Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.pas.earthlink.net!elnk-nf2-pas!newsfeed.earthlink.net!wns14feed!worldnet.att.net!207.115.63.142!newsswing.news.prodigy.com!prodigy.net!newsfeed.cwix.com!border1.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!newsread.com!newsstand.newsread.com!POSTED.monger.newsread.com!not-for-mail Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated Approved: ascem@earthlink.net Organization: Better Living Thru TrekSmut Sender: ascem@earthlink.net Message-ID: <149774092.20041229013212@gmx.de> From: "A.Q" MIME-Version: 1.0 Mailing-List: list ASCEML@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCEML-owner@yahoogroups.com Subject: NEW TOS "Family" 2/2 [NR] K/Saa Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Lines: 371 Date: Wed, 29 Dec 2004 05:55:07 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.198.142.218 X-Complaints-To: Abuse Role , We Care X-Trace: monger.newsread.com 1104299707 209.198.142.218 (Wed, 29 Dec 2004 00:55:07 EST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 29 Dec 2004 00:55:07 EST Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated:86449 X-Received-Date: Tue, 28 Dec 2004 21:55:31 PST (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net) Part 2/2 "Family" K/Saa, NR, dark * I bury myself into my work, and I'm happy when an emergency comes up. They're asking for the Enterprise, but she's still in refit, so I get the command of the "Oceanica". At first, it's a weird feeling to work without Spock at my back and Sulu at the helm (not to mention Bones whispering good advice in my ear), but considering the last events, I feel it's time to get away from it all. For four weeks, all I'm concerned about is the catastrophe on Arot'k, and there's nothing more sobering than experiencing such a thing. My love life might be catastrophic too, but I live, you live, we're all well and healthy and not starving or freezing or dying in the cold, tortured by sickness and plagues like the poor people here. First a long war, then a devastating volcanic eruption, which stopped at least the war - there is something good to come out of everything bad. I keep telling that myself in those rare, shady moments when my mind drifts back to you. Finally, I'm on my way back to Earth and ready for it. * It takes me two day to settle back in my office, then I finally find the time to take a glimpse at your roster. I'm astonished to learn that you've taken extended leave for family reasons, because I've received some messages from Sarek over the time that haven't sounded as if you'd gone to Vulcan. At your phone, there's only the answering machine replaying the standard phrases, so I hang up again. It's in the mess where I see the spotty lieutenant from the reception again. "Lt. Rolling. A word with you in private, please." I say, and gesture him into a nearby corner. He's all straight and serious, especially since he doesn't know what I want from him. "Yes, Sir?" "I know it's not a general procedure to ask, but I need some information. You're a colleague of Lieutenant Saavik. Did you see her in the last days?" "She's taken leave for the last weeks, but I've last seen her the Friday before her vacation," he says. "Did she behave as usual?" The man lowers his eyes and blushes, quite an unexpected sight. "Lieutenant?" I say. It's been a long time since I saw someone reacting like this. He gives me a glance. He is so young. Since when did the fleet promote such kids? "She was..." He hesitates, then says, "She seemed normal." Suddenly, I know. "You've slept with her. When?" "Sir...?" He doesn't lie well. He won't get far up the ranks. "I'm not going to report anything. But I need to know." The words come out in my no-fun-voice, and I feel like that. The idea of having this young man as my possible rival is disgusting and sobering all at once. He falters under my gaze. "On the day after the reception. She had already said good-bye, but came back to the office in the evening. I was the last one there. She...I know it sounds stupid, Sir, but she seduced me." "And you met again the following day?" "Yes. But it was like every day. It bore no resemblance to the evening before." He shrugs. "I began wondering if I had only invented it. She was so cool. Distanced." Why do I feel I know the story? Rolling faces me with a new-found clarity. "Now that I really think about it, I don't know why she hit on me. I don't think she really...well, liked it. It was as if she wanted to prove something." I put my hand on his shoulder in a gesture between friendly and patronizing. "Rolling, things like that can happen. But don't do it again. It's the easiest way to damage your career." "Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir." He nods briskly, and flees the second my hand leaves his uniform. So here we go again, I think and brace myself for a talk with you. * I sit in my car in front of your apartment house, and I don't want to go up. But it has taken me three days before I've found the time and nerves to come, and I wouldn't back down now. I park the car and go up to the 20th floor. The corridor lies quiet, the whole building overly dark. Shut down. Superstition, I think amused, but the smile vanishes when nobody answers my ringing. I enter the number you've given me a while ago. To my surprise, it still works. The door slips aside, revealing a quiet, dark apartment. I switch on the lights, calling out for you. There's no logical reason why you should be here, but I can feel it in my guts that the apartment isn't empty. The remains on the table in the living room look like breakfast, and bits and pieces are lying around in unusual disorder. The bedroom is the last place I look for you, maybe because I know that I'd find you here. You sit on the bed, Daavid in your arms. "Saavik. I was worried about you," I say, torn between relief and anger. But you don't look up, your eyes resting on some vague spot on the wall. I draw closer and touch you. "Saavik?" You seem frozen, and in a sudden decision, I take the child out of your embrace. This wakes you finally. "No," you whisper. But it's too late, and I already hold the child...hold a cold little bundle in my arms. I've seen death so often, I know it when I see it. For a second, I'm speechless, then the words tumble out on their own. "You've killed him." You just sit there and don't say a fucking word. It drives me mad. "Saavik! You've killed him! Why?" I'm so angry, I feel like killing you too. Clutching the child, I turn on the spot and go back to the living room. My fingers automatically cradle the cool head, while my mind tries finding a solution. There's no place for self-incrimination right now, but I can't help feeling guilty anyway. I've failed you. Failed him. What should I do now? No more family... Family. I place him down on a nearby arm chair, then go to the console. Thankfully, I don't see him anymore from there. I've walked through fields of dead bodies a week ago, and can't stand the sight of that one little body. Isn't it strange? The HQ switchboard relays me to the Vulcan Embassy, where I ask for Sarek in a private family matter. There's no easier way to make a Vulcan listen. "Sarek - Daavid is dead," I say, when he appears on screen. "Saavik's child," I add when I see his momentary confusion. "My grandchild." Guilt rushes in powerfully again. Why didn't I listen to Sarek? Why not talk to Bones? Petty, egocentric thinking, and then an escape into space. No wonder women always leave me. "He is dead? Why?" Sarek's grave voice pierces through my tumbling thoughts. "I don't know," I say. "I was away in space for four weeks, and she'd taken leave. I thought I'd check on her. I found her clutching the child...clutching it so tightly, she may well have suffocated it. She's not reacting to me. Looks as if she's utterly gone blank. If I call the police now, she'll end in rehab or prison on Earth. I want to know if you could offer a better option." The man on the other side folds his hands. I see the jewels again, and they are the same as last time and everything would be utterly normal if it weren't for the one, little, dead body in the armchair. "I can offer a better option," Sarek says. The words I want to hear. "I will prepare all papers that are needed to place her under immediate custody of the Vulcan law according to Federation agreements. Being her Head of House, I have every right to do this. I will send my closest assistant and two others of my staff to Saavik's apartment. They should arrive within an hour. You have to await them." I nod. "I'll be here." I see that he's grieving now too. It's the face he made when we thought Spock's katra was lost. Daavid didn't have much to lose by now, only potential. And maybe that's the hardest thing of all. "I offer my condolences, Kirk," he says. "For all your losses." The line closes. All my losses. I lose focus, as my eyes fill with water. There're no tears dropping down on the Vulcan keyboard in front of me. I don't know when I lost the ability to mourn aloud. Somewhere along my command track, when they hammer in your head that you've got to be strong, stronger than everyone, because you've got to make them follow you into hell and out again. And I've been to many places where the name fits. And today, my hell is a body on an armchair. "Jim..." I look up, not sure how long I've sat on the console. You stand in the doorframe, arms clamped around your chest. I see your stained shirt, the uncombed hair and saggy pants. I have never noticed how fragile you are. You remain standing, and so it's me who gets up and to you. "Why, Saavik? Why did you kill him?" You look at me, bewildered. "He's not dead. He sleeps. He's cried for a long time, but now he's asleep." I close my eyes, cradling you in my arms. Something inside of me gives way, and there's the pain again, an iron band around my stomach. I clutch you harder, with all my might. You sob, and I close one hand around the back of your head, pressing your face onto my chest as if to stop these sounds, yours, mine...I don't know. I feel brittle, cold, like bursting into a thousand frozen pieces. Your breathing becomes labored, but you stay in my arms. You won't die in my hold, your bones won't crush in my embrace. But a part of me wishes it would be like that, and I could end it here and now. Someone knocks on the door, and I place you on the couch. It's the expected Vulcans, two women and a man. The man goes to check on the baby, one woman sits down next to you. The other one pulls me aside. "I am T'So. I have Ambassador Sarek's full confidence," she says, preparing the ground. "I'm sure he wouldn't have sent you otherwise," I say. "The Ambassador and I only had time for a very brief discussion, but we are both concerned about your presence here. You should leave before the police will arrive." I'm confused. "I'm a witness. I've found her. And I'm surely on the security tapes of this building." "There will be no trial, Captain. We will testify her whereabouts, and she will be taken to Vulcan." "And what about Starfleet?" "The Ambassador leaves it to you to solve this problem. He trusts in your abilities and presumes that you will be able to advise Captain Nogura of the best way to handle the case." "So essentially you're sweeping it all under the carpet." "An official trial on Earth would neither serve Starfleet nor the House of the Ambassador. Faults have been made on all sides. Saavik will be examined on Vulcan. If she acted on emotional imbalance, she will undergo the respective treatment in an institution." "I see." My eyes travel to the couch, to you. I'm not sure anymore if calling Sarek has been the right thing to do, and if Vulcan is a better spot for you than Earth would have been. But there are no alternatives left. I can imagine what happens if my name appears in the headlines in connection with yours. People would ask why Starfleet has overlooked such a perilous situation, and even more people would ask about the personal involvement of Starfleet's most famous Captain. I'm offered the only logical solution. "All right," I say. "You're going to phone the police when I'm gone?" "After a brief waiting period, yes." T'So lowers her eyes. "The House of Sarek regrets the loss of such a young life," she says, unexpectedly softly. "We will do everything to assure that Saavik's life will not be a loss, too." "I've got to believe you, don't I?" I straighten my uniform to center myself, pushing my private sorrow back behind the official persona. As I've done so many times. "Take care of her," I say, a phrase that is thankfully left unanswered. My last gaze wanders to your stony figure on the couch, but you don't react. "She's far away," the Vulcan woman says. "Maybe all for the better," I murmur, and leave. * "You did the right thing. Jim." Nogura sits in his chair, one palm flat on the table top. "Who would've thought that she's so unstable." "Sarek did," I say. "And he warned me. But I didn't listen to him." The view from Nogura's office is breathtaking, but I don't care for it today. I turn around and face my superior and friend. Nogura leans forward, folding his hands. "You were too close to her, Jim. It's easier to examine situations from a distance, and you know that." I look at him, wondering if I should tell him just how close I have been to her, but decide against it. No need to break any more china for nothing. "It doesn't make my guilt much easier to handle at the moment." "You could take a break, Jim. Vacation for a week or two." I walk to his desk and take the chair opposite to Nogura. "No, thanks. I'd actually prefer to work." "There's the scheduled mission with Spock. If you still want him as your first officer..." There's a long pause, where we both have time to think about it. "Yes," I finally say. "I don't think there'll be any repercussions due to Saavik. He's all but forgotten about her since the refusion." "Good. Then I think we should bring forward the start date." Nogura calls up the schedule. "Mr. Scott's report about the condition of the Enterprise is already on your desk. You can contact him immediately; as far as I see, he's more than eager to test his improvements." I'm smiling. It's a weak smile, but the first in weeks. "There are some constants in the universe, and Scotty is one of them." I get up. "Indeed." Nogura rises, too, and we're shaking hands. "Good luck, Jim." "Same to you, Heihachiro." I leave the building, facing the almost painfully bright midday sun. On the left, the outline of the Vulcan Embassy dominates the sky, accusingly reminding me that I've got to talk to Sarek, sooner or later. But not yet. Later. Much Later. *** ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ASCEM messages are copied to a mailing list. 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