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From: Stephen <stephenbratliffasc@earthlink.net>
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Date: Mon, 31 May 2004 19:31:56 -0400
Subject: [ASC] Memo From Star Fleet Command
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Forwarded by the ASC-VSO 
Posted: Mon, 31 May 2004 17:54:51 GMT  
In: alt.startrek.creative 
From: "Sideshow Bob" <songwrangler@worldnet.att.net> 
 

Memo from Star Fleet Command


 Re:  Casualties


         We at S.F.C. are very concerned about the level of  fatalities
suffered by the crew of Enterprise on her recent mission. In an effort to
stem the rising tide of casualties Star Fleet has formed a task team to
study all aspects of  training, deployment, and combat conditions. As a
result of this study the following recommendations are to be implemented
immediately.

         1)......... It is imperative that in the event of hostile actions
that M*A*C*O* personal be easily identifiable. To facilitate this
identification all M*A*C*O* personal will from this day forward be
outfitted in bright red shirts. It is our hope that the new red shirted
uniform will in some small way diminish the number of causalities.

         2)..........There is no substitute for experience. So in order to
keep the crew sharp, the crew of the Enterprise will allow herself to be
boarded by hostile aliens at least once a year.

         3)..........Set reasonable limits on the amount of explosives
stored under the control panels on the bridge. The weapons station in
particular self-ignites much too frequently in battle conditions.

         4)..........Be they Human, Vulcan, Andoran, or some yet
undiscovered alien humanoid, large shapely breasts are an asset. It is
absolutely imperative to crew moral that at least one ample
chested woman be on the bridge at all times.

         5).........All dangerous away missions are to be staffed only by
the people most essential to the day to day operations of the ship. If
possible it is preferable that the Captain, First Officer, Engineering
Chief, and Communications Officer all participate in unison on said
missions. Ensigns are more than qualified to run the ship in your absence.
Additional personal is allowed only when phasor
fodder is needed. The newly red shirted M*A*C*O*s should excel in this
situation.

         And finally..........And we cannot stress this enough....The
Transporter is not a Toy!! The Vulcan Ambassador was not amused when he was
recently transported directly from his sonic shower to a gay bathhouse in
Fresno.


          Sincerely

          Admiral Brannon Bigglesworth Berman




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