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Date: Wed, 7 Jan 2004 02:36:57 -0600
Subject: [ASCEM-S] NEW: TOS: "The Farther They Fall", Sa/m, K, S, Mc, U, [NC-17+] 5/6
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Continued from previous section...



---ooOoo---



The next morning, Kirk stepped into Sarek's private room among an 
air of tension. Amanda appraised her husband coolly.  Sarek stared 
back at her, a bit of his fortitude seeming to have returned, at 
least a shadow of the usual glint in his eye.  McCoy stood, looking 
uncomfortable, caught in the middle of something.  They all watched 
Kirk step into the room - Sarek appeared pleased at his arrival, 
Amanda irritated; McCoy looked like he wanted to be anywhere else.

"I have the right to know your intentions," Sarek said, with a bit 
louder voice than he had had, but not much above a hoarse whisper.  
Kirk had to wonder if his voice was returning, or if he was just 
angry, by his stern face.

"Do you, my husband?  You recanted your rights to me regarding 
anything effecting your health and safety.  There were no 
conditions, as we agreed."

God, Kirk couldn't help but think, it was true.  But did he 
volunteer this after his heart operation to appease her, or did she 
take them at his last pon farr, which caused him to shudder.  By any 
standard, that was taking advantage of someone in the worst sense.   
Either way, he was shocked that Amanda had allowed it.

Sarek looked down at his hands.  An almost meek action it seemed to 
Kirk.  "I am not disputing that, my wife.  I only want to know what 
you will do."

Amanda glared at her husband.  "Are these your soldiers to protect 
you from your own wife?"

Sarek looked hurt at that.  "Aduna, please, you have not been 
yourself since."

"Since you withheld that you were at death's door?  Since you agreed 
to attend the Babel Conference, a stressful mission that would 
likely have killed you?  You gambled your life because you could not 
live without your precious career, and to be able to continue your 
sexual relationship with me."

Sarek flushed a little at that.

"I would have done anything to keep you safe, Sarek, sacrificed 
anything to keep you by my side."

"It does appear that way now, my wife."  His tone was cold.

"How dare you!"  She stepped close and Sarek actually flinched.

Kirk felt acutely uncomfortable at the very personal nature of the 
argument and the intimacies being disclosed and wanted to leave, but 
also felt anxious for Sarek.  "Amanda."

She stung Kirk with a piercing stare, "This is not your business!"  
She turned to McCoy, "Nor yours!  You should both leave, now!"

"NO!"  Sarek yelled his best, but only the emotion made it very 
far.  "Please, stay."  He looked at McCoy then Kirk.  "I need to air 
this out.  There is much more here."  Sarek shook until he calmed 
himself.

Kirk and McCoy held their ground.

Amanda's eyebrows rose at her husband's last comments.  "Okay, my so-
private husband, why don't we air this out."  Her tone edged into 
mockery.

"I made a mistake not telling you about the heart attacks," Sarek 
admitted.

Amanda snorted at that.  "My ever-forthcoming husband.  Let's turn 
our attention to this mission, shall we?"

Sarek frowned.  "That is not the issue, Aduna, and you know it."

"NOT THE ISSUE?" she screamed.

Kirk realized he stood in the doorway completely transfixed and 
stepped further in so the door swooshed closed so their voices would 
not carry into sickbay, and possibly the main corridor.

Sarek's eyes closed.  "Please, Aduna."

McCoy interceded, "Perhaps this would be better dealt with when your 
husband's more himself."

Amanda laughed, "The only difference between then and now is that he 
CAN"T YELL BACK!  That's just too bad, Sarek.  A little frustrating 
isn't it that I can out yell you this time.  Now you will just have 
to sit and listen."

"As long as you also listen, my wife," Sarek said calmly.

Amanda turned to Kirk and McCoy.  "My husband had said that this was 
simply a preliminary meeting of little substance. that the capital 
was secured long ago, I think he said." 

Kirk piped up, "We were misinformed."  He blanched at how those 
little words had become so much more.

"Am I to believe that, Captain?  Did you hear that straight from the 
Federation Council, or through my husband?"

Sarek's head shot up at that.  "Aduna, you cannot believe."

"Stop using that term of endearment!  I am not feeling very 
endearing toward you now!  You left me behind!  What do think I 
gleaned from that, husband?"  She was starting to sound hysterical 
and both Kirk and McCoy approached her, concerned how far she might 
go, but their concern came too late.  "And you come back beaten. 
molested. tortured.sodomized.raped and strangled to within an inch 
of your life!"  Her voice had risen to a scream by the end.

Both Kirk and McCoy froze at that, and turned toward Sarek.  It had 
sounded like she blamed him for his own injuries, as if he had 
gotten what he deserved, though they knew she couldn't mean that.  
Still after the trauma he had been through, much might not yet be 
clear to him.  He had closed his eyes and seemed to be trying to 
regain his control, but he was shaking.

Amanda seemed to realize what she had thrown at him.  Nothing had 
been discussed or dealt with yet in the psychological sense.  The 
words had not even been spoken, and Amanda had just laid it out for 
them plainly, even with her seeming blame of him attached to it.  He 
hadn't even known she had received the details as yet.  Sarek had 
had no chance to tell her anything.

She looked shocked at what she had just said, then looked to Sarek, 
stricken.  "Oh, God!  I didn't mean that.  Sarek!"

He didn't open his eyes, and Kirk had to wonder if they held unshed 
tears.  But his shaking continued.  "Leave me, all of you, please!"

"Sarek!"

"Leave me!" he tried to yell.  "I will submit to anything you like, 
Amanda.  I will not fight you anymore."  He turned from her.

"Sarek, please.  I love you."

"Your actions speak in contrast, my wife," Sarek said softly.

A tear streaked down Amanda's cheek.  Kirk and McCoy gently guided 
her out. 

Christine Chapel had heard the beginning of the fight before Kirk 
had let the door slip closed, and when they had filed out she 
couldn't help but notice Amanda crying and McCoy and Kirk looking 
upset, anxious, and drained.

They gave Amanda a sedative and put her in another room.

Kirk and McCoy sat down to a stiff drink each.

"Well, one good thing came of that," Kirk said, "it's all out on the 
table now."

McCoy didn't look so hopeful.  "You mean splattered all over the 
walls."

"Well, it wasn't graceful."

"That was a hell of a punch Sarek took," McCoy said.

"Amanda was angry and upset," Kirk said.  "Surely he'll realize 
that, after a time."

"This family is not the quickest to forgive, in case you haven't 
noticed."

Kirk sobered at that.  "You don't think Sarek would do anything 
drastic."

McCoy gave a long look at Kirk.  "I'd say this would be a trial to 
any marriage, and right on top of the Babel fiasco.  Sarek has got 
to be wondering when the 'for better' will return.  Vulcans treasure 
a peaceful environment.  I doubt he's had much peace for quite some 
time."

Christine Chapel couldn't keep her concern at bay after hearing the 
tip of the blow-out, the concerned discussion and then the silence 
that ensued afterwards from Sarek.  She stepped in to see if she 
could get him anything.  He was lying with his back to the door, and 
did not turn when she entered though he had to have heard her.

"Sir, can I get you anything, water, tea, something to eat?" she 
asked calmly, trying to exude a measure of peace to still the 
rippling waters from the intensity of the incident.

"Nothing, please.  And could you ask that I not be disturbed, 
indefinitely?"

Nurse Chapel felt saddened by his resigned tone that seemed drained 
of any hope.  She also felt concerned for his psychological state 
for the first time since he came aboard so wounded.  She had tried 
to think of anything to say that wouldn't be too personal, but could 
think of nothing, and slipped out of the room.

She informed McCoy of his request and her concerns.

"Well that's just great!" he said, irritated.  "How can we help him 
now?"

Kirk felt saddened.  The ridiculous game of Tidily-Winks seemed so 
long ago already, but he had an idea, and smiled.  "We can still 
pipe music in."

McCoy frowned at him.  "He has music."

"But not our sweet voice and soothing soul."

McCoy smiled and raised an eyebrow.  "Our secret weapon!"  He smiled 
at the possibility.


---ooOoo---



The lights were dimmed for the gamma shift and the Enterprise had 
quieted.  All had been prepared as Uhura crept into sickbay with the 
lyrette in a long, flowing traditional Swahili dress of vibrant 
colors.  She opened the channel to the private room Sarek rested in 
and started to play a soft, lyrical song of love and understanding.

He had been alone in the room for almost eight hours and McCoy and 
Kirk hoped that perhaps he'd had time to get some distance from the 
painful episode and might be amenable to a calmer and less-biased 
approach to solving his troubles.

Several songs into her attempt to coax Sarek out of his self-imposed 
isolation, the intercom chimed and then Sarek's scant voice reached 
her, "Nyota?"

Lieutenant Uhura smiled.  "Yes, Sarek, it's me."

"Are you alone?" he asked.

"Yes, Sarek."  She kept her voice soft and soothing.

There was a long pause.  Uhura could imagine his stubbornness, hurt, 
and loneliness wrestling control from each other.  She had heard 
about the entire blowout in detail as she was prepared by the others 
to make clear what she was up against in her attempt to calm and 
console him.  To her horror, she had seen much of the brutal attack 
on this so-reserved yet compassionate man.  She had to struggle to 
keep her sympathy contained; she wanted so to hug him tight and help 
him past all of this misery, but she couldn't risk alienating him.  
She was about the only one left to reach him now.

"Would you like some company?" Sarek asked.

"Very much, sir," she said.  "Would you like me to come in?"

"It would be easier than my attempt to come to you, I believe."  His 
tone had a slight undertone of teasing and she felt relief that he 
was comfortable enough with her that he had allowed that.

She slipped in and controlled her reaction to his injuries.  She had 
seen them briefly as they rushed him away from the jails, and again 
very briefly after he had been stabilized, but the bruising had not 
been so clear then, and somehow she had thought them less dramatic 
before.  Perhaps it had been her denial.

He looked away from her gaze.

"I'm sorry, sir."

"Please, let us drop the formalities; it seems to make everything 
seem."  He stopped, as if he could not think of an appropriate word.

Uhura felt shaken; she had never known him to experience such a 
difficulty.  "Sarek, I am sorry I stared,"

"It is understandable.  I forget what I must look like."

Uhura smiled.  "Still handsome.  It is more what is under the 
physical damage that causes my concern."

He looked uncomfortable at this.  With her recently-discovered psi 
abilities, she felt his shields attempt to strengthen, but they were 
still too fragile from his injuries.  She attempted to keep her mind 
on things other than on her curiosity at what he was truly feeling 
and experiencing.  He was the one, in fact, that had discovered her 
high psi potential back after his heart operation, when they spent 
much time together playing and discussing music.

"I'm sorry, again.  Perhaps I should just keep to my music."

"No, I would not silence what you feel the need to say."  He looked 
as if he wanted to say more, but looked away instead.

"Words are not so easy sometimes," she said.  "Sometimes the impulse 
is to touch and hold someone to ease their pain."

"Yes, my wife." and here Sarek closed his eyes a moment and looked 
pained.  She felt the wave of telepathic pain he tried to hide reach 
out and nip at her, though she had turned it elsewhere.

Uhura reached for him, but he jerked from her.

"Forgive me, Nyota.  It is not you."

"Can I sit closer, Sarek?"

"With my voice as it is, that might be less problematic."

She pulled the chair against the side of the bed, but turned 
sideways so that he would not feel she was staring him in the face.

"Your wife loves you very much," she said, trying to sound casual 
and unplanned.  She felt another ripple of hurt tease her mind.  She 
would never forget what she'd been told Sarek had said, that 
Amanda's actions spoke in contrast.  It tore at her that he would 
feel that way.  It must make him feel so alone after more than forty 
years of marriage.

He blinked and his lips tightened, and then his eyes closed.  When 
he opened them, they seemed to glisten ever so slightly.  "This is 
difficult for me."  His voice was rougher now.  He cleared his 
throat, but Nyota realized it had been emotion.  He had probably 
never come so close to losing his faith in his wife and his marriage.

Nyota slipped her hand to his arm and touched it tentatively.  When 
he didn't pull away, she let it rest upon him, and he closed his 
eyes again.  "My controls are not very secure, Nyota, as you have 
likely already sensed."

Nyota had visited Sarek several times to play music with him while 
he recovered from his heart operation, and her immense acceptance 
and understanding of him had struck a cord.  She had felt like the 
mother he had lost too soon, the sister he had never developed the 
closeness to due to his need as eldest to take over the parental 
responsibilities.

She was a font of understanding and compassion that reached out to 
him without her even knowing it, to soothe his hurt and upset.  He 
had never felt such warmth before, except from his own wife.  It 
acted to lure his pain out for her to soothe.  And he had never felt 
so vulnerable, with his wife feeling almost like the enemy.

He had fought with his wife many times, but had always before felt 
that she had his best interests at heart and that they could find 
some common ground in the end.  This was the first time he had 
wondered at both.  He had never hurt so much since his own son had 
left him almost two decades back.

"No one need know if you slip with me, Sarek."  Now she could see 
that his eyes were glistening.

"Nothing has ever been as important to me as my wife," he said 
quietly.

"I know."

"But she does not seem to want what I.am.anymore," Sarek said his 
voice unsteady.

Uhura squeezed his arm.  "She loves what you are.  She just sees how 
that may be a fatal combination, that she may lose you someday."

"I do not want to hurt her."

"And she would strive in every way to protect you," Uhura 
said.  "Her focus made her lose sight of what she loves in you."

Sarek seemed to stare into the covers considering.

"If you could go back, Sarek, would you have told her of your heart 
attacks?"

Sarek stared at her and realized her point.  He blinked at this and 
did not look comfortable even with his own thoughts of it.  "I do 
not know," he admitted though it pained him.  He had hurt her very 
much by withholding that information, and yet he did not even know 
if he would do anything differently if he had the chance again.  She 
did not need to suffer with her knowledge of the earlier attacks, 
and it had turned out for the better without her protecting him.  
Perhaps what he had done was not so different from what Amanda was 
doing.

Uhura watched him considering what she had said.  He looked 
disturbed at his realization.  "Sarek, will you let me do one more 
thing, before I play for you."

He looked concerned, but trusting of her.  "If you would like."

Uhura smiled.  "I would very much like."

Sarek looked curious at this.

"Lay your head back and close your eyes.  Don't react and don't 
argue.  I know that will not be in your nature, but do it anyway."

Sarek looked amused but did as he was told.

Uhura softly touched the edges of his hair as she began to sing a 
lullaby.  His face started to relax.  She sang as she stroked his 
hair softly and watched as his exhaustion took hold and he finally 
slept.  She kissed his forehead, then softly her lips touched his as 
she caressed his cheek.  She left the lyrette in the chair so she 
would have to come back to visit him soon to pick it up and possibly 
play for him again, then slipped out. 



---ooOoo---




Spock stood apprehensively at the VIP suite, marshalling his resolve 
and control.  He could not lose the mother he knew; there had to be 
a way to bring her back to herself.

The door opened and Spock stepped in.  Amanda stood waiting for him 
but didn't look him in the eye.

"I've heard some disturbing news," Spock began.

Amanda stepped up quickly.  "Not about your father?"

"More about you, in regard to Father," he said.

She looked momentarily relieved, but nervous and immediately 
distanced as she turned away.

"You once said that nothing was more important than Father's life," 
he said.

"Yes, I said that," Amanda said, dully.

"Do you really believe that, now?  That Father would give up 
whatever was necessary to stay alive?"

She leveled her eyes at her son.  "Sometimes his honor and pride 
confuse his priorities."

Spock frowned, "I don't think you would have ever wanted to marry 
him, if that were not a part of his essence."

Amanda's mouth tightened, but her eyes teared.  "I just don't want 
to lose him."

"And neither would he want to lose you.  But do you think he would 
really take your privacy rights and choices?"

"I do not endanger myself, as he often does," she said, anger 
infusing her tone.

"You knew what he was," Spock said.  "Has he changed, or have you?"

"I am tired and scared.  I can't stop worrying.  I imagine the 
worst, always."  She started to cry.

She ran to Spock and held him tightly.  He rested his arms about her 
as she had done so many times when he was young and felt as 
inconsolable.

Spock began softly, "If you can't accept him as he is anymore, 
perhaps you should consider separating."

"No!"  Amanda began to sob.  "I cannot live without him!"

"I fear, on this present course that will happen."

Amanda stared at him.  "He wouldn't leave me.no."

"When you ask him to leave diplomacy, all he has ever done since you 
met him, he might wonder what else you will require.  To grant you 
this control over him, without limit, could sacrifice his pride, 
self-esteem, even his honor which he holds sacrosanct.  He could 
become a shadow of the man you married and cherished for most of 
your life."

"So, I will lose him either way - lose him physically or lose his 
soul, is that what you're saying?"  Her voice was small and fearful.

"I am saying that you need to find what has changed in yourself, and 
what might be done, if anything.  I am saying that to do what you 
are doing is not only so wrong I couldn't imagine it of you, but a 
guarantee that you will destroy exactly what you seek to protect."

Spock held his mother and rocked her, as she had done so often for 
him.  He hoped his parents could find their way back to one 
another.  For all of his anger at his father, whether deserved or 
not, he knew they'd had a strong and vibrant marriage and could 
again.  He knew that they loved one another very much.  He could see 
it in how they looked at each other and how they suffered each 
other's pain.

He would never admit that he saw that love and the vibrancy it 
created between his parents but realized, after his talks with Jim 
and much thought and meditation, that he needed that crutch of 
denial of the obvious between his parents to feel Vulcan; he had yet 
to see and to understand the varied grays of being Vulcan as his 
father did, to understand the essence of his Vulcan heritage.  He 
accepted that he need the blacks and whites of what a Vulcan does 
and does not do as a crutch - he was who he was and accepted that of 
himself.  He had many more years to develop his father's security 
and assurance; after all, he was still only an adolescent by Vulcan 
standards, even as he neared forty.  

---ooOoo---



It was very late when Uhura crept back into sickbay.  She had 
thought so much on what had happened, and found herself more and 
more angry with Amanda for leveling such a psychological assault on 
her own husband after what he had been through.  But that had pushed 
her to do what she needed to do.

She had always wondered why everyone assumed that Amanda was the 
more sensitive and compassionate of the two, but realized it was 
hard to see the real Sarek for the tremendous walls he erected for 
being Vulcan, from such an important family, so male, and so proud.  
She had to wonder with his position in his family, his government, 
and the Federation if he had ever been allowed to let his guard down 
and be the one to be taken care of, to need, even to show that he 
suffered, except of course when his Vulcan biology demanded it, and 
then it was against his will and he likely had little if any memory 
of it due to the psychological trauma of it.

Uhura stepped into his room and picked up the lytherette and started 
to play.  

Sarek came around to the soft music.  His eyes opened and a soft 
smile graced his lips.

"I am sorry if I am being presumptuous," she said.  "I can leave if 
you'd like."

"Please stay," he said.  "With you I feel almost.normal.again."

"Soon enough this will all be a bad memory," she said.

Sarek looked her in the eye, raised an eyebrow, and allowed a soft 
smile, "Not all of it, Nyota."

She smiled back.  "Nor for me, Sarek."

He looked perplexed.  "It is unfathomable to me how the wealth of 
men you must meet have left you unmarried?"

Uhura blushed at the tremendous compliment from a man renowned for 
his scarce and meager praise.  She did not look him in the 
eye.  "Sometimes the one we would choose is already married."

"Why do you turn from me, Nyota?"

She smiled.  "Admissions can be embarrassing."

"Wanting one that is already taken is a common enough occurrence," 
he said.

She smiled and met his eye, then laughed.  "You really don't know do 
you?"

He looked confused by this.  "Know what?"

"How many women would trade places with Amanda," her smile 
disappeared, "and, perhaps, treat you with more understanding."

Sarek's eyes darkened.  "You do not know enough to judge her thus."

"Where is she now?"

"I made it clear I wanted no visitors."

"And yet I am here."

"My wife and I have issues that must be dealt with."

"Perhaps we are not without issues, Sarek?"

Sarek looked up concerned.

"I sense your acceptance of me," she said.

"Your perception is clear," he said, still watching her, keeping his 
eyes only on her face, yet only now realizing that he was doing so, 
with surprise.

"I know you find me attractive," she said.

"I appreciate your aesthetics."  He relaxed, unsure why he had felt 
tense before.

"I am not talking of the purely appreciative," she said, staring at 
him now to glean any reaction.  He looked a little wary of her now.

"I do not know what you mean."  He sounded a bit affronted.

"Then you will relax and let me show you."

He eyed her.  "If that is what it will take to smooth this.
difficulty, proceed.  I value your company and.support. very much, 
Nyota."

She leaned over him.  "Close your eyes and cooperate, then."

He looked a little concerned.

She stared at him.  "Do this one thing for me."

His concern didn't waver but he closed his eyes.

She leaned close and tentatively pressed her lips to his.  She felt 
his alarm and confusion, but also his reticence to force her away 
after he had agreed, and allowed her.  She wove her fingers through 
his thick, wavy hair, imagining him naked above her, entering her.  
She could feel him caught up in her fantasy due to his fragile 
shields, and her touch.  He attempted to pull his mind inward, to 
fight the erotic feelings it instilled, but succumbing until they 
were both lost to it.

After a brief moment she deepened the kiss and forced her tongue 
into his mouth.  He moaned and reciprocated even as he reached to 
push her away.  She sensed his panic and concern, for her, for him, 
for his wife.  She finished the kiss as she felt his breathing 
quickening, but kept her hands cupping his face.  She could see him 
fighting for control.

His eyes opened and he stared at her.  "You have then realized my 
attraction is more than platonic," he said, sounding sad.

"Ambassador, it has always been clear to me.  I feel the same way."

"But I am married," he said, seeming confused.  "You do not think I 
would leave her for another, like this?  No matter what is to become 
of my marriage?"

Nyota smiled, but she did not seem altogether happy, nor sad.  "No."

Sarek frowned.

"But I think now you realize this problem is with your wife, not 
yourself.  I know that is difficult for you to face, that she could 
be less than she was and may need help getting back.  If you have 
the strength."

At this Nyota was shocked to see Sarek's eyes glimmering with unshed 
tears, "Forgive me," he said unsteadily, not meeting her eyes.  "I 
don't know how you see through so much.  You have made my course 
clearer."

Nyota hugged him and held him tight.  She felt him shake, and then 
breathed deeply, giving him a chance to regain his control and 
composure before she looked into his face again.

"I will always be in your debt, Nyota, for this insight."

"Sarek, this is nothing compared to what you have done for so many 
others."

Sarek's eyes glittered with humor.  "Is this the karma humans talk 
of?"

Nyota smiled and kissed him on the cheek.  "You are starting to 
catch on fast, Ambassador.  Before long you'll be back to tossing 
Tellarites."

Sarek blushed at that.  "That was him receiving his karma."

Nyota laughed as she stood to leave.  "You have another visitor."

Sarek looked suspicious at the timing of the arrival of this new 
visitor and got the distinct impression that he had been set up.

"And what would have happened if I had reciprocated further than I 
had, as I assume my wife is standing outside."  His eyes showed his 
amusement clearly.

 "I know you too well, Sarek."  Nyota laughed as she stepped out.


Continued in next section...




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