Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.pas.earthlink.net!elnk-nf2-pas!newsfeed.earthlink.net!newshub.sdsu.edu!border1.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!news-xfer.newsread.com!yellow.newsread.com!news-toy.newsread.com!netaxs.com!newsread.com!POSTED.newshog.newsread.com!not-for-mail Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated Approved: ascem@earthlink.net Organization: Better Living Thru TrekSmut Sender: ascem@earthlink.net Message-ID: From: "djinn_fic" MIME-Version: 1.0 Mailing-List: list ASCEML@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCEML-owner@yahoogroups.com Subject: NEW: TOS Claiming Happiness 2/2 (R) K/Ch Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Lines: 823 Date: Sun, 26 Dec 2004 01:55:03 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.198.142.218 X-Complaints-To: Abuse Role , We Care X-Trace: newshog.newsread.com 1104026103 209.198.142.218 (Sat, 25 Dec 2004 20:55:03 EST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sat, 25 Dec 2004 20:55:03 EST Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated:86252 X-Received-Date: Sat, 25 Dec 2004 17:55:12 PST (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net) TITLE: Claiming Happiness AUTHOR: Djinn CONTACT: djinn@djinnslair.com http://www.djinnslair.com SERIES: TOS RATING: R CODES: K/Ch PART: 2/2 SUMMARY: This is the first Kirk/Chapel pairing I ever did--it's been=20 letting them play. Thanks to Rabble Rouser and Trekki for the beta! "This seat taken?" McCoy looked up, his smile broke before he could contain it, and=20 Kirk felt instantly guilty. How badly had he been neglecting his=20 friends that his presence at a lunch table should evoke such a smile? "I guess that's a no." He sat, smiling at McCoy as if years hadn't=20 passed between lunches. "You're a brave man, trying the stew,=20 Bones."=20=20 McCoy pushed it around with his fork. "I wasn't paying attention=20 when I pushed the selection." He took a deep breath. "Christine=20 talk to you?" "Chris talks to me a lot." Kirk grinned, probably not the grin=20 Bones wanted but he was going to be damned if McCoy would make him=20 pussyfoot around this. "I mean, I think she and I have settled our differences. I figured=20 that might be welcome news to you." If it meant she'd settle down a little bit, it would be wonderfully=20 welcome news, but Kirk knew better than to say it. Instead he just=20 smiled. "It's me she's mad at. She just hasn't realized it yet." "Say again?" McCoy took a drink of water, watching Jim carefully. "I chose you, Bones. For CMO. I made her come up here with me--you=20 did know she turned it down, right?" At McCoy's look of confusion,=20 he sighed. "Very long story. Not a good time for either of us.=20=20 She told Decker she wasn't coming. I convinced her she needed to.=20=20 But I didn't make her my CMO." McCoy didn't say anything, just tilted his head, his mouth pursed as=20 if he was waiting for the punch line. "I chose you, Bones. Over the woman I'm in love with. And then you=20 two had your own issues. So, while I'm very glad that you two have=20 found a way to make peace in sickbay, I know that one of these days=20 she's going to wake up and realize how angry she is at me...not at=20 you." He shrugged. McCoy started to chuckle. "So when do you think she's gonna blow?" "Do not start a pool on that, Bones." He gave him his=20 sternest "Captain's glare." "Me? Never." "Good." Kirk tucked into the omelet he'd ordered. "You seeing much of Spock these days, Jim?" McCoy's tone was=20 casual, but there was something in his voice, something that dug. "I see him every day. He's my first officer. And my science=20 officer." He gave McCoy a bland smile. "Just like old times." "It's not like you to mince words, Bones." "Okay, Jim. What the hell do you think you're doing? Your lover is=20 back and he wants you again. You want me to believe Christine isn't=20 going to get caught in the crossfire?" "Are you afraid she will...or hoping she will?" Kirk kept his voice=20 even, but he could feel his anger rising. If this was what Chris=20 was getting from Bones, it was no wonder she'd been ticked off. McCoy picked up his tray. "You know, this stew is really awful.=20=20 I'm going to get something else." He stood up, looked down at=20 Kirk. "Should I find a different table?" Sighing, Kirk shook his head. "You sure?" "Oh, I'm sure, Bones. I live for conversations like this." He=20 looked up at McCoy, annoyed that he'd been pushed into being=20 snide. "Go get your meal and get back here. We have a few years to=20 catch up on." Years that didn't include Spock, and he didn't plan=20 to mention Chris too much. McCoy seemed to soften. "Okay. I'll just be a sec." He=20 sighed. "I don't know why I'm like this, Jim." Kirk reached up, laid his hand on McCoy's arm. "Change is hard.=20=20 And when the familiar changes, that can be the hardest of all." McCoy laughed softly. "When did you get so insightful?" "Two years of being unhappy at my desk. A desk you told me not to=20 chain myself to. And...you were right. I shouldn't have." He=20 decided to let McCoy have the point--maybe it would soften him up=20 even more. Besides, it wasn't a lie. McCoy smiled--a ghost of his old, "aw shucks, I'm just a southern=20 boy" smile. But then he shook his head. "Only you wouldn't have=20 Christine now, would you, if you hadn't gone and done it?" "Got me there." Kirk didn't look away.=20=20 McCoy seemed to accept that, just smiled and went to get more food. Kirk breathed a huge sigh of relief. Navigating through his closest=20 friendships never used to be this hard. ----------------------- "Eating alone, Christine?" Chapel looked up, forced herself to focus on Chekov. "Pavel, I'm=20 sorry. You caught me daydreaming. Yes, I'm alone." She smiled up=20 at him. "Please, sit." Chekov looked around. "You're sure? If you're waiting for someone=85?" They both knew who he meant--and she was pretty sure Jim was eating=20 in the forward mess. She smiled and shook her head. "I'm not=20 expecting anybody. Please=85join me. We haven't really had a chance=20 to talk." He slid into the chair across from her. "No. It's been busy." It=20 wasn't much of an excuse, and they both knew it. Chapel saw him cast a glance across the room to a table where an=20 attractive ensign sat with a lieutenant from engineering. "Isn't=20 that Ensign Karimazov?" she asked. Chekov nodded unhappily, then turned a suspicious look on her. "How=20 do you know about her?"=20 Chapel tried to think of a good answer, but he stopped her with a=20 wave of his hand.=20=20 "Don't bother to lie, Christine. How do any of us find out=20 anything?" He looked down and concentrated on his food, then he=20 blurted out, "Sometimes I wish that Janice would just mind her own=20 business." "It wasn't just Jan." "Oh, but I'm sure she had something to say. Did she mimic me? Or=20 Oksana?" "I've seen you laugh at the imitations she does. You know she=20 doesn't mean anything by them, Pavel." He exhaled, a disparaging sound. "Yes, I laugh. She is funny. But=20 sometimes...she has a bitter edge=85deep down. We call it soul ice in=20 Russian."=20=20 "Oh come on, Pav. I'll admit she likes to gossip, but she's not=20 mean." He raised an eyebrow, an eloquent twin to Spock's normal gesture.=20=20 She chose not to comment.=20=20 He continued, obviously unwilling to drop the subject. "She can be=20 mean, you know." Chapel waited. "But it comes from inside. Like she's so unhappy, it makes her=20 mean." He made a face as if unsatisfied with how he was expressing=20 himself.=20=20 "Unhappy how?" Chapel didn't want to discuss Kirk. "Unhappy with how her life has gone." Chekov looked away. "I think=20 she expected to stay young and pretty forever." He looked back at=20 Chapel. "I think it's because I don't look my age that she's always=20 picking on me." "Pav, she's not always picking on you. And that's a ridiculous=20 theory." He shrugged. "Well she's mad at something." "Maybe it's me." Chapel looked down. "She's not very happy with=20 me." He shrugged. "Maybe that's it. And you have a protector. She'll=20 respect that. I, on the other hand, am fair game." Chapel saw Rand enter the mess and suddenly felt as if she was being=20 disloyal to her friend. As she gestured for the other woman to join=20 them, she said, "I think you need to grow a thicker skin, Pav." He sighed, but didn't say anything as Rand sat down next to Chapel. "What're you taking about?" Rand asked. "Nothing interesting," Chekov said. "Well then, it's a good thing I showed up with the latest dirt." Chapel saw Chekov shoot her a knowing glance before turning to his=20 lunch. "Maybe we could do without the dirt today?" she suggested. "Without?" Rand's expression was full of disbelief. "You love the=20 dirt." "I know. But maybe I shouldn't," Chapel said. "There are plenty of=20 other things we could talk about." Rand frowned. "Such as=85?" Chapel turned to Chekov. "Like why you're at tactical and not=20 navigation anymore?" Chekov shrugged. "I want to get into command someday. Need to have=20 as well-rounded an experience as possible." "And navigation was reserved for Ilia," Rand noted. "But you could=20 have taken beta shift." "Nothing happens on beta shift," Chapel said. "Even I know that."=20=20 Chekov smiled as he got up; he gathered his tray and said, "Unlike=20 the rest of you, I'd like to get off this ship someday. Rand changed to the seat he'd vacated; she seemed to be avoiding=20 Chapel's eyes.=20=20 Chapel sighed. She'd thought Rand's coming over was a good sign,=20 but this did not seem like progress. "This wasn't where I intended to end up either," Rand said softly,=20 briefly glancing up at Chapel. "Where then?" Rand seemed to shake herself, as if mad that she'd said=20 anything. "It doesn't matter." "Are you sure?" Chapel said softly. "You can tell me anything." "I said"--Rand slid out of her chair and picked up her tray--"it=20 doesn't matter." Chapel reached out, touched her arm. "Jan...if you need to talk=85?" "What? You'll be there for me? You sure you'll have the time?"=20=20 Rand hurried away. Chapel frowned, not sure what to think as she watched her friend=20 hurriedly dump her tray before fleeing the mess. She sighed, unsure how to help, or even if she would be welcome if=20 she tried. She ate her lunch, finding the food difficult to=20 swallow. Finally she pushed her plate away. "May I sit down?" Spock said, hovering suddenly over her. She jumped slightly. "How do you do that?" She nodded, gesturing=20 to the spot across from her. "Sit." He eased into the booth. He had no tray. "You're not eating?" "No. I wish to speak with you." She suddenly felt utterly weary and started to get up. "Spock, if=20 this is about Jim..." He reached out, his hand on her stopping her progress. She stared=20 at his hand, then at him.=20=20 He let go of her. "This is not about Jim." She sat back down. "I just saw Ms. Rand in the corridor. She appeared to be quite=20 upset." Chapel frowned, unsure why he was telling her this.=20 He frowned back, and she realized that he had been far freer with=20 his expressions and tone since his meld with V'ger. Great, a more=20 emotional Spock. Just what she needed as a rival. "You are her friend, are you not?" He made a slight face, as if=20 acknowledging the recent rupture in relations. "This business with=20 Jim aside." "This business?" She laughed. "Wow. That's such a great way to=20 put it." "I did not mean offense." "Sure." She laughed again. Realized that despite his possible=20 digs, she felt more at ease around him than she ever had. Maybe it=20 was having what he wanted. Or maybe it was just that she no longer=20 had to act the lovesick moron.=20=20 "She was crying, Christine. That is normally not a positive sign in=20 a human while on duty." "I'll go check on her." She slid out of the booth to dump her=20 tray.=20=20 He followed her out. "You came in there just to tell me about Jan?" At his nod, she=20 asked, "Why?" "I am first officer. She is a valued member of this crew. I do not=20 believe that I can help her with an emotional issue, but I suspect=20 you can. I also know that there has been a rift between the two of=20 you. This might help you bridge that." "And you care about Jan and I making up why?" He raised an eyebrow. "Crew squabbles do not increase efficiency,=20 Doctor Chapel. Quite the opposite. And I am, of course, only=20 concerned with efficiency." He nodded formally, an odd, slight=20 smile on his face. "Good day." "See ya." Watching him walk out of sight, she shook her head in=20 puzzlement. She went to the transporter room, but Rand wasn't there. So she=20 took the lift down to her quarters. She didn't answer right away.=20=20 Finally, her door opened. "Jan?" Chapel peered in. Rand was sitting at her desk, hastily wiping her eyes. "What?" "I was worried..." Rand rolled her eyes, laughed softly. "Spock told you I was crying,=20 didn't he. I almost ran him down in the corridor outside the mess." "I know." "He was worried?" "I think he was." Chapel walked into the room, sat on the bed. "I=20 know we're in a rough place right now. But I care about you. And=20 if you're hurting, I want to help. If I can?" Rand made a face, dashed another tear off her face, then turned to=20 look at her. "I expected us to be in the same damn boat. I=20 expected it to be like old times." Chapel sighed. If this was going to be about Jim... "Old times are=20 hard to recapture." "Yeah. I know." Rand got up, began to pace. "It's not just that=20 you're with Jim, or that I'm not and never will be." She rubbed at=20 her eyes, as if she could force any more tears away. "I had=20 someone. Thought I did. Right before..." She stopped talking,=20 stopped pacing. Seemed to be holding herself together by will alone. "Who, Jan?" "Commander Walters. Do you know him?" Chapel nodded. She didn't actually know the bastard, but she knew=20 of him. Single, perpetually dating someone new, unusually messy=20 breakups. If his uncle hadn't been an admiral at Command, and very=20 fond of his only nephew... "I thought he loved me." Her hands tightened. "He didn't." "I'm sorry, Jan." Rand sat down next to her. "He promised me I'd have a place on the=20 Windstormer. His ship, just a frigate but it still needed a=20 transporter chief. Then I heard he'd traded me to Decker. He=20 didn't even tell me himself. I had to find out when my new orders=20 came. And the thing was, I couldn't complain. The Enterprise was a=20 much better posting. And you were there and Ny." She broke off, a=20 sob escaping before she stopped it. Chapel reached for her, but Rand pulled back.=20 "Don't. I can't. Not yet. It hurts too much. I'm afraid if I let=20 go of it, I'll never be okay again." "Jan." "Thank you. For coming by. It was nice of you--especially when=20 I've been so nasty." She looked away. "I was just so jealous." "Jan, if you were hurting and then we were in your face with it...?" Rand shrugged. "You're with him. That's the way it is now. I have=20 to get used to it. And it has nothing to do with Matt and me. You=20 didn't mean to make that hurt worse." "No. I didn't." Rand touched her hand, a glancing meeting of skin on skin, but it=20 was something. It was a start. "I'm sorry I've been such a bitch." Chapel nodded. "It's okay. If you need to talk about this." "In a while. Not yet. I'm too raw." She wiped at eyes now=20 dry. "I've got to get back on duty. Don't want the Captain to=20 write me up." She tried to grin; it came out barely a=20 smile. "Maybe you'd use your influence for me?" She shook her=20 head, as if telling Chapel she didn't expect her to answer that. Chapel smiled as gently as she could, then stood up. "I'll see you=20 later." Rand nodded. Chapel had the feeling she was very close to falling=20 apart. Then Rand stood up, closed her eyes and found strength from=20 somewhere, pulling composure around her like Kirk did.=20=20 Rand was strong, stronger than anyone knew. Chapel left her alone,=20 trusting that Jan could deal with her own demons. And hoping that=20 if she couldn't, she'd come to her friends for help. ------------------------------ Kirk watched as the Curie established orbit around Foremis=20 V. "This has been scintillating, hasn't it, Hikaru?" Sulu looked back at him and grinned. "One for the books, sir." Getting up, Kirk walked up to stand next to him. "What I wouldn't=20 give for a bird-of-prey to show up." Sulu laughed. Pitching his voice very low, Kirk said, "I wanted to thank you, by=20 the way." "Sir?" Meeting Sulu's eyes, he said, "Chris. You've been good to her." Sulu shrugged, and his grin was his normal sunny expression. Kirk=20 could feel himself relaxing just looking at it. "I just wanted to say that." He started to head back for his seat,=20 but Sulu touched him on the arm. "It's not hard to be good to her. Or to you, sir. I have no stake=20 in this. Other than wanting to see my friends happy." Kirk laughed softly. "If only everyone felt like you do." He=20 resisted turning around to see if Spock was looking at him. Could=20 practically feel the Vulcan's eyes on him. If Chris thought Spock=20 was making her crazy, she should try being in his shoes. His comm signaled on his chair, and he sat, hitting the=20 button. "Kirk, here." "It's Chapel, sir." He smiled. "Doctor. What can I do for you?" "I just wanted to commend you on your logistics services. I got a=20 thank you call from someone for a new ladder." He laughed. "I didn't figure we'd be back home any time soon.=20=20 Thought a new one was in order." "Well, you've got a huge fan now. Chapel out." He smiled. It was unlike her to use the comm channel like that.=20=20 But he liked that she had. He could hear Spock shifting behind him=20 as if in some discomfort--like he had never used the comm channel=20 upon occasion for non-official business? He turned to look at Spock, caught him staring. "Problem?" "No, sir." Kirk laughed, he couldn't help it. The look on Spock's face was=20 so...put out. "Remember that time on Canala Prime?" Spock had=20 really pushed the comms policy to the limit on that landing party. Spock looked down, nodding slowly. "Point taken, Jim." Kirk got up and walked over to the science station. Laying a hand=20 on Spock's shoulder, he leaned down. "Those are happy memories,=20 Spock. There just memories now, but they're not something I'll=20 forget. Or that I wish would go away." "And the unhappy memories? Are they so easily accepted?" Spock's=20 voice was pitched very low. "How do we know we're happy if we've never been unhappy?" Kirk=20 smiled, knew that the expression probably came off a bit sad. "Indeed." Spock touched his hand briefly, then went back to work.=20=20 Kirk let go of him and went back to his chair. The Curie still hung in orbit, the most boring non-target in the=20 world. What had Nogura been thinking? Then Kirk smiled. He was bored...on the Enterprise. It beat the=20 hell out of a good day down at Command. It beat the hell out of the=20 best day he'd ever had in that damned desk job. His ship. He had his ship back. Maybe someday that thought=20 wouldn't thrill him. But he wasn't going to hold his breath. -------------------- Chapel heard the door to her quarters open and put her padd down.=20=20 As Kirk came into her bedroom, she smiled at him. "Hi." "Hi, yourself." He picked up the padd and sat down on the=20 bed. "More light reading?" His grin was gently teasing. "I wish=20 you'd give up these torrid romances and try something more thought=20 provoking. I mean"--he checked the title of the abstract she'd been=20 reading--"'Duranium Applications in Prosthetics'? How lightweight=20 can you get?" She laughed as she pulled him down to her. "What can I say? I love=20 reading the smutty stuff."=20=20 "You love doing the smutty stuff." He studied her for a=20 moment. "This is different." She nodded. "I know. Nothing's wrong." She kissed his face with=20 short, gentle touches, her lips barely landing on his skin before=20 she moved on. "I'm damned lucky to have you." "Well, I'm glad that you realize that." He laughed as he tried to=20 turn to kiss her, but she held him in place, nuzzling her way up to=20 his ear.=20 "And you're damned lucky to have me," she whispered. "I am," he agreed, again trying to turn, then groaning as she=20 refused to let him kiss her, as she kept nibbling his ear. "I'm tired of all the problems. I just want to be happy. With=20 you." She finally let him turn. "I love you." He studied her for a long moment before leaning in for a long kiss.=20=20 When he pulled away, he was frowning slightly. "What happened?" "Nothing happened. Why do you think something happened?" "Because I'm not used to this new, defiantly happy Chris. And I'm=20 wondering if she's come out to play because someone pushed her too=20 far?" She shook her head. "Sometimes you have a day when you just realize=20 that you have it good. That the problems and the issues don't=20 matter. I love you, and you love me. And we're happy. Why=20 shouldn't I enjoy that?" He took a deep breath. "Don't take this the wrong way, Chris. But=20 it's sort of out of character." He leaned back, pulled her in close=20 to him. "Not that I mind."=20=20 He seemed content to just hold her so she relaxed against him, her=20 hand drawing nonsense patterns across the front of his uniform. "Am=20 I that neurotic?" she asked quietly. "Yes," he said, looking over at her with a grin. "And this is a=20 definite improvement over you nearly running away from me every time=20 I turn around." He kissed her forehead gently. "I talked to McCoy=20 today." "Me too." She smiled. "I don't think he'll be a problem. But we=20 need to be better about including him. And not just in landing=20 parties. He's our friend, and we've been neglecting him." "Yeah, I got that feeling from him too." He was quiet for a moment=20 so she kissed him, a long tender kiss that made her feel sort of=20 squishy inside.=20=20 She watched as Kirk's expression changed from a happy post-kiss one=20 to something slightly annoyed. "You know, he was the one who=20 couldn't get away from me fast enough when I accepted promotion,=20 Chris. He made it clear how stupid a choice he thought I was=20 making, and wasn't what you'd call supportive. So it's a bit hard=20 to feel like I am totally at fault here." "I know." She kissed him again, this time on the cheek, letting her=20 lips linger on his skin.=20=20 "I mean he--" She touched his lips with her finger, a grin starting, a grin she=20 knew was a lot like his own. "I said, I know." "I'm working on a good rant here." "Oh." She pulled her fingers away, laughing. "Then by all means,=20 don't let me stop you." He laughed too, pulled her close and just held her, rant apparently=20 forgotten. She said softly, "I know we've been neglecting him and our other=20 friends. But I'm not sure I really want to leave our quarters.=20=20 They're warm and safe--" Damn. She hadn't meant to use that word. He sighed. "Who was it this time?" "No one." She tried not to tense in his arms, knew she failed when he pushed=20 her away and sat up.=20 "If it's Rand again, I--" She touched him on the arm. "It's not Janice. It's not anyone."=20=20 She looked down. "Well, that's not true. It's me." "You?" She nodded. "I'm just not used to a relationship being this good,=20 Jim. And I'm afraid. So it's safer staying in here where it=20 doesn't seem fragile, and I don't seem so screwed up." "For the record, I don't think you're screwed up." He stroked her=20 cheek. "Neurotic as hell, yes." "But not screwed up?" She closed her eyes as he rubbed her neck,=20 couldn't keep a small moan from escaping her lips. "I think I am=20 though." She could feel his lips on her cheek, mimicking the way she'd kissed=20 him earlier.=20 "No, you're not, Chris. You're hurting from old relationships,=20 maybe still from what we put each other through back on Earth, and=20 now how our friends are reacting. And you're confused and=20 inexperienced in relationships--good ones anyway." He held her=20 tightly, his hand running down her back. "And I think this=20 situation is custom made to play on every insecurity you have." "Don't you have any insecurities?" He was very quiet for a moment. Then he whispered. "You know what=20 Spock's leaving did to me. What do you think my insecurities might=20 be?" His hold on her tightened. "Every time I turn around you're=20 trying to run away. I can't stand that. Call me crazy, but I'd=20 like to think the person I'm with is going to stick around for a=20 while, is going to be there through the good times and the bad." "I'm sorry." She pulled away enough that she could see his=20 face. "I never considered that."=20=20 He nodded shortly, as if to acknowledge that he didn't doubt she had=20 not given it a thought. "I mean...you're James T. Kirk. T for Tomcat. Rogue of the=20 galaxy. Renowned ladies' and, uh, man's man." She grinned and was=20 relieved to see him smile too. "You're not allowed to have=20 insecurities." "I'm not, huh?" He let her go, began to undo the belt on her robe.=20=20 She shook her head. "You're not." They stared at each other for a=20 long time, then she said softly. "Except with me."=20=20 He brushed her robe from her shoulders, following its progress with=20 his lips. She tried to undo his uniform, but he stopped her. "Lie=20 still," he said, as he knelt before her, opening her legs. She tried to reach for him, then gave up as all thought fled in the=20 face of the sensations he was evoking. "Jim," she moaned.=20=20 He reached up, took her hand in his and squeezed tightly. She began=20 to buck under him and soon was crying out loudly. When she finally=20 opened her eyes, he was looking up at her with a pleased, and very=20 proprietary, grin.=20=20 "Doctor, you need to learn to let go," he said as he shrugged off=20 his uniform. "You're too inhibited." She nodded, still coming down from the place he had sent her.=20=20 "Make some noise. Show some enthusiasm." His grin grew larger as=20 she beckoned him closer with an inviting finger, her expression as=20 come hither as she could make it. "Let me know you want me." She slid down a bit until she could reach him. Holding him firmly,=20 she slid her hand up and down. "Would this be a good way to show=20 you that I want you?" "That's a good way to start." His eyes closed as he threw back his=20 head and groaned at what she was doing to him. "Oh, god. That's a=20 great way to start."=20=20 Then he looked down at her, and their eyes met, and she was suddenly=20 overwhelmed by him and what he wanted from her and what she wanted=20 from him. She let go of him, grabbed his hand, and pulled him down=20 to the bed, into position, then into her.=20=20 He was watching her carefully the whole time, even as he gave=20 himself up to her and buried himself in her body. "Chris?" She just shook her head, then kissed him deeply as she pressed=20 upward, pushing against him to urge him to move faster and harder,=20 to make their connection complete.=20=20 "Chris." Her name turned into a moan as he moved over and over,=20 finally giving a loud cry of release. He collapsed onto her, her=20 legs holding him captive, her arms not letting him slide away.=20=20 "I love you so much," she whispered, pulling him closer even as she=20 felt part of him slipping away from her. She didn't realize she was=20 crying until he wiped a tear from her cheek. "I'm sorry, I don't=20 know why--" "--Shhh." His lips on hers stopped any further apology. The kiss=20 was sweet and tender, full of the promise of security and love and=20 all the things she'd never really known.=20=20 "I'm no good at this," she mumbled. His smile was incredibly tender. "I'd disagree with that=20 assessment." He wiped another tear away. "When she was good, she=20 was very, very good." She thought of the old nursery rhyme, finished the thought. "And=20 when she was bad, she was horrid?" He shook his head. "Let's agree you won't be. Neither of us will=20 be." He kissed her again. "This is good, what we have. I love=20 what we have." She let him roll off her, curled into his arms and said, "I love it=20 too. I love you." She wondered if she would ever get tired of=20 saying it. "I love you too." He kissed her on the forehead, his arms=20 tightening around her. She knew she'd never get tired of hearing it. "I'm happy," he whispered to her. "Do you know that a few months=20 ago, I thought I'd never be happy again?" He kissed her=20 cheek. "I'd lost you, the ship, my friends. I was at rock bottom.=20=20 And now...I've got it all back. And I'm happy."=20=20 She pulled away enough so that she could see his face. He was=20 grinning that grin that she could never resist. It only grew bigger=20 as she began to smile too. "You're a huge part of that, Chris. I'm happy because we're happy=20 together," he said, and for once it didn't sound like a dare to the=20 fates, just a simple statement of fact. "I'm happy too." She smiled. It was such an odd thing to feel=20 strange admitting to. But happiness had always been something for=20 other people. She'd always felt lucky to find contentment, had=20 never chased after more. Or at least not until she'd fallen in love with James T. Kirk. "Go to sleep," he said, pulling her back to rest against him.=20=20=20=20 "Thank you for thinking of my mom," she murmured. "I didn't want you to worry. And I started to worry. About her=20 and..." He sighed. "I called my mom. It wasn't a very good=20 conversation." "I'm sorry." "I'll call your mom next time." He laughed. "I think it would be=20 more fun." "Well, she's definitely a dues paying member of the 'I love Jim'=20 club." "Which is how it should be," he said, barely containing a yawn. "Go to sleep, love," she said, still finding it wonderful that she=20 could call him that. Would it ever get old? Would it ever not be=20 true? "Love," he murmured, his breathing changing slowly over to that of=20 sleep. She lay awake for quite a while, watching the stars go by as the=20 ship rotated slowly above the Curie, listening to him breathe,=20 feeling his heart beating solidly under her palm.=20=20=20 Then she closed her eyes and drifted off too. FIN ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ASCEM messages are copied to a mailing list. Most recent messages can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCEML. NewMessage: