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From: "Keith & Jessica Bratcher" <campbratcher@psci.net>
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Date: Sun, 25 Apr 2004 21:15:32 -0500
Subject: [ASCEM-S] NEW VOY-The Chakotay Conundrum (5/5)  NC-17 C/P
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Title:        The Chakotay Conundrum 5/5
Author:        Darksusie (December 03)
Series:        Voyager
Pairing         C/Various   C/P
Rating:            NC 17
Disclaimer:       Voyager and her crew are the property of
Paramount.  
Summary:        The Fleet and Maquis crews have joined

Seven weeks passed.  The Captain had commented on the
Commander and the pilot's new friendship, glad they
had worked out their differences.  Harry had started
to talk to Tom again and the Maquis were treating him
as one of their own and the loving had just got better
and better.  Tom thought that the reason why the
Commander's lovers glowed and blossomed was that they
became the centre of Chakotay' world.  He worshipped
them with his mind, his body and his soul.  He made
his lover feel like the most important person in the
universe and the feeling was so empowering. After a
particularly loving and heavy session Tom felt he
could take on the whole of the Delta Quadrant.  He
would miss that feeling but Chakotay had promised him
that they would stay friends when it ended

One night while the Commander was busy working Tom
joined Harry in Sandrine's.  After a few games of pool
they relaxed in a booth chatting about ship's gossip.

"So Tom who do you think will be next?" Harry smirked
at the pilot.

"Next for what Har?" Tom was distracted by Tabor
arguing with Ayala.

"Next for the Commander's bed of course.  You couldn't
put a word in for me, could you?"  Harry didn't miss
the look of concern that passed over his friend's
face.  Serves Tom right for being such an easy fuck. 
Harry knew this thinking was off kilter but felt
bitter that he wasn't the one sporting the big grin
every time the Commander came onto the bridge.

"I'll see what I can do, Har but no promises." 

Tom managed  his usual Paris grin but the need to get
away was paramount.  He gave it a few minutes then
made his excuses, rushing to his own cabin, he needed
to get his thoughts together before he met up with his
lover.  Soon to be ex-lover.  The idea of Chakotay
with anybody else hit him like a beam from a phaser
rifle. He had thought he would be able to handle it
but now the reality was here, he didn't think he
could.  As he turned a corner he quickly stepped back
in the shadows.  Stood near the lift were the
Commander and Dalby in what looked like an intimate
conversation.  He let them both get in the lift and
then continued on his way to his quarters.  They
hadn't even broken up and the bastard was lining up
his next lover.  Thoughts came tumbling one after
another.  Chakotay had called him special, my dear
beautiful Tom, the pilot had begun to think he was
different to the rest, distinctive, as the Commander
had said, special.  But then the words, 'I can't, it's
Paris for fuck sakes' came back to him.  Chakotay had
never wanted him in the first place, Tom had just been
a convenient hole to park his dick in.  The pilot's
internal ranting was stopped by the beep of his
communicator. 

"Chakotay to Paris" the Commander's voice was
cheerful, optimistic, husky.

"Paris here." Tom could hardly get the words out.

"I thought you would have been here by now, is there a
problem?"

"No problem, Commander, no problem at all.  I think
you and I both know our time is up, our relationship,
if you can call it that, has run it's course.  It's
been nice but you know I really can't wait to get a
nice, soft tender woman in my bed.  Some real loving.
Get back to normality you know.   Now I'm sure you've
more important things or people to do so I'll let you
get off.  I'll see you on the bridge.  I hope you'll
be civil." Tom cut the contact before he let the tears
fall.

Luckily the next day Tom was off duty, so he stayed
out of the way.  

After Alpha shift had finished the Commander commed
him. "Chakotay to Paris." 

"Yes, Commander," Tom steeled himself not to fall for
the seductive tones of his ex-lover. 

"Tom, what happened? We were fine until yesterday,
please let me come and talk to you."

Tom thought he heard a pleading tone in the
Commander's voice but shook the thought off, he was
probably only playing a game, wanting to be the one
who called the shots, well not this time. "We've
nothing to talk about.  You're a good fuck, yeah a
real good fuck but that's all Chakotay.  It's time for
pastures new, for both of us.  Variety is the spice of
life and all that". Tom couldn't stop himself he
needed the Commander to hurt as much as he did. "In
fact your taking up my time here Commander, I've got a
date and I don't think I'll be sleeping alone, so if
you don't mind I've some things to prepare.  Paris
out."  

Tom went on the date but did sleep alone. The next day
on the bridge the Commander was polite if cold and for
one second Tom wanted to rush up and take him in his
arms but then Dalby came over and gave Chakotay a
message, leaning over and whispering in his ear and
all the jealousy and hurt came back.

Over the next few weeks the pilot managed to act as if
he didn't have a care in the world, flirting with
every woman who came into Sandrine's.  Chakotay didn't
show.  Tom didn't know whether to feel relieved or
upset.  The Maquis were giving him the cold shoulder
again.  He figured Chakotay must have put the word out
as not one of them touched him.  Tom had begun to
count down the days to when Chakotay would need to
take a lover, steeling himself for the first time he
saw him with Dalby or whoever was the next in line.  

Walking into Sandrine's with Harry one night he had to
use all his inner strength when he saw a group of
Maquis sat having a drink, laughing and generally
having a good time.  What had unnerved him was that
Chakotay was with them, sat next to Dalby.

Tom turned around and ran back to his room.  Now it
had come to it he couldn't deal with it.  He'd
stupidly fallen in love with the First Officer,
someone who couldn't give a damn for him, who'd used
him and didn't even like him.  He fell asleep on the
couch, crying and was awoken an hour later by his
chime urgently ringing.  He opened the door and Ayala
rushed in.  

"I've kept my peace for Chakotay's sake but I want to
know what the fuck are you playing at, Paris?" Ayala
had him by the throat. "Everyone else knows it's a
privilege to help the Commander but not you, you've
never shown respect for him.  As it just been one big
laugh for you, just get a good fuck them move on.  I
thought more of you, I should have known better." 
Ayala let him go. "He's in a bad way over this, why
did you end it?  You two were good together " 

"Fuck you Ayala, if he's so bad why doesn't he just
move on to his next victim.  I saw him sweet talking
Dalby to take my place, well he can step in, the way's
free" 

"I wasn't talking about him physically and I don't
know what you thought you saw but I know he isn't
lining Dalby to be next."  

Tom had started to get upset again, pacing up and down
his quarters.  

"Sit down Tom, tell me what's going on in that fucked
up mind of yours.  Whatever you think, I'm your
friend." He put a reassuring hand on the pilot's
shoulder.

Tom let all the feelings tumble out. "He never wanted
me in the first place, Greg, I was just convenient and
now it's time for him to find another lover.  I didn't
think it would matter, you know we'd be friends, move
on.  I've fallen for him, Greg and when I saw him with
Dalby I just flipped.  He was going to move on to the
next one as though everything was hunky dory and I was
going to be left with nothing, so I got out first."  

Greg sat down next to him. "What makes you think he
didn't want you in the first place, Tom?"  

"Does the words, its Paris for fuck sakes, ring a
bell.  I was the last person he wanted to be with."
Tom struggled to keep his emotions under control. 

"You are way off the mark, Tom.  There were two people
he didn't want to get involved with, you were one, and
I was the other.  I'm his best friend, he needs me to
monitor the situation.  Wants me to phaser him if
things get out of hand, if he hurts anyone.  He can't
face anyone suffering just to save him." Ayala took a
deep breath, he had nothing but admiration and
affection for his old Captain and he didn't want to
see him hurting over the pilot. 

"Well he never called me his friend so obviously he
didn't want me because" 

Ayala stopped him. "He didn't want you Paris because
he couldn't stand walking away from you.  He's been in
love with you since the first day he saw you and he
knew that once he'd had you he wouldn't want anybody
else.  Trouble is his body doesn't know that."  

Tom sat back down, his mind reeling.
  
"Well its immaterial now." Ayala got up to leave.

"What do you mean its immaterial, do you mean it's too
late he's with Dalby." Tom felt the tears threatening
again.  

"For fuck sakes Tom, how many times do I have to tell
you, the Commander doesn't want Dalby, he wants you. 
Well did.  In 30 minutes he won't want anybody and
that's down to you.  I don't know if it's a good thing
or a bad thing."  Ayala set off for the door but Tom
grabbed his arm, staying him.

"Damn it Greg, explain what's happening. Oh fuck, you
don't mean he's asked you to phaser him.

Ayala looked at him, shocked at the thought. "No, I've
been sworn not to tell you, but I don't think its
right."

"You're scaring me, tell me now Greg, maybe I can do
something."

"While we've been on Voyager one or two of us have
been working on a cure for Chakotay. We didn't want to
get the doc involved as Chakotay didn't want the
Captain to know.  Thinks it's a sign of weakness. 
Anyway Kes found out, was sympathetic and she's been
working on an antidote.  Well when you paired up with
the Commander, he was desperate to sort something out,
he didn't want to lose you.  Kes came to him with two
solutions but before he could discuss it, you upped
and left.  You know, I could fucking hit you myself
for that, I've never seen him so upset."  Ayala took a
deep breath, collecting his thoughts.  "Anyway Kes
came up with a serum, it won't cure the urges but will
allow him to control them.  Well you put an end to
that plan and as he didn't want anybody else he moved
on to plan B."  

Tom didn't like the sound of this but asked anyway.
"And plan B would be what exactly?" 

"Kes is going to do an operation on part of his brain,
kill all sexual desire. That way he won't have to rely
on other people, won't have to rely on their sympathy.
He's a passionate, loving man, Tom and all that will
be gone and I know it solves his problem, but what
will be left, a shell of his former self.  She's
operating now while Tuvok and the Captain are at that
symposium.

"We've got to get down there, stop it before it's to
late." Tom made for the door.

Ayala grabbed his arm. "Wait, Tom, it's no use
stopping it if you've going to fuck him over.  If
you're going to mess him about he may as well have the
op and stop this once and for all."

"Greg, I love him I just didn't know it till too late.
Come on let's go stop it."

They ran through the corridor's, trying not to draw
attention to themselves.  Rushing into sickbay, they
both stopped suddenly.  Kes was in the middle of the
operation.  Selsey, a Maquis medic came over to speak
to them.  

"We've come to stop the operation." Tom said urgently.


Selsey shook her head, "I'm sorry, your too late, it's
nearly over." 

She gave Tom a withering look, blaming him for what
had become of the Commander.  Kes was just finishing
the operation as Tom and Greg glanced across.  The
Commander looked deathly, a grey waxy colour, with
beads of sweat standing out.  Tom turned and walked
out of sick bay back to his cabin.  He sat on the edge
of his bed, his head in his hands.  He'd fucked up big
time.  He thought back to the weeks he'd spent with
Chakotay, all the lovemaking, the laughter, the
caring.  When he really thought about it he could see
that his lover couldn't have hated him, that what Greg
said was true and he'd thrown it all away because he'd
put himself before Chakotay, and now his passionate,
sensual lover was no longer.

Tom walked onto the bridge the following morning in a
daze. He was now in charge till the Captain and Tuvok
returned,  but all he could think about was Chakotay
laying unconscious in sickbay.  Overnight he had taken
a turn for the worse, complications had set in that
Kes hadn't anticipated.  The matter of his sexuality
had taken a back seat, they would be lucky to keep him
alive.  Greg kept him informed, Tom couldn't face
seeing Chakotay near death.  To survive this he needed
to keep the image of the passionate lover of the past
in his mind.

Three days had passed with little improvement, only
two more days to their meeting with the Captain. 
There would be hell to pay, everything would come out,
especially Tom's part in this fiasco.  Tom could cope
with all that as long as Chakotay was alive.  
On the fourth day Kes informed Tom that Chakotay had
regained consciousness during the night and was now
resting in his quarters.  The effects of the operation
were as yet unknown.  Tom had a full shift ahead
before he could see for himself that the Commander was
alive.  Somehow he would make it up to him.  Somehow.

End of shift came and Paris ran straight to the
Commander's quarters.  The door opened straight away,
which surprised Tom, he would have thought the
Commander would have changed the codes, when Tom had
heartlessly dumped him.  The Commander was nowhere in
sight, so Tom made his way cautiously towards the
bedroom.  Tom's breath caught in his throat.  He's
expected to see a fragile, ill looking reflection of
the Commander, not this bronze deity laid out in front
of him.  Chakotay was laid on his stomach, naked, his
muscular back, glistening in the low light.  Tom's
eyes filled with tears, he could have been mine and
now he wouldn't be anyone's.  He automatically stepped
forward and sat on the edge of the bed.  He didn't
care what reception he got but he had to touch the man
in front of him.  He lightly brushed a hand down the
small of Chakotay's back.  The Commander murmured and
turned over.  Tom reached out to touch his face. 

"No, Tom." Chakotay stayed his hand. "I don't want
your pity. I'd appreciate it if you'd leave.  As you
told me you've other fish to fry, pastures new.  I
wouldn't want to take time from your many lady
friends."  Chakotay turned away from him. 

Tom's heart went cold.  He'd not only taken his
sexuality away from him but he'd deliberately hurt
him. "I'm not leaving Chakotay.  I know you won't
believe this but I love you and as for lady friends
they were just for show.  I didn't sleep with anyone,
I didn't want anyone but you.  But I got so mixed up,
I thought you were only with me because you had no
choice, that you disliked me, that you were lining
Dalby up.  I got so confused and now I've caused
this."  Tom was now sobbing. 

"You love me?"  Chakotay stared at the sobbing pilot.

"Gods Chakotay you don't know how much." 

Chakotay looked Tom slowly up and down and said in a
husky voice, "Do you want to show me how much," and
pulled Tom in for a searing kiss.  Tom was lost,
delirious with happiness, when he felt Chakotay take
his hand and rub it up and down his erection.  Tom
pulled away and looked straight into his lover's eyes,
still caressing the hard cock in his hand. 

"Greg said you wouldn't have any more desires.  Tell
me this isn't true."
  
Chakotay caressed the pilot's face, slowly taking off
his jacket. "Well Tom, Kes did a better job than was
expected, she corrected most of the damage that the
Cardassians did. She didn't need to kill off my
desire."  

Chakotay moaned as Tom slowly kissed his neck whilst
stroking his thumb over his nipple.  

"Chakotay, I want you to make love to me." 

In response the Commander flipped Tom over, pinning
him to the bed  

"There's one problem Tom, the operation only cured me
of the violent side effects it didn't cure my urge to
fuck like crazy for 2 months out of 3, it's still
going to come over me."  

Tom held his breath, Oh god he's going to want someone
else. Tom began to turn away.  

"It's just that now it will be you, and only you,  I
want to fuck into the floor."  Tom smiled. "Hope
that's OK with you," Chakotay managed to say before
the deep moans of his lover put an end to any more
talking.





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