that she suspected neither of them really wanted. ----------------------------- Kirk walked up the stairs to the townhouse door. He knocked gently, afraid that the chime might disturb Emma if she was sleeping. After a few moments, Uhura opened the door. "Hi." She slipped aside, giving him room to come in. "How is she?" Uhura shook her head. "Depends on which she you mean. At this point, I think Emma's doing better than Christine." "Where is Chris?" Uhura pointed down the stairs. As he started to head down, she touched his arm. "Emma asked to see you." He frowned. "Me? Why?" "I'm not sure. But she asked me to let you know if I saw you. Do you want me to take you up?" He shot a glance down the stairs, then nodded, following Uhura up to the main level and down the long hallway to one of the bedrooms. Uhura gently pushed the door open. She smiled softly. "Emma? Admiral Kirk is here." Kirk suddenly wondered if he'd ever told Uhura to call him Jim. He'd have to do that. It was long past time. She turned to him. "Go on in." He stepped into the room, the shades were drawn, the lamp on low. Emma smiled at him, a shaky smile as if the expression was one of great effort. He walked over, took her hands. "Nyota said you wanted to talk to me?" She nodded, pushed herself to a sitting position. He reached behind her and rearranged the pillows. She smiled at him. "Thank you." He shrugged slightly. "It's not much." "Kindness is never not much." She took a raspy breath, seemed to be trying not to cough. "Do you need something?" She shook her head, held up her hand as if asking him to wait. He sat down in the chair next to the bed. Emma leaned back, took a tentative breath. "Sorry, moving does that to me. I'll be fine in a minute. If you don't mind, some water would be most welcome." He poured her a glass from the bottle by the bed. She sipped at it carefully. He waited. She smiled. "Most people find moments like this excruciating. Start making small talk. Asking inane questions, or breaking into tears. I watched it happen with my mother when I was young." She took another drink. "But you just sit and wait. It's a gift, Jim." He smiled, was unsure what else to say. "I'm worried about Christine. It's why I wanted to see you." He leaned forward. "She's stronger than she was. She owes that to you." Emma shot him a half smile. "Oh and to you too, I think." "Maybe." He shook his head. "This is hard for her. Brings back memories of losing Marcus, and Roger, and Spock." Emma nodded. "Yes, I know." She sipped, her expression pensive. "Would I have liked Spock, do you think?" Kirk thought about that. "There was a time when I would have given you an unqualified yes." He looked down. "He was my best friend. But he's gone now. I know you are aware of what happened, so I won't bore you with the details." He shifted, tried to get comfortable in the chair. "I'm not sure how much of the Spock I knew is left." "Christine believes she drove him to this Gol place." Kirk nodded. "I had a hand in that too." Emma smiled. "What?" She shook her head. "You're both so good at punishing yourselves. I wish you were half as good at forgiving." "I can't speak for Chris, but it's difficult to forgive myself when I know that I would do it again. That I can't see a way not to hurt him." "I think Christine feels the same." Emma surprised him by taking his hand. "This Spock, this best friend of yours. He's probably never coming back. You do realize that?" It wasn't something he liked to think about. He sighed. Her hand tightened on his. "It's a waste of your life to live as if he were going to reappear at any moment." "I don't think I'm doing that. I know Chris isn't. She's made plans. Has a future all plotted out." He smiled. "The Enterprise is the one place she was happy." Emma rolled her eyes. "Happy? She was in hiding. That's not happiness, it's numbness." "Well, she's not hiding anymore. Maybe she can find happiness there this time." Emma's eyes seemed to flash. "Maybe it's already standing right in front of her. Maybe it's just too afraid to reach out for her." "I'm not afraid." He tried to pull his hand free, but she held it fast. He'd forgotten how strong she was. She sighed, it was a frustrated sound. "I believe that you're in love with her. I know she's in love with you. Yet here you both are, too damned stupid to reach for what you want." "What we want? There are more important things than what we want. There's loyalty, and trying not to hurt someone any more than we already have." "I don't have much time, so I'm not going to mince words, Jim. If you walk away from her, you'll regret it the rest of your life." Emma leaned forward, seemed like she was about to say more when a coughing fit came over her. Kirk helped her lean back against the pillows. He rubbed her back, high up, wishing with all his heart that he could take her pain away. She looked up at him. "There's magic in those hands. And I do mean that literally." She closed her eyes, took what seemed like an easier breath. "Oh, yes. Thank you." "I'm sorry I upset you," he said softly. "I'm not upset. I just want her to be happy. You've been kind to me; I'd like to see you happy too. As it just so happens, I think the two of you would be happy together. I'd like to help that along." She shook her head. "But I guess I should know better than to do that. If it's meant to be, it'll be." He met her eyes, let her see how much he wished that it could be, then raised the shutters that he hoped kept his feelings for Chris locked away most of the time. "I don't think it is meant to be. How can it be? To have someone, and to always feel guilty for the having? Is that happiness? Is that even right?" "Only with his blessing? Is that it?" He shrugged. "Sounds old-fashioned. And pretty stupid when you say it. But maybe that's it. If he weren't my friend, but he is. Was." He frowned. "I'll leave it alone then. I haven't said anything to her. She's going through enough." She looked at him intently. "Will you promise me you'll be her friend?" He smiled. "That's an easy one. I'd die for her." She shook her head. "The two of you are some team. I think you'll keep each other alive." He looked down. "She'll be gone soon. We won't be a team anymore." "If you'd take my suggestion to heart--" She smiled at the look he shot her. "My mother always told me I never knew when to stop pushing." "She was right." He smiled though, knew she only had Chris's best interest at heart. There was a soft knock on the door. Kirk turned to see who it was. Silver stood at the door. "If this is a bad time?" Emma held out her hand, her features softening. "Kevin. Of course not. Come in." Kirk stood up. "I'll leave you two alone." He smiled down at Emma. "I need to check on Chris." She nodded. "Yes, you do that." She sighed. "Take care of her for me? Don't let her go back to the dark place." He wasn't sure he was the best one to keep her out of any dark places, but he nodded solemnly. He'd keep her from succumbing to the crushing despair, or he'd follow her down into whatever black place she wanted to call home. And he'd stay with her until she was ready to walk out again--on her own. End part 6 of 7 -- Stephen Ratliff ASC Awards Tech Support http://www.trekiverse.us/ASCAwards/commenting/ No Tribbles were harmed in the running of these Awards ASCL is a stories-only list, no discussion. Comments and feedback should be directed to alt.startrek .creative or directly to the author. Yahoo! Groups Links To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCL/ To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: ASCL-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/ From ???@??? Thu Apr 01 00:36:48 2004 X-Persona: Status: U Return-Path: Received: from n2.grp.scd.yahoo.com ([66.218.66.75]) by tanager (EarthLink SMTP Server) with SMTP id 1b8USj2uD3NZFmQ2 for ; Wed, 31 Mar 2004 21:36:23 -0800 (PST) X-eGroups-Return: sentto-1977044-13354-1080797782-stephenbratliffasc=earthlink.net@returns.groups.yah