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From: gojirob@aol.comendspam (Rob Morris)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Date: 11 Oct 2004 01:53:29 GMT
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com
Subject: REP Herbert,Orson&Neelix(Voy Halloween)PG,1/1(War Of The Worlds)
Message-ID: <20041010215329.11669.00001706@mb-m15.aol.com>
Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative:161042
X-Received-Date: Sun, 10 Oct 2004 18:54:20 PDT (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net)


Title : Herbert, Orson & Neelix

Author : Rob Morris 

Contact : gojirob@aol.comendspam

Archive : www.southroad.com/brightfame 

Series : Voyager

Type : Halloween Story

Based On : Orson Welles infamous 1938 Radio Play of HG Wells novel, 'The War Of
The Worlds', and the public reaction to it

Characters : Standard Voy Mid-S7 Crew

Part : 1/1

Rating : PG

Summary : Has Voyager been invaded yet again? Better turn down the lights, turn
---
Herbert, Orson, & Neelix 
by Rob Morris 

His daily report was suffering in terms of viewership, and so Neelix sought out
advice. 

Tuvok. "End it." 

Captain Janeway. "Are you still doing that silly thing?" 

Samantha Wildman. "Put me on it. People don't even seem to know I'm here." 

Naomi. "Needs....Monsters. Monsters are great." 

Seven. "No. Not even once. My time is far too valuable." 

The Doctor. "I have a cockroach study that.....Neelix?" 

Harry. "Neelix, if I don't fix this viewer problem, we're gonna be back in the
days of The Romulan War, Comm-wise." 

Chakotay. "Its too sanitized for me. My people believed in stories so long, you
might not live to hear the ending told." 

Tom. "I usually close my eyes and imagine a Hirogen is just behind you,
onscreen. No offense intended." 

Belanna. "I hate news. I hate stories. My maternal grandmother believed in
raging Klingon campfires, and tales of viscera thrown into the flames. Scared
the hell out of me." 

With Icheb the only one willing to aid him, Neelix planned and plotted. "I
suppose we could do an audio-only feed, with the viewers offline." 

Icheb shook his head. "Inadvisable. I have observed an all-around increase in
blood pressure, when another ship can be reached by audio only. The crew would
seem to associate this with impending disaster." 

Neelix nodded. "Well, of course. When you can't see something, naturally you
tend to...." 

Then came the idea. 

Three hours later, Icheb stared at the odd collection of pots, scrapers,
sealers, and wrenches. "If we wish to reproduce certain sound effects, then why
not merely use a holo-emitter to create those creatures and objects?" 

Neelix brushed him off. "Because people know what those things are supposed to
sound like. But if we weaken our audio feed just a bit, the interference will
make our fakes sound more like the real thing than the real thing." 

Icheb raised an eyebrow. "The power of suggestion. I am familiar with its
effects." 

So it was that the odd arrangement went forward, and Neelix prepared to begin a
late broadcast. 
"First, let me say, that this is a dramatic presentation only. I'm
interspersing this story with my regular topics, in hopes that you stay tuned."


Meanwhile, twin events conspired against Neelix's plan. One was Tom Paris's
talk about Past Popular Culture.  "Now this ventriloquist's dummy, named
Charlie McCarthy, was low-tech, even when it was new. But its creator, Edgar
Bergen, managed to invest him with a personality. We---would probably never
understand it. But when the sun went down during The First Great Depression,
Radio was these peoples' world. The subjective reality the great ones put
together is frankly startling. Every time we tweak our holo-creations, we owe a
debt to those people who did it all by echoed sound. Thanks." 

Tuvok got up, when all was done. "Mister Paris--were there abuses of this
rather limited medium?" 

Tom shrugged. "A maniac named Coughlin would have disagreed with you, Tuvok,
about the limited part. Gossip and hate mongers-- people giving advice who
didn't know how to run their own lives. Yeah--there were abuses. But unlike
today--words alone took people in. When words are all you have---then words
have power." 

Chakotay looked at a PADD full of Tom's findings. "Tom--does this Britt Reid
have an image I can access? This Green Hornet sounds like a good bet for a
Halloween costume. I like the outlaw/secret hero motif, too." 

Janeway smiled, but said nothing at all. 

The second thing working against Neelix was Harry Kim, who backed away from a
now-smoking main viewer.  "Wonderful." 

Seven shook her head. "Your repairs go poorly, I take it?" 

"You could say that again. Until the system reboots in three hours, no one is
going to be talking to anyone, unless they were already on Comm." 

One was.

"This is the Neelix Report, for October 31, 2378. Security has asked me to
inform the crew that the strange scraping noises we've been hearing are not to
be feared...." 

Captain Janeway and many of the others tuned in the broadcast fifteen minutes
after it had begun, owing to Tom's talk. This is what they heard. 

"Noooo! Mister Icheb has just informed me that the scraping sounds are growing
louder and more distinct---I think I'm sighting something!!!!!" At Neelix's
poorly-timed gesture, Icheb scraped up the old pot with the rusty scraper,
minus any lubrication. Across the speakers, it sounded even worse than it did
to its creators.  

"Janeway to Neelix--report! Computer--locate Mister Neelix! COMPUTER!!!" 

Paris looked around, furtively. "Were we just taken out in one shot?" 

"No. We were not. Because who ever came aboard quietly--is leaving noisily.
Chakotay---word of mouth---Red Alert!" 

The Captain and those she trusted best moved forward, weapons drawn. Kathryn
Janeway meant to repel the invaders. "Tom, do we have any audio besides
Neelix's report?" 

"No, Maam. The invaders must have used something to take out all Comm functions
not already in use. Assuming we have a next time, a constant spark might be in
order. Keeps all units active, albeit briefly." 

"Damn. Belanna, Tricorder readings?" 

"They say no one's here besides us, Captain. But given the past, that doesn't
have to mean anything." 

"If its our 'Scientist' friends again, this time I'll fly the ship through a
nova!" 

Chakotay moved to calm his CO. "Doubtful, Captain. Their bugaboo was operating
in secret. No way they'd announce themselves. Thank God for Neelix. If he
hadn't been on, we'd have been taken completely unawares. Tuvok--Neelix has to
be getting his information from somewhere. How do we go about joining him?" 

The Vulcan Security Officer was unusually upset, though only by margins his
friends would be able to take note of. "By climbing straight up through ten
decks. The turbolifts are voice-activated, as well. Captain, I will of course
resign when this crisis is done. This lapse on my part is unforgivable." 

"Later, Tuvok. Like after we reach Earth. Right now, I want to know how much of
my ship these invaders have hold of. Lets hear more of the report." 

In the galley, Neelix directed Icheb to expand and contract several soft-metal
bowls, whose flexible bottoms allowed for easy heating. "That sound you hear is
our unknown attackers pounding at the outer hull. Though decks away, its like
they're right on top of me." 

Icheb then slipped. While he quickly regained his footing, the bowls all fell
beneath him and were crunched by his shifting feet. Both announcer and FX man
stood stunned. Neelix thought quickly, to try and save his show.
"That...horrible---horrible---terrible sound you just heard
was....was....was..." 

Janeway nodded, several decks below. "Yes! What the hell was that?" 

Chakotay was sweating. "In the Badlands--the Cardies used grav-imploders.
Crunched ships like tin cans. But those were small Maquis ships." 

Belanna shook her head. "Another time. Another place. Another ship. Another
uniform. And we're still just intruders that someone has to squash so they can
feel like they're in charge of their oh-so sacred borders." 

Tom held his wife, and gathered his resolve. "Captain--if this ship falls, and
I make it out--I won't be able to uphold my promise to you about the Prime
Directive. I'm gonna find these slimebuckets and interfere like no one's ever
interfered before." 

Janeway gritted her teeth. "Permission to interfere granted, Captain Paris.
Because I'm sick of these glorified immigration officers myself." 

When Neelix couldn't think of what to say, Icheb whispered in his ear. The
Talaxian smiled and nodded. "That sound was the lowermost decks, being
compressed in upon themselves. Oh, The Sentients!" 

Tom put his head against the wall. "Lousy way to die. How long before the decks
collapse beneath us?" 

Janeway steeled herself. "We're not dead yet. Not all of us, anyway." 

Above them, Icheb was becoming creative in the art of sound effects. "Neelix,
observe. I am dragging this magnetized tool across this table. The field causes
it to float. But the sound it makes is quite hollow, and tubular." 

Neelix grinned. It was eerie, indeed. He uncovered the speaker-mike. "Now, I'm
just a poor cook, folks. I have to admit that I have no idea what that sound
might be--and I'm not sure that I want to know." 

Chakotay listened. "It sounds a lot like when you drag a magnetized wrench
across a steel table. They're cutting us open. And not neatly, like the Borg
would, either. Captain, its been an honor." 

Janeway shuddered, for there was nothing she could do while her ship was taken
apart by yet another unseen foe. "Commander, I don't know about the officers
who came out here with me, but I would have served under your Command, gladly,
had the situation been reversed." 

Torres looked at her new husband. "Tom--you may have to fight my mother, when
we reach Stovokahr. She's just that way." 

Paris smiled, very glad he had been smart enough to grab the brass ring. "Every
man dreams of belting his Mother-In-Law. But not too hard. I owe her for making
you." 

Tuvok merely stood silent. Despite two successive bouts with mental collapse,
he determined that he would die a Vulcan. 

The five friends then prepared for Neelix's next words--which never came. Nor
did their deaths. Tuvok checked systems. "Captain--all systems are restored. We
can contact The Bridge." 

Janeway did so. "Harry--what's happening up there?" 

Kim prepared for the worst. "Captain, the CommSystem shorted out for a while.
That in turn generated a field that rendered our badges useless, too. But we're
back on line." 

"What about the lower decks?" 

"I usually don't go there, myself." 

With the lifts working, The Captain and her officers finally emerged in
Neelix's galley. The Talaxian smiled.  "So---how did everyone like the show?
Were the sound effects convincing?" 

-------------------------------------------- 

Since it really hadn't been Neelix's fault, and he had taken precautions, no
charges of any sort were filed. But the panic his report and the poor timing of
those who listened to it had caused was ship-wide. So the Captain went on
speaker, to calm her crew. 

"Seems we've had quite the scare. But all of it was in our own minds, aided by
two clever individuals who know their kitchen equipment rather well, it seems.
So as you wind down from one shift or prepare for another, keep alert as
always. But as for that goblin or shadow---look twice at it, and then twice
again. Just as likely, its not an alien invader---Its Halloween. Good Night."



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