Received: from [66.218.66.30] by n42.grp.scd.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 05 Jun 2004 21:33:39 -0000 X-Sender: stephen@trekiverse.org X-Apparently-To: ascl@yahoogroups.com Received: (qmail 84015 invoked from network); 5 Jun 2004 21:33:39 -0000 Received: from unknown (66.218.66.167) by m24.grp.scd.yahoo.com with QMQP; 5 Jun 2004 21:33:39 -0000 Received: from unknown (HELO avocet.mail.pas.earthlink.net) (207.217.120.50) by mta6.grp.scd.yahoo.com with SMTP; 5 Jun 2004 21:33:39 -0000 Received: from sdn-ap-028dcwashp0390.dialsprint.net ([65.177.97.136]) by avocet.mail.pas.earthlink.net with smtp (Exim 3.33 #1) id 1BWimt-0006s5-00 for ascl@yahoogroups.com; Sat, 05 Jun 2004 14:33:11 -0700 To: ascl@yahoogroups.com Organization: Alt.StarTrek.Creative Virtual Staff Office Message-ID: X-Mailer: Forte Agent 1.92/32.572 X-eGroups-Remote-IP: 207.217.120.50 X-eGroups-From: Stephen From: Stephen X-Yahoo-Profile: oldmanasc MIME-Version: 1.0 Mailing-List: list ASCL@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCL-owner@yahoogroups.com Delivered-To: mailing list ASCL@yahoogroups.com Precedence: bulk List-Unsubscribe: Date: Sat, 05 Jun 2004 17:32:04 -0400 Subject: [ASC] NEW TOS Doctor [R] 1/5 K/Ch, ChFF Reply-To: ASCL-owner@yahoogroups.com Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-ELNK-AV: 0 Forwarded by the ASC-VSO Posted: 1 Jun 2004 17:19:27 -0700 In: alt.startrek.creative From: djinn@djinnslair.com (Djinn) TITLE: Doctor AUTHOR: Djinn CONTACT: djinn@djinnslair.com http://www.djinnslair.com SERIES: TOS RATING: R CODES: K/Ch, Chapel Fic Fest PART: 1/5 DISCLAIMERS: Paramount and Viacom own these characters--I'm just warping canon. SUMMARY: Sequel to "Nurse." The continuing look at Chapel through the Christine looks up from her desk as a nurse comes in. "Excuse me, Doctor Chapel. I know you're off duty, but there is an admiral here, and you know how they hate waiting." Christine smiles. She can almost guarantee which admiral it is by the star struck look in the young woman's eyes. "Which room?" "I put him in five." She gets up; her research can wait. It always does. She could have gone into the quiet research life full-time but she's chosen to specialize in emergency medicine. She's invested too much time on a ship's sickbay--on _the_ ship's sickbay--to give it up now. She grabs the padd from the shelf outside room five, knocks as is customary, hears the soft, "Come." She pushes for entry, the door sliding open soundlessly. The techs must have been by. It was squeaking earlier in the week. She can feel her smile grow as she sees Jim sitting on the exam table. "My favorite patient." She looks at the padd, shakes her head. "What is this? Your fourth dislocated shoulder in as many weeks?" She moves closer, tries to ignore the way her heart rate speeds up. He always has this effect on her. She believes he always will. She knows that if she took his pulse, it would be faster than normal. They both want each other. Some things don't change. No matter how much fate says it just won't happen. "Rock climbing again?" she asks softly as she begins to scan his back and chest. He has bruised a rib this time too. "I'm working up to El Capitan." "Jim." She shakes her head. "I'll never understand the mentality of a thrill seeker." He just grins, the recalcitrant, slightly wicked grin that he is famous for. She studies his face, sees the grin fade. There is a darker emotion at work here. "Everything okay other than falling off mountains?" He shrugs, then grimaces as the movement causes pain. "Sure. Why wouldn't it be?" "Because I know how you look when things are good. And it's not like this." She smiles up at him. It's slightly unfair to trade on the attraction between them to pull confessions from him. But she does it all the time and he seems to expect it. Besides, she learned a long time ago from watching McCoy that it was fair to use whatever approach works to get a captain to open up. It was for the good of the ship--and of the man. She's already trying to figure out what approach will work best with Decker. She doesn't anticipate it being pure lust and love denied for years now. Not the way she uses it with Jim. At least she hopes to hell it won't be that. And if it is, Joe might have something to say about it. He didn't finagle a spot in Engineering on the Enterprise just to watch her flirt with the captain. "You still with Joe?" Jim asks as if he can read her mind. But she knows that he is just trying to divert her from his own situation. "Yep." She smiles softly, trying to show him that things are good with her beau, but that she won't be put off from her own exploratory voyage. "So about you? How's Lori?" He grimaces. "That good?" She moves around, admires his back as she works on the injury. Getting older isn't hurting his looks in any way. If anything, he's more attractive to her. "I thought you two were doing all right?" "You and me both." His laugh is bitter. She lets her hand rest on his uninjured arm, squeezes gently. "I'm sorry." "I know." He sighs. "Term marriages are for the birds." She laughs. "Why's that, oh wise one?" She moves around to the front, figures it's important to see his face for this part. "I think I'd almost prefer getting a divorce. At least, I'd know there was some effort on her part to end it. But this...the year's up and she just slides away. I looked up last month and poof it was over and she was gone and I still don't know why." He shakes his head. "The hell of it is that I was happy." His face is confused and hurt. Like a little boy who has had his favorite toy pulled away and doesn't understand what he did to deserve such punishment. She isn't sure what to say, so she settles for stroking his cheek. It's not the recommended doctor-patient interaction, but their relationship isn't really covered in the manuals. "I love her." He uses his good arm to pull her in close, for a hug. He's in need of closeness, and she doesn't mind obliging. She is heartily glad that this man won't be her captain. Joe would never understand their relationship. "I'm so sorry, Jim." They stay like that for a long moment. She feels his lips on her hair, hears him whisper, "I love you, Chris," and knows it covers so much more than the physical. She seems to be the one who hears his heartache, who knows his secrets. Ever since Spock and Len went away, she is the only one left for him. "I love you too, Jim." She kisses his cheek, then pulls away, goes back to her job. Healing him. His body anyway. His heart is up to him. --------------------- The pre-launch party is in full swing. The brass have even descended en masse. Christine looks around the room, feels Joe's hand on her shoulder tighten. She looks up at him--glad that she can do that with him. He's so tall, so strong. And so good to her. She loves him. She is happy with him. She is glad that he will be with her on the Enterprise. She does not dwell on the fact that she loved someone else first. That she still does. It is not important. Life is complicated and the heart is able to hold many people--and many loves. There are those who touch your life fleetingly, popping in and out and making your heart race each time they do. And then there are those who actually land. Who take up residence. Joe has done that. Jim might have done that. But it wasn't their time. They walked away from each other for all the right reasons. She suspects they always will. "Lots of people," Joe says quietly. He doesn't like crowds. Prefers to stay in with her than have to fight his way through this many people. But she knows he is proud of her, loves to be seen with her. He tells her so, every time they go out. How much he loves her, how much he values her. He is the opposite of Roger. Roger let her swim in his wake. He held her in tight orbit with charisma and sex and the heady feeling of belonging to a man who was larger than life. Joe lets her swim any way she wants. Sometimes he follows her, sometimes she follows him. He doesn't have the kind of ego that needs an acolyte. He just wants a lover he can trust and devote himself to. She's never had anyone who wanted to devote himself to her. It's a little scary. But in a good way. She can be sure of him. For the first time in her life, she can be sure of the man who loves her. She suspects she is doing a disservice to Jim by including him in those who can't be trusted. She remembers Len's words, has seen enough on her own to know that Jim Kirk is anything but a prowling tomcat. It shocks her more than a little that he doesn't have better luck in love. It tells her that he's more like her than like Roger. But she shies away from that revelation. It makes it too hard to justify why she stays away. Except that she doesn't have to justify it. She's with Joe now. Has been for a year. She's not looking, and Jim knows that. She is very glad Joe is not telepathic. Her mental thought processes are crazy enough for her to deal with, let alone someone who just wants to be sure of her too. She sees Jim standing by the bar and looks out of habit for Lori. She is not there. She is gone. They seemed happy to Christine. She wonders what went wrong. Or maybe nothing did. Maybe there just wasn't enough right for Lori to want to continue it. Not a slap at Jim, just not a glowing endorsement either. But why does it have to be his fault? Lori might be a raving lunatic for all Christine knows. She only ever saw her at these kinds of functions, and Lori always seemed to bristle whenever Christine came near Jim. What if Lori didn't want to renew the marriage because she knew her husband was in love with someone else? Christine glances up at Joe. He smiles down at her, his expression open and happy. He loves her. He doesn't need to know that Jim loves her too. He's happier not knowing. It's how Christine justifies the lie of omission. Why wake up that sleeping dog when it will probably just wake up angry and bite the person stupid enough to rouse it? For now, her biggest problem is how to navigate past the mob near the bar so she can get a glass of wine. Eventually, they work the room enough to end up in Jim's orbit. Joe's never served with him but he is a fan. He smiles, his approval clear in the way he nods as Jim talks. Jim only knows about Joe because Christine has told him. She has told her non-lover far more about her lover than she probably should. But they confide in each other. Secrets are all they have left to give. She drains her drink; Joe notices and goes to the bar for a refill. He does not appear to see how obvious the ploy is, but she knows Jim does. He smiles slightly. "Wanted some alone time with me, Chris?" She shrugs. "Maybe. You'll be out of reach soon enough." "Or you will be." His smile is half sad for him--for them--and half happy for her. He's proud of her. He's proud of how far she's come. He's told her so again and again. She loves him for it. She loves him for so many things. "He's coming back now." He grins. "If I drain mine, do you think he'll leave again?" She shakes her head. "Didn't think so." The twinkle in his eyes, tells her that he is kidding. Mostly. Joe hands her a fresh drink. "Decker's here," he says, pointing with his chin to the door, where their new captain stands. "We should say hi." She nods. They should say hi. But she would rather stand here saying goodbye. Jim takes pity on them. "I'll let you get to that." He wanders away, and she feels half her heart go with him. She reels it back in sternly. Loving Jim is fine. Being a fool about it is not. ------------------ Joe is ranting. Pacing her quarters, which are bigger than his. Nearly pacing up the walls as he raves about the injustice of Jim's maneuver. He's stolen the ship from Decker. She wants to laugh; it's such a typical move on Jim's part. She also wants to tell Joe that their chances for surviving the mission have just risen astronomically. She knows Nyota told the bridge crew the same thing. She says nothing. Just lets Joe rant on. She wonders though how her lover can be such a Kirk fan and not expect exactly this kind of behavior. Jim never gives up, never accepts defeat. And his ship is everything to him. Why does that seem to be such a surprise to Joe? Finally, she's had enough of words that are becoming more vitriolic. "This thing we're running out to meet, Joe. It's lethal. I'd rather be with a tested captain." "Tested? Try old. Try out of practice. You know how long it's been since he was in space." "And Decker's been on this ship, supervising refits. How is that any different?" She and Joe never fight. They are fighting now. "He replaced you with McCoy." "He needed his own CMO back. I'm fine with the demotion." "I'd expect you to take his side." "I'm not taking sides. I'm just saying that the brass may have had a reason for doing this. A good reason." Joe moves closer; there is some strange hurt showing on his face. "I thought you liked Decker." "I do. But he's not James T. Kirk." "But then who is?" He stares down at her. She realizes she is on very shaky ground. "No one. That's why he's a legend." "Is that what he is to you?" "What else would he be?" Jim once told her she was clever answering a question with a question. She hopes it works here. It doesn't. Joe just stares down at her, and as she looks up at him she sees something in his expression shift, move away, run screaming out of the room. She has a sneaking suspicion it is his trust. He no longer trusts her. And the thought hurts more than she ever expected. "Joe." She takes his hand, afraid that if she doesn't contain him physically, he'll run. "What are you saying?" Her voice breaks, and it isn't on purpose. Pain wells up as she watches him shutting down on her. "I've seen the way you light up when you talk to him. I don't know if that's worse or knowing he lights up just as much when he talks to you." "I like the man. I can't help that." She smiles, tries to make it into a silly thing to be shared. Not a problem. This is not a problem. "It was okay before. Because I knew we were going to be here, and he was going to be on Earth. But now?" "Joe. This is a temporary assignment for him. My demotion was flagged as temporary." "We both know that temporary can turn into permanent real fast." He laughs. It is bitter, a sound she rarely hears from him. "And possession is at least nine-tenths of the law." "Well, if that's the case, don't you have the upper hand, fella?" She grins at him, moves closer. "If you're so worried about me, maybe you should look at who I spend my time with. Because that would be you. You possess me." "No, I don't." His words are sad. But something in his tone seems mollified. She hugs him, kisses his neck. She loves him. She does. He has to accept that. "Do you love him?" he asks. "Everybody who's served with him loves him, Joe. I'm with you. I'm in love with you." It's not a lie. She's worded it carefully enough that it's not a lie. She's not a bad person for that. She's just trying to hold onto something good, something real. And Jim's presence on the ship is temporary. She knows it. Joe would know it if he let himself calm down enough to think straight. And Jim knows it. The only future she sees is one with Joe, and she'll almost lie--or probably even outright lie--if it means saving that. ----------------------- The landing party is a large one. Joe looks at her, then over at Jim and Spock. She thought his jealousy was bad when he was just worried about Jim. Now that Spock has decided to stay on the ship too, the suspicion is getting out of hand. Which is ludicrous. Spock is more open, yes--with Jim, with Len, hell, even with the bridge crew. But he is in no way inviting Christine in. And that's fine with her. She's over him. Has been over him for a long time. Quite possibly since she fell even harder for his captain. She decides to ignore everything but her tricorder. She wanders off from Joe and the others. The planet is beautiful. She will enjoy it. She does enjoy it. Until Spock decides to make like a housecat that seeks out the one person who isn't calling him or making eye contact. "Doctor Chapel." She doesn't turn. Maybe he will go away. She has no doubt that Joe is watching the interaction carefully. She wonders if Jim is too. "Doctor?" She turns. If she doesn't respond, he'll probably make her go in for hearing tests. "Yes?" She adjusts her tricorder as she answers. Hopefully he will see she is engrossed and wander back off. "I have not had a chance to congratulate you on your M.D." Which is not true. He has had ample opportunities. Just probably no desire. "Thank you." "Are you enjoying being a doctor?" She cannot believe Spock has wandered over just to shoot the shit. "Yes, I am. Did you need something, Commander?" He looks puzzled. "I do. But I assumed small talk would be appreciated. It is customary, is it not?" "Not from you." She loops the tricorder strap over her wrist, lets the machine dangle. "What do you need?" "Would you scan the density and types of insect life on this planet? The colonists will be primarily farmers. It will be helpful for them to know which of the insects are beneficial and which are not, especially when designing response systems." "Sure. That's it?" He nods. "I am occupied with the soil samples. And the other members of my team are working on the geology and fauna catalogs." She waves him away. "Say no more. I'll be entomologist girl for the day." "Thank you, Doctor." He wanders off. She begins the scans, glad to have something to do. As the Medical rep, her real duty is to be on call for a medical emergency. But she almost always ends up helping with the research. It's just her way. Just as it's Len's way to hang out with Jim and enjoy a walk on a nice new planet. It bugs her more than she will admit, even to Joe. But it's been Len's way for as long as she has known him. It just bothered her less when she was a nurse than now, when she is one of the ones picking up the slack for him. She looks down. He's a famous doctor. And her boss again. CMO of the flagship. Is she just envious or resentful that she isn't CMO? Or is she right in thinking that Len sure finds a whole lot of creative ways to not be in sickbay? And does it matter? It's the way it is. Bitching about it won't change things. Besides, who would she bitch to? She's the deputy. No one else in medical to complain to. And she'd never take it to Jim or Spock. Probably, if she weren't so on edge because of Joe, Len's behavior wouldn't bother her. She notices Joe is working his way closer. She sighs. Feels like walking in any other direction but has to finish the scan she just started. Jim, at least, leaves her alone on the landing parties. He's smart that way. Plus she warned him that Joe isn't as kindly disposed toward their friendship as she once thought. They still share secrets, she and Jim. It's still the only thing they can share. ---------------------------- "You're going to be fine," she says as she pats the child's arm. The boy smiles up at her. His face is now mercifully free of red welts, and his fever has fallen. Christine looks out over the makeshift quarantine ward, at the cots full of people even now recovering from the deadly virus. So many people who might have died if the Enterprise hadn't been in the area. She looks back at the boy. He's her favorite patient but then she's always been a sucker for brave children. There's something so noble--and unbearably tragic--in a kid who knows how to suck up pain. She runs her hand down his cheek, smiles tenderly. "Go to sleep. You need to rest." He closes his eyes. She waits until his breathing changes before she leaves him. Walking to the opening of the enclosure, she goes through the first biofield and peels off her gown, mask, and gloves, throwing them into the disintegrator. She walks through the second biofield, feels the snap-zap as it kills any remaining germs on her shoes and clothes. A nurse passes her, heading back in after sleeping for a while. Another one comes out of the showers and goes into the sleeping tent. Jim looks up from where he is sitting with Len at the break table and smiles at her. She grabs a cup of coffee and joins them. Len pushes himself wearily out of his chair as she sits. He dumps out his coffee and goes back into the enclosure. They've been taking turns on the ward. The rest of the doctors and nurses from the ship are working at other hotspots across the southern continent. They were lucky; they managed to contain the virus before it spread to the other landmasses. That would have been catastrophic, beyond their means to help. Jim hands her a nutrition bar. "Eat." She pushes it away. "I'm not hungry." He pushes it back at her. "Eat it anyway." She gives up arguing, tears into the bag and takes a bite of the synthesized protein and carbs. As ever, it tastes like shit. She frowns, looks for the recycling bucket. "Take another bite," he says, watching her. "Do you always know what I'm thinking?" He just smiles. She takes another bite. "He's going to be okay?" Jim was in the ward as soon as they realized the epidemic was cooling down and that he wasn't needed to argue anymore with the local politicos. He went against Len's and her advice and visited the patients, spending the most time with the children. It had been a risky thing to do, but so like him. And he was careful. He followed all the precautions. Except the one that said that the captain of the flagship probably shouldn't be reading bedtime stories in a biohazard area. She nods. "He's a great kid." "He reminds me of my son. Or at least what I think my son might have been like." He told her the story of his son while they were both on Earth. It was one of the secrets they traded. She shared with him that she had known all along who Andrea was modeled on. He was angry with Roger for her. She was angry with Carol Marcus for him. It was a fair trade. "Do you ever wish you'd made a different decision?" she asks. He thinks about that. She loves that he does that--thinks about things before answering. "I do. Or maybe I just wish I could have. Because I'm not sure it's in my nature to choose a different path." He smiles at her. "But then you know what that's like, don't you, Doctor?" He puts emphasis on her title, but in a nice way. They both know what she gave up to earn that title. What they both gave up. "I know." "Do you regret it?" he asks. "No." Their eyes meet. "And yes." He smiles, a bittersweet smile. He knows what she is saying. "Do you ever think about having kids?" She nods. She's been thinking about it more since dealing with that one adorable sick boy in particular. "You'd be a good mom." "You'd be a good dad." The smile they share is sad. Then the smile fades from his face and he is looking at her hungrily. She can feel that she is wearing the same look. It doesn't help that Joe hasn't come down the entire time. He's not afraid of much, but deadly diseases appear to scare him silly. Jim hasn't missed a day. Then again, Jim knows Joe won't set foot on the planet. He knows he can have her if he just shows up. Have being a relative term. Although she's so tired right now and so relieved that the worst of the epidemic appears to be over, that she's almost in the mood to grab his hand and drag him off to the nearest group of thick bushes. "What are you thinking?" He looks amused. "A very bad thing." She looks down. "I like bad things." He reaches over, touches her hand, squeezes her fingers. Then he stands up. "I better get back to the ship." She looks up at him. "You're a good man. Even if you do like bad things." He grins, but it doesn't really reach his eyes. "You're not mine." "No. I know." She looks down then. "If I ever do anything that makes it too hard, you'll tell me?" "I will. It's a fine line. Being friends...not being more. I care for you as a friend too." She looks up, smiles at the tender look he's giving her. "I know. Same here." "Get some rest." "I will," she says. "And finish that bar." He laughs at her expression. "I know you plan to drop it in the nearest recycler as soon as I'm gone. Promise me you'll eat before you sleep." "Technically, that's not the healthiest thing to do." "Chris." She smiles. As always, arguing with him is a futile process. "I promise." He accepts her promise with a smile, turns and walks to the beam-out spot. She doesn't head for the sleeping tent until he is out of sight. ------------------ "Hold him down," she yells at the nurse, trying desperately to keep Jim on the biobed. Len runs back with the hypo full of antiseizure meds. She has never been more afraid. Not even when she and Jim were dying on the shuttle. She wasn't afraid at all then. Because she was going with him. And because she wasn't in love with him then. Now she feels as if half of her world is lying on the biobed, bleeding to death from the strange weapon that the rebels on Cadmius IV bought from the Klingons. The weapon that the rebels decided to test fire on the man she loves. Len shoots him with the hypo, and Jim finally relaxes. "Let's get him into surgery," Len says gently. She meets his eyes, realizes he knows exactly what she feels for their captain. She helps him transfer Jim to the surgical gurney. They wheel him into the operating area together and they operate together, not needing words except to tell the scrub nurse what instruments they want next. As Len closes, she goes out and makes sure the biobed has been set up the way they need. She resets the antibacterial fields. The nurse shoots her a glance, but Christine ignores her. This isn't a normal patient, for either Len or her. This is Jim. Nothing can go wrong. She sits by his bed as he sleeps. Len brings her a cup of coffee, and she drinks it slowly. He stands by the bed, looking down at Jim. "We almost lost him, Christine." She nods, unwilling to give the words reality by speaking them out loud. She is more superstitious than McCoy. Len looks over at her. "Do you love Joe?" She nods. Unwilling to give those words voice either. But for a totally different reason. "More than you do Jim?" She looks away. This is not fair. Not now. Not when they almost lost him. Not when she'd give everything she has just to make sure he is not in pain, that he will wake up again. That he will know them when he does. "Christine?" She shrugs. What does he want her to say? That she is with one man when she loves another? How many people can't say that to some extent? It is a cop out, but it is her cop out. She's perfected it during many late nights when Joe sleeps happily next to her and she is staring at the viewport and wondering if Jim is staring at the stars too. She loves Joe. She does. She just loves Jim more. Len gives up and walks back to his office. She sits by Jim's bed, watches as nurses come and change fluids and check the readings. She could do it for them, knows their job probably better than they do. But she hated it when doctors did that to her. So she just sits, watching Jim sleep. The nurses don't ask her why she's there. She thinks they must know why she's there; nurses miss nothing. And the one looking at her with such compassion saw how often Jim came down to see her during the quarantine. Besides, even McCoy isn't sitting by Jim's bed without moving. Even Spock only comes in and checks on his friend, then goes away again. She is the only one who won't be moved. That level of devotion usually only means one thing. "Christine?" Joe is at the door. He hates coming into sickbay--that germ thing. She wonders why he was interested in a doctor if he dislikes sick people so much. "Christine," he says again. He never calls her Chris. He tried shortening her name once; she told him she didn't like it. It wasn't a lie. She doesn't like it--not from him. Only Jim calls her Chris. She wonders if he'll ever call her that again. Joe moves a few feet into sickbay, which is a huge concession for him. He doesn't even like to come in for his physicals. He motions for her to come to him. She doesn't want to leave Jim. If she doesn't leave Jim, she'll lose her lover. She's almost too tired to care. Len comes out, moves to her chair, hauls her out of it. "I'll call you if he comes to. You can use my office." She looks at him. There is no censure in his eyes. "Do it fast," he says. As if whatever he expects her to do is a surgical procedure. Or a mercy killing. She nods. Maybe it is a mercy killing. She walks to Len's office, motions for Joe to join her. "I waited up," he says. "Jim's been hurt." "And there's a lot of other people in sickbay who could take care of him. Including one of his best friends." She is angry but it is a remote anger. She is too tired to expend energy on a fight. Not when she may need it later for Jim. "I'm one of his best friends too." This seems to be a revelation to Joe. "Since when?" She can feel her face shutting down, her eyes are probably cold. Certainly her voice is. "For a long time. Longer than us, Joe." "Really?" Now his voice is cold. She nods. "Why did you come down here?" "To bring you home." She looks out at the biobed, smiles sadly. "I am home." Then she looks up at him. He is angry and she doesn't blame him. "You and him? How long?" "It's not like that. I never cheated on you." Is that true, though? She loves another man and didn't tell him. She let him think that he was the most important person in her life. She let him think he could trust her. She looks up at him, tries to put some warmth back in her expression. "I'm sorry." "So am I." He looks like he hates her. She feels regret, even guilt. But at the same time she only wants to be in that chair by that bed by the man who she is not sure will ever open his eyes again. She is throwing away love to sit by a bed and hope. And there is no other choice she can make. "I'm sorry, Joe." And then she does the kindest thing. She makes it quick. "Goodbye." Len knew all along what she would do. Len knows her too well. Joe never knew her at all. Not the real her. She doesn't wait to hear his goodbye. End part 1 of 5 -- Forwarded to ASCL by: Stephen Ratliff ASC Stories Only Forwarding In the Pattern Buffer at: http//trekiverse.crosswinds.net/feed/ ASCL is a stories-only list, no discussion. Comments and feedback should be directed to alt.startrek.creative or directly to the author. Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCL/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: ASCL-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/ From ???@??? Sat Jun 05 17:36:18 2004 X-Persona: Status: U Return-Path: Received: from n34.grp.scd.yahoo.com ([66.218.66.102]) by bunting (EarthLink SMTP Server) with SMTP id 1bwIN62gN3NZFmR0 for ; Sat, 5 Jun 2004 14:33:23 -0700 (PDT) X-eGroups-Return: sentto-1977044-13652-1086471203-stephenbratliffasc=earthlink.net@returns.groups.yahoo.com