Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!elnk-atl-nf1!newsfeed.earthlink.net!newsswing.news.prodigy.com!prodigy.net!newsfeed.cwix.com!border1.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!newsread.com!newsstand.newsread.com!POSTED.monger.newsread.com!not-for-mail Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated Approved: ascem@earthlink.net Organization: Better Living Thru TrekSmut Sender: ascem@earthlink.net Message-ID: From: "SuZy" MIME-Version: 1.0 Mailing-List: list ASCEML@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCEML-owner@yahoogroups.com Subject: New FIC: ENT - The True Path - PG-13 T/T (1/1) Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Lines: 791 Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2004 21:55:08 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.198.142.218 X-Complaints-To: Abuse Role , We Care X-Trace: monger.newsread.com 1104184508 209.198.142.218 (Mon, 27 Dec 2004 16:55:08 EST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2004 16:55:08 EST Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated:86363 X-Received-Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2004 13:55:38 PST (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net) Title : The True Path (1/1) Author: Sue E-Mail: susieqla@yahoo.com Website: None. Series: ENTERPRISE Characters: T/T Category: Romance/Het. Rating: PG-13 Summary: Missing scene. How far would you go E2, Harbinger, The Forge, Kir'Shara, aw...everything and anything you recognize. The True Path T'Pol had extinguished the meditation candles long ago. He had wanted to join her earlier, even claiming she was being unfair. His objection rang in her ears. How was he ever going to understand her better if she kept denying him such golden opportunities? Her will had prevailed. She had put him off, telling him 'No,' in no uncertain terms. Pre-empting herself from being alone with him wasn't going to be easy, but she must, she had to, if she was going to succeed. Closeness with *anyone* was not the way. Being close with another was for the weak. She must be strong, for her mother's sake...her mother... slain...so that she, T'Pol, would finally understand what she had been living and willing to die for. In his own illogical way, he was right, as he so astoundingly could be. They weren't right for each other. There was much too much genetic difference between them, with cultural ones piled high on top of that. His body made her feel good, and there was no doubt hers did the same for his, but after their hormones settled down, where did that leave them? One former, Trellium D-laced Vulcan and one hyper-reactive, overly sentimental human who had had a fling... 'Fling,' T'Pol thought; such a curious term for having shared such intimacies. The inroads he had made astounded her, still. If Charles 'Trip' Tucker thought she was 'Lady Ice' before, he'd have to sit back and take notes now, as she would teach him well. She would assign his misnomer for her new meaning in the days to come. T'Pol had vowed as much. Never again would she allow emotions to rule her. Emotions, worthless, dangerous, especially where Trip...she reproached herself for even the latitude of calling him that in the privacy of her own mind, was concerned. Emotions compromised her any which way she turned, but no longer. She would change, put an end to the inner turmoil, the chaos that had scarred her intellect. She was, and always would be T'Pol of Vulcan... the...the...a... Her shoulders sagged as words of truth exploded in her mind. A woman in love, unjustifiably so, and in it up to her glistening eyeballs. Her serenity hiccupped for a spell when she recalled how patiently, how tenderly, how worshipfully he could say her name. '...You are a fool, T'Pol...' She had actually entertained thoughts of mind melding with Tucker, once T'Pau had healed her, thus ending the deterioration Pa'nar Syndrome was wreaking on her brain matter. Now, thinking about how she had wanted to do so, it made her cringe. Lunacy--sheer and utter lunacy! Clearly, making a clean break from the commander's telling influence was seriously in order. The Way of Surak would guide her, provide the enlightenment she sorely needed, the stability that meant salvation. Striving to live by the inspirational master's precepts was her true calling now. She loved the emotion-tossed commander more than ever; she could deny it to him, but not to herself. But feeling this way was the surest way to madness. She had her entire future to think of, plan, a future which did not include this outlandish, but oh, so addictive human male. A man who would sell his soul for her...in a heartbeat, as he would so gleefully say... Thinking that made her tremble involuntarily for as many times. Apart from embracing Surak, she must refuse Tucker. She must shun him with his obvious charms...his laughter, his teasing and baiting which he used so well to draw her in...the way his impertinent blue eyes, steeped in irreverence, could get her to do what he wanted...the touch of his nearly edible lips and his nimble tongue on the peaks of her pliable ears... More trembling, and T'Pol's eyes crossed, feeling her heart drub. '...Stop this...he is seducing you, and he isn't even here...' Lulling her into a familiar place, safe and warm, her body made it clear that it knew what it wanted, what was best. What it would have, if given a fighting chance. T'Pol let herself drift, caught up in the transfixion of the sublime, but what was now forbidden. The man was in her soul...he and his silken sensuous ways. Wanting him was easy...denying him, not. No, giving him up would hardly be a simple thing, not by any stretch of one's vivid imagination. T'Pol cursed herself for having one, but couldn't help reflect on his having one too. She wondered whether he, at this precise moment, was thinking about her along such emotionally-charged, such pointless lines. If she went to him one last time...would it truly be the *last* time? Could it ever be? Rising from the floor cushion, she fairly trudged to her bunk and flopped down upon it. Her heart, heavy, she buried her head in her tremulous hands. Her tears came eventually...as they always did whenever she tried coming to grips with divorcing Trip, and she had said his nickname out loud this time, from her life. "Trip..." she repeated, this time with more longing. Her door chime beckoned suddenly, and already knowing who it was who called at the ship's late hour, she rose to answer. Yet, not knowing, as never before, what she would do when he asked her to just 'be his friend,' if that was all they could be to each other. She had begun to doubt they could be even that. T'Pol anchored her right ear to the door... Softly, Trip called her name. "T'Pol... I'd like to talk. Just this last time, so please. Just this once, and I swear, I'll leave you alone." His voice cracked a little, as though he were running out of steam. "But if you don't think you can...if you're...if you'd rather n--" She released the door, and stood before him, a vision clad in her azure pajamas, as though her decision to grant him an audience was ill-advised. '...Tell him to go away...' her nagging inner voice demanded. '...Tell him he has no claim on you...' "Thanks," Trip said tentatively, not daring to ask if she'd let him inside, lest she turn him away face to face. And when she allowed him to enter, he said 'thanks,' several times more, as though she'd given him a reprieve. He knew his nervousness showed, but there was nothing he could do about it. This time, it was make or break. The darkness that greeted his eyes sent a chill through him. Instinctively, he gravitated over to the window. It occurred to him that the coldness of space outside was probably warmer than where he was right now. "Commander," T'Pol said after a while. Trip spun around in the direction of her lank, angular silhouette. The tightness of her voice chilled him further, and he yearned for that special night they'd shared in this same room that had once held such intense warmth. "Would ya believe I have no idea what to say? In my quarters I had it all down, but now...actually being here with you...I...aw. Man, this is hard." He looked at his hands as though they weren't his and he began balling and un-balling them. "T'Pol, please forgive me. I made a mess of us. I really fouled up. It's what I usually do with relationships. Which is why I've never been in one that's lasted." "You are incorrect, Commander. You are exempt from blame." T'Pol almost said there was no 'us,' but it seemed too unfeeling, even for her. "How do you figure?" Even in the absence of better lighting, and her otherworldly bearing, she took his breath away. She couldn't really mean to kiss him off. She just couldn't want that, not when she meant everything to him now. Not when he wanted to believe, wanted to more than anything he'd ever wanted in his life, that she had begun developing real feelings for him too. How he felt hadn't happened over night, not really, in actuality. He had known there was something special about her the first day he saw her. In time, that assumption had won validity no matter how he looked at it. Forthrightly, T'Pol said what was in her heart, matching his sincerity. "It is I who realize the wisdom of your insight. You are correct. A romantic relationship between us is unwise. Unfeasible. In the interest of preserving our professional relationship, it is advisable that we restrict our association. We should only interact when matters expressly concern ENTERPRISE." "No..." Trip said in recalcitrance, deep in his throat, losing heart all the same. "You're on this ship, and you concern me." "That is, as you would say, 'stretching it,' Commander." Shrugging, Trip swallowed down the lump in his throat; they were back at negative square one. His shoulders reached nearly to his earlobes. "Aw, hell..." She ignored his murmur of protest, saying nothing. "You can't mean that. Not after all we've been through together." T'Pol looked past him and out the window. The stars appeared brighter than usual this night, as though they'd been polished. What a fanciful thought, she thought, and recalled he had once made the observation. "We're still friends, though..." T'Pol seemed very distant, very into her Vulcan persona then, more distant than he'd ever felt her to be. She was, as Bernie Marrow loved to say, "creeping" him out, with the whole deal, crawling skin and all. "T'Pol?" Trip persisted, sounding wary, as though he had said something inappropriate. He thrust his arms out to his sides. "So...friendship's out too, then." His inner voice intoned, 'Okay...So...this is the big, bad brush-off...and man it so sucks!' "Not even that, huh?" He toyed with the idea of going for broke. Maybe he'd go ahead and grovel, to the max, pulling out all the stops. What kind of groveling would budge the rock her heart appeared to be? She went to him, not uttering a sound, approaching until they stood just about nose to nose, give or take. Her superb hearing brought the quickened beats of his heart distinctly to her ears. As though the sound of his own voice was alien to him, Trip whispered, "Can't we try? Why can't we? What I said about Romeo and Juliet having more of a chance than we was sour grapes talking. I didn't mean what I said. Please, believe me. I really didn't." He sensed his reference was obscure since T'Pol's eyes shone in the darkness out of curiosity. "Sour grapes. Making an excuse. I was angry and hurt because knowing I'd lost you was--IS--more than I can take. I don't want to lose you, T'Pol. I can't...seeing how you own my heart, and I don't want it back..." He reached for her hands. "When you told me Koss had released you from the marriage I began to breathe again, that very moment. You breathed hope back into me." He held her hands tighter. "The most important thing I want you to know is I love you, T'Pol. You make my life right." She might deny it all she wanted, he thought, but he was getting to her, at last. More than seeing it, he could feel it. "We try makin' it work. And if we don't work, *then* we walk away 'cause it'll be what we both want. Leastwise, we'll know...for sure." "Will we? What assurance is there?" "What assurance do you want?" She worked her hands free of his, feeling him flag a little. The Way, the True Path, or this man? Which would it be? T'Pol had made herself a solemn promise before, on the cusp of finishing her meditation. She would do it, and if she passed, she would gain greater insight... Buy back a measure of control. At the time, she had had no idea the proving would come so soon. "No more second guessin'," Trip confided inches from her straight-lipped mouth. "Indeed," she said, almost sighing, and took his head between her hands as she'd done that first time she had really meant to kiss him. This kiss outstripped its predecessor, and all those others she'd saturated him with on that impossible night of carnal awakening. Never kissing him again...it kept running through her mind as she also told herself she could never have enough of his taste and feel, his demand for hers. His tongue played along the sides and roof of her mouth as he sucked harder. Who needed the starship ENTERPRISE when they could soar with each other to such fantastic heights, doing far better than warp eight, and then some? They plundered one another's mouth with wild, wanton abandon until standing demanded too much from them physically. Trip whimpered into her mouth, and nodding, T'Pol refused to relinquish proud ownership of his sublime one. She let him come up for air long enough for him to pant, "This doesn't feel like goodbye." "It's not meant to..." "And not just being friends, either..." "We're more than that now...Trip." "You don't know how hard I've prayed to hear you say that, darlin'." T'Pol curled up against him once he'd taken her in his strong, willing arms, although his legs wobbled like a drunken sailor's. The crook of his neck was made for her, she thought, nestling the side of her face into it. He carried her to the bunk, behaving as though what he bore was a thing whose value was beyond belief. Setting her down upon the bed with painstaking care, he forcefully chided himself to ward off his saying or doing anything she deemed stupid. Unable to stave off the impulse, though, he knelt at her feet, weighting her legs with his arms draped about them possessively. "Let me stay? All I want is to hold you close all through the night...promise. Just hold you. That's it." His beseeching eyes rocked her to the core and with the slightest of gestures, her fingers traversing the length of his rumpled T-shirt, she requested, "Please remove this..." Since she had failed her self-imposed proving ground, the kiss being the acid test, she saw no reason why she should deny herself one of the best things she relished about him...one last time. Trip's hands sprang into action, yanking his top off over his head in one rough stroke. He sat back on his heels, gloriously bare-chested, with his eyes riveted to T'Pol's. "Better?" he asked, watching her ease herself back on bended elbows until she nodded, wanting Trip to make good on his promise of being close. He closed the temporary gap between them in record time, wearing a big grin, his obvious stamp of approval. A gentle buzz of feeling content worked his mind as he eyed her hand pressed into the middle of his chest where his heart pounded like a drum against her palm. "Like I said, that's yours. You own it, darlin', lock, stock and warp core..." She stroked his muscled, yet tender flesh, closing her eyes, feeling at one with all that warred against her reason. His nipples ripened in her hand. He had lost some weight, as she had herself, but his pecs were a chiseled work of art. She treasured his flesh, despite all her contrary talk which argued for her to leave Charles Tucker behind; he was a liability. *NO,* her feelings fired back--he was much too valuable to treat like offal, or worse, as though she didn't need him. Upon thinking that, T'Pol felt her tears come. She willed her eyelids to dam them up, but they streamed down her cheeks, nonetheless. Alert to her every nuance, Trip cooed her name over and over. He dried her tears with his lips, humming in singsong fashion, trying to soothe her as one would a young child. "It'll be all right...it's gonna be fine. You'll see. I'll *never* hurt you. I'd sooner hurt myself--never you, T'Pol. I'm here for ya anyway you need me." She need him? Despite her mother being gone, he knew T'Pol could get along very well without him, or anybody. Hadn't she already proven it? It was a miracle he was with her now, the way he was with her now. Trip felt agitated. She needing him--yeah, right; that'd be the day. He needed her, and he'd tell her again and again if that's what it took to win her. "I need you too," he told her, sounding as humble as a man could who was willing to, as T'Pol had pegged him, sell his soul to the highest bidder for her. And therein lay the problem. She didn't want to need anyone. Needing, and its first cousin, wanting, compromised logic, no matter how attractive they presented themselves. Logic dictated self-reliance and fortitude, precluding dependence on another. But, compromised she sorely was, irrefutably so, and she knew it. Her emotions had seen to that, and they weren't letting up. She rejected false assumptions outright, having pondered the what ifs long before this. If anything ever happened to Trip, it would hurt deeply, the way it still did missing her mother. T'Pol snuggled into him some more, as though merging with him was what she had in mind. T'Les had been with her, what felt like moments, then gone the next. The same thing would happen to Trip too...one day. If she broke it off now, she would never experience such hurt. T'Pol stopped thinking like that. She had him near and she would enjoy... "Do you wish to mate?" T'Pol asked softly, inching the hand just beneath his navel a bit lower. Having decided she would take one failure at a time, she would have him again this night, and agonize tomorrow. She needed to feel him explode inside her, wreck her control, with his voracious appetites in the heat of ardor. She felt him hitch under her slow-moving hand. For his not being Vulcan, Trip knew instinctively what she liked. He was versatile and skilled, avid in his appreciation of how fine she was, how beautifully their bodies gelled. She would live in the moment, leaving what she would do about her future for tomorrow and enjoy what he wasn't shy about giving her now. He stilled her hand's downward descent. "There ya go getting all romantic on me. Not that there's anything wrong with that." He kissed her forehead, lingering over it. He gave a sweet-sounding chuckle that calmed her, but confused her at the same time. "We shouldn't cloud issues further. It's time we put all our cards on the table and level, T'Pol, like we should've long before this. Way overdue. So, no. Thanks, but no thanks. I really don't want to. Honestly...I didn't come here for that. Not tonight...tonight I just want this." As though doing so in slow motion, Trip fitted his hand beneath her jaw, spread his fingers out over her supple cheek and caressed her flawless skin. "I just want to touch ya without opening the floodgates." The mere brush of his fingertips upon her face made her shiver. "I believe I will never understand you..." Her voice shook when she uttered, "Trip." "That goes for me too. I shock the life out of myself mostly all the time." He kissed the tip of her nose. "It's not just about the sex, which is spectacular. But it never was just sex...never will be. Not with me. If you didn't know that, you know so now." T'Pol stared into his eyes that were bathed in deep shadow; they appeared cowled. "Are you well?" "I'm okay, just haven't been sleepin' all that great lately. Too much all at once, all the time...you know...like ever since we left Earth to stop the Xindi. The snowball effect just won't quit." Pliantly, he added, "Missin' you till it hurts like hell. Wanting us to be okay in the worst way. Hopin' there's more for us, a whole lot more." "I will perform neuro-pressure." "Don't want that either. Just want this..." He brushed his fingertips over her eyes, hinting with touch that she close them. "You, like this; no tensions between us, no damn walls. At peace with yourself, and with me, that's how I want you. That's what makes me happy, T'Pol." "Happy..." she said as though the true meaning of the word eluded her, as it normally did. If he only knew that she was almost at the end of her wits. "Happy, because feelings, having them, expressing them's not a crime as long as you want what's best for the person you love. It's what gives life meaning. What your life gives mine..." Trip traced the outline of one of her perfect, quivering nostrils. Was life just about being happy, she pondered. Making another person happy, profoundly so? Sharing intimate secrets with Trip...caring what happens because the way you approach the feelings, guiding them, not locking them away, makes it possible, causing one to be whole? Were Trip's beliefs so different from Surak's? Who was she to judge? The decisions and judgments she had made in the past had not been wise, had exacted her nearly losing her sanity, her ability to trust herself. But, maybe...just maybe that would change. Could it, if she allowed this man to become an integral part of her life? The words of her older self aboard the parallel ENTERPRISE streamed into consciousness..."Follow your heart..." And then there was the sailor's antiquated compass Captain Archer had given her...to keep her on the right course. Trip cared, but he wasn't alone. This crew of Humans did...for her. "Does that make any sense to you at all, darlin'?" "May we speak of your beliefs?" "What I believe?" he asked, sounding bemused. "I realize it is an intimate question." "You. I believe in you..." Touched, but regretting that she had asked it of him, T'Pol replied, "Perhaps it is too intimate a question." "What? You don't believe me?" "I apologize for asking..." Trip shook his head. "Nah, it's a fair question, deserving an answer. Hope I don't bore ya." T'Pol lifted her hand to his face, caressing him as he was her. When she molded her hand to his cheek, she expressed, "The one word I never associate with you, Trip, is boring. Proceed..." He rested his hand over hers, and taking a breath he let out slowly, Trip began, "Well, though it might not always seem like it, I try my damnedest to live by the Golden Rule." "The Golden Rule. I have never heard of such a rule..." After explaining, Trip finished by saying, "No one's perfect. We just try doin' the best we can, and hope we do as little scarring as possible, under the circumstances. My mama's the exception, though. The woman's sacred." He sighed loudly, and quickly said, "Forgive me, T'Pol, I didn't mean to remind ya of what's still painful." "My mother lives within me now. Her beliefs are now mine, but..." T'Pol was unsure if what she would say next would upset him. "I am...I am... troubled." T'Pol heaved a tiny sigh, amazed that she had actually told him how she really felt. How she was prepared to divulge even more. "I am uncertain whether following The Way of Surak means my forsaking you, Trip... I...I...am... afraid." Levelly, he said, "Me too. We all are, T'Pol. Trust me...all of us and it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's called being alive." "I fear so much of what I feel for you. I fear you...you overwhelm me as nothing ever has. I am at your mercy...and it frightens me." "I fear you go away, never looking back." "Hurting you isn't what I want." "I know it isn't. I'll help you through what you feel, if you let me. Loving someone means taking risks 'cause ya love them." Now, even he could hear his own heart banging away like mad. "Is it it what you really want, T'Pol? Excluding me from your life? 'Cause if it is, no matter how much I love you, and how hard it will be on me, giving ya up, if it's what you really want...you have my word. I will. You've suffered way too much, as it is. I'll never add to it. Swear on my life." He struggled with himself, as she struggled with herself. Perhaps there was something to what Hoshi liked to say about Trip, frequently and wholeheartedly..."He's a doll." T'Pol no longer required any further explanation about using the word in that context. He appeared upset, but not overly so, T'Pol judged. "As I said, I am uncertain..." Sounding as serious as saying 'yes' to a slice of homemade pecan pie topped with a generous dollop of whipped cream, Trip replied, "Think you could teach me some of what Surak's way is? I'm open. Wide open to whatever it is that lets me keep you...makes me more of what would make me fit." Stunned, and visibly so, T'Pol questioned, "You would learn? You would allow me to assist you?" "With you for teacher, yeah, boy. I can hardly wait." Unstintingly, he pledged, "I know Surak is heavy. Very weighty Vulcan stuff, so, absolutely. I'd be as serious about it as I am when fragging, then stabilizing the intake manifolds to flush 'em. No disparaging remarks, no wisecracks, no makin' fun of any kind from me, the wide-eyed neophyte, who's front and center in the peanut gallery." Her thoughts made a giant leap. A leap of faith? Had Captain Archer finished reading Surak's tome which she had given him quite a while ago? Whether he had or hadn't, she would ask to borrow the thick collection of treatises. T'Pol thought her mind would never stop spinning. "Then you *will* learn?" she finally managed to drag from herself. "You're not agreeing just to appease?" Much of what T'Les had tucked into her ear before dying wafted back to T'Pol. Tears brimmed in her eyes, but didn't fall. Yes, she struggled with her emotions, always had. Perhaps, though, it wouldn't be such an uphill battle in the future. Now...there was Trip... "Yes--I mean no, no. I really mean it. Teach me," Trip answered earnestly, giving her cheek the softest pinch. "I'll do it. I'll do anything if it helps me know you better," he vowed and kissed her other one. "As long as I get to stay in your life." "We will see..." "Please." T'Pol felt her eyes water; his poignancy never failed to produce the desired effect. In a very low voice she said, "Give me some time..." "Me too," Trip agreed. "And your patience..." "Being patient is in my genes." She trailed the tip of her index finger along his nose. "Showoff," Trip teased, wondering what Surak's teachings consisted of while at the same time reveling in the prospect of T'Pol giving him one on one, personal attention, seeing to it that he learned well. "The prettiest, loveliest one this side of Jupiter Station." Into the wee hours of the ship's morning, the unique couple spoke of many things until it was almost time for their shifts to begin. They had nearly fallen asleep when it was time to wake up. "How soon can we start with Surak?" Trip fired at her, swiping his T-shirt off the floor, before dashing out of her quarters. "We can begin this evening, after dinner," T'Pol offered, somewhat anxious to get her hands on the cumbersome book. She was sure the captain would understand why she wanted it once she explained the circumstances. She more than suspected he knew Trip had become important to her. How incredible, T'Pol mused, that Surak's essence had resided in the captain for a time. What insights Archer had to have gained. "You've got yourself a date," Trip said proudly. "I'll be sure to bring along my thinkin' cap." Unmoored from her preoccupying thoughts which had caused her to only half-listen, sounding vague, T'Pol said, "Your...your what?" "No time to explain now...Rostov's waitin'." He scampered back to T'Pol and kissed her properly before running off. "Love ya. See ya...later." T'Pol nodded, watching him streak down the stately corridor while wrestling his shirt back on. His sweatpants, now bigger on him than they used to be, flapped around his ankles. Bounding, but waving back at T'Pol all the same, Trip rounded the corridor's corner at, what seemed hyper-accelerated speed. Trip Tucker studying Surak, willingly, T'Pol contemplated, marveling anew. The word challenge did not do the intended endeavor justice; it would be every bit of one. Citing as an example the unlikely task of domesticating a wild seh'lat was, to be fair, extreme, T'Pol decided. In any event, she was prepared to give Trip her best. She vowed this as she went back inside her quarters. His feelings were rubbing off on her; he didn't want to let her go. How could she live on without him now, after, as he had so pointedly reminded her, they had been through so much *together*? She had strong feelings that more challenges awaited them. Going to the window, casting her eyes to the sentinel stars, she raised her arms over her head, interlocked her fingers to give herself a good stretch. Coining one of her lover's overused expressions, and with a curious feeling of hope stirring within her, she said aloud: "Who would have ever thought?" ... ... ... End ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ASCEM messages are copied to a mailing list. Most recent messages can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCEML. NewMessage: