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Date: Fri, 02 Jul 2004 22:32:19 -0400
Subject: [ASC] NEW  TOS "The Shell" 1/1 (K&S, angst) [G]
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On 1 Jul 2004 21:58:26 -0700, in alt.startrek.creative
missus_spock@yahoo.com.au (Mrs Spock) wrote:

Title: The Shell
Author: Mrs Spock (missus_spock (at) yahoo.com.au)
Series: TOS
Codes: K&S, angst
Rating: G
Part: 1/1
Summary: Spock's POV directly after he "killed" Kirk in "Amok Time".
~~~~~
THE SHELL
By Mrs Spock
~~~~~

He is hollow. 

The flesh and bone case which once held a half-Vulcan soul returns
from the place of Koon-ut Kal-if-fee empty.

That which it had contained spilled painfully onto the sands of
Vulcan, along with the treasured life-force of a human t'hy'la. One
soul would not – could not – remain without the other, tied together
as tightly as they are. And the ultimate agony of responsibility for
the other's demise is enough to wrench a pained katra from its fleshy
shell.

Had that part remained – the part that cared – he would never have
been able to face her with such equanimity.

T'Pring. She who would have been his wife. She who challenged. She who
forced him to face his best friend in mortal combat.

Had that part remained – the part that reasoned – he would have
considered that someone other than he was to blame.

He returns to the ship or, rather, the shell returns, leaving
everything of value behind, to be consumed by the oppressive heat that
has nothing to do with Vulcan's climate.

"Mr Spock." The transporter chief greets him with the reverence due
the executive officer.

A vacant nod is given for reply.

He walks into the bare corridor, mechanically taking the required
number of steps until he arrives at his empty cabin. It would be
easier to let it end here, to let the shell crack now, but even in
this void state, he knows there is a duty to be performed. A final
duty – before he can relinquish the little he now holds onto.

He hesitates at the door to sickbay; here is where the unfilled shell
of his t'hy'la lies. Duty propels him forward.

An automaton, he begins what he believes will be the last conversation
of his existence. It is a handing over of his last responsibilities,
his final obligation.

There is a voice behind him. 

//Impossible! He is dead.//

The shell turns to confront the ghost, grabs its arms…

"Jim!"

But, even as he knows it can't be real, he feels its essence – Jim's
essence – golden and complete and bubbling with life.

And, suddenly, he is filling; that which he believed lost is flowing
back into him through the contact with his t'hy'la.

Very quickly, he is overflowing: joy and life and completeness. Those
things that make him more than a shell have filled him and spilled
over. The joy, more than he has ever known, is too much for the Vulcan
shell to hold and leaks through to be seen so clearly on his face.

Vulcan propriety, aghast, quickly staunches the emotional flow and
reasserts its dominance.

But he will live with the consequences of his public emotional
display.

Because he is full.

FIN

Constable Katie, ASC* Archive team
ASC* archive: http://www.trekiverse.org or http://trekiverse.crosswinds.net
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