Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!elnk-atl-nf1!newsfeed.earthlink.net!newsswing.news.prodigy.com!prodigy.net!newsfeed.cwix.com!border1.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!newsread.com!newsstand.newsread.com!POSTED.monger.newsread.com!not-for-mail
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated
Approved: ascem@earthlink.net
Organization: Better Living Thru TrekSmut 
Sender: ascem@earthlink.net
Message-ID: <cq7t4f+na9t@eGroups.com>
From: "temara.rm" <temara@rocketmail.com>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Mailing-List: list ASCEML@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCEML-owner@yahoogroups.com
Subject: NEW: The Healer Triad VOY C/f, C/P/f NC-17 10/14
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
Lines: 832
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 01:55:23 GMT
NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.198.142.218
X-Complaints-To: Abuse Role <abuse@prismnet.com>, We Care <abuse@newsread.com>
X-Trace: monger.newsread.com 1103594123 209.198.142.218 (Mon, 20 Dec 2004 20:55:23 EST)
NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 20:55:23 EST
Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated:86092
X-Received-Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 17:55:51 PST (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net)



************
Part Ten
************

WARNING!!! ONE MAJOR CHARACTOR DEATH IN THIS CHAPTER

See Part One for disclaimer

It had taken some time for Tamara and Kathryn Janeway to make amends=20
to their friendship, even though Kathryn didn't hold it too=20
personally against the healer for her actions. She had admitted to=20
Tamara personally one night, that had their positions been reversed,=20
she'd have done the same thing. The Captain's understanding of how=20
much Tamara loved her husband, and finding a loophole that got her=20
sentence leally reduced to thirty days in the brig, ten weeks=20
community service didn't hurt any either on the path of their=20
renewal.=20

During her community work, which wasn't really any more than what she=20
usually did for the crew, Tamara attended counseling sessions with=20
Tuvok, and finally had to admit, she wasn't super human after all.=20
That all the stress and strain of being taken from her time period,=20
mutated against her will, and everything else up to this point was=20
enough to make anyone snap, and she had. She still felt guilty for=20
slapping her husband like that, even if Chakotay didn't hold it=20
against her, she still held it against herself, for she was a healer=85
but she had taken life too, and that was part of the key to her=20
struggles. She was a healer that had killed, even if it was in self=20
defense, she had taken a life=85lives, and this didn't set well with=20
her.=20

Strangely, it was during a rare moment when she broke down in her=20
husband's arms and shared this nagging thought that she gained the=20
insight she needed to heal. Tuvok had given her a lot of help in=20
dealing with the majority of things, but his `logic' just didn't cut=20
it for her when it came to this little matter; she was a healer that=20
killed, and that was that. But when her love responded by asking her,=20
did she ever take a life in cold blood, and she snapped `no', as if=20
it was a horrifying idea, it dawned on her that no, she didn't do any=20
of it to be cruel but to survive.=20

As they continued to cuddle, she shared her realization through their=20
link, and realized that it wasn't a matter of logic, but her love's=20
acceptance of her actions. For no matter how independent or head=20
strong she projected to the world, the bottom line was, and she=20
needed her Love's understanding and to know he approved of her. It=20
wasn't logical, it was pure emotional=85and feeling his acceptance of=20
how she felt and all of what she had done in her past was the best=20
medicine she could ever ask for. A pair of bright eyes drew her out=20
of her reverie, it was someone's bedtime.=20

That night after she kissed Cat after her new father told her a story=20
and headed off to work, and checked on the twins, she looked at her=20
oldest and dearest friend and companion for the last few years and=20
felt it=85Andy had made a decision that would affect everyone and as=20
much as she didn't like it, she would have to respect it.=20

Andy knew it was time to move on and he knew where he had to move on=20
too, Captain Janeway. He could feel her need and he hoped that his=20
mistress would understand. Kathryn Janeway didn't necessary need a=20
man in her life or a woman, but a companion for the company and=20
someone who could listen and not judge, and after all, Tamara had her=20
new family, she didn't need him=85in the same way anymore; no, it was=20
time and he had to let his friend and beloved mistress know.

"Kathryn is shutting down again, Andy. I can feel it too." Tamara=20
replied tightly while she scratched the furball's neck as his three=20
purple eyes stayed locked on her green eyes their understanding and=20
love being communicated even though not another word was spoken. They=20
both knew that being a Starfleet Captain for all these years with no=20
break was taking its toll on the amazing woman.=20

Andy whimpered and got up pacing the living area of the quarters. He=20
was agitated and in pain feeling the distress of Captain Janeway and=20
the need to fix it stirred in him strongly. He knew what he needed to=20
do and he could see his current mistress did too, and was grateful=20
that she understood; that he may be what some consider a pet, but he=20
knew his calling in life and was eager to fulfill it.  Purple eyes=20
looked at the door and back to Tamara growling his anxiety. They had=20
their goodbyes; it was time for him to move on.=20

"Cat, I'm going out for just a few minutes. Can you keep an ear open=20
for the twins for me, please?" Tamara asked her oldest daughter.

"Sure, Mom," Cat was nearly seven and the twins were nine months old,=20
and as long as the ship wasn't under attack, they couldn't be=20
safer. "Is Dad on gamma shift this week?"

"Yeah, Cat. I'll be right back. Come on, Andy." The Healer left her=20
quarters followed by a rolling mass of fur the size of an Irish=20
Wolfhound and four-inch incisors. They walked noiselessly through the=20
corridor to the turbo lift. They were in the lift before she realized=20
she had forgotten her shoes. "Bridge." She couldn't help but wonder=20
if on some unconscious level Kathryn knew she would need the large=20
loving ball of fur that would now bring her comfort as he had done=20
for her during the long lonely nights before Chakotay came into her=20
life, and that was why she had bent the rules and allowed Andy to=20
stay.=20

Gamma shift was on duty when the turbo lift doors opened and they=20
walked onto the bridge. Chakotay was on this shift for the week, crew=20
rotation time. He was sitting in the command chair when he spotted=20
them out of the corner of his eye. "Something wrong, Tam?" Chakotay=20
looked up from the report he was reading. He knew something was up=20
when he saw Andy with her, for the large creature was not allowed on=20
the bridge and his wife never went out of her way=85too often to break=20
the rules.

Tamara held her index finger to her lips for silence and pointed to=20
the ready room as if asking if the Captain was in. Chakotay nodded=20
yes and watched as they went to the far side of the bridge as Tamara=20
rang the door chime asking for entry.

"Come in." She stepped only enough so the door opened and Andy=20
bounded in the ready room while Tamara backed away letting the door=20
slid shut.

Turning around, Tamara ran straight into Chakotay and his arms=20
encircled her. He was curious to her actions and why she was on the=20
bridge barefoot. "Mind telling me what that was all about?" He asked=20
gently, seeing sadness in his love's eyes.

"Hopefully a bit of healing and the opening of doors to new=20
possibilities, my love." Tamara answered as she tried to get around=20
him, not wanting to discuss this further at the moment. But he wasn't=20
going to budge, and though this annoyed her, it was also something=20
she loved about him. She wasn't surprised that he hugged and kissed=20
her in front of the night shift, for he had told her once, that if=20
they had a problem with it, they could get their own wife. Though he=20
only did it rarely, for Chakotay was an Officer through and through.=20
He obviously sensed her grief and was offering his love and support.=20

She wiggled out of his grasp and slapped him playfully on the=20
arm. "Behave yourself, Commander, or I'll have to report you for=20
misconduct," she laughed. "I'll give you the full story in the=20
morning." And left giving her husband a playful wink, knowing=20
everyone saw it, and just gave the gossip mill their latest story=85
Commander does it on the bridge with his wife=85told at eleven. When=20
the doors closed, her smile faded, as tears of loss fell down her=20
cheek. Though she was happy for Andy, and Kathryn, she would miss her=20
faithful friend, but she knew=85the time of change was upon them all.=20

************

Tom and B'Elanna's marriage went through their ups and downs, much=20
like Chakotay's and Tamara's but there was most definitely love there=20
and things were smoothing out, also like Chakotay and Tamara's. Then=20
when the news that Chakotay wasn't going to be the only dad on=20
Voyager, no one could be more happy for the young couple than=20
Voyagers first married couple and soon to be god parents.=20

It wasn't long before Tamara was giving B'Elanna tips on how to=20
handle pregnancy and most importantly how to handle her husband;=20
extra back and foot rubs, and midnight runs to the mess hall, While=20
Chakotay was giving Tom tips on the various ways one can apologize=20
for simply breathing wrong at Sardines.=20

"You've got to be kidding," Tom joked, and then felt a shiver down=20
his spine as he saw just how serious Chakotay was being.=20

"I'm telling you, it'll happen. You'll just have to be in the room=20
taking a breath or sighing=85and bam! She'll yell at you like you did=20
the most horrible thing in the universe, and if you don't know how to=20
say your sorry properly, you'll only make matters worse=85trust me;=20
been there done that, had the T-shirt and sold it for diapers."=20

Tom laughed, but he was getting the point, plus he got to hang out=20
with Chakotay and not feel guilty about it. His feelings for the Big=20
guy never was far away, but he was happy with B'Elanna, and could=20
live with simply having this man as his best friend=85Harry being a=20
real close second, but only by a photo finish. "Anything else I=20
should be aware of?"=20

"Yeah, if you hear the words, honey, are you awake=85say no."=20

Tom and Chakotay laughed, but the older man knew that it would only=20
be a matter of time before the younger one realized just how serious=20
he was. The two joined their wives and made future arrangements for=20
their next gathering, for all four of them were truly becoming the=20
best of friends and spent a lot of time with each other.=20

Tamara scheduled her time with Tom and B'Elanna and their Lamaze=20
class, while Chakotay arranged dinner plans, showing off his latest=20
skill that becoming domestic had taught him=85cooking. They were to=20
meet tomorrow night to discuss how to redesign the room for the=20
baby's arrival, discuss names, since Tom and B'Elanna were having=20
trouble deciding, and if all went well, Tom would get his revenge=20
during a little poker. Between Tamara and Chakotay, they could hustle=20
the whiskers off a cat, but Tom felt more than up for the challenge,=20
or punishment, as his wife called it. They bid each other good night,=20
all looking forward to tomorrow night.

************

Tamara was on duty in Sickbay when the ship shook from an attack by=20
the nasty alien of the week. The Doctor came online and they got=20
triage ready for any wounded. By the way the ship was rocking they=20
knew that there would be a lot. It didn't take long before some=20
engineers came stumbling in carrying wounded.

"Major plasma burns near the Jeffries Tube. We still have two people=20
trapped inside." Carrey murmured his own wounds very painful, even to=20
look upon.=20

There was a transporter hum and two badly burned bodies appeared on=20
two empty bio-beds. The Doctor quickly scanned them while Tamara was=20
working on less serious cases. But something made her turn around and=20
over heard the Doctor, her eyes locking on one of the two biobeds.=20

"It's too late, she's dead, Ensign. However, we can still save Ensign=20
Vorick." The Doctor was telling Ensign Baker. "Tamara, I need your=20
assistance with surgery if you please."

"Yeah, Doc." The information of the situation still not registering,=20
she moved by the EMH, then she glanced at the patient and recognized=20
the deceased as B'Elanna. "What about the baby?" she whispered in=20
faint hope of what she already knew was the truth.=20

"Too much damage and the fetus was too young to survive. You can=20
grieve later, Tamara. I need your help with Ensign Vorick." He turned=20
to the next bed and the badly burned Vulcan lying there.

Tamara numbly placed her hands on Vorick's head and face releasing a=20
wave of healing energy through his body. It was enough to heal the=20
worst of the burns and internal damage. Running the scanner over=20
Vorick and using a hypo spray, the Doctor pronounced him stable so he=20
would live long enough to make it into surgery, where the EMH was=20
confident all would be well.

She ran sickbay while the Doctor worked on Vorick, and like a true=20
professional, she kept her focus, tending to each patients needs,=20
placing her own need to grieve aside. Then when all was basically=20
settled, she called for those who had the horrid task of placing the=20
dead into stasis for burial, for there was no need for an autopsy,=20
they knew how the half-Klingon=85her friend, died.=20

She was silent as two crewmen removed B'Elanna to the morgue. The=20
vision she had had months ago came to mind. She recalled that her and=20
Chakotay were about to make love when she was called to sickbay. As=20
she got ready to go, a wave of nausea came over her as did the=20
vision; she left in a foul mood, never explaining it to her love. She=20
had recalled the vision of her doing a healing on Vorick, and she=20
B'Elanna and her child dead. Not every single one of her visions came=20
true, and she had prayed that this had been one, but it was all too=20
real. Tears ran down her face as she felt Chakotay coming up behind=20
her. His arms pulled her into him for the much needed embrace.

"What's wrong, Tam? Talk to me," he pleaded with her. Their link=20
allowed him to feel her grieve and pain of loss, just not the full=20
understanding of it.=20

"We=85we lost B'Elanna and the baby, Tay," she blurted out. "The plasma=20
burns were too severe and she was dead before she got transported to=20
Sickbay." Then she turned and cried into his chest. "I saw it all! I=20
saw the vision months ago=85but I didn't want it to be real, I didn't=20
say anything=85I=85" she sobbed hard, losing all ability to talk, the=20
pain of anguish and guilt overwhelming her.=20

Chakotay felt like someone had punched him in the gut at the news and=20
his tears welled up. He buried his face in Tamara's red hair and=20
tightened his grip on her. His silent sobs joined hers. All he could=20
do was send his love through their link, for he knew that until she=20
was ready, she would hold onto her guilt, and he wasn't able to do=20
much more, for he too lost a loved one today. From the corner of his=20
eye he saw the Doctor preparing a sedative, for Tamara was becoming=20
hysterical, sobbing so hard she might literally choke.=20

"Sickbay to Bridge." The Doctor said as he patched up the last of the=20
wounded. He had placed Tamara under sedation and Chakotay refused to=20
let go of her in his grief over the loss of his dearest friend. Had=20
the Commander not been in more control of himself, he too would have=20
been sedated.=20

"Bridge here, Doctor. What can we do for you?" The Captain responded.=20
The attack was over with and repairs were under way.

"Captain, would you and Lt. Paris please come to Sickbay?" The Doctor=20
asked. He knew they would suspect something wrong, but not this and=20
he only hoped the Captain would be able to give the emotional support=20
Mr. Paris was going to need.=20

"On our way, Doctor."

Captain Janeway and Lt. Paris entered Sickbay and were immediately=20
ushered into the Doctor's office, but not before they saw Chakotay=20
hovering over Tamara.

"What's going on, Doctor?" Janeway became worried.

Tom felt a chill go through him, the foreboding filling the air. As=20
much as he cared for Tamara, he wouldn't be called here for her, so=20
it had to be B'Elanna, but she was no where in sight.

"I'm afraid there's no easy way to say this, Captain, Mr. Paris." The=20
EMH hesitated for a second. "B'Elanna Torres-Paris died of severe=20
plasma burns at 14:23 hours today."

Janeway sucked in her breath, "The baby?"

"I'm sorry, Captain. There was no way for the fetus to survive." The=20
Doctor was intent on Tom's reactions to the news that his wife and=20
child were dead.

Tom stood up, "Captain, I need to make arrangements for the service.=20
Will you excuse me?"

"Will you be alright, Tom?" Kathryn was concerned at the emotionless=20
tone in his voice. She had seen many forms of reaction to hearing=20
that your family was dead, and to her, this was among the worst.=20
She'd prefer if Tom would break down into a babbling mass of tears=20
than this black void. But she also knew there was nothing she could=20
do till Tom was willing to face his loses.=20

"I'll be fine, Captain." He left, not another word or look at anyone.

************

Admiral Paris appeared to him, looking angry and ashamed. "You are=20
such a screw-up, Thomas. No matter what you try to do you fuck it up=20
and destroy those who love you. You did it to me, your family, and=20
even your friends at Caldik Prime."

"Dad, please. I am trying. It was an accident." Tom sobbed.=20

"If you look at it right, B'Elanna's death `was' your fault and that=20
of your child. At least a child could have made up for all the=20
mistakes in your life. A new Paris to take our family even further in=20
Star Fleet, even if they would have had to live down being yours for=20
the rest of their life."

"Don't do this to me, please." Tears fell from haunted blue eyes.

"I would have claimed your child, but not you. A grandchild would=20
have given me a second chance for the Paris line and legacy, but no=20
you had to go and fuck that up too, by killing it!" Cold icy blue=20
eyes bore into his. "The next time you have a child=85no, forget that!=20
You'd only kill any offspring you attempted to have like this one.=20
No, if there is ever to be a future for the Paris line, it won't come=20
from you. Like always, I'll have to take things into my own hand. Do=20
us a favor Tom; put the universe and me out of our misery. Perhaps=20
that's the one thing you just might get right=85sure about as well as=20
you can do anything else." Admiral Paris faded away with an evil=20
laugh that shook Tom to his very core.

The scene shifted and Tom found himself staring at the familiar gray=20
walls of his old cell at Auckland Federal Penal Colony, bent over the=20
end of his bunk bare ass in the air and mouth open for the next=20
taker. His wrists were tied to the bed frame and his ankles to the=20
legs of the bunk. There was a vile taste in his mouth and throat=20
while warm sticky fluids ran down the insides of his thighs. Pain=20
radiated in his rectum and surrounding tissue and the muscles in his=20
jaw ached from cocks being shoved down his throat.

"You're quite the pretty little whore, aren't you?" a gravelly voice=20
said behind him as a rough cloth was used to clean his ass. "You may=20
be worthless at everything else in your life, but you've turned to be=20
quite good at being a whore. Perhaps if you didn't protest so much,=20
I'd even give you a little something to pay for your time."

There were the sounds of his sobbing, "Please, no more."

Footsteps sounded outside of the cell. "Time for your next customers,=20
pretty one, enjoy, I know I sure did."

Two prisoners entered with leers on their faces, pants being undone=20
and cocks being pulled out. His screams were cut off as a fresh cock=20
was shoved roughly in his ass and down his throat.

"See, Tom. Your best efforts are for nothing. Your true place is as a=20
whore for the highest bidder." One of the men scoffed.=20

"What made you think you deserved a wife and child, pretty one?=20
You're my best money maker and I'm waiting for you when get back to=20
the Alpha Quadrant, for I've got them lining up around the corner for=20
a taste of your sweet ass." The gravel voice echoed through his head.

"No!" he screamed as sat straight up in his bed. Staring into the=20
darkness, his body began to shake in terror. "BELANNA!"

Chakotay shook Tamara until she woke up drenched in sweat and tears=20
running down her face. She collapsed in his arms sobbing in anguish=20
over the nightmare she had witnessed, not realizing how much of it=20
she had unknowingly shared with her husband. Even in the safe arms of=20
her love, she could still feel what Tom was suffering.

************

//She was gone or so they told me. The baby was gone. My daughter=20
never had a chance. //

//Both=85gone. //

//Plasma relay blew out. Yeah, right! //

//Someone is playing a joke on me. That has to be it! Harry, did=20
B'Elanna put you up to this? //

// Why is my nose plastered to the glass lid of this casket? //

//Wake up, B'Elanna. Please wake up and tell me you want some garlic=20
leola root ice cream for your latest craving? We need to pick out a=20
name for our baby girl? That's right; Doc said it is going to be a=20
girl=85so you see you have to wake up! //

//Please, someone tell me this is a just a dream or a nightmare? And=20
WHY is it raining on the glass? //

//Who is that screaming? Can't they tell I need quiet to figure this=20
out? //

The peaceful darkness that descends over me when I felt a soft hiss=20
against my neck is welcomed. Then I feel strong burly arms picking me=20
up from the=85floor? It's Chakotay, I'd know him anywhere, and I'm so=20
glad he is here. He'll keep me safe. He'll make everything alright.=20
His arms feel like heaven, and I know it's the only thing keeping me=20
from crossing over after B'Elanna and our daughter=85sleep, yes, sleep=20
in his arms=85this is good.=20

************=09

Harry Kim stepped into the First Officer's quarters when the door=20
opened to his request for entry. It was a typical morning rush in the=20
Chakotay household; Tamara was feeding the twins, Cat couldn't find=20
her shoe and Chakotay was putting his uniform jacket on and trying to=20
wrestle an armful of PADD's at the same time and failing.

"Good morning, Harry." Tamara smiled at him as Ko snatched the spoon=20
out of her hand and waved it around. Charlin grinned at her brother's=20
antics.

"Hi Tamara. Do you and the Commander have a minute?" Harry ran a hand=20
through his thick hair. He looked tired and haggard.

"Mom, where's my shoe?" Cat yelled from the door to her room.

"Try the twin's room, dear," the Healer yelled back while expertly=20
taking the spoon back from her son. Ko looked like a miniature=20
Chakotay, only he had his mother's green eyes. His sister, Charlin,=20
definitely took after her father with the dark hair, eyes and skin,=20
though she had her mom's facial structure. "Have a seat, Harry. We'll=20
be with you in a moment."

Pushing the baby stroller out of the bedroom, Chakotay wheeled it=20
over next to the couch.
"Morning, Harry." Chakotay said as he picked up his daughter, dumped=20
the PADD's on the coffee table, and sat on the couch beside Tamara=20
and Ko.

Cat came running out with her schoolbooks and both shoes on, kissed=20
everyone and ran out the door to join Naomi Wildman for lessons.=20
Smiling at her abrupt departure, Chakotay and Tamara turned their=20
attention on Harry Kim.

"What's up, Harry?" Chakotay asked.

"It's about Tom, Commander. He hasn't been out of his quarters for=20
three days now and he won't let anyone in. He changed his access=20
codes so even I can't get in." Worry tinged his voice and Tamara=20
leaned over to get a good look at his drawn face.

"When is the last time you had any sleep, Ensign?" She asked.

"I don't remember. I'm more worried about Tom at this point, Tamara."=20
Harry answered feeling the exhaustion and strain over the loss of=20
B'Elanna catch up with him.

"We'll deal with Tom. You go and get some sleep. I'm giving you the=20
next 24 hours off, Healer's orders," Tamara said after she got the=20
medical tricorder from her med kit and waved it over him. Loading a=20
hypo spray, she injected a mild sedative in his neck, for the body=20
was already pushing for sleep and didn't need much more help. "Now=20
go, you have about ten minutes before you fall asleep."

"Yes, ma'am," Harry gave in and left going back to his own quarters=20
to sleep, knowing that if anyone could help Tom, it would be the=20
Commander and his wife. He had seen how close the four of them had=20
become, and how Tom would slip from time to time and call Chakotay=20
and Tamara his family. At first he had been a bit jealous, but, when=20
he knew his part as Tom's friend was secure, he was happy for Tom,=20
now he was grateful, for at times like this, only family will do.
=09
"How do you think we should handle this?" Chakotay asked as he made=20
the changes to the duty roster, before sending it to the bridge,=20
possibly freeing up him or Tamara or both if need be.=20

"You go, check on Tom and see what his state of mind is. Then call me=20
and we can decide from there. I'll get the twins settled and join=20
you. One way or the other, together we'll help Tom." Tamara finished=20
settling the twins in the stroller while they babbled to each other.

"Okay, baby. Do you have any idea when the Doctor will be back=20
online?" Chakotay asked as he followed his family out of their=20
quarters, for the EMH had gone down shortly after the funeral,=20
another blown relay; this time they were lucky, no one died.

"Any day now, Tay." She said, going left as Chakotay moved right,=20
heading for the turbo lift.=20

Once reaching Tom's door knowing he'd be ignored, he used his command=20
override, and entered the quarters of Voyager's Chief Pilot unsure of=20
what he would find. The lights were on low as he stepped into the=20
living area and looked around at the shambles. Nearly everything had=20
been destroyed, but no sign of Tom as Chakotay picked his way through=20
the rubble towards the bedroom. He mentally kicked himself for=20
letting Tom alone for so long; even the fact that he had his hands=20
full with being the ship's XO, husband, and Father of three, didn't=20
seem to measure up as enough as an excuse.=20

There was a low humming sound as he peeked into the bedroom and found=20
what he was looking for. With blank eyes staring at nothing, Tom sat=20
on the middle of his bed rocking back and forth humming tunelessly.=20
Dried tears left tracks down his beautiful face and there was a=20
smudge of dried blood on his forehead, from what looked like he had=20
hit his head.

"Tom?" Chakotay asked as he entered the room, which was nice and=20
neat, compared to the outer room.

There was no response from the younger man.

"Tom?" He placed a hand on the rocking shoulder, but got no response.=20
It was like Tom was in his own private world.

With a heavy sigh, the First Officer tapped his=20
communicator. "Chakotay to Sickbay."

"Sickbay here, Commander." Tamara answered since she was now on duty=20
as Acting Chief Medical Officer till the EMH was brought back on line.

"I'm bringing Tom in, Tam. He's in bad shape"

"Okay, I'm all ready for him. Neelix has the twins for the day.=20
Sickbay out."

Chakotay did a site to site transport for Tom and himself to Sickbay.=20
He had no problem laying the pilot on the bio-bed while Tamara ran a=20
medical scanner over his body.

"Lt. Carey to Sickbay."

"Sickbay here, Lt." Tamara responded not happy at all with the way=20
her scans read.

"You should be able to activate the Doctor. We finished repairs on=20
his matrix." Joe Carey, the new Chief Engineer relayed.

"Thank you, Mr. Carey." Tamara said. "Computer, activate Emergency=20
Medical Hologram."

The Doctor appeared, "Please state the nature of the medical=20
emergency."

"Over here. It's Tom," Chakotay said as Tamara handed the tricorder=20
to the hologram, his eyes still on the young pained though distant=20
face before him.

"I don't like the looks of this at all," The Doctor admitted, and=20
began treatment=85of his physical condition. The mental would take more=20
than a hypo.=20

************

Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay sat in the briefing room with=20
the Doctor and Healer Tamara to determine the status of Thomas Eugene=20
Paris.

"Mr. Paris has not eaten or slept since her death and he is now on=20
full life support in Sickbay," the Doctor reported.

"And what is your take on this, Healer?" Janeway asked, wanting every=20
perspective before making a decision.

"I don't know if he will recover, Captain. I say indefinite medical=20
leave for the time being." Tamara recommended in her medical=20
opinion. "Tom needs time to deal with this. I did a surface scan and=20
he is absolutely shattered at this moment. Intense shock."

"How was he when you found him, Commander?" the Captain asked as she=20
looked into her empty coffee cup, missing the look of guilt and pain=20
that flashed through her friend and First Officer's eyes, but she was=20
the only one to miss it.

"Tom must have had a fit of temper at one point. When I entered his=20
quarters, the living and dining areas were destroyed." Chakotay=20
replied dully, trying to keep himself in check.

"I see. Doctor, do you agree with the Healer in this matter?"

"I concur, Captain." The EMH advised.

"Who is going to be his counselor?" Kathryn noted the dark circles=20
under Chakotay's eyes. Her gaze caught Tamara's eyes and she took a=20
good look at him even more.

"I will," Tamara said. "Some of my medical training has involved=20
counseling training." She saw Chakotay jump at her words. She could=20
tell that he wanted the job, but under the circumstances, it would=20
prove too much for her Love. She knew that Chakotay loved Tom Paris,=20
and this was killing him. She also knew Tom was no threat to her=20
marriage, for Chakotay was a loyal man, but that was also part of the=20
problem. He loved Tom, and though he wouldn't do anything to=20
jeopardize his family, he'd sacrifice everything for those he loved=85
this included Tom. No, he was too close, and Tom needed someone who=20
cared, who could understand loss on a large scale and still remain=20
objective=85that wasn't Chakotay.=20

"What do you think, Doctor?" Kathryn was thinking that her First=20
Officer needed some time to deal with his grief, not fully aware of=20
the emotions involved, and was glad that his wife agreed.=20

"Since he has a rapport with Tamara, I see no harm in letting her=20
try," he responded.

They spent a few moments agreeing on procedures for Tom's benefit=20
while Tamara and Kathryn silently worried about Chakotay.

"Commander, you've been quiet through most of this. Do you need some=20
time? I know B'Elanna was a dear friend of yours," Janeway noticed=20
the unshed tears in his dark eyes. She felt bad since they were all=20
worried about Tom and no one had spared a thought for him.

"I'll be fine, Captain." His tone was short and Tamara eyed him with=20
concern, for she knew that her Love had grieved over B'Elanna,=20
performing the rites of the dead. This was his love and guilt for the=20
young man out cold in sickbay, and being torn between where he should=20
be and wants to be at the moment.

"Could Mr. Tuvok be open for counseling people as well, Captain? I=20
know Harry Kim is not having an easy time with this." Tamara put in=20
hoping to cut this short and get Chakotay alone for a moment.

"Good idea. I'll ask him. I want the Doctor and Commander Chakotay to=20
monitor your sessions from time to time to see how things are going.=20
Dismissed." Janeway got up and left the briefing room followed by the=20
Doctor as Tamara placed a hand on Chakotay's arm for him to stay.

"What do you need, Chakotay?" Tamara asked hiding her own irritation,=20
for no matter what, she was still human. She credited herself for=20
being able to accept the fact that Chakotay loved Tom, and accepted=20
he'd never do anything about it, but this situation had changed some=20
of the rules, as she and Chakotay were learning.=20

"I need time, dear heart. Will you give it to me?" It was a simple=20
request.

"Take all the time you need, baby. We'll be waiting for you." She=20
said sincerely, knowing that it was the only answer. He husband was a=20
proud man, and like her, liked to work things out for himself. She=20
gave him an understanding look and left, for she would have her hands=20
full and needed to make preparations.=20

************

It had taken a couple of days, but between Tuvok and herself, they=20
had been able to coax Tom out of his mental nook, and back into the=20
world of the living, much to his disdain. This allowed Tamara a=20
chance to work with Tom, who showed he could be just as stubborn as=20
her husband, and wondered for more than the first time how the two=20
men could have not been suited for each other. Fortunately, what=20
often worked on Chakotay worked on Tom, and she had been able to=20
penetrate some of his barriers.=20

Visitors had been restricted to Tuvok, the EMH, and herself, by her=20
orders, stating that Tom was not up to facing others, but it was for=20
deeper reasons that what she let on. Harry couldn't take the stress=20
of seeing his best friend so despondent, nor could her husband, who=20
was still working `things out'. Though Chakotay was there doing his=20
duty, he was far away with his emotions and his heart during this=20
time. She thought it best that all three have a break and hopefully=20
heal.=20

After five days of what seemed like a personal mental heal for her,=20
Tom wouldn't let her in, nor Tuvok or the EMH. He had closed himself=20
off, and with every attempt he added a new wall of defense=85they were=20
losing him, and she was at her wits end. That, even though she=20
promised herself not to burden her husband with any of this, he broke=20
down and cried in his arms, sharing her frustration at her failure,=20
to the point she cried herself asleep.=20

Late that night when she awoke, curled in her husband's loving arms,=20
she did something she knew she shouldn't but she was desperate. She=20
reached into her sleeping husband's mind to see what resolves he made=20
about Tom, and found what she already knew=85he loved him with all his=20
heart, and if he hadn't fallen for Tamara, he would have tried for a=20
relationship for the young man. It didn't matter that she knew,=20
confirmation was always painful, but she pushed that aside=85desperate=20
times called for desperate measures; she only hoped that if the truth=20
was ever learned, Chakotay and Tom would be able to forgive her.=20

She had touched Tom's mind and knew how much he loved Chakotay,=20
though it didn't take away from what he felt for his wife. In the=20
young man's mind, the ultimate life would have been both of them to=20
love and cherish. Though like Chakotay, he too would do nothing to=20
harm her or interfere with Chakotay's family. But=85it was the only key=20
she thought she had left=85and knowing that if she didn't use it, she=20
was sure Tom would be dead by the end of the week, even if his body=20
continued to function.=20

"Forgive me, Love," she whispered barely above a breath, and then=20
gently pushed farther into Chakotay's mind=85 Then she left heading for=20
sickbay, where Tom had to remain to be monitored. When she was there=20
standing next to a sleeping Tom Paris, she reached into his mind,=20
just enough to plant the seed=85 the rest would come from another=20
source. Then she left, erasing any record of her presence and headed=20
back to her quarters.=20

She climbed back into bed, and curled up to Chakotay, resolve in her=20
eyes, for she had accepted her guilt. She nudged her love, "Honey=85"=20
she said as if half-sleeping. "Honey."=20

"Hmmm?"=20

"I think one of the twins is up=85go check?" she mumbled, as if she was=20
sleeping. This was nothing new in their routine of things, so=20
Chakotay thought nothing of it as he nodded, half asleep and got up=20
from bed grabbing his robe and exited the bedroom. She stared at the=20
door, suddenly concerned. //Now is not the time for second=20
thoughts! // she chided herself, as doubt started to fill her. But=20
she knew what was done was done=85there was really no turning back now.=20

************

He felt strong fingers caressing his skin and opened his eyes to see=20
who it was, and was surprised to see that it was Chakotay standing=20
over him in his night robe. The dark eyes looking down at him were=20
filled with love, concern=85and pain.

He hadn't seen anyone for along time, especially Chakotay since the=20
day after the funeral. He remembered how much he wanted too see him,=20
but couldn't find the courage to seek him out, and he knew Chakotay=20
wouldn't come looking for him=85but yet=85here he stood.=20

"Cha?" his voice was soft, groggy from sleep, and he wasn't hundred=20
percent sure he wasn't dreaming.=20

"It's alright, love, I'm here," Chakotay replied lovingly, as he=20
continued his caresses on soft pale skin and hair. "I'm here, and if=20
you let me, I'll always be here for you."=20

Tom may have normally questioned this, but at the moment he didn't=20
care, Chakotay called `him' love, and said he'd be there for him, and=20
he wanted that more than anything. He needed it more than anything.=20
He slowly rose from the biobed, keeping the contact between=20
Chakotay's hand and his face. "I need you too," he whispered, his=20
blue eyes seeking out Chakotay's seeing that his words were accepted.=20

Chakotay reached out and pulled the young blond into his arms and=20
held him tightly. "I love you, Tom Paris, and I need you too," he=20
declared as tears started to fall down his face. "I can't lose you,=20
please don't make me lose you," he begged.=20

Tom gently pulled back enough to look into tear filled eyes and felt=20
his own flow, for the love he saw was overwhelming and for him.=20
Chakotay loved him! As he continued to look at the man he knew he=20
would have chosen for himself had fate not stepped in, all his=20
barriers fell like the walls of Jericho, and he kissed the lips he so=20
desired. "You won't lose me," he promised, not only with his words=20
but his heart.  Then sweet mouths merged and bodies intertwined as=20
passions flowed, the two men releasing their love freely to one=20
another.=20

************

Chakotay stirred and tossed to his side, only to be assaulted by=20
twins and the words "Daddy!" echoing through his hazy brain. He=20
opened his eyes and smiled, feeling better than he had in a long=20
time. He roared at the little one's as was the game=85waking the=20
sleeping bear, and the he laughed as he sat up and watched them run=20
off giggling, to get Cat' the bear trainer.=20

He noticed that Tamara was already up, but that didn't bother him,=20
she had been stressed and that kept her from sleeping well. He rubbed=20
his hand over his face and hair, and stopped, //usually my hair dries=20
if I take a shower before bed? // he thought, since it was damp, but=20
shook it off and climbed out of bed.=20

He put on his robe and walked out into the mad house, seeing that=20
Tamara was feeling ambitious, for breakfast was on the=20
table. "Morning," he greeted her with a kiss and a huge grin.=20

He saw her give a wry smile and then looked at him as if analyzing=20
something, "what?" he asked as his grin grew wider, especially as=20
the `Bear trainer' was up and telling the twins that she'd handle the=20
creature.=20

Tamara changed her expression to a warm smile, "Nothing. Just glad to=20
have you back=85that's all."=20

Chakotay snorted, "didn't know I left," he teased. Then before they=20
could continue the conversation, his role as the `bear' was being=20
placed into demand, and he lovingly filled it, for all of them got a=20
kick out of it, though it never lasted long.=20

Then the family sat down to breakfast and went through their morning=20
routine. Today, Sam stopped by and got the twins and Cat, leaving=20
Chakotay and Tam a few minutes of peace.=20

"Feeling better today?" he asked, concerned about how upset his wife=20
had been last night about Tom.=20

"Yes, actually. In fact, call it a gut feeling, but I believe that=20
I'll make a break through with Tom today."=20

Chakotay smiled, "Healer's intuition?"=20

Tamara turned away, using the dishes to be cleaned up as her=20
reason, "Something like that," she replied, and moved about her=20
business.=20

After a few minutes she and Chakotay reported to work, Tamara to=20
sickbay and Chakotay to the bridge. By lunch, the senior staff=20
received a report that Tom had made significant progress, much to=20
everyone's surprise, except Chakotay, who didn't doubt his wife one=20
iota. In fact, according to the EMH and Tuvok, Tom had made a one=20
eighty in his behavior over night, and though they didn't know the=20
reason, it didn't matter, there was now hope. They estimated that Tom=20
would be back within the month if he continued on this new path.=20
Kudos went out to Tamara for a job well done, and all thought for the=20
first time in quite awhile that things were going to finally get=20
better and back to normal=85or what stood for normal on Voyager anyway.

************
End of Part Ten
************


 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 ASCEM messages are copied to a mailing list.  Most recent messages 
 can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCEML.



NewMessage: