Received: from [66.218.67.201] by n30.grp.scd.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 07 Jan 2004 08:37:23 -0000 X-Sender: sil@sileya.net X-Apparently-To: ASCEM-S@yahoogroups.com Received: (qmail 72577 invoked from network); 7 Jan 2004 08:37:20 -0000 Received: from unknown (66.218.66.218) by m9.grp.scd.yahoo.com with QMQP; 7 Jan 2004 08:37:20 -0000 Received: from unknown (HELO mailstore.psci.net) (63.65.184.2) by mta3.grp.scd.yahoo.com with SMTP; 7 Jan 2004 08:37:21 -0000 Received: from max (as1-d11-rp-psci.psci.net [63.69.225.11]) by mailstore.psci.net (8.12.2/8.12.2) with SMTP id i078aram031618 for ; Wed, 7 Jan 2004 03:36:54 -0500 Message-ID: <00bd01c3d4f9$750f7b80$0be1453f@max> To: "ASCEM-S" X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.50.4133.2400 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.50.4133.2400 X-eGroups-Remote-IP: 63.65.184.2 From: "Sileya" X-Yahoo-Profile: sileya MIME-Version: 1.0 Mailing-List: list ASCEM-S@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCEM-S-owner@yahoogroups.com Delivered-To: mailing list ASCEM-S@yahoogroups.com Precedence: bulk List-Unsubscribe: Date: Wed, 7 Jan 2004 02:37:16 -0600 Subject: [ASCEM-S] NEW: TOS: "The Farther They Fall", Sa/m, K, S, Mc, U, [NC-17+] 6/6 Reply-To: "Sileya" Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Continued from previous section... Amanda slipped through the door and stood tentatively in the doorway. "My husband, may I come in? "It would seem I am in no position to refuse you, Amanda." Feeling his anger flare again. "By my mobility or my rights." There was no emotion in his tone, and Sarek had not referred to her as `his wife', which was not promising; he only called her by name when he was unhappy with her. She had to consider the fact that he had already considered ending their marriage. Her eyes stung at the possibility, and she had to catch her breath as her chest heaved. She had to believe he was still very angry and upset, and that he might, someday, come around to call back for her, instead of rushing into divorce. "Do you wish me to leave?" she asked, her voice catching. "I will go if that will make you more comfortable." He noticed the tightness in her voice - she was afraid - for herself or for him he could not decide. Interesting, he had never questioned her motives before. "Come in then," he said blandly. "We should clarify these last things." `Last things.' Amanda all but cringed at his resigned tone and this sense of finality. She bit back tears and realized that might be what he really wanted, that he might be happier or at least more content that way, after what she had put him through. She would want to die if he chose to continue without her, but likely she would get over that in the years to come to only miss him greatly the rest of her life. She would never force him to stay married to her, though she could, and he might even stay married to her out of his strong sense of duty. She would not be able to live like that, a burden upon him, so perhaps she should dispel his worries, give him the choice without concern for her. She stepped over to the chair, uncomfortably close to her husband that she felt so distanced from suddenly. She turned her head from him so that he would not see if she cried. "I can have my things removed from the houses and embassies before your return, if that would be your wish." She saw, out of the corner of her eye, his head jerk up at that. "Then our marriage is done," he said. She could not read the tone, did not quite understand it as a question or a statement. "I want you to be happy," she said, her voice a little thready for a moment. "I do not wish to be your jailer." Spock had said to show that Sarek had his choices back so that he knew she would no longer hold the recanting of his rights over him. He nodded. So she had given up on him finally, he decided, and felt his eyes sting at the loss of her. The thought of her no longer wanting to be his wife tugged at his chest so that he felt it might burst. His throat burned as it never had before. He hurt so that he wished he was unconscious to be unaware of such pain. The universe at once felt vast and empty to be navigated alone. On Vulcan he would only think of her. On Earth he would only think of her. All of those places that they visited, he would only think of her. He wondered how long it would take to feel more than bereft. He did not want her to suffer more than she had. Nor did he want her to ever worry again. "I will take care of everything. You can have whichever houses, or I will purchase one or more wherever you like. I will support you very comfortably the rest of your life; it will be in my will should I predecease you." His mind was flooded with grief as he tried to navigate these details of separation and divorce through his loss and confusion. He had thought she would come back to him. He had not thought it would come to this, and so suddenly. He felt himself spinning, trying to steady himself but failing. She was leaving him. She would be gone from him soon. The feel of her cool skin, her scent, her laughter that reminded him of wind chimes. Her laughing blue eyes, even when she didn't laugh. She had loved him so. Had said her love was strong. Then where had it gone? He heard her suck in her breath. He frowned, she was crying. He reached for her chin and pulled her face to his. "I have hurt you so much, my wife. I only want you to be happy." She finally looked at his face that she had been avoiding so he wouldn't see her tears. But the warmth in his tone, his calling her his wife again, and then she saw his eyes glistening and filling at the sight of her pain, caused her to question her assumptions altogether. "I will give you whatever you need, whatever you want," he said. "I had come to that conclusion already, whether we stayed married, or not." His voice was rough at that last and he closed his eyes and swallowed. She felt a sudden revelation as she pieced together what had been said and the misery she saw her husband trying to hide from her. "Sarek?" "Yes, my wife," he said softly, as if he shouldn't be allowed now. "Do you want a divorce?" Sarek blinked rapidly. A sign she knew as distress. "I want you to stop hurting. I want you to be.happy," he said. Such an alien word for him. He had never used it before now. Amanda stared at him. Would he try to keep his pain from her as she had from him? Would he try to allow her to decide whether she still wanted this marriage without his influence, just as she had? Were they each trying to help the other by sacrificing themselves? "Can I kiss my husband?" she asked. He looked confused and vaguely concerned. She knew he could not keep his true desires from her, but she also could not keep hers from him if they touched minds freely, but he might shield those thoughts from her, as well as his reaction to her kiss. But a wife knows when her husband loves her by his kiss, and she was at a standstill as Sarek would not give her an answer. Perhaps to not influence her? Or to not hurt her? It would be too sad to end a forty-year marriage because each thought the other wanted it and so helped the other toward it. She had seen it too often - a divorce based on assumptions and too often, pride. "You are still my wife, and I would refuse you nothing anymore." If he didn't love her any longer and she was forcing this intimate act upon him unwelcome, then so be it. There was too much at stake. She leaned forward and caught those beautiful lips in a kiss that could be her last with him and focused on his reactions. He did not respond at first, perhaps hoping she'd break it off before he gave himself away. She hoped that those were his motives that she might unravel. But then she deepened the kiss and felt him respond at the same time he tried not to. She felt it in the bond as he tried to collect up his reactions and fears regarding her and shuffle them away in his distraction by what he thought might be the last kiss of his beloved. She sensed his fear that she would discern his true feelings, and that was all she needed. She allowed her shields to lower to shed light on what was too much confusion and hurt mucking up their communication. He moaned and released his shields as he thrust his tongue into her mouth and pulled her onto him. *You still love me!* she thought. *My feelings have never changed.* An explosion of relief and joy suffused their minds. She had her husband back. He had his wife back. Together they would find their way again and do whatever needed to be done to repair their bond and relationship. He loved her and she him, and that was all that was needed. They could find their way now. She pulled from the kiss as she felt him getting aroused. She didn't want to press him so early. She loved him too much to hurt him that way. "I wish I could make love to my wife," he said a bit sadly, "to show her how I feel." "With time," she said. "For the moment, I am happy to know we will stay together, and that wasn't our last kiss." "Nor is this," he said as he kissed he deeply again. *Let me feel your hands.* Amanda put her hands to his face, conservatively, knowing how sensitive to touch he had become since the attack. He took her hands from his face and placed them on his chest as he pulled the fabric closures apart and felt her hands slip in to comb through his chest hair. *How I have missed those hands, Aduna.* He moaned as they extended the kiss, slipping his hands into her hair . *Never leave me.* *Never by choice, Adun.* They heard the door slip open and a footstep before they could pull their senses back from the meld deepened by the kiss. "Excuse me," they heard as they started to break the kiss, and realized the captain had walked in on them. They slipped from their deepened bond and became aware of the world again. "Captain," she called to him sweetly, and he popped his head back in, noticing her refastening her husband's med tunic and Sarek watching his wife with the usual intensity that appeared almost lustful now that he looked more closely. Funny, he had never thought of that before, likely because he was Vulcan. He looked down at his shoes momentarily to give them some space. With one last soft kiss, she left her husband. "We have a date tomorrow, Captain. I don't want to be greedy with my time with him." Kirk smiled brightly at their obvious reconnection. "No one would blame you," he said. As she disappeared, he noticed the wistful expression on Sarek's face as he stared at her when she slipped out past Kirk. Kirk smiled at Sarek's obvious distraction. Then Sarek turned toward Kirk, an eyebrow rose. "No donuts?" Kirk smiled, stepped out and returned with their usual fare and began cutting up Sarek's into tiny pieces. "You're looking improved." "Much improved," Sarek said. "Though the physical recovery is still far from complete." Kirk smiled at Sarek's vague admission that his physical recovery was the lesser of his worries, leaving only the psychological. "Do you want to talk?" Kirk's tone darkened. The implication was obvious that Kirk didn't need to say `about down there'. "I had assumed we were to get to those other games." Kirk watched Sarek; he hadn't reacted so strongly as before, and still seemed to look him in the eye. "We can talk, too, as we play." "We can," Sarek agreed. Kirk wasn't sure if Sarek had agreed or was merely admitting the physical possibility of speech. And Kirk hadn't been specific about what they might talk about. He was sure Sarek knew, but that didn't guarantee he would cooperate. Kirk pulled out a checkerboard and checkers. "Not as fanciful or creative as your usual," Sarek said. "It is a precursor to build up to your playing chess with your son." Sarek's eyebrows rose at that. His eyes looked brighter. "My son will be visiting?" "He believes you two need to get reacquainted," Kirk said casually as he set out the pieces, as if he had nothing to do with Spock's interest or realization. Sarek almost smiled at that. "Not something I believe that Spock would perceive on his own." He continued to look Kirk in the eye. "In some things, he can be a little thick." Sarek nodded. "I should take issue with that as he is my son, but it is true. In matters of personal relationships he is rather. underdeveloped. I am glad he has his friends here. I feared his worsening isolation out in space." Kirk looked up to see Sarek still watching him. "Thank you again, Captain. If my son and I could reconnect at a deeper level.`all would be right.' I think that is your saying." Kirk took his first move on the checkerboard. "Would it?" He pinned Sarek's eyes with his and didn't blink. Sarek held his gaze for several long moments. "It was a painful and debilitating experience. The rebels have many reasons to hate. I did not take it personally." Kirk took a deep breath, hoping that Sarek would continue to be so open. "It was a very personal attack." "Yes," Sarek admitted. "Were it not so, it would have been easier. But it helped, not being alone." Kirk felt surprise. "You knew I was there, from the beginning?" "I sensed your concern and your fear for me," he said. "I also sensed your guilt and your embarrassment for me." Kirk blushed at that. "The guilt and embarrassment were unnecessary. From what I understand, you did all that you could. It was only your recognized ingenuity that saved me, I believe. Vulcans are perhaps less modest about the body; it is simply a vessel for so much more. The mind is another matter altogether." Sarek continued, not meeting Kirk's eyes now. "I feared I would die in a way that would crush my wife." He looked up at Kirk and Kirk swore his eyes misted before he looked away again. "Fearing death for me is less than fearing leaving my wife. I have significant difficulty imagining separating from her before we have both had time to come to terms with the possibility. Perhaps I have been too casual about accepting missions. I had some discomfort accepting this one, as did my wife, and I discounted both `intuitions' as she would call them." "But hindsight." Kirk started. Sarek was nodding his head. "I, and my wife, have dealt with too many missions not to realize when something is not right. I should have listened to her. I should have listened to my own discomforts. I should have been less.arrogant." Kirk smiled at that. "You continually surprise me also, Sarek." Sarek looked at him as if searching for something. "I wish there were some way that I could.`put your mind at ease'.with regard to me. I have surely realized my mortality, and also what is important. I will endeavor to rectify what has ailed my marriage, and continue to seek out my son and.'repair those fences' even with my son's stubborn nature equal to mine and his unusual social development." Kirk smiled at Sarek's admission of being quite stubborn, as well as the diplomatic way of referring to his son's sometimes abysmal social and interpersonal skills. They continued to talk for hours, all but forgetting the checkerboard. They mostly talked about Spock and his difficulties and accomplishments. Spock arrived with the 3-dimensional chess set. Kirk laughed at Sarek's earlier prediction. Spock looked affronted. "It is only fair that I reintroduce this pastime to my father as he was the one who first taught it to me." "Logical in one aspect at least," Sarek said. Kirk snorted at that. Spock frowned and stared at his father. "This will be more complex," Sarek said, "but I have had some preparation." Kirk realized Sarek was likely talking about reconnecting with Spock, since they had made so few moves on the checkerboard to qualify as preparation for three-dimensional chess. "We might, however, start with two dimensions," Sarek offered. Kirk left them to themselves, and sighed at the work cut out for them both. He marveled at how such an awful experience could bring so many positive results. Sarek was on the way to rectifying his difficulties with his wife, and was finally very motivated to turn to cementing his parental bond with his son. Kirk had feared for the family that seemed to be exploding under its own stubbornness, pride, and disappointment, but which seemed to be coalescing more strongly due to the upheaval that made them all question themselves. He earnestly believed that tomorrow would bring good fortune for all, where it really counted. The End [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] Yahoo! 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