Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!elnk-atl-nf1!newsfeed.earthlink.net!newsswing.news.prodigy.com!prodigy.net!newsfeed.cwix.com!border1.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!newshosting.com!nx01.iad01.newshosting.com!yellow.newsread.com!news-toy.newsread.com!netaxs.com!newsread.com!POSTED.newshog.newsread.com!not-for-mail Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated Approved: ascem@earthlink.net Organization: Better Living Thru TrekSmut Sender: ascem@earthlink.net Message-ID: From: "Elizabeth Helena" MIME-Version: 1.0 Mailing-List: list ASCEML@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCEML-owner@yahoogroups.com Subject: NEW DS9 "Trust" (G/B, GBFF) [NC-17] 2/2 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Lines: 544 Date: Sat, 18 Dec 2004 03:55:07 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.198.142.218 X-Complaints-To: Abuse Role , We Care X-Trace: newshog.newsread.com 1103342107 209.198.142.218 (Fri, 17 Dec 2004 22:55:07 EST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Fri, 17 Dec 2004 22:55:07 EST Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated:86032 X-Received-Date: Fri, 17 Dec 2004 19:55:10 PST (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net) The following day at lunchtime, Miles O'Brien entered the Infirmary, and spotted the Doctor hunched over a data screen. "Hey, Julian." "Dislocate your shoulder again?" He responded, without looking up. "No," Miles bristled. "I don't do that every time I go kayaking, you know." "No need to get defensive." Julian sat up and turned his full attention to his friend. "How can I help you, Miles?" "Just thought I'd pick up some more of that prescription for Keiko." "Sure, it'll just take a minute." Stepping into the dispensary, he asked, "So, it's helping then?" "Loads." A minute later, Julian returned, and handed a small bottle to Miles. "Here you go. But tell her I want to see her before I'll dispense anymore. It's important to keep monitoring for side effects." "I'll tell her." However, he made no move to leave. "Something's on your mind," Julian prompted. "Yeah," but instead of volunteering what it was, Miles stared at the floor as if it was a temporal physics paradox. Julian frowned. "If it's about my genetic enhancements --." "No, no," the Engineer hastened to assure him. "Although, we still need to come up with a better handicap for darts." "I could wear a blindfold." "Smart ass." "A burden I have to bear," Julian conceded with a smirk. "So, are you going to tell me what's on your mind, or would you prefer to come up with excuses to come by the Infirmary all afternoon?" "All right, all right, no need to get pushy." He glanced around, before asking in a low voice, "Is Garak okay?" Julian burst out with a laugh. "What?" Miles demanded. "You, all hush-hush lest anyone overhear you actually caring --." "Enough, Julian, I get plenty of that from Keiko." Miles took a deep breath. "I just asked 'cause he didn't open his shop again today, and I thought what with the hearing coming up there might--." "The hearing," Julian interrupted. "About Empok Nor." "Yeah, God, I hate those things. Bad enough you've got to go through it in the first place, then you have relive the whole sorry mess for the brass. Nog's completely cracked under the pressure. First, he's coming by every second hour to check his testimony with me, and then yesterday he's going on about what I'd rather be doing and volunteering to re-calibrate EPS regulators for me." Miles shook his head. "You sure you don't have a prescription that could help Nog?" "I'm afraid there is no cure but time for enthusiastic cadet syndrome." Julian feigned a smile. "You're probably right. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure Garak's doin'-- I mean, I told him there wouldn't be anything to worry about, that it wasn't his fault, but he seemed . . . ." Miles' voice trailed off, and he shrugged helplessly. "Yes, I know exactly what you mean." "Well, that's it, then," Miles turned to go. The Engineer was so clearly relieved that his self-appointed mission was over, that Julian couldn't resist baiting him. "I'll let Garak know you care." "Julian Bashir, you'll do no such thing!" "I'm kidding, Miles." This time his smile was genuine. "Well, you better be, or by God I'll set the sonics in your shower to stun." Julian placed a hand over his heart. "I promise not to invoke the wrath of the almighty Engineer." "See that you don't." Miles left, and the Doctor's hand fell to his side. Despite his genetically enhanced intelligence, Julian reproached himself, he could be so obtuse sometimes. His perfect recall had never forgotten the date of the hearing, but he'd never made the connection between its advent and Elim's degenerating mood. Then again, Julian mused, maybe it wasn't so surprising considering the fallout from Dr. Zimmerman's visit and the impending war between the Federation and the Dominion. Sinking into his chair, Julian consoled himself with the knowledge that now that he understood what was bothering Elim, he had a much better chance of helping the Cardassian. Nevertheless, a far easier course of action beckoned to him: doing nothing at all. Considering all of the obstacles between them as lovers, it was tempting to just let his relationship with Garak end. Furthermore, Julian mused darkly, it was what he'd always done before. With Palis, Leeta, and countless others, he'd always cut and run at the first sign of trouble. Why solve a problem, when it was so much simpler to abandon the relationship. Despite all his vows to the contrary, Julian thought bitterly, he'd become his father. While Richard Bashir was not the serial monogamist his son had become, everything else in his father's life followed the same pattern. Problem with a job, get a new one; problem on a planet, move to another one; problem with a son, buy an improved one. Shoulders slumped, Julian acknowledged that if he didn't want to be his father, then the easy way out was no longer an option. *** After his shift was over, Julian forced himself to take the time to eat dinner and change out of his uniform before confronting Garak. He walked at a sedate pace to Habitat Level H-3, and pressed the chime for Chamber 901 instead of using his override code. Julian then made himself wait, counting to thirty in *kardasi* before pushing the summons again. After the third time, he gave up the pretence of being patient and pounded on the door. "Come on, Elim, I know you're in there!" The door slid open, but Garak was blocking the entrance, his expression closed off. "When a Cardassian doesn't respond to a door chime, it means he doesn't want any visitors." "Then why'd you answer the door?" Julian challenged. "Because I knew a locked door wouldn't be sufficient to deter you." Julian couldn't let the irony of that statement pass. "Has it ever stopped you?" With a ghost of a smile, Garak stepped aside and allowed him to enter. "I shouldn't let you in," the Cardassian murmured. "I'm really not in the mood tonight." "I know," Julian acknowledged. "That's why I'm here." Garak resumed his defensive posture by the door, his tone biting. "I'm not in the mood for discussing my emotional well-being either." "I'm afraid you no longer have a choice." Julian planted himself on Garak's couch. "This is tearing you to pieces, and you need to talk about it." "This?" "Empok Nor." Garak sighed, and abandoned the doorway. Nonetheless, he remained standing instead of joining Julian on the couch. "I've changed my mind, let's have sex." Julian smiled. "Despite the temptation of not having any more of my sheets stained with purple ejaculate, I'm going to decline." Garak looked momentarily perplexed, before chiding, "Mauve, my dear Doctor, not purple. You really are hopeless when it comes to aesthetics." "Be that as it may, I do know something about what you're going through now." "Do you." The Cardassian's eyes were like ice. "Then there's no need to discuss it, is there?" "I'm not here to interrogate you, Garak!" Julian leaned forward, his hands becoming fists. "I'm here because you need someone to open up to." "And what makes you think you're that person?" Elim was no longer bantering, but Julian refused to be cowed by the Cardassian's hostility. "Because you trust me." "No, I don't." Garak turned his head away before adding, "Don't take it personally, Doctor. The fact is I don't trust anyone. " "Bullshit!" Julian shouted, his ferocity taking them both by surprise. "Bull--?" "Bull shit! As in shit, as in crap, as in whatever fancy *kardasi* term you have for a big, steaming pile of bull shit!" The force of Julian's anger propelled him off the couch, forcing Garak to retreat. "You expect me to believe that you didn't trust me when you lay dying on that bio-bed and asked me to forgive you? That you didn't trust me when you allowed me to witness your father's death? Or when you fell asleep beside me on our first night together, and every night we've shared a bed since?" He stabbed an index finger towards the Cardassian's chest. "You trust me, Elim Garak, so start acting like it, and tell me what's wrong!" Only as Julian paused for breath, did he notice Garak's rigid stance. With his head tucked down and his shoulders hunched, Elim looked like a child bracing himself for punishment. Stricken, Julian sank down onto the couch. Pushing back memories of too many shouting matches with his father, he took several deep, cleansing breaths before extending his left hand. "Elim, come here." With obvious reluctance Garak closed the distance between them, his gaze still averted. Julian took his hand. "Please, sit beside me." When the Cardassian didn't move, he very gently pulled him onto the couch. "Elim, please look at me." He waited a minute, and then, not letting go of his lover's hand, Julian reached over with his right one and began stroking his lover's facial ridges. He traced around the Cardassian's eyes, along his ears and finally slipped his fingers under the ridged chin. "It's important that you look at me," he encouraged, as he lifted Garak's chin until their eyes met. Julian kept his expression devoid of compassion, knowing that it would only be mistaken for pity. Silently, he railed against whoever had decided to raise all Cardassians to believe that vulnerability was a fatal weakness, and then cursed each person in Garak's life that had driven that lesson home. Aloud, he reassured, "It's alright to let yourself trust me, Elim. You need to, I need you to, because if you don't, we're not going to last." "Because you'll leave me if I refuse to talk to you." The cold control of Garak's statement twisted Julian's insides. "No, we won't last because you'll drive me away, and anyone else who cares about you. And I don't want that to happen." He took a deep breath. "I love you, Elim." For several minutes they simply held hands in silence, then Garak surrendered. "Ask and I will answer as best I can." Julian was about to protest again, when it occurred to him that he was the one who was uncomfortable with the interrogation framework, not Elim. Steading himself, Julian accepted the role he was offered. "Is Amaro's death still bothering you?" Garak made a strangled noise that almost resembled a laugh. "No." There was a slight hesitation before he added, "I do regret what I did, but it's hardly the first time I've committed murder." "It wasn't you," Julian objected. "Sophistry, Doctor. No one else plunged that flux coupler into his body." "It was the psychotropic drug that --." Garak cut him off sharply. "For once, I am taking responsibility for my actions as you Federation types always harp on about. So, I would appreciate it if you allowed me to do so." "Alright." Julian admonished himself that it was important to keep Garak talking, later they could deal with his misconceptions. "I understand your point of view, and am still astonished that Chief O'Brien shares it." Garak stared at their clasped hands for a couple of moments before speaking again. "However, the fact that I was under the influence as you would say, in no way mitigates the loss to Amaro's family." Remembering their recent lunch-time conversation, Julian ventured, "And you don't believe that apologies can undo any of the harm done." "Cardassians do not believe in apologies without recompense." His grip on Julian's hand tightened. When Garak didn't volunteer anymore, Julian risked asking, "Are you concerned about the outcome of the hearing?" Again, that terrible sound that was not quite a laugh. "The irony is that this time I've done something I should be punished for, but I won't be. No, I'm much too valuable to the Federation now for them to lock me into another box for six months. What's the life of a lone security officer compared to having their very own domesticated Cardassian?" The bitterness in Garak's voice was not shocking, but his revelation was. "You're working for the Federation now?" "Please Doctor, could you imagine me in one of those unflattering uniforms?" "I certainly can't imagine you taking the oath to uphold and defend the constitution of the United Federation of Planets." "Nothing so dramatic as that, certainly." The grip on Julian's hand was now painful, but he didn't flinch. "It was simply pointed out to me during the debriefing regarding our time in the Dominion Internment Camp that the Federation and I now had a common foe." "Starfleet Security's not like the Obsidian Order, Elim. I'm sure that if you refused--." "I wouldn't suddenly find myself unwelcome on DS9? I wouldn't be handed over to Dukat and the Dominion's gentle care?" Garak smirked. "Please spare me the speech on how a Starfleet Admiral would never suggest such misfortunes might befall me should I prove less than cooperative." "I had no idea." Julian felt sickened that a high-ranking Starfleet officer would stoop to such tactics. "Don't look so stricken, my dear." Garak released Julian's hand, and gave it a gentle pat. "I found your Admiral Ross refreshingly pragmatic, and I'm quite certain he feels more secure thinking that my cooperation was gained through intimidation." "You expect me to believe that you want to help the Federation?" Garak smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I admit that the thought of detailing the internal workings of Central Command and decoding Cardassian transmissions for Starfleet Security is not entirely appealing." He leaned back on the couch, and sighed. "But your Admiral was right, we do share a common foe: the Founders." Garak's tone became contemptuous. "Dukat thinks he's using the Dominion as his own personal riding hound to glory, but he's a fool. The moment the Founders' no longer need my home as their foothold in the Alpha Quadrant, all of Cardassia will be condemned for Tain's attack against them." Julian shifted so that he was facing Garak. "Thank you, Elim." The Cardassian appeared mystified, so he explained, "For telling me what was troubling you." Garak met his eyes, and Julian was pleased to see some of the old sparkle had returned to them. "Don't take this the wrong way, Doctor, but you'd make a decent interrogator." "Is there a right way to take that?" He retorted in mock offense. "Perhaps not." Garak conceded. Julian began to caress his lover's neck ridges. "I know you're not entirely happy with the situation, but I'm glad we are on the same side for once." "Well, it could be much worse," Garak observed, pulling Julian in closer. "I could be helping the Klingons." Julian straddled the Cardassian's lap. "I better not catch you helping Worf. I am the jealous type, you know." Garak grimaced. "I am going to make you pay for creating that disgusting image." "I look forward to the attempt." Julian murmured, before silencing Elim with a kiss. *** Propped up beside the prone Cardassian, Julian watched while Garak's left hemipenes was slowly drawn back into his body. The process still fascinated him, and every so often he'd reach over to touch the ridged slit or the deflated penis only to have his hand lazily slapped away by Elim. In the back of his mind, though, Julian was troubled by what Garak had told him, and wished he could offer more than emotional support to his stressed lover. As he began to trace the less sensitive ridges on Garak's belly, he was struck by an idea, and smiled enigmatically at Elim. "You did help the Federation destroy the Dominion threat once before, you know." Instead of being intrigued, Garak became concerned. "My dear, you haven't been sampling Quark's half-priced menu again?" "I'm not hallucinating," Julian grumbled, before reconsidering. "Although I suppose I am referring to a hallucination." Garak placed a palm against the Doctor's cheek, but this time his hand was smacked aside. "I don't have a fever, Elim, just listen to me. Remember when the Defiant first made contact with the Founders, when we first discovered who they were?" "I remember you eventually telling me that you were all subjected to some sort of virtual reality to test the Federation's willingness to go to war. As I recall, you refused to provide any details, but fortunately I had already read Starfleet's confidential report on the incident." "I can never tell when you're being serious," Julian complained. "It's part of my charm, but please do continue." Julian rolled his eyes and sat up. Turning his attention inward, he accessed the false memories implanted by the Vortas, and described the unexpected role the Cardassian had played in the Dominion's experiment. It was only after he'd finished, that he noticed Garak was frowning at him. "I never thought you had such a morbid imagination, my dear." "I wasn't the one who thought it up," Julian protested. "It was the Founders, or maybe the Vorta who created the scenario." "But they used your thoughts to construct my rather melodramatic death scene." "You did die, Garak, but only after you had rescued all of us from the Jem'Hadar. Doesn't that count for something?" "Perhaps, but it seems like small compensation for me." Frustrated that Elim was deliberately missing the point of his narrative, Julian glared at him. "Alright, I was probably responsible for your claim that you were only using a tactic you'd read in a book, but you have to admit that sounds like something you'd say. However, I was very upset when they killed you, so maybe it was Sisko who wanted you dead." "What an inappropriate thing to say about your commanding officer, my dear. Starfleet really doesn't instill their officers with the proper respect for the chain of command." Julian tweaked one of the ridges on the Cardassian's chest. "Coming from someone who has tried to kill Dukat on more than one occasion, I find that observation rather hypocritical." "His recent pretensions to the contrary, Dukat has never been my superior officer." Garak drew Julian down beside him, and began to stroke his naked flank. "Moreover, if something is worth doing, it is worth doing well. Certainly, I have threatened him from time to time, but given the opportunity and means, I would not attempt to kill Dukat, I would accomplish the task." "And you accuse me of having a morbid imagination." "For a Federation Doctor, my dear, I wasn't comparing you to Cardassians." "That's a relief." Julian leaned over and gently nipped Elim's neck ridge. However, instead of responding as expected, Garak sat up, dislodging his lover. "Still, to have me make such a novice's error, leaving myself open to being shot like that, really demonstrates how little you or Sisko respects my professionalism." Before Julian could respond to this accusation, Garak added in a remote voice, "Although I can hardly blame either of you, considering my recent performance on Empok Nor. It would appear that living on this station has dulled my wits." "Don't." The firmness of the command startled Garak. "What?" "Don't attack yourself like that. I was in that Dominion prison with *him* long enough to recognize his voice." Julian pulled his lover back down onto the bed and wrapped his arms around him. "You weren't like that at all in the scenario they created. Oh, you were as cynical as always, but you were also vibrant, brilliant, and ultimately you saved the day." Julian kissed the ridge on his jaw. "Come to think of it, you were a hero, actually." "Julian," Garak chided, "you more than most know what I've been. How can you possibly believe such a fantasy?" "There's more to you than what you once were, Elim." He smiled, and predicted with absolute confidence, "I think you're going to surprise yourself some day." For a long time Garak was silent, before he sighed. "My dear, just because I trust you, doesn't mean you should trust me." "Humans have this peculiar belief that you cannot have love without trust." "Why am I not surprised?" He pulled Julian into a fierce hug, and whispered in his ear, "But you may have a point." Julian chuckled, pulling out of the embrace. "I love you too, Elim. Purple -- sorry *mauve* -- ejaculate, sperm plugs and all." An evil smile formed on his lover's face. "Yes, I had noticed you'd decided to forgo the shower again." "Bloody hell!" Julian leapt out of the bed and was halfway to the refresher before he reconsidered and returned to the bedside. After bestowing an intense kiss, he asked, "Care to join me, my sexy sidewinder?" "I believe I could be persuaded." Then he added with a wicked glint in his eyes, "But only if you guarantee my personal safety first. I'd hate to find myself caught up in some kind of heroic yet fatal situation." Julian grinned. "Trust me." - end - ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ASCEM messages are copied to a mailing list. Most recent messages can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCEML. NewMessage: