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From: "Keith & Jessica Bratcher" <campbratcher@psci.net>
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Date: Sat, 5 Jun 2004 19:21:26 -0500
Subject: [ASCEM-S] NEW DS9 Guilt 3/5 G/B (NC-17)
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Julian started with Odo's statement, but after reading the terse
report countless times, the Constable's psyche remained a
mystery. If any other non-Vulcanoid had provided such an
unemotional accounting of being captured and tortured, it would have
been a clear sign of deep distress. The problem was, Julian mused as
he stood up and stretched, it sounded just like Odo always did.

Shaking his head, he tidied up his console, first disposing of the
mug of cold tea, and then organizing the stack of padds, only to
rearrange them two more times. Don't be such a coward, he
scolded himself. Settling back into his chair, Julian forced
himself to review the one remaining source of data on Odo's state of
mind. Unconsciously hunching over the screen, Bashir opened
Garak's report, trembling with the effort of restraining his
outrage.

However, it didn't take long for Julian to conclude that this
effort was equally hopeless, for naturally the Constable had supplied
the more complete version of events. If anything, Odo provided
insight into the Cardassian's behaviour, for only the
Constable's account disclosed Tain's role in the hiring of
the Flaxian assassin to kill the tailor, and that Tain was also the
one who had offered Garak his old life back.

Damn his Cardassian evasiveness, Julian thought, but then shoulders
slumped, he admitted that it had been a long shot anyway. Attempting
to understand Changeling psychology, he reflected, was a lot like
trying to decipher those enigma tales Garak had inflicted on him.
Wholly alien and impossible to solve because his human
assumptions not only led him to the wrong answers, but also to ask
the wrong questions. He remembered complaining to the Cardassian that
all of the suspects were guilty in enigma tales, and his incredulity
when Garak responded that "the challenge comes from determining
exactly who is guilty of what."

Picking up the medical padd containing the results of his numerous
scans of Odo, he composed a brief report for Sisko. Julian included
his concerns, but frankly admitted there was no evidence to
contradict his patient's insistence that he was fine. With a
sigh, he downloaded his report, and was reaching over to shut off his
computer console when he abruptly stayed his hand.

The Garak he knew was a consummate manipulator of the truth, adept at
drawing attention away from detrimental information, while refusing
to confirm even the most incontrovertible of facts. Frowning, Julian
read Garak's statement again, confirming that this time the
Cardassian had done an uncharacteristically poor job of damage
control. The bulk of his report focussed on the brutal interrogation,
while releasing Odo from his cell and attempting to save Tain's
life at the risk of his own were both absent. Furthermore, Garak knew
that these were precisely the sort of actions that would appeal
to `Federation sentimentality,' he had criticized such
devices in human literature often enough.

Mulling it over, Julian realized that beyond the missing details was
an even more fundamental difference between the two accounts.
Garak's solely focussed on his role in the events that
transpired, while in Odo's version Tain and the Romulans played a
prominent part. The Cardassian depicted Odo as his prisoner, while
the Changeling described how the Romulans entrapped him in a cell
completely surrounded by force fields.

Odo wrote that "under orders from Enabran Tain, Garak activated a
quantum stasis device developed by the Obsidian Order, and
interrogated me for three hours and ten minutes." Switching back
to Garak's report, Julian read: "Utilizing a quantum stasis
prototype which prevented Odo from returning to his liquid state, I
questioned him regarding the Founders for several hours."

Garak had cast himself as the villain, while Enabran Tain was reduced
to a shadowy figure in the background. Why would he go to so much
trouble to protect Tain, Julian pondered, even at the risk of
condemning himself? He pulled back from the screen, suddenly
realizing that his comparison of the two reports wasn't like
analysing an enigma tale, it was one. Garak's report wasn't a
description of events; it was an admission of guilt.

For several moments, he could only stare at the screen in shock.
Taking a deep breath, Julian cautioned himself that he was in as much
danger of attributing human motivations to an alien now, as he had
been when trying to diagnose Odo. For wasn't it far more likely
that he simply wanted to believe that Garak was capable of remorse?
He'd already learned that he couldn't trust his instincts
when it came to his ex-lover, what he needed was objective evidence
to back his hypothesis.

Ignoring the inner voice warning him away, Julian accessed an older
document, the one sent to him by Tain. If he wanted, he could summon
up from memory every word Gul Elim Garak of the Obsidian Order had
written, but he needed to see it again without the distortion of the
overwhelming emotions of that terrible day. Skimming the report,
Julian quickly found the section where his fantasies regarding the
former spy had been crushed by the reality of what years ago had been
all in a day's work for Garak.

"As the subject proved resistant to the standard persuasions and
neuro-chemical treatments outlined above, it was deemed necessary to
remind the subject that his lack of cooperation with the current
investigation could jeopardize his immediate family. When this
reminder proved insufficient, the subject's wife (see attached
file 15754P-A, Premak, Natine age 38) and youngest daughter (see
attached file 15754P-B Premak, Zalan age 6) were detained by the
Order."

On it went, Garak's own responsibility concealed by the passive,
clinical language used, his victims nameless save for the briefest of
official notations. By contrast, there was no such invisibility of
the perpetrator, nor anonymity of the victim in Garak's most
recent interrogation report. "Approximately one hour after I
activated the prototype, the first signs of Odo's physical
distress became noticeable. His facial features began to appear
parched, and his limbs began trembling. Within an hour and a half,
his suffering became more apparent as his surface began to
flake." Odo suffered, whereas Gul Premak - the subject - had
proven resistant.

Julian turned back to the Obsidian Order memo, the kardasi
demonstrating none of the beauty which Garak so often lauded in his
favourite authors' writings. "While verbal warnings
distressed the subject, they proved insufficient. It was therefore
deemed necessary to intensify the stimulus by excising two digits
from his daughter's right hand (see attached images 15754P-B-1/5
through 5/5). When this demonstration failed to have the desired
effect, further interrogation was deemed unproductive, and the
session was ended."

Julian closed his eyes tightly, unable to forget the pictures of
Zalan's mutilated hand, grateful there was nothing in his
stomach. Overwhelmed by the same fury and sickness he'd experienced
the first time he'd read this portrayal of an atrocity as if it was
nothing more than an unfortunate consequence of a completely
appropriate action.

After several deep breaths, Julian opened his eyes and returned to
Garak's statement to the Federation. "Over the next hour, I
observed the acceleration of Odo's deterioration, as significant
portions of his substance peeled away and his form became skeletal in
appearance. After three hours, he collapsed and his life was clearly
in jeopardy. At this point, I determined that Odo had no secrets
regarding the Founders, and I deactivated the device, ending the
interrogation." Here, Garak provided no justification for his
actions, only a stark acknowledgement of the harm he had caused.

Both were damning documents, Julian reflected, but clearly composed
by very different men. However, while Garak was no longer the full-
fledged monster of the past, neither was the Cardassian the fully
reformed criminal Bashir had allowed himself to imagine over the last
few months. As usual, Julian acknowledged begrudgingly, when it came
to the erstwhile tailor, nothing was plain and simple.

Julian closed all of the documents, and exited his office, only
vaguely aware of the looks of concern from his staff. As he left the
Infirmary, he had no plan in mind, but was unsurprised to find
himself in front of what remained of Garak's shop. Despite the
lack of power within the store, the light from the Promenade revealed
that a fair bit of progress had been made cleaning up the debris.
Moments later, Bashir detected Garak's movements within its
depths.

He was a torturer, Julian reminded himself as he watched from the
threshold, not had been but was. No matter that Garak had stopped
after a certain point, no matter that he now felt guilty for what he
had done, the fact remained that he had decided to torture Odo and
then methodically proceeded to do so. Which meant that the Cardassian
was everything that as a Doctor, as a human being, he was supposed to
despise.

"Can I help you, Doctor?"

"No, I -," Julian began, but discovered that he
didn't know what he wanted to say to Garak. "How are
you?" He finally asked, inwardly cringing at the lameness of the
question.

"A trifle busy, as you can see." Despite the blase tone of
voice, Bashir knew the Cardassian well enough to hear the despair
beneath the polite evasion.

Damn it, Julian cursed himself, he was beginning to feel sorry for
Garak. Only this morning his concern had been placed squarely where
it should be, with the victim and not the perpetrator. Yet watching
Garak in the midst of his ruined shop, Julian couldn't help but
see how well it reflected the Cardassian's life. Tain was dead,
whoever Tain had been to him. The Obsidian Order was destroyed.
Garak's exile would now be permanent; he really was a tailor now.

"Who was Tain?" He blurted out, surprising both Garak and
himself.

"Excuse me?"

"Who was he that you would obey him like that?" Julian
entered the shop, deliberately invading the Cardassian's space.
"Even after he ordered your assassination?"

"Hardly the worst punishment he ever inflicted on me."

A typical Garak answer, Julian thought, all dark humour and
evasion. "Worse than killing you?" He challenged.

The Cardassian paused before answering. "He was directly
responsible for my exile."

Julian was surprised by this admission. While he no longer trusted
any of the Cardassian's assertions at face value; Tain's
haunting words, "he doesn't deserve a quick death,"
substantiated Garak's claim. Yet, if what he said was true, this
only deepened the mystery instead of alleviating it.

"Then why did you try to save him - twice?"

Garak looked momentarily puzzled, before nodding in realization.
"Ah, Odo must have included that in his report. I didn't get
to read his, which isn't particularly fair, when you think about
it."

But Julian refused to be distracted, "Who was Tain to you?"

"It doesn't matter anymore." Garak returned to sorting
through bolts of scorched fabric.

"It does to me."

As if acceding that a standard evasion wouldn't be enough, the
Cardassian stopped what he was doing and turned his full attention to
Bashir. "Suffice to say, he made me everything that I am."

Julian wondered if Garak would ever offer an answer that made things
less opaque rather than more. Not that it mattered, he admitted, for
his own obstinate nature would never allow him to stop trying for
one. "And now that he's gone? What does that make you
now?"

But Garak deflected the second question, by focussing on the
first. "Do you know Doctor, I find it difficult to believe he
really is gone. I saw his ship destroyed, and yet-." A gentle
shake of his head, and the walls were up again.

Julian sighed heavily, for he was no closer to understanding
Garak's behaviour in the Gamma quadrant than comprehending why
Odo had suddenly begun socializing with him. As far as he could tell
they both followed their own alien codes of behaviour, equally
unfathomable to outsiders. Furthermore, since Odo had apparently
forgiven his torturer, it felt increasingly ludicrous to condemn
Garak on the Changeling's behalf.

"Odo's forgiven you," he blurted out.

Garak simply continued cleaning as if Julian had said nothing.

"I haven't." Bashir prodded again, determined to get a
reaction.

"I didn't expect - anyone to." The hesitation and
uncertainty in his voice persuaded Julian that Garak really
hadn't anticipated that reaction.

"I don't understand. I try, but you do such appalling
things, and yet -." A frustrated release of breath,
"Nothing's black and white with you, Garak."

"I suppose I should take that as a compliment."

Against his will, Julian smiled. Watching Garak, Bashir realized that
he had lied, he had forgiven him or at least was in the process of
doing so. Sighing again, it occurred to him that instead of wasting
his time trying to figure out the inner workings of either Odo or
Garak, he should direct some of his dogged persistence at
understanding himself. For against all logic and despite everything
he had learned, he kept renewing the connection between himself and
the Cardassian.

Then again, Julian thought, why should he be the only one that
didn't get to have unfathomable motives? "Perhaps when
you're not so busy," he found himself offering, "we could
have lunch some time."

Garak looked up at him, but if he was surprised, he managed to hide
it well. "I'd like that."

"I don't understand you," Julian took a deep breath
before confessing, "but I'm glad that you're back."

Before Garak could respond, Bashir retreated from the wreckage of the
shop onto the Promenade. Friendship he could allow, Julian
reflected, maybe even forgiveness eventually. However, anything more
intimate between them was finished. There would be no more fantasies
and no more regretful longing. Doctor Julian Bashir was free and
single, and by God, he was going to start acting like it.

The frontier had bruised him the first time around, Julian conceded,
but he was going to prove his resilience and find love in this
dangerous universe. With a determined set to his shoulders, he
marched towards Quark's, ready to conquer.




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