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From: "Keith & Jessica Bratcher" <campbratcher@psci.net>
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Date: Wed, 19 May 2004 23:45:10 -0500
Subject: [ASCEM-S] NEW TOS/ENT The TOS Neutral Zone 1/1 [PG] challenge, humor, Spock/m
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Title:  The TOS Neutral Zone
Author:  J. Juls (jjuls @ tbc.net)
Series:  TOS/ENT
Rating:  PG
Codes:  Spock/m , humor , challenge
Summary:  It's the TNG show The Neutral Zone as it might have happened with

The TOS Neutral Zone

"Ship's Log Stardate 4710.0, First Officer Spock recording.  We are holding
station in the Nagana sector to rendevous with Captain Kirk's shuttle, as he
is returning from a conference on Gavon XII."

"Commander."  Sulu looked up from his console, where he had been scanning
for the shuttle.  Spock thought that he could detect some unsettled emotion
in the pilot's voice.

"What is it, Lieutenant?"

Sulu punched codes into his console.  "Scanners locked onto a nearby piece
of space debris for a moment.  It seems to be an escape pod containing
lifeforms of some sort."

Uhura fine-tuned her scanner.  "I'm not getting lifeform readings from the
object, sir, but I see what Sulu means.  I think it could be ... dead
bodies."

"Fascinating."

Suddenly the turbolift doors burst open.  Spock didn't need to turn around,
of course, to know who would come through them.  "By God, Spock, you have to
let me save those people!"

Spock only regarded the doctor coolly.  "Have you determined that they are
indeed people of some sort, doctor?"

"Yes, I have, sir!"  Doctor McCoy said in mock obedience.  "I happened to be
calibrating Sickbay's external scanners at the time.  And not only are they
people, Spock, but they're human!"

Spock let himself raise one eyebrow.  "And surely you know also, Doctor,
that these humans you wish to save are deceased."

"I could still save them, Spock!  You know as well as I that they've been
kept at almost absolute zero.  We could thaw them out!"

"Further scans are indicated, Doctor, to verify your first impressions.  We
must ... "

"Sir, I don't mean to interrupt," Uhura said, "But the captain is in the
sector and wishes to speak to you."

"On screen please, Lieutenant."

The captain appeared on the viewscreen, and he didn't look happy.  "Spock.
Yellow alert.  Set course for the Neutral Zone.  As soon as we dock, proceed
at Warp Six.  There's no time to spare.  Kirk out."

Yellow alert lights began to blink along the bridge walls.  Spock looked to
Lieutenant Sulu, who was already setting coordinates, then back to the
ever-exasperating doctor.

"Spock, you green-blooded walking computer!  Can't you see that I have to
save those people now?  If we go gallivanting off to the Neutral Zone, we'll
never find that debris again!"

"Sir, Captain Kirk's shuttle is beginning docking procedures."

"Spock!"

Spock allowed himself a quiet sigh.  "Fine, Doctor.  You may do as you will
with the frozen humans.  Contact Mr. Scott quickly, however."  He then
noticed that McCoy was already in communication with Mr. Scott, no doubt
giving him transporter coordinates.  Humans!  Doctor McCoy headed back for
the turbolift.

Presently, Spock felt the ship shift around him as Sulu engaged the warp
drive.  Moments later, Captain Kirk strode onto the bridge.  "We are en
route to the Neutral Zone at Warp Six, Captain."

"Good.  Spock, join me in Conference Room One in twenty minutes.  Uhura ...
yourself, Sulu, and Scotty as well."  He turned to Spock.  "Where's Bones?"

"I believe he was called away ... to a medical emergency, sir."

"I'll have to brief him later, then."  Spock watched the captain enter the
turbolift, curious to learn what their task would be in the Neutral Zone.

***

"Look, Nurse, you're a female!  After I thaw them out, you talk to them.  Be
understanding."  Christine wasn't really good at that type of thing, but
what could she say to her boss?

Only "Aye, sir."

Then he sent her scrambling for her instrument tray, barking orders.
"Nebulizer!  Frombulator!  Enthalpizer!  Entropazer!  Bosonamahickey!
Tricordrazine!"  By the time Doctor McCoy had fiddled with all of these, his
first patient, a slender and somewhat unpleasant-looking man, had begun to
stir.  He moaned and turned his head to one side.

"Aaaauuuuuhhh," he murmured.  "T'Pol?  What are you ... T'Pol!"  He opened
his eyes then, squinting even in the dim Sickbay lighting, and tried to
rise.  Luckily, the restraint field held him securely to the table.

"It's all right, sir.  You're in Sickbay.  Just lie back and relax.  Try to
breathe deeply."

"Sickbay?  Sickbay?"  He moaned, closing his eyes.  "I was on the bridge,
and T'Pol ... look, you have to tell Phlox!"  He opened his eyes wide to
stare at her then.  "Tell Phlox to watch out for her!  Ohhhh, my head ... "
He went limp.  Christine checked his vitals; they remained constant.  What
could the problem be?

She didn't have time to check, because Dr. McCoy's next patient was now
beginning to regain consciousness.

This patient was a diminutive female with long, dark hair.  She began to
thrash violently on the table and would surely have fallen off were it not
for the safety restraint.  "T'Pol!  No!  I'm scared!  Somebody saaaaave me!
EEEEEEEK!  EEEK!"

"Tranq-o-lator!"  Doctor McCoy ordered.  Christine was glad to comply, just
to silence the racket.

Doctor McCoy now set to work on his third patient.  This was another
nondescript man, although slightly cuter than the first one.  Also
different:  he woke with a smile on his face.  "Ohhhh, that T'Pol musta
really threw me fer a loop this time!"  He stared off into space.  "That
Vulcan poontang, can't beat it.  You know what they say, Missy, don'tcha?"
Christine realized that he was now gazing directly at her.  "Once you've had
Vulcan ... "

Christine had to run to her quarters for a good cry.

***

Captain Kirk continued to pace about the conference room.  "Starfleet sends
me all the way out to the Neutral Zone on some supposedly important mission,
and when I ask for details, they ... won't ... tell me!  I ... know ...
absolutely NO details!  Just 'hold position'!

Interesting.  "So we are only to patrol ... "

"Yes, Spock.  Patrol Hydra Gamma section four.  What their big hurry is, I
don't know.  But for now ... we're powerless.  Unless the Romulans decide to
show themselves."

"Aye, then there'll be trouble," Scott commented.

A transient smile touched the Captain's mouth.  "Very likely, Mr. Scott."
He stopped pacing and turned to face them.  "For now, maintain yellow alert.
Dismissed."

Spock rose to leave, but Mr. Scott spoke.  "Ahh, begging your pardon,
Captain, but do ye not wish to hear my preliminary report?"

Captain Kirk spun to face Scott.  "Report?"

"On the debris we beamed up, sir."  He paused, but the captain didn't say
anything.  "It was some of the materials from the derelict.  That Doctor
McCoy's, er, patients were in."

The captain continued to look at Scott, puzzled; then he switched his gaze
to Spock, questions in his eyes.

"Yes, Captain; I am afraid that the good doctor has been behaving ... in
typical fashion ... in your absence.  I had hoped to avoid bothering you
with the distraction at this time."

The captain didn't seem to be bothered, though; mildly amused was more like
it.  "Well, everyone, it looks like we'll be continuing our meeting after
all.  I'd be glad to hear your report, Scotty.  Just let me call Doctor
McCoy."

***

" ... and the strangest part was, all three of them had been put in the
escape pod *after* death!"

"Fascinating, Doctor.  It seems that your anxiety to 'save' them was rather
misplaced; they were, after all, dead."

"But they're not dead *now*, Spock," McCoy hissed.  "For all that a
pointy-eared, walking calculator like you would care."

"Now, now, gentlemen!"  the captain jokingly admonished.  Then he grew
serious.  "I assume they're under restraints."

Doctor McCoy looked offended.  "Of course, Jim.  After all, I wouldn't want
them to hurt themselves."

"Or anyone else.  We don't know anything about them.  For instance, what
were the causes of death?"

"Same thing for all of them.  Close-range phaser stun to the temple."

"And you managed to cure them?"

"It was a very early type of phaser, Jim.  Primitive.  I could easily repair
the damage."

But with the phaser revelation, Spock knew that the captain's suspicions
were justified.  "As if executed, Doctor?  Perhaps they are dangerous --
criminals of some sort."

Captain Kirk spoke up, taking control of the meeting.  "Well, we hardly need
to speculate, do we, Gentlemen?  We have yet to hear Scotty's and Uhura's
reports.  Scotty?"

"Yes, sir," Mr. Scott began.  "Ye understand, we did not have much time to
analyze the debris.  But from what we've found so far, it is indeed from an
Earth ship approximately one hundred years old.  And sir ... it was called
the Enterprise."

Silence fell.  Spock looked to the captain for cues.

"Interesting.  Impossible, of course, but ... interesting nonetheless."  The
captain tapped his fingers on the table.

"Sir, Lieutenant Uhura has been analyzing a log chip from the pod."

The captain turned to her.  "Lieutenant Uhura, what have you found?"

"So far, I've been able to restore a short video sequence, sir."  She put
the ancient chip into her tricorder as the viewers came to life with the
face of a Vulcan female.

"To anyone who finds this escape pod:  I am Acting Captain T'Pol of the
Spaceship USS Enterprise."  A general murmur of surprise went around the
room.  "I have been forced to execute three members of our crew for the
heinous crime of being very annoying."  The view widened to show more
crewmembers.

"And stupid," said a dusky human male behind her.

"And extremely arrogant," piped up another, apparently English, human.

T'Pol spoke again.  She held up an old-fashioned photoscan of the three
humans whom Dr. McCoy had rescued.  "These three humans were a danger to
everyone around them.  It was only because of the bleeding-heart sentiments
of our Doctor Phlox that I did not incinerate their bodies.  Instead, I have
put this escape pod on an intercept course for the star Epsilon Ninety,
which will do the job for me."

"Oh, you didn't say you did *that*!" said a Denobulan male, running into the
viewframe.

The video ended.

"Opinions, anyone?"  the captain asked.

"Well, they *did* have one Oriental person," Sulu mused.

"Aye, and a British lad."

"And a Vulcan," Spock added thoughtfully.

"And one black person," Uhura noted.  "He probably doesn't get to do
anything interesting either."

"Well, seems like that crew complement qualifies them to be a real
Enterprise, Jim."

"Yes, but Bones, you're forgetting the most ... important ... point.  I ...
don't ... have ... ANY pictures of their ship in my Rec Room!  And *that*,
everyone, is definitive evidence!  They must be from an alternate universe,
probably an evil one.  Case closed!"  He leaped up and strode to the
commpanel.  "Kirk to Security."

"Smop here."

"Smop, get a team to Sickbay.  Put those three civilians in the brig
immediately.  We'll strand them on Ceti Alpha Five at the first opportunity;
I hear it's a nice planet.  Kirk out."

"Aye, sir."

"But, Jim ... !"

"Dismissed, everyone, and back to your posts.  We have Romulans to find."

***

Sure enough, it was only an hour later that Sulu found them.

"Sensors indicate a faint echo, sir.  It could be a cloaked ship."

"Spock?"

Spock already knew what the captain wanted.  He studied his viewer.
"Scanning.  Indeed, it is a cloaked Romulan bird of prey, Captain."

"Still in the Neutral Zone?"

"Yes, Captain."

"Hmmmmm, let's pay them a visit.  Spock, you're with me."  The captain was
smiling as they headed for the transporter room.

They beamed directly onto the Romulans' bridge.  Of course, the Romulans all
drew disruptors, but Captain Kirk only smiled.  He looked at Spock with The
Eyes, the eyes that told him what he was supposed to do -- what he always
had to do when dealing with Romulans.

Spock gave the Romulan captain his best toothy smile.  "You look lovely toni
ght, my dear."  He approached.

The Romulan captain was surprised at first, but, after all, no Romulan could
resist a randy Vulcan.  "Well, looks like it's my lucky day!"  He clinched
with Spock.  Pretty soon the rest of the crew had piled on, because how
often do Romulans get a piece of randy Vulcan?

Meanwhile, Spock noticed out of the corner of his eye that the captain was
heading for the breaker box.  He grabbed all the circuit breakers from their
weapons, cloaking device, and warp drive and went into the bathroom to flush
them down the toilet.  How stupid were Romulans, anyway, to have a toilet on
their ship?  Sheesh.  Then, just when the Romulans were about to rip his
clothes off, Spock felt himself disintegrate in the transporter beam, to
wind up back on the Enterprise.

He was just in time to see the three ancient humans being hustled in by
Security.  "I'm trying a long-distance subspace transport to Ceti Alpha
Five, Captain," Scott was saying.  "Either it'll work, or ... "

"Hey, Vulcan guy!" one of the prisoners called.  "How 'bout you and me find
a couple o' low-mileage pit woofies and help 'em build a memory?"

Spock pretended to consider it.  "Um, thank you, but no."

END



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



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