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From: "Keith & Jessica Bratcher" <campbratcher@psci.net>
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Date: Sun, 13 Jun 2004 21:12:35 -0500
Subject: [ASCEM-S] NEW: TOS Scientist [PG13] 3/3  K/Ch, ChFF
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TITLE: Scientist
AUTHOR: Djinn
CONTACT: djinn@djinnslair.com http://www.djinnslair.com
SERIES: TOS
RATING: PG-13
CODES: K/Ch, Chapel Fic Fest
PART: 3/3
DISCLAIMERS: Paramount and Viacom own these characters--I'm just
warping canon.
SUMMARY: Sequel to "Doctor." The continuing look at Chapel through


Weeks begin to run together.  There are the latest crises and coming 
up with ways to deal with them.  There are the parties when they 
handle a biggie, and donuts for the small victories.  She'd be 
gaining weight from all the food if she wasn't so busy running 
things down when she's not on the headsets.  There are very few 
parts of Starfleet Command or Medical she doesn't end up in for 
meetings, very few admirals she hasn't briefed at this point. 

It's heady.  It's exhausting.  It's a rush.

Matthew stops by often.  They go to lunch on Wednesdays when he's in 
the building for his briefings to personnel on the latest cadet 
achievements and infractions.  And increasingly they go to lunch on 
other days.  She's not sure she would survive without him.  

Or without Janice.  Her friend is the only one she can talk about 
Jim to.  She doesn't go into specifics, doesn't want to hurt Janice 
that way.  But it feels good to know that when the ache for Jim gets 
too bad, she has someone who understands.  Someone who loved him too.

It's selfish and she's asked Janice if it would be easier not to 
talk about Jim.  Janice just laughs at her.  Give her one of 
her "ops" looks and tells her to shut up.  Friends listen.  Friends 
are there.

Her comm unit buzzes as another message drops into her queue.  It's 
from Matthew.  It says, "I have a social emergency.  I know that is 
not your field, but perhaps you could branch out?  Retirement 
ceremony tonight for an old friend.  My date has the flu.  Go with 
me?  (I assume you have a dress uniform?)"

She laughs.  Comms him back.  "Social emergencies require serious 
compensation in the form of expensive booze."  

Another message drops in her queue.  "Agreed.  Name your poison.  
Oh, and I'll pick you up at 1900."

She laughs and goes back to her emergencies.  The day is uneventful, 
which for them means the Federation is not in immediate danger of 
collapse.  She leaves the Beta Shift science officer with a laundry 
list of crises to watch.  He just smiles at her.  None of them would 
know what to do if things got slow.

Matthew is prompt, whistles appreciatively at her as she models her 
dress uniform.   Reed made her get it when she first started, 
authorized it on her uniform allowance.  Her old dress uniform is 
apparently woefully out of date.

He has a flitter waiting and she climbs in.  They talk during the 
short ride to the club, and he hands her out with a gallant bow.

She laughs.  Realizes she is enjoying herself with him.  He takes 
her arm, an easy movement with no territoriality in it.  He's glad 
to be with her.  He enjoys her.   Smiling, she tries to show how 
much she likes him too.  And how grateful she is to him.

She meets more admirals, but most of the brass at the ceremony 
already know her from ops, maybe not by name, but enough to nod and 
murmur, "Commander," with recognition in their eyes as they do it.  
It's a nice feeling.  

The ceremony is moving, the honoree a woman who made a difference 
wherever she served.  When Matthew gives his tribute, Christine 
smiles.  He is such a good man.  

They wander to a bar set up outside on a patio, and enjoy the warm 
night air.  

"You wanted expensive, right?"

She nods.  Is about to order single malt and thinks better of 
it.  "Champagne.  The good stuff."

He makes a face.  "Tiny bubbles are for the birds."

She laughs.  "You don't like champagne?"

"No."  He smiles.  "But I'll get you some."

She wanders to the end of the patio, looking out on the city and the 
sparkling lights.

He comes out with something clear and full of ice for himself, and 
hands her a champagne flute.  "Dom Perignon all right with you?"

She laughs. "Oh, yes."  She sips at it and smiles as the bubbles 
dance over her tongue.  "Good stuff."

"So is this.  Good Russian vodka."  He holds up his glass, touches 
it against hers.  "To endings.  And new beginnings."  His expression 
is very warm.  Very gentle.

She thinks she should be nervous.  But being with him is low 
pressure.  He may be saying he's interested in her, but if he is, 
it's in a subtle way.  She'll worry about subtext when it becomes 
text.

"I have a confession to make."

She waits.

"My date didn't have the flu.  Actually, I didn't have a date."

She laughs.  "You planned this?"

He nods.  

"I wish we could plan all our emergencies like that."

He seems to relax.  She is about to say something else when a 
familiar voice calling out a greeting makes her turn.  She hears a 
laugh she'd know anywhere, turns to see Jim and Antonia near the 
bar. She can feel her face freeze. 

Matthew turns to see what she is looking at.  He lets out a ragged 
breath.  "I didn't know he'd be here.  I swear I wouldn't have asked 
you if I had.  I wouldn't do that to you."

Jim's hand is low on Antonia's rather over-exposed back.  She is 
cuddling in close to him.  Christine wants to go over and throw her 
drink at one or both of them.  She also wants to sink into the floor 
and disappear. She does neither.  

Calling on willpower she isn't sure she has, she turns back to 
Matthew.  "It's okay. I'm okay."

He moves closer to her, as if hiding her from Jim.  She pushes him 
away.  "Let him see me.  It's his loss, right?"  

He nods.

The drinks have clearly gone to both their heads.  Jim is with a 
beautiful woman in a gorgeous dress.  The most that Christine can 
say for herself is that she's attractive in her dress uniform.

"It is his loss, Christine.  If I were Jim, I'd have stayed and 
worked it out."

She smiles at him, supposes that is true.  But then Matthew probably 
can't understand the anger that Jim felt, that she still feels both 
at herself and at Jim.  Matthew seems to lack fire.  His one true 
passion appears to be for the Klingons he hates so much.

She turns, sees Jim looking their way.  He is scanning the crowd, 
but he freezes as he sees her.  Their eyes seem to lock, even if 
that's impossible with the distance between them.  For a moment she 
forgets to breathe.

Then he is pushing Antonia inside gently.  She imagines they will 
find a reason to go.  Her date outranks him after all.  She gets to 
stay.  

She'd rather leave with Jim.

She'd rather do a lot of things.  None of them are going to happen.

---------------------------

Her chime rings and Christine gets up from her couch reluctantly.  
It's been a long time since she's had a day off and she would rather 
spend it alone, in the quiet that can never be found in ops.

She opens her door, sees Spock standing there.  "Hello."

"Hello, Christine."  He holds up the traveling Ka'Vareth board that 
kept them so entertained on the Enterprise.  "I thought you might 
enjoy a game?"

"And you just happened to know that I'd be off work?"  When he does 
not answer, she asks, "Why are you off work?"

"The Academy is on break."  He sets up the game on the coffee table.

She makes them both tea then joins him.  "Long time."

"Yes.  I waited for you to come see me.  I did not want to press 
you.  Not when I knew you would be hurting."

She nods.  She thought about going to him.  But in the end couldn't 
bring herself to do it.  "You were Jim's friend first."

"That is true.  But I am your friend as well now."

"I betrayed him."

"Yes, he indicated it had something to do with his son, I believe."  
Spock does not look like he is judging her.  

Why isn't he judging her?

"That's the short version, yeah."

"Unless you plan to tell me the long account, the short version is 
all that I have."

"I'd rather not."

He nods, as if it does not matter much to him either way.  He makes 
his first move.  "I have missed you, Christine.  And our games."

She has not played the game for months.  Fortunately, it is not 
something you forget.  Not once it is in your blood.  She moves a 
frontpiece in a daring opening.

"Interesting."  He looks up at her.  "You would not have made that 
move before."

She frowns.  "Yes, I would have."

"You have never made that move before."  He moves to counter her 
boldness.

She supposes if anyone can keep track of that kind of thing it is 
him.  She makes another move, even more daring.

He almost frowns, appears to be trying to deduce if she has a 
strategy or is just winging it.  "I think Emergency Operations is 
changing you."

"In a good way?"

He looks at the board.  "That is not certain."

She laughs.

"Have you seen Jim?" he asks.

Her smile fades.  "No."  The word is full of meaning and finality. 
It says, "Don't ask me about this, Spock.  Leave it alone."

Spock does not appear to hear it.  "I have seen him.  He does not 
appear to be thriving in retirement."

She feels irrationally happy at the thought.  "No?"  This time the 
word begs for more details.

"Matthew has asked me to watch out for Jim."  He raises an eyebrow, 
as if asking her to figure out what that means.

"Ah.  For 'Operation: Bring Jim Back Into the Fold'?"

"Yes."  He waits for her reaction.

"Sneaky."

"I prefer the word strategic."

"Whatever."  She smiles at him.  "So you think he's ready to come 
back?"

"Not yet."  He moves a piece in a rather daring move himself.  "But 
soon."

"I see."  She studies the board, tries to figure out what the hell 
he is doing.  If they are both playing a "seat of the pants" 
strategy, the game will be pure chaos.  "And just how are you going 
to entice him back once he's ready?"

"I will not.  You will."

She sets the piece she was moving back down.  "What?"

"Admiral Cartwright believes Jim still loves you.  I believe that as 
well."

"You didn't see him when he was leaving."

"He did come to me, Christine."

She looks down.

"I know exactly how hurt he was.  I know exactly how you hurt him."

"Exactly?"  She is suddenly worried.  Did Jim meld with him?  Does 
Spock really know everything?  What happened to the short version?

"We did not meld."  He takes a sip of tea.  "Are you going to play 
eventually?"

"Oh."  She sets the piece down, not paying any attention.  

He doesn't seem to realize that.  Studies the move as if she has 
invented a new strategy.

She waves her hand in front of his eyes.  "Spock, forget the damn 
game.  What do you mean I'm going to bring him back?"
      
"Just what I said.  He is growing restive.  The last time I visited 
him, he spent much time on the front steps, staring up at the 
stars.  I am not sure he was even aware that he was doing it."

"Okay, so he's bored."  She hopes that he's bored with Miss Perfect 
too.

"And I believe he misses you."

"You do?"  She laughs.  "Have you actually seen Antonia, Spock?"

"Oh, yes. She is stunningly beautiful."  He says it as if he is 
appraising an old painting.

"And have you looked at me lately?"

He almost smiles.  "No, because you have been avoiding me."

"You know what I mean."  She sips her tea.  "I'm not in her league.  
I don't even own a dress like that."

He frowns, apparently Matthew didn't fill him in on Antonia's 
fashion sense.

"Long story.  But I think Jim's got the package deal here, Spock."

"She lacks your fire.  She lacks your intelligence."

"She's dumb?"  Christine knows she is too eager to hear that, but 
can't help herself.

"Jim would not stay with a woman who was of lower intelligence.  But 
she is not like you."

"Maybe that's exactly why he loves her.  Because she's nothing like 
me?"  She leans back.  

"There is a chemistry between two people who are well matched and 
care deeply for each other.  An energy, if you will.  You and Jim 
have it.  Jim and Antonia do not.  If you are the one who offers him 
his life back, I do not believe he will be able to turn it down."

She laughs.  "Who knew you were such the scheming diplomat."  In ops 
being called a diplomat is not necessarily a compliment.  

"Admiral Cartwright will tell you when it is time to begin Operation-
-what did you call it?"

"'Operation Bamboozle Jim'?"

"I think that was not it.  But it is close enough."  He goes back to 
studying the game.

She knows her game is ruined.  All she can think about is Jim.

-----------------------------------

She and Spock meet regularly for a game.  It has become habit, just 
as eating lunch and the occasional dinner with Matthew has become a 
habit.  Just as flying on pure adrenaline day in and day out has 
become a habit.  

She can throw a briefing together in five minutes.  She can work up 
scenarios with the best of them.  Reed has begun to leave her in 
charge.  At first she felt funny--she was one of the newest members 
of the team--but no one seemed to mind.

"You're a leader, Christine.  Get over it."  Janice smiles at her 
over drinks after work.  

"But you've been there longer."

"Only by a few weeks.  And I have no desire to be Reed's exec.  
Believe me."  She frowns at Christine.  "Don't you get that they're 
grooming you to take her job?"

"Who is?"

"Cartwright and Kachowa."

"You're making that up."

"I'm not."  Janice grins at her.  "Friends in high places."

Christine walks home thinking about the possibility of taking Reed's 
job and realizes she wants it, wants it badly.  She's ready to move 
beyond medical.  She reads the other sections' reports routinely.  
She loves to watch how all the pieces fit.

Matthew is waiting for her in the lobby when she walks in.  

"Hi," she says.

"Hi.  Can I come up?"

"Sure."  They ride in silence up to her floor, walk in silence down 
the hall.  Once inside, she goes to the bar.  "Vodka?"  She keeps 
the bar stocked.  Jim taught her the value of being a good host.

"No.  It's time, Christine.  It's time to bring him back."  

She walks over to him.  "I may not be the right person."

"No.  You're the right person."  He surprises her by reaching out, 
stroking her cheek.  "I have to tell you, I'm a bit torn over this.  
He comes back and you'll be out of reach.  But then you're already 
out of reach.  It's why I haven't pushed.  You don't seem ready--I'm 
not sure you ever will be.  Jim's got a hold of your heart and he's 
never letting go."

She looks down.  "I think you're right.  I do care about you but--"

He puts a finger over her lips.  "It's all right.  I want a woman 
who loves me for me, not because I'm a nice guy."  He smiles sadly.  
Then perks up.  "And it's better that we're just good friends 
because I'm going to be your boss.  Kachowa's job is mine effective 
two weeks from now."  

"Congratulations, Matthew."

"It's a big vote of confidence. But I know we won't let them down."  
He grins at her.  "I want Jim to take my billet at the Academy.  
It's a lot more interesting than just teaching.  He'll be shaping 
curriculum, out in space with the cadets on the test cruises, 
administering the Kobayashi Maru."  He grins at that.  

"I'll use that in my sales pitch."

"You do that.  Oh and Reed will be rotating out soon too.  I'll be 
assigning you to that job."

So Janice was right.

"Are you sure you don't want to wait and see if I can deliver Jim?"  
She grins.  Bringing Jim back may be impossible--her own no-win 
scenario.  She knows Matthew won't hold it against her if she fails.

"He loves you, Christine.  I know it.  Hell, even Spock knows it."  
When she doesn't comment, he says, "Jim told Spock that he and 
Antonia would be visiting his uncle's place in Idaho.  They'll be 
there a few days before heading back home.  Go there.  It's neutral 
ground."

She looks down.  "Not exactly.  He met Antonia there, remember?"

"Even better.  Guilty ground."  

She's told him the story.  Didn't mean to but it came out one night 
after too much expensive champagne.

"You go tomorrow morning, Commander.  Failure is not an option."

She can't help it.  She laughs.  But she stands at attention, and 
her unwavering gaze forward is regulation perfect.  "Sir, yes, sir."

He moves closer.  "I'm only going to do this once.  Then we forget I 
ever tried, okay?"

She nods, lifts her face to his so he can kiss her.

It's a nice kiss.  Friendly.  Warm.

It doesn't move her at all.

He seems to know that as he pulls away.  "The man ruined you for 
anyone else, Christine.  I'm not sure if you are lucky or cursed."

She laughs softly.  "I'm not sure either, Matthew."

He smiles at her.  "Good luck, Commander."  Then he is gone. 

She can barely sleep.  Is up with the sun and has to wait a while 
before beaming over.  This time she beams to the closest town and 
rents a flitter to take her to Harry's place.  She flies over, gets 
out and walks to the main house.  

She knocks and waits, but no one comes.  Backing up, she studies the 
house and sees that a curtain upstairs is swinging slightly as if 
someone was watching her but then ducked out of sight.  She turns 
and listens for a moment, then heads for the stables.

"Harry?"

Jim's uncle looks up from where he is mucking out a 
stall.  "Christine?"

She nods, unsure what her reception will be.

"Good god, girl.  Come here."  He drops the rake, strides over to 
her, and grabs her up in a hug.  "How the hell are you?"

She laughs.  "I'm good."

He lets her go.  "Really?"

"Well, I'd be better if I was staying here and not just visiting." 

He looks suddenly guilty.  

"It's okay."  She touches his arm.  "I know she's here."

He nods.  

"Harry, it's all right to like us both."  She kisses his stubbly 
cheek and says, "It's good if Jim's happy."

She pulls back, studies Harry's face.  He doesn't look like he 
thinks Jim is all that happy.  But he tries to cover it up by 
telling her how much Jim likes riding.

"Is that where he is now?"

He nods.

"Can I borrow a horse?"  At his look, she holds up a hand.  "I'm not 
here on my own behalf.  I'm on official Starfleet business.  Admiral 
Cartwright sent me."

He looks uncertain, and a new, softer voice calls out from behind 
them.  "It's okay, Harry.  I'll get her fixed up."

Christine turns.  If anything, Antonia is even more beautiful close 
up.  Soft, perfect features.  Deep brown eyes.  Lustrous dark hair.  
And a lovely petite and very curvaceous figure.

She tries not to conjure up a picture of Andrea to compare her 
with.  Tries not to feel gawky and overly tall and uncertain, but 
the vision moves closer--Antonia is graceful even in a dust-filled 
barn.

"You're Christine, aren't you?"

She nods.

Antonia turns.  "Come on, the horses are out here."  She leads 
Christine to a large corral where six horses are moving 
restlessly.   She hooks her arms over the fence, whistles and a dark 
bay horse trots up.  Her hand goes out, the horse nuzzles her gently.

"Yours," Christine says softly.

"If only everything were so easily claimed."  Antonia turns to 
her.  "I've spent the last two years being jealous of you."

"Have you looked in the mirror?"  Christine smiles a bit bitterly.  
This is a strange conversation.

"Oh, I've made a living on my looks.  I have no illusions on that 
front."  She touches the horse's forelock, moves it away from his 
eyes and rubs between them.  "Beauty can attract, but it can't 
hold."  She looks over at Christine, gives her an odd look.   

"He's starting to sneak out at night, isn't he?  You've caught him 
sitting on the front stoop staring up at the stars?"  She isn't 
afraid to use what Spock told her.  Knows he gave it to her as 
ammunition.  

He wants Jim back just as much as she does.  He'll never admit it, 
but he may want him back for the same reasons.  Because he loves 
him.  Because he misses him.  

Antonia nods slowly.  "He seems...bored these days.  If he weren't, 
I'd give you the meanest horse here and send you in the wrong 
direction."  She sighs.  "Pick one."  

Christine knows that Antonia's bay is not included in that choice.  
She looks out over the horses, chooses a scrubby buckskin that looks 
like it could run all day.  "That one."

Antonia laughs softly.  "Of course, you'd choose the mustang.  She 
was skittish, hard to gentle."  She looks down.  "The only one Jim 
told me not to ride.  I think I finally understand why."  She climbs 
over the fence in a quick motion, grabs a halter, and retrieves the 
horse.  "Her name is Caya," she says as she leads her out of the 
gate and ties her to the fence, saddling her quickly.

"I can do it."

"No. I'm the hostess."  She seems angry now, won't look anywhere but 
at the horse as she works.

Christine thinks Antonia might be trying not to cry.  She also 
thinks she will check the girth before she gets on.

"Couldn't you just turn around and go away?" Antonia says.  "Leave 
us alone?"

"No.  We need him."

"And they send you?  The stars offered to him by you?  Starfleet 
really doesn't fight fair, does it?"

"No."  She meets Antonia's eyes.  "I don't intend to fight fair 
either."

"I know."  Antonia backs away.  She laughs slightly as Christine 
tightens the girth before she swings up onto the horse.  "Did you 
expect me to fight fair?"

"Frankly, I'd be disappointed if you did."

Antonia smiles, a real smile this time.  "I expected to hate you."

"Same here."  Christine smiles gently.  "But then this is James T. 
Kirk we're fighting over.  He generally has great taste in women."

Antonia looks down.  "Tell me, are they enough?  The memories of 
having loved him?"

Christine decides not to lie to her.  "No.  They're not."

Antonia sighs, then points down a dusty road.  "Follow that until 
you come to the trees, then go straight on through.  Once you pass 
the creek you'll see a ravine up ahead.  He's usually there.  
Jumping it."  She looks down.

>From rock climbing to this new form of thrill seeking.  Jim isn't 
very original when it comes to showing how dissatisfied he is.  But 
she doesn't offer that opinion to Antonia, just nods and says, "I'll 
find him."

"I have no doubt of that."  Antonia crawls back over the fence; her 
bay comes close and she wraps her arms around his neck.  

At least she can be sure of one of her men.

Christine takes off down the road, letting the mare settle into her 
own pace.  Caya's gallop is rougher than the horses she used to ride 
on her grandfather's farm, but the mare probably could run all day 
if she had to.  

The sun is hot, and Christine wishes she'd brought a hat.  She 
squints against the brightness, then sighs in relief when she 
finally reaches the trees.  Caya has slowed to a nice canter, taking 
it easy on both of them.  As they pass a creek, Christine slows her 
even more.

She sees him up ahead.  He is on a dark bay horse, light-limbed and 
tall, probably bred to jump things like the ravine Jim is making him 
leap over and over.  She pulls up, waits for him to see her.

He urges his horse forward, the movement of his hands and feet and 
seat nearly undetectable.  He rides horses the same way he used to 
ride her.  With perfect control.  

She feels a rush of lust at the sight of him, at being alone with 
him finally after the time apart.  She loves how he fills out the 
riding pants, how strong his arms look in the short sleeved shirt he 
is wearing.  She barely looks at other men, but she can't keep her 
eyes off Jim.

She wants him.  Will there ever come a day when she doesn't?

She sees his look change as he realizes it is her.  "Chris?"  For a 
second, she thinks he would like to pull her off the horse and into 
his arms, but then his expression becomes neutral.

And wary.

"Fancy meeting you here."  He turns, clucks to his horse and shifts 
forward.  The horse takes off for the ravine again, leaps it 
effortlessly.  Jim stops him, wheeling in a tight circle so he is 
facing her.  He leans forward.  "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here on Matthew's behalf."

"Let me guess.  An offer from Starfleet?  Not interested."

"Why don't you let me tell you about it before you reject it?"

"Well, I would, Chris.  But see, you're over there and I'm here.  
It's a problem."  

"Jump back over here."

"Don't want to."  He grins--meanly, she thinks.   "You show me 
yours, I'll show you mine."

She remembers a time, long before they got together, when he was the 
one pursuing her and she said those words to him.  What was it he 
said?  She remembers.  "You think I won't?"

He shrugs, begins to turn away.

She leans down, pats Caya on the neck, under her coarse 
mane.  "Let's show him what wild horses are made of, girl."  She 
urges her forward, and Caya tears up the ground as the ravine gets 
closer and closer.

She cannot see Jim's face.  She wonders if he is worried, but 
forgets everything in the rush she gets as the horse takes off, 
clearing the ravine by several feet.  The horse slows, and Christine 
turns her in a lazy circle, joining him at the edge of the ravine.

He is staring at her, and she sees that he was worried.  She doesn't 
hesitate, knows this may be the only time he will be open to the 
offer, to even listening to her.  "Matthew is moving up to be head 
of Emergency and Relief Operations.  Starfleet needs someone in his 
position at the Academy.  Someone like you."

"I'm retired."

"Yes, and quite busy, I see.  Are you climbing mountains too?  Or is 
this the extent of your risk taking?"

His look turns stony.

"You're bored, Jim."  She turns Caya, trots her back, then sets her 
against the ravine again.  

The mare clears it effortlessly.  She turns.  "I've shown you 
mine..."

His mouth tightens and he turns his horse, getting the distance he 
needs to make the jump.  The horse is beautiful when he runs, even 
more beautiful as he leaps the gap.

When Jim rides back to her, she leans in.  "Tell me, love, how many 
times has Antonia jumped the ravine?"

He looks away, and she laughs.  This is it; this is where she 
doesn't play fair.  This is where she wins him back for Starfleet, 
for Matthew, for Spock, and please god, someday for herself.

"She doesn't need to jump the ravine."  He is making his horse 
sidestep up against hers, pushing Caya away from the edge.  She 
wonders if he is even conscious he is doing it.

Her mare suddenly lunges at his horse, nipping him as he gets too 
close.

Jim's laugh is unexpected.  "Even your horse is a bitch."

"She's not my horse, as you well know."

"Well, then, it figures you'd pick her."  He exhales loudly and 
something seems to leave him.  

She realizes it is his resistance to her offer.  She pushes her 
advantage.  "This isn't for me, although I'd be lying if I said that 
I don't miss you.  It's for you and for the Fleet.  We need you."  
She grins.  "And you'd be the one to administer the Kobayashi Maru.  
Isn't there some fine irony in that idea?"

He grins.  But as he looks at her, something fills his eyes.  It is 
the old anger.  

He hasn't forgiven her.

He may never forgive her.

She sighs.  "Our paths won't cross unless you want them to.  I'm in 
the operations center or I'll be off world at some emergency or 
other."  She looks down.  "Matthew will keep me out of your way, I 
promise you."

"You and Matthew seem pretty close now."

"Jealous?"  She studies him.

He clamps down on something that does look very much like 
jealousy.  "You're a free agent."

"Yes.  You made me one."  She looks down.  "But that's immaterial, 
Jim.  I'm not the reason you should consider this.  Do you want back 
up there?"  She points up.  "Because you can get there again."  She 
plays her trump card.  "On the Enterprise."

He starts to look up at the sky, but then his gaze is arrested by 
something else.  She follows his eyes, sees a horse and rider 
silhouetted on the hillside.  

She knows it is Antonia.  "She loves you," she says.

"And I love her."  His voice sounds broken.  

Christine leans in.  "I believe that.  But has it occurred to you 
that she's your Joe?"  Their eyes meet and there is something lost 
in his.  "Starfleet will need your answer by the end of the week."  
She wheels the buckskin and gallops off.

As she rides back to the barn, she realizes that Antonia is 
shadowing her.  The other woman has not chosen to ride down, is not 
going to try to convince Jim to stay with her.

Christine knows she's won.

Unless, of course, Antonia is armed.  She does not appear to be, or 
if she is, decides not to shoot Christine on the short trip back to 
the barn.  She rides up and dismounts as Christine is undoing the 
girth, getting ready to pull the saddle from Caya's back.  

"Leave it.  I'll do it."

Harry walks out.  "I'll take her."  He unties Caya, urges her to 
follow him into the barn.  "It was nice seeing you, Christine."

Antonia stands between her and the flitter.  Her eyes are hard.  "He 
loves me.  He'll choose me."

"Maybe."

"He doesn't love you anymore."   Pain is making Antonia harsh.

And a liar.  Christine saw love mixed with all the anger in Jim's 
eyes.  But Antonia doesn't need to know that she knows that.  Not 
when Antonia's going to lose him all on her own.  She's beautiful, 
she's loving.  And Jim's bored with her.

Christine doesn't say that either.  "It doesn't matter whether he 
loves me.  Does he still love space?  Does he still love the stars 
and the ships and the life he left behind?"

Antonia looks down.

"I am sorry."  It's a lie, but Christine is getting better at them. 
And this time it's for a good cause.  "I know what you'll be going 
through."  

She walks around the other woman, hurries to the flitter and climbs 
in.  As she flies away, she sees Jim slowly riding up.  Antonia 
takes one look at his face and turns on her heel, walking quickly 
into the house.

He doesn't follow her.


FIN



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