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From: "Keith & Jessica Bratcher" <campbratcher@psci.net>
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Date: Sat, 5 Jun 2004 19:14:46 -0500
Subject: [ASCEM-S] NEW: VOY C/P Disappeared, without a trace 9/9 R - NC17
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Title: Disappeared, without a trace 9/9
Author: Darksusie - February 04
Series: Voyager
Pairing C/P P/K C/other
Rating: R - NC17
Disclaimer: Voyager and her crew are the property of
Paramount. 
Summary: Chakotay says goodbye


"We have done a great wrong to your comrade. It was
like the prince said he was rescued and taken in by
one of our men. As soon as the prince saw him he
wanted him. But Chakotay only wanted to return. All
he talked about was Voyager, his love for the Captain
and for Tom," she glanced at the pilot. 

Both the Captain and Tom swallowed the hard lump that
had formed in their throats at the thought of Chakotay
left alone. 

"The prince is allowed any number of companions but
each companion has to fight for their position,
through physical strength and sexual prowess. The
prince wanted Chakotay to be his First Chosen but the
commander wasn't interested." The woman looked down
at her hands, hesitant to go on. Looking up, she
looked straight at Tom. "This is our way. While
Chakotay was ill, he was given herbs that caused
memory loss. As he forgot Voyager he became subject
to the Prince's allure. When Chakotay's will was at
it's weakest, a link was made with the Prince. Once
the link was made Chakotay wanted no-one else but the
Prince."

"What do you mean by link, " Tom asked not really
wanting to know the answer.

"The Prince coupled with Chakotay. Once he had the
prince's essence within his body Chakotay could not
refuse him anything."

"Are you saying Chakotay was unwilling."

"I am saying he was not in a condition to know what he
was doing but he was not forced."

Tom paled and looked at the Captain. She laid a hand
on his arm to steady him.

"Once the Commander had developed the bond, drugs were
administered to increase his aggression. He was such
a calm and peaceful person that the Prince needed to
bring out the suppressed aggression. He was soon the
First Chosen. He must not be allowed to return to the
prince, his life is in danger. The man who tried to
kill him is the man who was here earlier. He will not
allow Chakotay to continue to be the First Chosen. He
will eventually find away to kill Chakotay."

"Can the link and the drugs be reversed?" the Captain
asked hopefully

"The bond is already breaking down. Bodily contact is
crucial to keeping the link going. As the link breaks
down so will his memories of his time with us. I can
see this is already happening. But the drug is more
difficult. It has only been used a few times. We
don't get many off worlders. In our people this
change in body chemistry is natural. It takes a
month to work through the body. In that time Chakotay
will go from crying to fits of rage to thoughts of
suicide. He will try to gather his harem, if he's not
already started. He will have the urge to take people
by force. His behaviour will be erratic and sometimes
aggressive. He will have moments were his old
personality takes precedent and he will be full of
guilt about the way he has treated you. This is when
he will be most suicidal. It will not be easy and I
don't know how he will feel when he returns to his old
self. There is no known remedy to counteract these
effects, it just takes time. I have a sample of the
drug for your doctor to look at, he may be able to
help Chakotay. But our main concern is how to convince
the Prince to leave him."

The senior staff discussed ideas but nothing they
could come up with seemed appropriate. P'teme said
that if the Prince suspected any foul play he would
take Chakotay by force and destroy the ship. She
assured them they had the firepower. 

"What if Chakotay died. Would the Prince leave then?"
the EMH gave them a smug smile.

"Explain yourself doctor." The Captain said curtly.

"If I administer a drug that faked death, we could
inform the prince that he had gone into shock and had
a heart attack. Would he believe that?" he asked the
alien.

"Yes he would, but he would have to say his goodbyes
to the body. I will go back to our ship and explain
that you are willing to let him speak to the Commander
in the morning. If you communicate his death to us,
we will transport over, the Prince can pay his
respects and we can put this whole affair behind us. 
I cannot apologise enough to you and your crew. Good
luck, let us pray that it all goes to plan. Please
don't hold the First Chosen responsible for anything
that as occurred, Chakotay was a good man."

Tom didn't like the way she said 'was' but let it
ride.

Chakotay wasn't in a fit state by the time they got
back to the brig to have anything explained to him so
the doctor administered the drug to mimic death and
the final procedure was put into place.

Tom and the Captain looked down at Chakotay on the bio
bed. They knew he wasn't dead but he sure looked it. 
Tom didn't have to pretend to be upset. The emotions
of the previous days overtook him as he glanced at the
deathly appearance of his ex-lover's face.

The Prince moved forward and took Chakotay's hand,
kissed it and began to chant. Tom, Tuvok and the
Captain moved back out of respect. The Prince began
to kiss the Commander with increasing passion. Tom
looked alarmed but a hand on his arm stopped him from
moving forward. Before they knew what was happening
the prince was laid out fully on top of the Commander,
kissing and caressing, while chanting. Tom moved
forward, the Captain beginning to protest. The Third
Chosen held her hand up and gave them a warning look.

"This is our way". 

As Tom turned to the Captain, they heard the prince
give out a heart wrenching cry and saw him give a one
last kiss.

He stood next to his people, once again composed. 

"Goodbye captain. You were indeed blessed to have
known him. He was truly god given." And with that
they were gone. 

Within seconds the doctor was at Chakotay's side
administering an antidote. "He will have to be
restrained and sedated, Captain. I have been unable
to find anything to counteract his withdrawal
symptoms, so all I can suggest is that once he has
recovered from the sedation he is beamed back to the
brig and observed until he his back to normal self."

Next day Chakotay was back in the brig, none the worse
for the previous day's incident but certainly worse
for the withdrawal. 

"How is he Ayala?"

"It's bad Tom. I just wish we could have back the
Commander we all know and love. This one's a monster.
He's either threatening to kill you or trying to
seduce you."

Tom stepped forward "Hi, Chakotay, how you doing?"

"Well if it isn't Paris, the little slut. If you're
expecting me to suck you off again you little whore
think again. I'm sure you can get Kim on his knees,
the little fucker. You know he's fucking Tabor don't
you. Well you can tell him you're both mine." 
Chakotay flung himself at the barrier and fell to the
floor. Tom backed away towards Ayala. Chakotay sat
down with his head in his hands. 

Ayala was telling Tom about the Captain's visit, when
they heard a quiet, "Tom, come here." 

"Seduction time now," Ayala whispered. Tom moved
forward unable to help himself. 

"Tom, you are looking so good." Tom knew that he
looked like shit. "Spirits Tom I want you so much. I
am so hard for you. I wake up wanting to touch you,
wanting you to touch me. You know we belong together,
we're good together." Chakotay was practically
purring. "Let him through Greg and I'll see you right
later." 

"Yeah, Commander, I'm sure you will. Come away
Paris." 

"You bastard, Ayala. I knew you were sniffing around
him and that little slut will just open his legs or
his mouth for anyone." Chakotay yelled and again
threw himself at the force field. This time he passed
out.

Tom didn't visit after that, it hurt too much. He
didn't see Harry either. They'd talked and agreed
that the best thing would be to call it a day. Maybe
over time they would get their friendship back. He'd
heard over the grapevine that Harry had seen Tabor a
couple of times. He wished them well.

Chakotay was released to his quarters but refused to
see anyone but the Captain and the doctor. Three
weeks passed with only the news that the drug was out
of Chakotay's system and that he was finding it
difficult to come to terms with what had happened.

One morning at the staff briefing, everyone sat down
waiting for Tabor to join the group. 

"I've asked Ensign Tabor to join the start of this
meeting as it concerns the future of Commander
Chakotay." Janeway looked around the crew, her family
and sighed. It was never easy losing one of their
own. Especially one she had relied on, had called a
friend.

"The Commander has requested that he be let of the
ship at the next friendly planet, which we will arrive
at tomorrow. I've already spoken to the government
there and they will be delighted to welcome him." Tom
started to speak. "Let me finish, Lieutenant. 
Chakotay cannot come to terms with what he has done,
how he has treated you. He is on constant suicide
watch and he says the only way out is either death or
a life away from the people he hurt. I have done my
utmost to dissuade him. He has prepared a recording
he would like us to see."

Chakotay's face came onto the screen. Tom was
appalled at how drawn and haggard he looked. The
Commander began to speak in a controlled but shaky
voice. 

"I would like to apologise to the crew of this ship
for the hurt and trouble I have caused. I hope they
know I would not intentionally hurt them in any way. 
I am totally ashamed of my behaviour to a crew who
have only shown me the utmost kindness and friendship.


I need to single out a few people who I hurt the most.
Harry Kim, you have been a most exemplary crewman,
giving your best time and time again. But most of all
you have always been there for Mr Paris." He
swallowed and took a moment to gain control of his
emotions again. "You comforted him and loved him in
his time of distress and I cannot begin to tell you
how sorry I am that I caused the breach in your
relationship. I hope you can put this behind you and
once again love Mr Paris." Chakotay stopped while he
sipped some water, the stress of his last message to
his crewmates telling on him. 

"Tabor, I have nothing but respect and affection for
you. I want you to know that I really cared for you
and that I regret deeply any physical and emotional
damage I did to you. You have been a good friend when
I needed it the most." Tom turned to him and saw the
tears running down his face as Harry reached over and
squeezed the ensign's hand. 

"Kathryn, I have let you down and this causes me great
pain. I not only love you as a captain but as a dear
friend. This friendship I will hold dear in my heart.
It has been an honour and a pleasure to work with
you." 

Tom was choked, he had got to the captain and hadn't
mentioned him. Tears began to fill his eyes. 

Chakotay began to speak again. "My greatest apology
is to Mr Paris. I have done nothing but cause him
pain when all he gave was his love and care, which I
didn't deserve." Chakotay stopped speaking, closed
his eyes, as he steadied himself. "Four years ago I
was lucky enough to begin a relationship with Mr
Paris. That following year was the happiest year of
my life. But in all that time I never told him how I
felt. Tom, I loved you then and I still love you. 
All I can say is remember the man I was and not the
man I became." The screen went blank. 

"Captain you can't let him go, I've lost him once, I
can't lose him again. Please let me talk to him." 
Tom stood preparing to leave, the tears still running
down his face.

"Mr Paris, he has made it quite plain that he does not
wish to see you and he has told me that if I make him
stay he will take his own life. I do not want that on
my conscience. I have tried every argument but I have
to abide by Chakotay's wishes. Everyone dismissed."

Tom didn't know how he got through the morning but
eventually he was relieved. Harry had asked to have a
word with him but he didn't wait. He had to talk to
Chakotay, he hadn't given up yet. He pressed the
chime. In the end he was reduced to banging on the
door, begging Chakotay to talk to him. After half an
hour he slid to the floor, not caring who saw him
weeping.

When shift was over he made his way to the mess hall. 
His mind was pre-occupied with how to reach Chakotay
so he didn't notice Harry and Tabor approach him
Tom looked up, the frustration showing on his face. 

"If you're here to gloat don't bother." Tom snapped. 


"Gloat about what exactly." Harry was equally as
terse. 

"About Chakotay. I bet you two can't wait to see the
back of him." Tom put his head in his hands. 

"You're wrong Tom, we came over to see if there is
anything we can do. Have you spoken to him?" Tabor
and Harry sat down. "Tom, we don't hate him, we want
to help him. It wasn't his fault, can't he see that."


"He won't let me anywhere near him so I don't know
what he's thinking. If I could just get in and talk
to him." 

B'Elanna and Ayala joined them. "Any luck with
Chakotay." 

Tom just shook his head, dejectedly. 

"Tom, what if we could override the security on his
cabin. Do you think you can get through to him?" 
Torres looked at him hopefully. 

"I'll give it a fucking good shot. We can't let him
go without trying."

"Right 1900 hours your cabin, Tom. OK." Everyone
nodded in agreement. 

The pilot lay on his bed rehearsing the words he would
say. His stomach clenched with nerves as the
importance of what he was about to do, hit him. He
had only one go at this. It had to be the best.

1900 hours and everyone was on time. It took Harry
and B'Elanna 30 minutes before they had figured the
codes. 

"Right Tom, you and Ayala get to the Commander's
cabin. Comm us and we'll take off the security codes.
You'll have 30 seconds to get in. Ayala will wait
outside in case." 

"In case of what?" Tom asked defensively. 

"In case he gets violent, its possible." Ayala gripped
his arm, reassuringly. 

Tom looked around at his friends. "Thanks." Everyone
nodded.

Outside the Commander's cabin, Tom took a couple of
deep breaths. Ayala again gripped his arm,
encouragingly. Tom commed Harry and B'elanna. Not
pausing he walked towards the doors, which immediately
opened.

He saw Chakotay sitting forlornly on the couch. 
"Please stay. The ship needs you. The crew needs
you. I need you."

"Get out of my quarter's Mr Paris before I call
security. I said all I needed to say in the
recording."

The anger in Tom came out of nowhere, his rehearsed
speech going out of the airlock.

"Yeah that's right Commander, run away from your
responsibilities. Take the coward's way out."

"I'm doing the honourable thing here. Can't you see
that?" Chakotay was using all his will power to stay
in control.

"Honourable, how can you call it honourable. You've
never cared for me have you. You never said you loved
me before but I though you cared. But I can see now
you didn't then and you don't now." Tom spit out the
words, his anger boiling over. 

"You're wrong. I loved you then, even though I didn't
tell you and I love you now. I told you that in the
recording."

"Just words Chakotay, they don't mean anything. If
you love me, why are you leaving?"

"It's for the best."

"The best for who, you." Tom saw the hurt and
confusion in Chakotay's eyes.

"You bastard. You're going to leave me alone. Again!
Harry has Tabor now. Greg has Geron. B'elanna has
her engines. I have no one Chakotay. I cried for a
year, a fucking year. I was taken off the helm because
I couldn't live without you. You owe me". By now Tom
was crying, unashamedly, the words coming out in great
sobs. 

Chakotay stepped forward, hesitating. As Tom looked
like he was about to collapse, he stepped forward and
pulled Tom into his arms, sobbing also.

"Please Chakotay say you'll stay. Let's see if we can
work it out. Please." Tom clung to the Commander as
though his life depended on it and at that moment it
did.
Chakotay gave a nod and held Tom tighter.

Eventually, after he had calmed down, Tom went outside
and told Greg he could leave and that they were
talking, trying to sort things out. 

"I don't know if I can do this Tom. I look at you and
all I see is the pain I caused you."

"Do you know what I see when I look at you?" Tom
reached out for his hand.

"I don't think I want to know."

"I don't see the man of the last few weeks. I see the
man who loved me for a year. The man who can make me
shake with desire. The man who can make me hard just
by looking at me. The man who sets my heart on fire."

Chakotay took a deep breath. The old link to the
Prince was broken, he needed to forge a new link, a
link with the man he loved.

"Tom, will you make love to me." Chakotay's hand shook
as he took Tom's hand.

"No." 

Chakotay let go of Tom's hand and walked to the other
side of the room.

"Chakotay." The commander turned. Tom was undoing
his shirt buttons, slowly and seductively "I don't
want to make love to you now, maybe later." Tom took
off his shirt and Chakotay couldn't take his eyes off
him. "What I want and what I've wanted for a long
time, is for you to fuck me and fuck me hard. Just
like you use too." 

Chakotay moaned and grabbed the pilot, kissing him
long and hard. "You know Tom, we just can't go back
to the way things were." 

Tom smiled, "I know we'll just start again, from the
beginning."

The end

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