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Date: Wed, 28 Jan 2004 00:28:54 -0600
Subject: [ASCEM-S] NEW: TOS "In The Dark" [R] S/Mc
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Title: In The Dark
Author: Acidqueen  <a.q @ gmx.de>
Series: TOS
Codes: Spock/McCoy
Rating: R
Summary: Not all shared knowledge enlightens.
No infringement is intended, and no money is being made.
Archive: The SpockMcCoyDen, my own website at
http://www.syredronning.de , ASCEM, all others ask, please.
Acknowledgement: Thanks to Lyrastar for her valuable advice
and beta! All remaining errors are mine!

****

Preface:

With the usual strange feeling, McCoy materialized on the
platform in the transport bay, and for a moment his legs got
weak as he met Spock's gaze. He wasn't sure if from the
memory of the Mirror Spock entering his mind uninvited, or
rather from the memories that that Spock had shared with him
- images of a secret relationship, weird and yet
somehow...fulfilling. Never ever had he given any thought to
Spock as sexual partner, but the vivid scenes had stirred
something inside of him that he needed to analyze...and put
away as fast as possible. And he swore to never tell Spock
anything about it.

*

With an unusually strong feeling of relief, Spock watched
the lost crewmembers materialize on the platform in the
transport bay. And for a moment there was a distinct flush
of heat in his groin as he met McCoy's gaze. He wasn't sure
if from the memory of how the other McCoy had surprised him,
or from the shame of just how far he had allowed the sexual
advances to go. Never had he given a thought to McCoy as
sexual partner, but this encounter had stirred something
inside of him that he needed to meditate over...and put away
as fast as possible. And he decided to never tell McCoy
anything about it.

***

A year later:

It wasn't the most successful landing party ever; in fact,
it was probably one of the worst. At least in McCoy's
opinion, and he hadn't even had the discomfort of the
adventure of a few days before. Kirk and Spock had to fight
against some nasty figures from history in a setup by yet
another alien culture that was too stupid to just ask for
reading material, and instead used the crew of the
Enterprise as Guinea pigs.

Of course, that had hindered neither his captain nor the
first officer from beaming down to the next available planet
for trouble, McCoy as life insurance right next to them. One
day he really would kick Jim's ass for all those landing
parties. But that would have to wait until they were out of
this very dark and deep cave where not so friendly natives
had put Spock and him to die. They probably had myths about
pointy-eared demons. He could only hope that Jim's escape
into the woods would save them all. Right now, he'd happily
let himself be beamed to almost anywhere.

"Any way out?" McCoy said into the pitch-black darkness, one
hand firmly on the wall to keep track of the surroundings.

"As we have no tricorders anymore, I cannot determine the
existence of another way out of this cave," Spock's voice
came from somewhere left of him.

"Pretty intelligent natives, for being rated only level five
on the UFP development scale," McCoy mumbled.

"They simply removed anything valuable that we had."

"Yeah. Wonder why they didn't simply kill us."

"Many cultures prefer indirect means of execution." Spock's
voice was perfectly calm, making McCoy's bad mood rise to
new heights. But he swallowed down the sharp reply that came
to his mind; they would have to cooperate here, or it would
be an even more uncomfortable stay in this cave than it
already was. Shivering in the cool, humid air, McCoy pulled
his hand away from the wall and started hugging himself.

"What're we going to do now, Spock? I'd say we should look
around in the cave system. We're going to freeze here if we
don't move."

"It would be more logical to wait on this end, as search
parties might be able to follow our tracks. I estimate their
arrival within the next three hours. There is also a high
probability that we would hurt ourselves while searching
unknown terrain in this darkness."

McCoy shrugged, belatedly realizing that Spock couldn't see
it. "Well, as long as you keep me warm," he stated
caustically.

"A logical demand," Spock's voice replied emotionlessly.

Blindly, McCoy took a few cautious steps toward the origin
of the voice and, reaching out his palm, soon met Spock's
chest. "Ah, there you are," he said unnecessarily, and
hastily dropped his hand. Spock's body was overly warm as
usual, and the contact had been...nice.

Strong fingers caught his and directed him down to the
floor. In the end they sat side by side against the cool
wall.

"I'd give anything for a blanket," McCoy said with a shiver.

"I agree, Doctor, and would suggest that you come closer."
An arm surprisingly wrapped itself around McCoy's shoulder
and pulled him closer to a warm body. It would be more fun
if it weren't so cold, it came to McCoy's mind, before he
hastily forced down any improper thoughts.

For a while they sat in complete silence, pondering their
fate for themselves.

"How much time has gone by?" McCoy asked finally.

"Only forty five point three minutes."

They dropped back into silence, and after a while McCoy fell
into a light sleep. He awoke from it, slightly irritated to
find his head lying on Spock's shoulder. Hastily tilting it
upwards, he muttered an apology.

"The appropriate Human phrase would be 'You're welcome',"
the Vulcan's voice resounded, muffled.

"I don't think that's what you wanted to say," McCoy
chuckled.

"I am well-versed in paraphrasing Standard vocabulary."

"You give a different impression most of the time." Was it
only his imagination that the hand around his shoulders had
somehow slipped lower...?

"I assumed you would be disappointed if I did not question
your emotional sentences at regular intervals."

McCoy, briefly torn between a caustic retort and a humorous
reply, finally decided for the humor.

"Just as much as you'd be disappointed if I didn't nag you
once in a while."

"Indeed."

The single word seemed to hang in the air for a moment.

"Well, I admit you've tried to be more human lately," McCoy
mumbled. "Didn't refer to your blasted logic every other
second."

"I do not think 'blasted' is the correct adjective," his
companion answered. "But yes, I found that I was better
at...adjusting myself to you."

McCoy stared into the nothingness, wondering what Spock
really wanted to tell him. Well, looking back, they had kind
of danced around each other lately, keeping the sniping
sometimes and slipping into more comfortable, normal
discussion at other times. He himself had tried hard to
forget about the Mirror Spock, but the mixed experience
of...assault and invitation remained imprinted on his mind.
And to have Spock so near now, all to himself...well, maybe
he should risk an open dialogue for once.

"Uh...any special reason for that, Spock? You're not trying
to become human for once, do you?"

"Would you really want me to be more human, Doctor?"

Mainly concerning your sex life, McCoy thought. "Well, yeah,
sometimes," he said. "But you didn't answer my question."

"The McCoy of the mirror universe...allowed me some valuable
insights."

"Ah." A pause. "How so?" McCoy asked. "I read your reports -
didn't you pretty much put them all into custody
immediately, since they were acting so savagely and
strangely when they arrived in the transporter room?"

"I did, Doctor. However, to find out more about them, I
interrogated the doctor."

McCoy frowned. "Why him and not the other Kirk?"

"Because he was the only one who offered cooperation, and
immediate action was called for to retrieve you again."
Something unreadable hung in Spock's voice.

"It didn't work like a normal interrogation, did it?" McCoy
gambled.

"No."

Again, a single word extended itself. But no explanation
followed.

"Good god, Spock, either you tell me everything or stop
talking about it," McCoy finally muttered annoyed. "I'm not
pulling your teeth one by one. Besides, I have good idea
what he revealed to you."

The hand around his shoulder tensed slightly. "On what
grounds?"

"The other Spock...he melded with me. First to see the truth
in my mind, then to show me his relationship with the other
McCoy."

"He melded with you?" The Vulcan was astonished. "And you
agreed to it?"

"No, I didn't," McCoy murmured. "But there wasn't much
choice."

"You did not report this incident, Doctor," Spock said
sharply.

McCoy shrugged. "Any more than you reported yours - I did in
the confidential medical report. Had some sessions with
M'Benga to talk it through." He frowned into the darkness,
glad that Spock couldn't see his face now. There had been
easier things in his life than handling that particular kind
of intrusion.

"You should have gone to a healer. A forced meld can cause
considerable damage." The voice was softer now, and the hand
released a part of its grip. In fact, it felt more like a
caress now in its minute movements along his skin.

"Anyway," McCoy went on, acutely aware of the Vulcan's
presence next to him, "I saw some scenes...sex scenes with
the two of them. Kind of weird relationship, with the other
Spock, uh, kind of submissive to that McCoy."

"The doctor had effectively made the Vulcan dependent on a
special drug," Spock stated.

"Yes. Well. They're all pretty amoral over there. The other
Spock also didn't have any qualms about violating others."
Suddenly, a thought struck McCoy. "Did he drug you in the
interrogation?"

"He attempted to, but he did not succeed. At that moment, he
realized that I was indeed not his normal Spock, and
cooperated fully with the plan to return him to his
universe."

"Come on, Spock, that isn't the whole story," McCoy
insisted. "Otherwise, you'd have reported it. What's going
on, Spock? You didn't *allow* him to use it on you...did
you?"

The darkness seemed to deepen in front of his eyes, as he
once again waited for an answer that wasn't coming. He was
ready to slap the stubborn Vulcan - or to kiss him, he
wasn't quite sure.

"Don't you think that this would be a good moment to tell
the whole story, Spock?" Conveying nearness, he once more
leaned against Spock's shoulder and put his arm around their
bent legs, stroking Spock's outer thigh. He would crawl into
the hot skin, if he could...

The body beside him unexpectedly shifted and broke contact
as it stretched to stand. "I will be right back," the Vulcan
murmured and walked away from him in almost soundless steps.

Finding himself bereft of physical warmth and, worse,
emotional contact, McCoy shivered in the suddenly striking
cold. Had he said too much, and made Spock retreat all the
way into that Vulcan nutshell again? Dammit. Why hadn't he
kept his mouth shut? His thoughts raced, wondering how they
had gotten into this much too intimate situation and this
much too revealing talk at all. Heartily cursing fate and
his tendency to fall for the wrong people over and over
again, he bathed in dark thoughts until Spock returned.

By then, McCoy had stood up and was moving around to warm
himself, but his teeth were chattering nevertheless.
Disoriented, he stared into the black void as he addressed
his invisible companion.

"Spock? Uh, Spock, I'm sorry if I did something wrong."

"On the contrary, Doctor. You did something
too...compelling," Spock's voice answered, rumbling through
the nearest cave structures. "I found I needed a moment to
meditate over it."

"Meditate...hmmm..." McCoy hugged himself further, not quite
knowing how to answer.

"Doctor, can you not stay still for a moment? Your movements
irritate me."

"It's too damn cold here, and with my living stove gone I -"

McCoy's voice faltered as warm hands softly touched his
shoulders. He instantly ceased his walking.

"Please," the Vulcan said insistently. "I did not get
drugged, neither by his assault nor by my own choice. You
should well know that I would not allow such a thing to
happen in the middle of a crisis. However, I admit I was
intrigued by the effects the doctor described to me. It
reportedly suppresses certain brain activities concerning
the emotional control center. Under other circumstances, I
might be curious enough to experiment with it."

Pictures appeared in McCoy's mind, visions of a bearded
Spock cringing at the feet of his human master, showing his
emotions like he never could elsewhere. But the doctor just
couldn't reconcile this with this Spock - his Spock, his
cool, ever-so-controlled green-blooded computer. Not really,
no.

"Taking a drug isn't quite logical, is it?"

"Indeed, it has little to do with...Vulcan logic. As you
have often pointed out, there are aspects of my upbringing
which it would be favorable to overcome...at least in
certain moments."

"And you think a drug would do it? I can't believe it,
Spock. Didn't you learn anything from the Mudd girls and
that crystal there? A drug doesn't really change something
or someone - it only reveals what's hidden deep in you.
Aren't you the one with the best body control around here?"

"I feel honored by your words, doctor. But although I have
tried to strive for more...variability...in choices in the
last months, I found that some intrinsic limits were not
easy to overcome."

"Really, Spock, I don't like the implications," McCoy said
wearily. "Such a drug is a pretty dangerous thing. Not quite
the way I wanted you to experience your emotions, damn."

"I have analyzed the ingredients and have no indication of
any side effects."

"You *have* the drug? Lord, Spock, do I have to quote
regulations to you? Mind-expanding drugs of all kinds -"

"Doctor," the touch on his upper arms tightened slightly.
"This is not a mind-expanding drug in the classic sense."

"Doesn't matter in what sense, Spock," McCoy said sharply.
"You know as well as I do that such stuff is completely
forbidden on starships."

He took a deep breath. "Heck, Spock, I'm sure you could also
loosen up in a...uh...more normal way. Why don't you
try...why don't we try?"

Closing his hands around the Vulcan's waistline, he pulled
him nearer without meeting resistance. Their faces were so
close that he could feel Spock's soft breathing on his skin.
Without thinking further, he searched for the other one's
mouth, moving along a warm cheek before finding his goal.
Their lips met, but Spock's didn't yield to his cautious
probing.

McCoy pulled back. "Spock..." he began, but all further
words seemed to get stuck in his throat.

"Doctor...Leonard...I -" the Vulcan began, only to be
interrupted by steps and then flashlights that danced around
on the upper edge of the cave.

"Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, are you down there?" someone shouted.

"Yes, we are," McCoy said, and hastily retreated from the
contact, inwardly cursing the bad timing of the rescue team.
Now he would probably never learn what Spock had intended to
say. With the feeling of having lost his best chance ever to
come to terms with the Vulcan, he let himself be pulled out
of the cave and back into the sunlight.

*

Onboard, M'Benga gave them an especially warm welcome with
heated beverages and thermo-bags, in which they listened to
Jim's narration and delivered their reports on their stay in
the cave, both cautiously avoiding any personal statements.
Then Jim went to the bridge, leaving them behind for the
final checkup.

"You're both cleared for duty," M'Benga said soon after, and
Spock quickly stood up to fetch his uniform shirt.

McCoy gave his colleague a vague gaze, which M'Benga
thankfully understood as a plea to leave them alone for a
moment.

"Spock, about our conversation in the cave..." he started
cautiously, as the man vanished behind his office door.

"This is not the moment to pursue it, Doctor." Spock stated
emotionlessly. "But I will take your opinion into
consideration for the future."

"My opinion?" McCoy glared at him in rising irritation.
"Well, if I say the drug's forbidden, that's not an opinion,
but an order from the CMO to hand it over - or I will have
to report you."

"The remains of the drug were used up in the analysis,"
Spock said coolly, "so you do not have to be concerned about
it anymore. And now I will return to my duties, Doctor." He
passed him without as much as a final nod.

McCoy watched the departing figure and scratched his chin in
concern. He knew what he wanted, but he wasn't at all sure
what a) Spock wanted and b) Spock needed - heck, if it was
sensible at all to pursue this himself. Well, they would
find out soon - they had to find out soon, because their
mission was nearing its end.

Only days later, they were caught in the Ice Age of
Sarpeidon. And what happened there changed everything
again...

*****



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