Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!elnk-atl-nf1!newsfeed.earthlink.net!feed1.news.rcn.net!rcn!wns13feed!worldnet.att.net!128.230.129.106!news.maxwell.syr.edu!postnews2.google.com!not-for-mail From: cwinifred@yahoo.com (CWinifred) Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative Subject: DS9 Ezri Story Date: 23 Aug 2004 11:50:37 -0700 Organization: http://groups.google.com Lines: 157 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.198.118.75 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-Trace: posting.google.com 1093287038 22073 127.0.0.1 (23 Aug 2004 18:50:38 GMT) X-Complaints-To: groups-abuse@google.com NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 23 Aug 2004 18:50:38 +0000 (UTC) Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative:160539 X-Received-Date: Mon, 23 Aug 2004 11:50:39 PDT (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net) Needs of the Many by Carolyn Winifred DS 9. Ezri and some free word association rated PG Hands clasped behind her back, Ezri Dax wandered the upper Promenade. The bustling public areas of Deep Space Nine were familiar, and new. She felt at home, and a stranger, inside and out. This had been Jadzia's home, the symbiont Dax's previous host. Ezri personally had never been on the station before. Holding her hands behind her was something Lela had done, Dax's first host. Walking, that was Audrid. Or was it Tobin, when he was nervous, which was usual when he was in a new situation. Not that this was a new situation. Well, it was, but it wasn't. Ezri sighed. Life was like that a lot, now. She had been Starfleet counselor–in–training Ensign Ezri Tigan. A Trill, she had not been interested her species' ability to be joined with a symbiont worm. She thought it was a little gross, actually. Now, through a series of misfortunes, 300 year old Dax was inside her. The rich tapestry that was Dax had fallen to her, and she was smothering under it. Maybe that was why she slept with the covers pulled over her head. She'd never done that before. Simultaneously she was young and old, experienced and inexperienced, a man fighting a receding hairline and a woman with a sagging bosom. She had, after a quick count, nine fingers of parenting experience, and more hobbies than spare time. Ezri Tigan had been overwhelmed by recollections of diplomatic debates, scientific investigations, family crises, love and loss through varied lives. The Symbiosis Commission referred to joining as One with lots of zeros behind it. That was all any sentient life form was, the sum of their experiences. Ezri felt like a zero, with lots of Ones behind her. The first thing she had done was give the Commission a piece of Audrid's mind about joining practices and policies since her time. Audrid Dax had been head of the Trill Symbiosis Commission. Ezri had never said ‘sorry' so much in her life, except when she was Tobin. Only the diplomatic skill of Curzon Dax had been able to placate the Commission and convince them of the solution. What Ezri needed was time, time with Benjamin Sisko. Benjamin. Ezri warmed at the thought. He was the best friend she'd never had. Captain Benjamin Sisko, she reminded herself. Commander of Deep Space Nine and Tactical Director of the Seventh Fleet, whom she had only known for a week but remembered from his days as an ensign, and she had to stop calling him Benjamin in front of his senior staff, who didn't know her at all but were her dearest friends. Ezri had reluctantly agreed to attend a meeting he'd called of the DS 9 senior staff. She might have been an experienced commander once, but she was back to ensign again now. She had settled comfortably in ‘her,' in Jadzia's, usual place, then began to shift uncomfortably as soon as the old friends she'd never met before filed in. Doctor Bashir had smiled at her when he took the chair beside her, alternately looking at her to be friendly and then looking away when he had nothing to say. He was as sweet as she remembered, bashful and caring. And cute. She hadn't looked at Julian that way, assessing, for a long time. Why had she ever thought he was too young? Kira had happily surrendered the head of the table to Benjamin, Captain Sisko. Major Kira was Colonel Kira now. Ezri wanted to congratulate her old friend. But found she was tongue-tied facing the stranger in the new uniform. Benjamin had introduced her, with the story about Dax taking a turn for the worse on the Destiny. Ezri had looked at him in surprise when he called her a counselor-in-training. She was a trained gymnast. No, a trained pilot. No, a diplomat, with years of experience. Who was he referring to, the counselor-in-training? Ezri didn't need training in any profession to know her startled yelp and timid little wave when she realized they were all looking at her hadn't made the most favorable first impression. "I want you all to know that I know that you know that I know —." She'd lost her chain of thought. They must think she'd lost her mind. She didn't want to lose their respect. Emony was going to cry. Curzon was not going to cry. Ezri had felt she was going to do both. Benjamin came to everyone's rescue. He was glad to have the Old Man with him, again, still. When he called her Old Man, it made her feel so secure, so confident. The Old Man in her could accomplish anything if Benjamin set her mind to it. This place, Deep Space Nine, and the people here, lived lives unlike any Ezri Tigan had ever even dreamt about. Orb experiences were amazing things. Stand offs with Romulans were remarkable things. Suicidal Klingon missions were not really that out of the ordinary, but people definitely were not discussing everything that had occurred with that. Poor Worf, he was so stressed. When she got home she would —. No, she would not. Definitely not. She didn't even know how one did something like that. Yes, she did, obviously. She'd just never done it, herself. And there was no going home to Worf. A Ferengi was walking by with, with Emony! Ezri started toward the couple, but stopped short. That wasn't Emony. Emony had died long before Ferengi were encountered. It was Leeta, Rom's wife, Bajoran. Leeta had her head close to Rom's, speaking to him. She looked up, her eyes flickering briefly over Ezri, as they passed by. Ezri was crushed. She made her way over to the railing. That wasn't her friend. Jadzia had been friends with Leeta, along with everyone else on the station. They had been Jadzia's friends. She hoped no one had noticed the Starfleet ensign smiling inanely in the middle of the Promenade. What she needed was to get away. Risa. She'd been to the holiday planet many times. Never, actually. No, she had been there. Ezri had spent a school break there when she was at Starfleet Academy. Jadzia had spent a break there when she was at the Academy. Perhaps that was what she was remembering. Tobin chewed Ezri's fingernail. She was definitely not positive about that. She, Ezri, had visited Risa instead of going home. There were two trips. Yes. She had gone, and Jadzia had gone. And, of course, Curzon, many times. He and Worf had made love on the beach at sunset. Ezri moved on, relieved to have that sorted out. Her thoughts were always going off in circles. Up, down and sideways, she felt like Tubby the Turbolift. What she needed was an old–fashioned group therapy session with herselves. Tobin, a brilliant mathematician, but a chronic worrier. Emony invested a little too much of herself in her appearance. Torias craved attention and excitement. His overconfidence interfered with effective problem solving. Curzon repressed Audrid too much. Perhaps it was because of Curzon's close relationship with his own mother. Perhaps it was a side effect of the suppression of Joran. She had a vicious streak, now, too. His name was Joran. Ezri was an unexceptional, dare he say it, inferior host, when compared to the previous hosts of the Dax symbiont. Perhaps Ezri Dax would make her mark with gardening. Ezri quickly rejected the thoughts entering her mind. Ezri Tigan might not have much else, but she had a lifetime of experience dealing with a difficult person, her own mother. The one thing Ezri Tigan could do better than any of the others was deal with Joran. She needed to keep things in perspective. There were benefits. If she didn't know something, she probably had someone who did. All her questions about sex had been answered, and a few she hadn't thought of asking, and a couple of things she didn't particularly want to know, along with quite a behavior database on males and females of species other than Trill, too. Jadzia and Ziranne had all the early Flotter programs, the ones you couldn't get anymore, so now Ezri had "Flotter and the Caves of Ice" and a sister. Or the memory of having a sister. And the memories of children, and grandchildren. She should look up some of her grandchildren, which would just be too awkward for everybody involved. She needed to move forward. She needed to go back to the Destiny. She had come to Benjamin hoping to straighten things out. She could not make sense of all the thoughts when she wasn't with him. And she couldn't make sense when she was on Deep Space Nine. The Destiny offered stability, routine, boredom. Dax had the good fortune to have wonderful lives, wonderful friends. What she needed was friends. Here, Ezri Dax was among friends. Ezri perked up, Torias adding a spring to her step. Being joined made you crave things you couldn't stand to eat. Being joined made you look for something you'd lost a lifetime ago. Being joined meant doing things for a reason beyond yourself. Being joined meant feeling right at home in a place you'd never been. Being joined was out of the unusual, even for a Starfleet officer. Benjamin kept telling her it was a wonderful gift. He was a smart man. But then, of course, she had taught him everything he knew. Finis cwinifred@yahoo.com NewMessage: