Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.pas.earthlink.net!elnk-nf2-pas!newsfeed.earthlink.net!newshub.sdsu.edu!border1.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!newsread.com!newsstand.newsread.com!POSTED.monger.newsread.com!not-for-mail Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated Approved: ascem@earthlink.net Organization: Better Living Thru TrekSmut Sender: ascem@earthlink.net Message-ID: From: "lyrastarwatcher" MIME-Version: 1.0 Mailing-List: list ASCEML@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCEML-owner@yahoogroups.com Subject: NEW TOS SLuFF: How the Grinch Stole the Captain (poem/filk, K/f, K/S)[R] Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Lines: 243 Date: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 15:55:08 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.198.142.218 X-Complaints-To: Abuse Role , We Care X-Trace: monger.newsread.com 1103644508 209.198.142.218 (Tue, 21 Dec 2004 10:55:08 EST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 10:55:08 EST Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated:86117 X-Received-Date: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 07:55:25 PST (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net) Title: How the Grinch Stole the Captain Author: Lyrastar Series: TOS Codes: filk/poem, K/S, K/f Rating: R Summary: see title being made. Feedback address: lyrastarwatcher at yahoo dot com or www.geocities.com/lyrastarwatcher Beta: Dina, who was once again, insufficiently reluctant and also gets all the credit for Spock's terrible, awful idea! Luv ya grrrl! Advertisement: Part of the SAC-2003 at: http://www.kardasi.com/Advent/2003 HOW THE GRINCH STOLE THE CAPTAIN By Dr. Lyraseuss Everyone on the ship thought the captain was hot But the Grinch, a hybrid from Vulcan, DID NOT! The Grinch snubbed the captain, who tried hard to please him. Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be his background, so proper and right. Everyone from his planet was awfully uptight. But the Grinch, he was stiffer and cooler than all. The doc said that his heart was two sizes too small! Whatever the reason, they called Spock "the Grinch" For his sere Vulcan visage; it never did flinch. And when he was observed, not the teeniest trace Of Human emotion stirred his green grinchy face. He'd been the captain's right arm, through Harry and Kahn. Through Trelane! The Salt Monster! The Klingons! The Gorn! They were Mate and Master, the subject of lore. No two could be closer, but still Spock wanted MORE! For one day the mission would end and then Spock knew, That the captain would then look for something to do! And then! Oh, the Girls! Oh, the Girls! Girls! Girls! Girls! The thing Spock eschewed most of all was Jim's GIRLS! His captain, when left unattended would flirt. He'd flirt! And he'd flirt! And he'd FLIRT! FLIRT! FLIRT! FLIRT! He'd flirt with strange women; he'd flirt with friends' wives. He'd flirt by the pairs, by the threes, fours, and fives. And then he'd do something Spock liked least of it all: With his conquest in hand, he would stroll down the hall. They'd walk close together, right in front of the crew They'd enter his cabin and then how they would screw! They'd screw! And they'd screw! And they'd SCREW! SCREW! SCREW! SCREW! And the more that Spock thought of this chickbanging fling, The more that Spock thought, "I must stop this whole thing! Why, for twenty-three months I've put up with it now! I MUST get the captain to see me, ...but how?" With T'Pring finally toppled, Spock was free to think of A life filled with togetherness, hope, even...LOVE! But getting the captain to see past the clatter Of all he was used to, would be no small matter. For thirty straight years of conditioned reflex To green naked space babes now led Jim to SEX, Be it rough, sweet, or wild. Be it kinky or curt With anything Who walked, swam, or crawled in a skirt! Changing that was a task not too many would take. Spock craved Jim that badly, sir, make no mistake! Then he got an idea! An awful idea! THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA! Spock bragged to himself, "I know just what to do!" And he went to his grinch lab and mixed up a brew. Spock praised himself for his sly wit and cunning. His chemicals would stop the captain from COMING! It would make Jim impotent. Spock thought out his ploy. But WAIT! That was too easily cured by McCoy! So Spock fussed and he clucked and he altered the mix To bust up Jim's sex-life without one easy fix. Once the captain was drugged, the thought filled Spock's head He would no longer take any WOMEN to bed. For whenever Jim got a sexual notion, He would come right away, on account of the potion. The Grinch slyly thought, "This will stop his affairs! And turn his mind back to more manly cares. If he shoots off his load without leaving the gate He will give up those GIRLS and turn to a soul mate!" Spock ran the Screwstopper through one final test Then he commpaged the captain and asked him to chess. Spock dipped the white pieces in the brew that he made They dried out in a jiff, staying quite the same shade. When the captain sat down, Spock flicked his grinch wrist, "You take white and play first. Really, Jim, I insist!" In no time at all the drug had spread though his skin, Jim tipped up his white king and said, "Spock you win." Spock nodded so sagely; his left eyebrow did tweak, "So it would seem, Sir. How 'bout a rematch--next week?" For as long as they met twice a month over chess, Jim's wandering weenie would be in a mess! With a booster twice monthly done through the skin, Jim's porker would pop off before it peeped in! It soon became clear that Spock's brew was effective He waited for it to change Jim's whole perspective. Jim came eyeing Elaan; he came rubbing Rayna, He came watching the midriff move on Marlena! He came shifting Shahna, and vented on Vanna. He shot with Sylvia, 'though he didn't wanna. He oozed ogling Odona, and when Kara danced, He orgasmed impotently inside his pants! He drizzled on Deela; she scooped up all his seed. He impregnated her without sating his need. After three years of premature poppage Spock guessed It was now time to put Captain Kirk to the test! When Enterprise returned the last time to the dock Spock dinged Jim's door dinger for a heart to heart talk But the cabin was BARE! Jim's effects were all packed. Books! Ribbons! Medals! Even the chessboard, in fact! The captain's CribComp claimed a message was new. So although it was what he'd not usually do, Spock opened the stargram. It was from WHO? Admiral Lori Ciani of Starbase oh-two! She had met the captain on Starbase eleven. She gushed gaily now that their time there was 'heaven'! But a bit down the blurb brought the shock of Spock's life. The sickening stargram was signed, "Love, Lori, your WIFE!" Spock froze. Without sex, how could Jim have found love? Then he heard a soft sound like a coo of a dove. Jim came in from his work-out, sweaty and glowing He looked up and said to Spock, "What are you doing?" But, you know, that old Spock was so smart and so slick, He covered his tracks and he covered them quick! "Why, only my duty," the First Officer lied, "There's a light on your desk that won't light on one side. So I came to your cabin to service it right. I'll fix it up quick and will be gone by tonight." And his fib fooled the captain. Jim nodded his head. He took a small drink and he climbed into bed. "It's been a great mission," Jim yawned from his berth. "I'm sure going to miss you when I'm stuck down on earth!" And when Kirk closed his eyes to sleep for a while, Spock searched the computer and read the whole file! They had married last month but had withheld the news. On the grounds that it would be bad news for the crews. Spock puzzled and puzzled, 'til his puzzler was swimmin' So much he forgot that Ciani liked women! "I stopped his philandering," the grinchy Spock thought. "And still his head turns toward that which I'm not. "It must be that Jim Kirk is strictly stick straight and I am a FOOL for trying to alter that trait!" It was quarter past dawn... The first shift still abed, The ship just made port when Spock cleared out his head. Cleared it out of the laughter. The chess games! The smiles! The small looks! The big dreams! The triumphs and trials! Three thousand feet upward! Up the mountain to Gol, He rode with his burden then unpacked it all. "PoohPooh to emotion!" Spock burned out all feeling. Some called it sterility. Some called it healing. Was it only three years? It seemed thirty instead. Then he heard a small sound at the back of his head. It was an outer space signal, unknown to him. Cold. Sterile. Distant. But somehow channelled through... JIM?! The Vulcan Gol mistress heard the sound through the meld She dully announced that Spock, once more, had failed. As Spock's grinchy knees froze on the steaming hot stone The masters turned from him and left Spock there alone. He couldn't be Human; he couldn't be Vulcan. Perhaps in the message from space he'd find welcome. Spock melded with V'ger, he learned all that one can. It led him back to his ship--in the arms of his MAN! He woke up in sickbay and heard a laugh grow, It started quite soft, then it rumbled in low. But the sound wasn't V'ger. _This sound came from within! Somehow or other, this joyous laugh came from him! The warmth of Jim's mind touched him down to the core And Spock thought of something he HADN'T before. Maybe half-Humans weren't the only beings Who needed to comprehend these simple feelings! Spock stared at his captain! He shot open his eyes! Then he took Jim's left hand for a shocking surprise! Through the touchlink he found out that Jim Kirk was GAY! And Spock's little green heart grew THREE sizes that day! Little else seemed to matter. The captain loved HIM! Once again, all the roads of life led back to Jim. He and Lori had married so they both could pass, But Jim was GAY AS PAREE and took it RIGHT UP THE ASS! Ever and always together, no less would now do. (Oh, and if Jim wanted to buttfuck sometime, well, that would be okay too!) Merry Christmas, everyone! ~Lyra November 2003 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ASCEM messages are copied to a mailing list. Most recent messages can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCEML. NewMessage: