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Date: Tue, 22 Jun 2004 08:21:35 -0400
Subject: [ASCEM-S] NEW DS9 "A Perfectly Reasonable Explanation" 1/1 [PG-13] B/O'B
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Title: A Perfectly Reasonable Explanation
Author: Katrine Myra
Email: kat (at) saers dot com
Codes: B/O'B
Rating: PG-13
Archive: Sure, but please let me know first.
Summary: Miles and Julian find themselves in a compromising position, and 
Data would be dead? I don't make money off this either.
Comment: Originally written for the DS9 Fic-a-thon at the DS9agogo 
community on Livejournal.




"Have you tried re-calibrating the retrodyne schematics?”

“Yes.”

“What about increasing the electron-flow to the generator?”

“And that.”

“The transponder-matrix may be out of sync with the neutrino-flow, perhaps 
you could try…”

“…Re-aligning it, yeah. First thing I tried.”

Miles O’Brian sighed, and sat down on the floor next to his friend.

“I’m sorry Julian. I know you’re trying, and I appreciate the effort, but 
there’s no use. It’s beyond repair.”

Julian Bashir frowned, and folded his arms thoughtfully.

“But if you don’t fix it…”

“I know, I know”, Miles interrupted, “If I don’t fix the bloody sonic 
shower, Keiko is going to kill me!”

...

Julian’s leg had been awkwardly twisted under Miles’ back. The dull,
insistent pain of a beginning cramp was what had woken him up. His
horrified half-yell was what in turn had woken Miles up, which was when
they realized that Julian’s arm was caught in the loose elastic of
Miles’ boxers. This resulted in several seconds of bemused disbelief
and panic, before pure survival instinct and StarFleet training took
over, and they managed to get a hold of themselves. Legs stretched,
arms untangled, they stood there in the bathroom trying desperately to
figure out just what the hell had just happened.

It was Miles who had first noticed the odd angle at which the
spraying-nodule of the shower was hanging. Something also seemed to be
very, very wrong with the frequency controls. It almost looked as
though they had been deliberately pulled apart, wires hanging from the
dial like stray strands of spaghetti from one of those fancy
pasta-makers Sisko was always bragging about having. And so ­ several
layers of added clothing and multiple pots of coffee later - they found
themselves here.

...


“You know”, Julian began, “if we could just figure out what we did to it, 
then maybe…”

“What makes you so sure WE did anything to it”, Miles snapped.

“Well what do you suggest did it, a spacial anomaly? A bored
non-corporeal entity who just happened to be passing by? A mutant
space-goat?”

“It could happen”, Miles mumbled, cheeks briefly flashing red.

Julian let it go. He paused for a moment, thinking. “Alright”, he said
finally, “what is the last thing you remember doing last night?”

Miles shrugged. “I remember being really thirsty. I think I went to get 
some water.”

“Alright, then what?”

“Well… Nothing. I remember going to the replicator, but I have
no idea if I ordered anything. Why, what’s the last thing you
remember?”

It was Julian’s time to blush. “Passing out on the couch. Well… Near the 
couch more like.”

“Yeah”, Miles agreed, straining to recall, “I saw your arm laying across 
the cushions, but I couldn’t see the rest of you.”

“Anyway”, Julian said hurriedly, “you don’t remember anything about the 
shower? Did you go into the bathroom?”

Miles scoffed. “Now why would I want to go into the bathroom…”? He
caught Julian’s look and added “except for the obvious reasons?”

“Maybe you did go in for the obvious reasons.” Julian’s eyes narrowed
in concentration. “Maybe you took a wrong turn, found yourself in the
bathroom, decided you needed to ­ well ­ use the facilities, staggered
in there and tripped on the edge of one of those fancy Japanese tiles,
falling head-first into the sonic shower?”

“I see where you’re going with this”, Miles said excitedly,
his face lighting up with the hope of possibly finding an explanation
to the situation which he could safely present to his wife. “The
frequency controls are at about waist-height ­ I could have tried to
grab onto them, but obviously they couldn’t hold my weight, so they
break, failing to break my fall!”

“Yes”, Julian enthused, gesticulating wildly, “and then, only
half-asleep in the other room, I hear you yell, and go over to
investigate. Rushing over to help, I bang my head on the spraying
nodule, which explains why it’s tilted. This knocks me out cold, and
voila! You know, it’s all so obvious when you start to think about it.”

The two men had, in their mounting excitement, moved closer
and closer on the bathroom floor, ending up mere millimeters apart.
They suddenly became painfully aware of this, and hurriedly scuttled
away to a safely heterosexual distance.

“I’m glad we cleared that up”, Miles said, his voice carefully neutral.
“I suppose the added damage must have come from acute diagnostics
malfunction overload. That’s more common than you might think!”

Julian nodded somberly. “So I’ve heard… People say.”

A pause. They both desperately tried to ignore one another
without making it obvious that they were ignoring the other person.
Miles cleared his throat.

  “Actually, it’s rather funny this happening”, Julian said
suddenly, his voice perhaps a note more jolly than strictly necessary,
“because just yesterday I was reading an article about sonic showers.”

“Yeah”, said Miles, gathering up his tools and taking a last
mournful look at the frequency controller, “what was it about then?”
“Oh, it was really very interesting! It was written by this Andorian
researcher who fancies he’s going to revolutionize the social
sciences.”

Julian paused as Miles got up off the floor, and the two of them walked out 
into the living room together.

“Social  sciences?”

“Yes! Yes indeed. He has just finished this extensive research
program about the use relaxation techniques in therapy for
dysfunctional couples. Apparently, the vibrations produced by sonic
showers tend to stimulate the pleasure centers in human males ­
providing a certain frequency is used.”

Miles had stopped moving. Not noticing, Julian went on.

“And what he found was that an amazing 94% of all couples or
bonding-units that included at least one human male were able to open
up and speak more freely about their repressed emotions while under the
influence of certain sonic… Miles, are you alright?”

“Julian…” came the muffled reply, “when exactly did you read this article?”

“Oh, yesterday afternoon, before we went out. In fact, I believe I 
mentioned something about it to you when… We…”

It felt as though someone had taken a bucket of freshly chilled
gagh and gently poured it down the back of Julian’s uniform. He wanted
to speak, to say something, but found he couldn’t. It was all coming
back to him, and from the looks of it, it was coming back to Miles too.
The older man’s face held an expression which frankly defied
description in any language Julian was familiar with, which was really
quite a few. It took nearly a minute for them to dare to look at one
another. However, in it took slightly less than 10 seconds for them to
begin violently ravishing one another’s mouths immediately after that.

“Keiko is going to kill  me”, Miles muttered under his breath.

“Don’t worry”, Julian moaned, “fortunately there’s a doctor in the house.”









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