Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.pas.earthlink.net!elnk-nf2-pas!newsfeed.earthlink.net!newshub.sdsu.edu!headwall.stanford.edu!newsfeed.stanford.edu!sn-xit-03!sn-xit-08!sn-post-01!supernews.com!corp.supernews.com!not-for-mail From: billfl@hiwaay.net (Bill Livingston) Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative Subject: NEW ALL: "Five and a Half Things That Never Happened on Star Trek" (1/6) (PG) Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 05:40:51 GMT Organization: Almost None Message-ID: <41fdc24a.5703834@newstoo.hiwaay.net> X-Newsreader: Forte Free Agent 1.11/16.235 X-Complaints-To: abuse@supernews.com Lines: 160 Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative:162181 X-Received-Date: Sun, 30 Jan 2005 21:42:47 PST (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net) Title: Fair Play Series: Five and a Half Things That Never Happened on Star Trek Part: 1/1 (Story), 1/6 (Series) Author: Bill Livingston (billfl@hiwaay.net) Series: TOS Rating: [PG] Codes: K, U Summary: A conversation in the mess hall Note the first: As you may have guessed, this is inspired in part by Rocky's "5 Things That Never Happened to Kira Nerys". I asked her if I could borrow the premise, who was nice enough not only to say yes, but to point out that it's been used before. Thanks, Rocky. Note the second: There's going to be one of these for each series, plus one more (hence the "half"). Archive: OK anywhere, as long as title and authorship remain unchanged. Any MSTers welcome, just let me know. 8-] Disclaimer: "Star Trek" and all related characters and situations are trademarks of and © Desilu/Paramount/Viacom. All rights are reserved. Feedback in ASC and by email is welcome. If you liked it, please let me know. If not, please let me know. In either case, please let me know *why*. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- FAIR PLAY By Bill Livingston "Hello, Captain." "Lt. Uhura." "May I join you?" Kirk waved a forkful of fish at the opposite chair. "If you like." Uhura smiled and slipped into the seat. "How are you holding up, si- uh, Captain?" Kirk smiled faintly. "You can still call me 'sir', Uhura. That doesn't bother me. And I'm holding up fine, thanks." "If there's anything I can do to help you - you know, adjust..." The captain laughed shortly. "I appreciate the offer, Uhura. And don't be surprised if I take you up on it." "I'd be honored - sir." She examined her captain critically, then smiled. "I see you're breaking the official fleet dress code." "Excuse me?" "You're wearing pants." Kirk frowned. "You're damn right I am. I'm not walking around with a draft shooting up my butt all day." "Now you know how the rest of us feel most of the time." Kirk looked startled, then grinned sheepishly. "I guess I do. I never realized before that those skirts were so inconvenient - and embarrassing." Uhura smiled. "I bet the things were designed by some lecherous old admiral in the Quartermaster division." Kirk snorted. "Actually, I hear were designed by a lecherous young ensign. But the admirals liked them so much, they stuck with it." "And *you* reaped the benefits," Uhura said with a smile that still didn't quite remove the sting of the accusation. "Yes, well..." Kirk began. "I, um, I guess you're right, Lieutenant." "I *know* I'm right!" she said triumphantly. Then, remembering who she was addressing, she hastily added, "Sir!" The captain waved a hand which still seemed impossibly small and delicate. "It's all right, Uhura - permission to speak freely at dinnertime. I've been thinking about it since - well, since this happened. I'm not going to pretend that it wasn't satisfying on some level to have the female members of the crew parading around half-dressed. I'm man enough," Kirk added with a smile at the irony of the phrase, "To admit that it gave my libido a boost." "Like your ever needed it," Uhura said. "Yeah, well - anyway. And honestly, I never thought it was that much of an inconvenience - I mean, it was just a uniform. Now - well, now I know better." "I just wish it hadn't taken something like this to make you realize it," Uhura said sadly. "Me, too," Kirk said, suddenly somber. Unbidden, Kirk's mind flashed to the horrifying scene in the brig that would haunt the captain forevermore. Kirk had been struggling, with Spock's help, to regain control of his body before the final, desperate, illegal, insane order for execution could be carried out. It was a battle he had been on the verge of winning. But the enemy had realized that, as well. And with a last sneer of contempt, a phaser, snatched from the hands of a stunned Dr. Coleman, had ended the madness forever - and carried with it the body of Captain James T. Kirk. The silence hung over the meal palpably. Finally, Uhura asked, "I don't know if I've said it, Captain, but I'm - we're all glad to have you back. We were worried Command was going to retire or discharge you." Captain Kirk chuckled. "I admit it was touch and go there for a while, but I was finally able to convince them that a little thing like being stuck in a completely different body was no deterrent to running this ship. At least," the captain added wryly, "After I'd been recertified fit to command." "Are you sure you're - readjusted?" Uhura asked softly. "I think so," Kirk said. That "readjustment" had involved several months of therapy, both physical and emotional, but James Kirk had finally adjusted to the fact that for the rest of his life - which was now, in fact, *her* life - the face staring back from the mirror would be one he'd grown to despise. "You know, it's actually easier facing down someone like Koloth or Kang in this condition. Although," she smiled with a faint grin, "Being propositioned by Harcourt Fenton Mudd is something I didn't particularly enjoy. It's more difficult to deal with people I've known forever - the crew here, other StarFleeters like Bob Wesley - my mom." That particular call home had been neither easy not pleasant. "But it's hardest when - when it's just me. Every night, when I roll over in bed, or get up to use the head, it hits me all over again. And every morning I look in the mirror, and there's Janice Lester's face looking back at me, and I know it's the face I'm going to see there for the rest of my life. Every damn morning, I get to wake up in the body of the woman who, in essence, murdered me." She sighed, head drooping. "It's not exactly the sort of possibility they mention in command school." Uhura placed a sympathetic, almost sisterly hand over Kirk's. "Captain - Jim, I... Look, this may be completely out of line, but... when I said I'd do whatever I could to help you adjust, I meant it! If you ever need to talk about this - about *anything* - you know where my cabin is." Kirk was deeply moved. Since resuming command, she'd found herself still much too self-conscious about the changes to open up to either Spock or McCoy the way she had previously. "Thank - thank you, Uhura. Nyota." The captain glanced up, and there was a spark of her old devil-may-care attitude in her eyes. "But what would people think?" Uhura answer came with a reciprocating twinkle. "Why, they'll just assume it's girl talk." The captain started - then burst out laughing. Heads around the commissary turned, many of them looking relieved - James Kirk had rarely laughed since returning to command of the Enterprise. "I think you may have yourself a deal, lieutenant. Look for me about 2100 - oh, and one other thing." "Sir?" "Before you return to duty, go back to your cabin and put on a damn pair of pants." "Aye sir!" END NewMessage: