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From: "Charon Jesne" <stephenbratliffasc@earthlink.net> (by way of Stephen aka Old Man ASC <stephenbratliffasc@earthlink.net>)
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Date: Fri, 12 Mar 2004 20:02:24 -0500
Subject: [ASCEM-S] NEW DS9 Suffer . . . NC-17 G/B 1/2
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Hey there!

I realize it's been a long time since I posted (at least, before the
quessy about the Spock/Chekov story)but guess what!? :-D  Even though
I haven't posted, that doesn't mean I haven't been writing! :-D

I've got three stories (none related to the other) to post, and this
is the first of them. :-D

Title: Suffer the Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune
Author: Charon
Series: Deep Space Nine
Rating: NC-17
Pairing:  Garak/Bashir
Feedback: Please @ kwaigoncainejinn@yahoo.com
Warning: Sex
Author's Note:  This has been sitting in my computer for a long time
waiting to be posted. I can only hope it meets some form of approval.
However, if it doesn't feel free to hit your delete key, your
backspace key, or to print it out and burn it! :-D

And now without further ado or a don't, onto the tale!

Complete And Total Fantasy
Deep Space: Nine
Suffer the Slings And Arrows Of Outrageous Fortune
By Charon
Started: 09-01-02
Completed: 09-02-02


	Julian looked in the mirror and sighed.  Garak had said his
smile wasn't so boyish, and he had also said he was a Vulcan . . .
and that he thought like a computer.

	If Garak only knew how deeply his emotions ran . . .
particularly for the handsome Cardassian, he never would have even
begun to compare him with the Vulcans.

	Gods but Garak was good looking, but blind, and incredibly
insensitive. Anyone with half a brain could see how attracted he was
to the Cardassian . . . and how much he wanted him to be attracted to
him.  He closed his eyes.  He knew that the Cardassians flirted by
insulting one another, but in the doctor's mind, there was a
difference between flirtatious insults and outright meanness.  Also,
Garak had been confined on not only the defiant, but also the
Jem'Hadar ship with them for quite a while, and was more-than-likely
manifesting a hurtful, caustic form of claustrophobia.

	He suddenly growled in his throat, and kicked the wall.

	Excuses.  That's all he ever had for Garak and his behavior.
It was all he'd *ever* had to show for their association over the
past six years.  However, he knew that he was finally tired of
looking for excuses for Garak.  And he was tired of being the one
with all the answers.  And he was just plain tired.  He was also
filled to overflowing with emotions that had no place to go.  He
wanted, no -  needed -  to go somewhere and scream his lungs out.  To
throw himself into some exercise routine or insipid holographic
program where he could forget all the troubles that plagued him.
Forget all the thoughts that wouldn't go away.

	Maybe he was experiencing some form of claustrophobia as
well.  It was, after all, a small ship.  He rubbed his face tiredly
and fought the tears that wanted so desperately to be shed.  However,
Garak had named him a Vulcan, which he knew wasn't right because
Vulcans didn't shed tears, did they?  He'd certainly never seen one
do it, except when he'd been caught in Pon Faar, and he'd been given
a medical leave for that.

	Human's didn't get Pon Faar though.  They didn't get medical
leaves because their emotions were overwhelmed and they were tired.
Particularly in the middle of a war.  Particularly when they were a
long, long way away from home.  And they didn't get Pon Faar in
particular because as a general rule, Humans didn't hide their
emotions away . . . and he was so very much a Human . . . more than
Human, if his Genetic Enhancement was to be believed.

	No, he definitely wasn't a Vulcan or a computer.  He was
Human, he was tired, and right at that very moment, more than at any
other time in his life, he needed to get away from everything.  He
needed to shut the constant voices in his head off completely.  He
needed to stop the constant problem solving his enhanced brain
engaged in whether he wanted it to or not.

	Which was exactly why he never allowed his bed to remain cold
for very long.  Exercise and getting lost in the uninhibited sharing
of the tumultuous emotions of sex enabled him to shut off his mind
and for so very few times in his life, simply react to a stimulus
rather than to think about it until every nuance had been analyzed to
the nth degree.  He desperately needed to go to a holosuite and
engage in some inane battle lost countless years ago.  He needed to
go somewhere that he could emote and not have to worry about anyone
finding him and making fun of him or trying to make him talk about
things he couldn't because no one, with the possible exception of
another G.E.H. would even begin to have understood, and not just
nodded, smiled, and merely believed they understood.

	Silently, and without a word to anyone, he left the medical
bay and headed off toward the one dark corner he'd discovered not too
long ago, when he'd had one of his many bouts of insomnia and had
embarked on his own exploration of the Jem'Hadar's ship.  The
wonderfully secluded hole was little more than a storage space that
barely fit him when he sat up straight, embedded in the wall of a
cargo bay, but it was all his.

	It was the one place where he could curl up in the dark and
forget, for a few minutes at least, that he was a G.E.H..  Forget
that he was single-handedly responsible for the health and safety of
the small crew.  Forget that they were out in the forsaken Gamma
Quadrant running constantly from Odo's people and their insane
enforcers.  Forget that his home was constantly endangered by the
people from the Gamma Quadrant.  Forget that they were seventeen
years, two months, and three days, give or take an hour, from that
home.

	He crept into the cargo bay, opened the panel, and entered
the wonderfully dark crawlspace.  He wished he'd been able to get
Kukulaka on board the ship, but that had been impossible, and he drew
his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around his shins, buried
his head in his knees, and let the tears come.  The hurt that Garak's
words had caused welled up in him along with everything else he felt,
but he gave it no voice, only his tears, and his entire body
shuddered with the force of the long overdue release of his
loneliness, sorrow and pain.

	"Doctor?"  The one voice that Julian hadn't wanted to hear
for the rest of whatever passed for a `night' on the ship called for
him, and he hoped that if he kept himself small and quiet, perhaps
Garak would just go away.  It would figure that the one being he'd
tried to hide from was the first to find him.   However, though he
tried, he couldn't stop the tears.  Once they'd started, there seemed
to be no end to them, and he shivered.  "Doctor."  Garak continued
relentlessly as his voice echoed around the holding space.  "I saw
you come in here.  You can't hide."

	"Yes, I can."  Julian whispered, and immediately bit his lips
as he heard the shuffle of shoes as they came near his sanctuary.  He
closed his eyes.  "Don't find me."  He prayed.  "Please don't find
me."

	However, it was a prayer made in vain, as he hadn't drawn the
access panel back over the opening, and Garak looked inside.  "Doctor
Bashir, what are you . . ."  He looked at Julian's ravaged face, at
the tears that wouldn't stop coming even as they gazed at one
another, and Garak blinked.  "I see."  He finally said, and Julian
looked away.

	"Please, go away, Garak."  He whispered.  "Leave me alone."

	"I don't think I should."  Garak shook his head, and it was
with some difficulty that he lay on the floor on his stomach.  "You
seem to be hiding in here, and I'm fairly certain that hiding in a
small storage space barely big enough for a child, and crying, is not
an indicator of sound mental health in a Human.  And that, I'm sure,
means that one shouldn't really be left alone."

	"I'm fine."  Julian said shortly, and Garak shook his head.

	"Doctor, you are NOT fine.  Even I can see that.  As a matter
of fact, the last time you truly seemed fine was on the Defiant when
we were in the infirmary . . ."  His eyes widened in sudden
comprehension, and his voice softened.  "Oh Great Gul.  Doctor, did
something I've said or done cause . . ."  Garak indicated Julian's
hunched, miserable posture with a gentle wave of his hand.  "This?"
Garak asked, and Julian wanted to deny it.

	He wanted, with everything that was in him, to deny the fact
that Garak's words had indeed been the final catalyst that had caused
his emotions to crack, but he couldn't make himself say the words.
He opened his mouth to try and force the denial, but nothing exited,
and he shivered as the only sound that left his throat was a tortured
whimper.  A moment later, he gave in to the inescapable venting of
his shattered, tired emotions and buried his head in his knees once
more and wrapped his hands around his head as sobs, horrible in their
continuing silence, wracked his body.

	"Good grief, Doctor."  Garak was suddenly alarmed at the
ferocity with which Julian's emotions released themselves, and he
swallowed nervously.  "I'm so very sorry.  I had no idea I'd hurt you
so badly.  Please, Doctor, accept my apology."  His softly and
sincerely spoken words, for the first time in their long association,
failed to pacify the doctor, who suddenly rocked back and forth, his
entire being trapped in the anguish that had built up inside of him
for so long.  "Doctor, this simply will *not* do."  He sharpened his
tone and scowled as he hoped that anger would force the younger man
out of his mental and emotional pain.  "You are not allowed to have a
breakdown.  Not here, not now.  There are people who are depending on
you."

	"Not now.  Me.  Help me now.  So tired."  Julian whimpered,
shook his head, and withdrew into more fully into himself than before.

	"I see."  He commented, and ran a hand over his eyes.  "I
guess this . . . situation . . . we've found ourselves in has made
everyone tired and overwrought.  Doctor, do want me to get Lieutenant
Dax?  I'm sure she . . ."

	"No . . ."  Julian croaked as he stared hard at Garak.  "No,
damn it.  Don't want her.  I want you."

	Garak was sure he'd heard wrong . . . or at least had
misunderstood the connotation.  Surely, not after six years of
wanting to know the pleasure of holding the younger man and
possessing his beautiful body, Julian had finally deciphered his
clues . . . as well as acknowledged his own desires.  "What did you
say?  Or more to the point, what did you mean?"

	"I said, I want you.  I meant, I want you.  And I don't want
to talk about any of it.  I'm tired of talking, and I'm tired of
playing around, Garak."  Julian raised his head and his eyes burned
into Garak's.  "I know you like me.  I know you want me
physically . . . at least you did in the beginning, and I wanted you
as well.  However, I kept myself from you because there were far too
many complications . . . complications I wasn't willing to deal with,
and not the least of which was because I was a G.E.H..  But quite
frankly, this war is killing me, Garak.  It's taking every ounce of
life I have and draining me of it as surely as if I'd taken phaser
bolts to my body."  His voice trembled, and he forcibly steadied
it.  "I'm so very empty right now, Garak, and I know you don't love
me, and I'm pretty sure I don't love you - not the way you need to be
anyway.  But I'm unbearably lonely, and I hurt."  Julian dropped his
head back to his knees, and Garak licked his dry lips as he looked at
the man huddled in the small cupboard.

	"Come out here, Doctor . . . Julian."  He whispered and sat
up.  He reached into the storage space, put his arms around Julian's
shoulders and gently pulled the man from the dark hole he'd tried to
hide himself away in.  "Do you remember in that horrible prison?"  He
suddenly asked gently and conversationally as he tried to provide
some sort of normalcy, some sort of stability, for the younger man's
fractured emotions.  "When you had to pull me out of a horribly
cramped dark spot kind of like this one?"

	"Yes.  And I was scared then too."  Julian whispered as Garak
sat on the floor, enfolded the younger man in his arms, and rested
the dark head on his chest.

	"You were scared?  You didn't seem it to me."  Garak looked
at the top of the Human's head, startled, and Julian nodded.

	"I know, but I was.  Just because I got older didn't mean I
got any less afraid . . . of anything - success, failure, any of it.
I'm just able to hide it better now.  But there, Garak, I was
scared.  I was scared that you'd not be able to go back in there and
finish the work Tain had started.  I was scared that you wouldn't be
able to get us out.  And when we did get out, I was scared that you'd
be forever scarred by your time in that wall, and if you had been, it
would have been my fault."  His voice lowered, and he closed his eyes.

	"Your fault?"  Garak looked at the man in surprise.  "And why
would it have been your fault?"

	"Because I'm the one who convinced Tain to attempt the
message to you specifically.  He was just going to send out some sort
of wide band Obsidian Order Cardassian signal.  I'm the one who
ultimately got you brought to that horrible place, against his will,
really.  I knew, even if he did not, that if anyone could get us out
of there, it was you."

	Garak blinked in his shock, and tried not to show the younger
man how much he was truly affected by the faith Julian so obviously
placed in him, as well as at the actual confession.  "I see."  He
spoke after a moment, and Julian looked up, directly into the
Cardassian's blue eyes.

	"Do you, Garak?  Do you really?"

	"I do now."

	"Are you going to do something about it then, or do we
continue this ridiculous dance you started six years ago?  Because if
that's what you want to do, then I say we just break off everything
right now.  Stop the innuendos, the touches, the exchanges of
chocolate and other little `tokens of affection', as well as the
subtle references to what you may, or may not, be feeling for me.
I'm too tired and I'm too hurt right now to settle for anything
less.  Damn it."  He suddenly hissed.  "I know I'm tarnished and my
rose lost its blush long ago, but I'm still alive, and I want you to
make me feel it, Garak."

	"Doctor - Julian."  Garak's voice was wary.  "This is not
something to be done lightly.  Are you sure this is what you want?"
He demanded, and with a cry of frustration as his only warning, and
with more than a touch of his genetically enhanced strength, Julian
flipped the Cardassian over until he was flat on his back.

	The younger man ground his pelvis against the Cardassian's,
and Garak felt a rigidness that wouldn't be denied.  With as much
ferocity as he'd flipped him over, Julian pressed his mouth against
Garak's and wrapped both his hands in the smooth, dark hair.  His
tongue forced Garak's mouth open, and the tailor was surprised by the
intensity as well as the heat of it as it forced itself past his
tongue.

	"Doctor . . ."  He tried to speak, but Julian's teeth dug
into his lips, and his hands moved frantically down to the hem of
Garak's tunic, which he yanked  upward.

	"No talking.  Done talking."  Julian removed his mouth from
the Cardassian's long enough to day.  "Fucking."

	"Doctor, we are NOT a couple of rutting voles, nor are we
Klingons . . ."  Garak tried to disentangle himself from Julian, but
it was a futile effort.  Before he knew it, his tunic was around his
chest, his pants were down around his hips, and Julian kissed his way
down the silver-grey skin.  Garak couldn't stop the loud groan that
left him and he arched under the wild Human.

	"Waited too long."  Julian gasped as he sucked the
Cardassian's deceptively soft skin.  "Wanted you for six years."  He
gripped Garak's hips in his hands and drove the hardened tip of his
tongue into the juncture of the Cardassian's hips and thighs, and
Garak jerked under him.  Independent of his own will, his long
fingers sought out the zipper of Julian's uniform and were frustrated
in their efforts to open the stubborn material.

	"I can't get the zipper open, Doctor."  He panted, and Julian
looked up at him, his eyes black with the force of his desire and
need.

	"Tear it open!"  He ordered, and Garak's pupils dilated at
the absolute carnal lust the younger man's face and voice possessed.
He could no more ignore that order, than his natural predator's
instincts could ignore the increasingly pressing need to feel the
doctor's bare skin against his own.  He gripped the tight material in
his hands and Julian cried aloud as Garak wrenched the material open
and the yanked it downward.  A moment later, Julian freed his arms
from both the undershirt and the uniform itself, until his entire
upper torso was completely exposed.

	Without warning, he drove his face into the crevice between
the Cardassian's legs under his genitals.  Garak all but roared and
his legs flew open as the doctor gripped his exposed buttocks in
long, bruising fingers and opened and closed the flesh.  His tongue
flickered over the tailor's heavy sac, and Garak shivered under the
assault.  He was helpless in the face of Julian's passion, and as the
Human's hot, wet mouth surrounded the slightly ridged, powerful
shaft, he thrust upward.

	"Yes, Garak."  Julian's breath heaved in his chest as he
sucked the shaft into his mouth as far as it would go, released it,
and spoke between thrusts.  "That's it. Give it to me.  I want it.
All of it."

	"Then you shall have it."  Garak suddenly hissed, and flipped
Julian over until he was flat on his back, then pulled the rest of
the uniform down the Human's unresistant body.


To Be Continued Shortly. . .

Thank you guys very much for reading this and I sincerely hope you
are enjoying it enough to read the second half! :-D

Ever a friend,
Charon



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