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PART TWO

Kirk awakened feeling disoriented. He blinked against the bright light
and at Nurse Chapel's face hovering over him. Oh, so he was in sickbay?

"Captain, you're awake." The relief in Chapel's voice was obvious. He
tried to move, but a splitting headache and a bout of nausea made him
change his mind.

"What.."

"We've been cleaning mercury out of your system for almost twenty-four
hours," Nurse Chapel explained. "I'll go fetch Dr. McCoy." She was gone
before Kirk could say anything, but he didn't have to wait long before
McCoy showed at his bedside.

"Sleeping Beauty-awake at last," the doctor teased. "I was starting to
worry that this thick skull of yours had taken permanent damage."

"What did you do to me?"

"What do you mean?" McCoy said.

"You sedated me!"

"Well," McCoy squirmed a little. "If I hadn't, you'd have gone off to
the bridge and stayed there until you dropped. You had a load of mercury
in your system. I had to get rid of it."

"Mercury?"

"Probably from the water."

"So that's what it was. It tasted funny, that's for sure. And you
couldn't have told me this?"

McCoy didn't answer and Kirk sighed. That doctor just knew him too well.

"Bones, just give me the status of the ship."

"Uh-uh, no shoptalk yet. You've just woken up from being comatose. The
Silver Lady will have to make do without you for another day or so."

"Dammit, Bones. Just tell me what's going on. What happened to A'sharon
and her people? Where's Spock? How did you find us?"

Bones sighed impatiently. "All right, all right. I should have known. We
found you because Scotty upgraded the sensors and managed to penetrate
the shielding of the Klingon complex."

"How did you find out we were there?"

"I don't know exactly, but Scotty said something about Sulu beating the
crap out of a Klingon he ran into at a bar on Starbase Four."

"I guess Starfleet wasn't too happy about you going into Klingon
territory, eh?"

"Starfleet? No. But they took it a whole lot better than the Klingon
High Council did, I can tell you that," McCoy said dryly.

Kirk laughed but stopped when it resulted in a coughing fit.

"Damn," he groaned. "How long will I have to stay here?"

"Another day or so," Bones replied.

"And where's Spock?"

Bones looked away. "He's running the ship while you rest, so don't you
worry. If A'sharon is out there, he'll find her."

Spock had of course been cleared for duty long before Kirk, and the
Vulcan hadn't even shown up in sickbay to brief him. That was unheard
of.

After a day cooped up in too-close proximity to McCoy and another
blood-filtering, Kirk was ready to explode. Just finding out that
A'sharon had escaped was driving him nuts.

"Dammit, Bones. There's nothing wrong with me. Just let me out of here!"

A grunt was the only reply he got. Kirk sighed heavily. The nausea was
gone and so was the headache. He felt tired and slightly weak, but it
was nothing he couldn't handle.

"There are still traces of mercury in your bloodstream, Jim. I'm not
letting you out of here before I've gotten rid of it. A few more days in
A'sharon's loving care and the water could have killed you. I've no idea
how you managed to stay on your feet for so long."

"I'm a lot tougher than you give me credit for," Kirk groused.

"I don't give a flying fuck what you think, Jim! I'm the doctor, and
you'd better just let me do my job."

Kirk knew his friend had probably been worried sick for both him and
Spock. After all, they'd been gone for a week without contacting the
ship

"If I've managed to purge your system of another twenty percent of the
mercury by tomorrow, I'm going to let you out of here to rest in your
own quarters. But you won't be back on the bridge for another couple of
days. You hear me?" McCoy's voice was softer, but Kirk recognized the
steel beneath and fell back on the bed, defeated.

"Try to get some sleep, Jim," McCoy said, as he walked out of the
relative seclusion of the private room.

The lights lowered at McCoy's command and Kirk shut his eyes. He
immediately regretted it. Memories from the Klingon ship came over him,
and he opened his eyes again. Kirk knew McCoy would be there in a flash
if he indicated he needed to talk, but he really didn't want to.

I want to know what's going on. Why hasn't he shown up in sickbay to
brief me? I want the details on A'sharon's escape.

Kirk stopped. He knew that wasn't all. He needed to know that he and
Spock were all right.

Spock, damn you. Where are you? You're the one I need to talk to!

Spock had probably meditated his way through this ordeal. Others might
believe that the Vulcan hadn't been affected, but Kirk knew better.
Beneath that calm, cool exterior, Spock was vulnerable, too.
Unfortunately, he wasn't likely to talk about what had happened. Maybe
that was why Spock was avoiding him?



ŻŻŻ


As Kirk was on the edge of dozing off, he sensed something outside his
private cubicle. When his eyes finally adjusted to the darkness, he saw
movement in the corridor. He could discern a tall, dark figure in the
shadows.

Of course, it was Spock, looking at Kirk with an indecipherable
expression on his face.

As soon as Kirk realized the Vulcan was there, the lithe figure
disappeared into the darkness of ship's night.

"Spock!" he whispered harshly. His voice was strangely weak, as if it,
too, was strained from exhaustion. He got out of bed and tried to shout.
"Spock!" but the word came out as a hoarse whisper. He was sweating and
breathing heavily. He hadn't realized just how weak he still was.
Sometimes he envied the Vulcan's healing capabilities and his strength.

"Captain. What are you doing out of bed? You still require bed rest."

Relief washed over Kirk when he heard the Vulcan's deep voice only a few
feet away. He met the dark, compassionate gaze. At least Spock didn't
hate him. He hadn't even realized that he'd been worried about that.

"I need to talk to you."

"At this hour?" Spock said disapprovingly, but his voice was a soft
murmur.

"I saw you. Why are you avoiding me?"

The Vulcan averted his gaze.

"I shall help you back into bed," Spock said, ignoring the question.

"Dammit, Spock. I don't need your help!"

Anger flared suddenly, hotly in Kirk at the Vulcan's dismissal. He
pushed himself from the wall and climbed back into bed unsteadily. He
didn't want to be touched and shrugged the Vulcan's hand off his
shoulder. Suddenly he didn't want Spock there. Talking to him seemed
much less important now. Kirk had forgotten how cold and unapproachable
Spock could be when he wanted. But two could play at that game.

"Please, Jim. Let me help you."

"Why should you want to? I haven't seen you around sickbay the entire
time I've been confined here. What's with this sudden care?" Kirk spat,
and he hated himself for the vulnerability in his voice. He sounded like
a disappointed child. God, he hated this. He hated the weakness, he
hated the guilt, he hated the distance and the coldness in the Vulcan's
eyes moments ago. But he also hated the pity and concern he could see
now. He didn't want to be pitied, especially not by Spock.

"I.apologize, Captain, for not seeing you in sickbay. I believed that
our spending some time separately would make our.experiences on Praxis
easier to deal with. I regret it if I was mistaken."

"We need to talk, Spock."

"You should rest. You are still weak from the mercury poisoning."

Kirk knew better than to push, but he was disappointed. It hurt to
realize that Spock had been avoiding him.

Spock turned to leave, but paused in the doorway, hesitating. Then the
gaze became warmer. "I am.gratified that you are feeling better."

Kirk couldn't help flashing a weak smile at Spock. Perhaps they would
talk after all. But not now. Not yet.

"As am I, Spock. As am I. Will I see you tomorrow?" Kirk asked.

"We shall see."

Kirk watched him go, and soon the black-clad figure was one with the
shadows in the corridor.



ŻŻŻ


The next day, McCoy released him to rest in his quarters, and late in
the afternoon Kirk awakened to the sound of the door chime. He sat and
rubbed sleep from his eyes.

"Come."

The person who stepped inside his quarters was the one he had wanted to
see since he woke up that morning.

"Spock."

The Vulcan stood with his hands clasped behind his back, not meeting his
gaze. Still, he was a sight for sore eyes.

Kirk pushed himself up to lean against the wall, feeling a little cold
and dizzy. No doubt the effects of the mercury poisoning. He crossed his
legs at the ankles and waited.

Spock had regained some of his weight and was no longer so painfully
thin. He wasn't so pale, and his eyes were clear. Vulcans certainly
handled poison better than humans did

"You wished to speak with me, Captain?" Spock said.

"I want a status report," Kirk said, thinking that perhaps the other
would loosen up if they started out with business. "Sit down."

Spock hesitated, but eventually he sat on the chair beside the bed,
folding his hands in his lap.

His first words came hesitantly. "We are following a weak warp-trail
from the vessel in which A'sharon escaped. Mr. Scott has been working to
boost the sensors and I believe that we will catch up with her in
approximately twenty-six point one hours."

Kirk frowned. He'd been out of the loop for two days and they still
weren't closer than that? "How did she get so far ahead of us?"

"Mr. Scott transferred all power to the transporters and the short-range
scanners in his attempt to rescue us from the underground complex. The
sensors did not pick up the escaping vessel immediately."

"I see, but when they did, why didn't the Enterprise go into pursuit
right away?" Kirk felt disappointed. They'd been so close to capturing
A'sharon, and destroying this Golden Dust operation and now..

"Engineering managed to transfer the power back to the essential systems
in four point six hours. However, the inertial dampers were inoperable-"

"How did that happen?" Kirk couldn't stop himself from asking, and sat
up straighter, watching Spock intently.

He should know that Spock would give him all the information necessary
in due time, but the Vulcan lifted a patient eyebrow and responded to
his question.

"The Enterprise was engaged in battle with a Klingon scoutship only
hours before A'sharon escaped. Mr. Scott managed to destroy it, but not
before the dampers were disabled."

"Damn," Kirk muttered to himself. With the dampers off line there was no
way the ship could have gone into warp.

"It took the crew fourteen point five hours to correct the problem. By
then, the warp-trail had weakened."

"And we haven't been able to catch up with them?"

"We nearly lost A'sharon's trail," Spock explained patiently. "I am
certain she knows we are stalking her. She is flying at her ship's top
warp speed and it is close to our maximum speed. However, my estimates
are that she cannot keep doing so for much longer. A'sharon's craft is
not capable of sustaining such high velocity for more than four standard
days. Those days are coming to an end."

"That's good," Kirk said and returned to his relaxed position on the
bed.

At least they hadn't lost her. Spock had done a good job. Kirk was
satisfied, knowing that even in a crisis he could trust his crew to
perform their duties to the best of their ability. Of course, he knew
that already. They'd pulled through too many times for him not to. And
he could always trust Spock to take care of both ship and crew when the
captain couldn't be there.

Kirk was unable to stop the warmth from flooding his eyes. Spock noticed
and swallowed hard. Eventually, the Vulcan looked down at his hands.

"What about Starfleet Command? What orders have they given us?" Kirk
said, his voice more curt than he meant. Spock's obvious reluctance to
meet his eyes hurt more than he expected.

"We are to apprehend A'sharon.." Spock seemed to hesitate.

"What?"

"We have been ordered to cooperate with the IKC baHwI and her commander,
Korasz."

Kirk sighed. Not quite able to keep the disbelief from his voice, he sai
d, "Starfleet has ordered us to cooperate with the Klingons?"

"Yes. I have begun initial contact with Commander Korasz," Spock
explained. "He is impatient. Having the Enterprise in Klingon space so
close to the home world made the council.uncomfortable."

"I can imagine," Kirk said dryly.

Kirk got out of bed and started pacing. His body was suddenly coursing
with nervous energy, but he soon sat on the bed. Spock was quiet. Kirk
smiled crookedly. How typical of Spock to wait for his nervousness to
dissipate. By god, the Vulcan knew him too well.

"Why do they want our help?" Kirk said eventually.

Some of Spock's tension seemed to bleed out of him. Kirk knew there was
more to his friend's discomfiture than just reluctance to tell his
captain about the forced truce with the Klingons, but it saddened him to
see Spock acting so awkwardly around him. Not even during, or after, the
pon farr had Spock been so.jumpy. But this was no time to discuss their
personal problems, so Kirk waited patiently for the rest of Spock's
report.

"A'sharon has been exposed, her facility closed down and some of the
people from her sect have been brought to Qo'Nos for trial."

"But not all?"

"No, she, of course, and several of her men managed to escape. The
members of the Klingon High Council have been trying to apprehend her
for a very long time, and I believe that the information of her
whereabouts has.dishonored them and made them look incompetent. A'sharon
has, in essence, been operating 'right under their noses..'"

Kirk smiled at the colloquialism. It sounded unfamiliar coming from his
correct first officer.

".for quite some time. They are not pleased with this revelation. They
are eager to help us pursue and capture A'sharon and punish her
accordingly."

"I can see why," Kirk agreed thoughtfully. "This must be a slap in the
face. If the situation weren't so grim, I'd say it served them right."
He didn't even try to hide his distaste for the High Council's
incompetence. The fact that A'sharon had been operating so close to the
home world was incredible. Spock knew exactly how he felt, but Spock
would also know that they would both have to put their dislike aside in
the line of duty.

"The Klingons have promised to work with the Federation to catch
A'sharon and the remaining members of the quvQu sect. Klingons abhor
drugs, and Golden Dust is one of the worst drugs created in many years."


"All right," Kirk continued, sighing. "Starfleet orders us to cooperate
with Korasz, so cooperate we will. Where is he now?"

"He is moving towards our position, but while we are moving at maximum
speed, the baHwI will be unable to catch up with the Enterprise."

"And we can't afford to wait," Kirk stated matter-of-factly.

There didn't seem to be much he could do. The Enterprise would pursue
A'sharon's vessel with Scotty or Spock on the bridge just as easily as
it would with him commanding.

Kirk hated to admit that it was a good thing he wasn't indispensable,
for he also knew that Bones was right-he had to get well. He'd take the
opportunity to rest and prepare for the meeting with A'sharon while he
waited. Meanwhile, he and Spock had more personal matters they needed to
address.

With that, he decided that Spock's debriefing was concluded. Knowing
that it was up to him to get them talking, Kirk rose and walked over to
Spock. His palms were damp, and he swallowed. Why was it suddenly so
difficult to be close to this man? Still, he didn't stop until he was
standing so close that he could feel heat radiating off the
warmer-than-human body. The tension was instantly back in Spock's body

It almost seemed as though Spock were afraid of him. It had been years
since Spock had been formal with him, years since the Vulcan hadn't
called him Jim in private, it had even been years since he had shied
away from Kirk's touch or his closeness.

Had A'sharon destroyed everything? Not only their friendship, but their
innocence as well? Kirk suddenly wished the truth had never been
revealed. Everything was so much easier before he had realized that he
wanted Spock.

The attraction was certainly physical, but it was more than that. It was
the lure of a truly intimate relationship.

Kirk forced himself to move closer, to push through the barrier that had
been erected between them since Praxis. Breaking that barrier meant
going back and mending the comfortable friendship they used to have. He
valued the security and loyalty their connection incorporated: the
friendship and the humor, their quiet evenings while playing chess, or
the intense arguments they sometimes had.

Spock was intelligent and stood his own ground, and he was one of the
few people around Kirk who really dared oppose him. He could remember
many topics on which they didn't agree, but also how they could always
discuss even those matters.

He didn't want to lose that, but most of all he didn't want to lose
Spock.

Now, the Vulcan seemed like the ice block Bones sometimes accused him of
being.

"Do I disgust you so, Spock?" he asked softly.

The Vulcan didn't move, nor did he say anything. Kirk closed his eyes,
not wanting to see the coldness he feared was in Spock's gaze.

"Is our friendship in shambles because of what A'sharon did to us?" Kirk
whispered and finally had to step away from his friend. He couldn't
stand it if Spock loathed having him so close. "Can we talk about this?"
Kirk continued, hoping that Spock wouldn't keep denying him an answer.
He couldn't force Spock to speak, but he made himself look into the
other's eyes again, waiting with a patience he didn't truly feel.

Spock's face wasn't filled with disgust as Kirk had expected. There was
pain in the Vulcan's eyes. Kirk swallowed.

Pain. But why?

"What is there to talk about, Captain?" Spock said finally. "There is
nothing we can say or do to change what happened on Praxis. I do not
understand why we must dwell on such an unpleasant experience."

"Is that your final word, Mr. Spock?" Kirk said, and knew that he, too,
was adept at hiding his true feelings if he had to-or so he'd thought.
The memory of how A'sharon had seen right through him made him waver.

Just then, a subtle change in the Vulcan's facial expression caught his
eye. What was it? Kirk had had years learning to decipher the changes in
Spock's features. He didn't think there was another person in the
universe able to read Spock the way he could, and yet right now.it was
difficult. What had the passing emotion across Spock's face been? Had it
been disgust, shame or denial? What? Could it have been fear?

"If I ask you to please talk to me about this, would you?" Kirk asked
softly.

Something in Spock's eyes told him that he had to press just a little
bit harder, push just a bit more, and maybe he would get through. He had
to make the Vulcan realize that they had to talk about this or it would
fester, become an ugly infection. Silence would spread through their
friendship and eventually cause its death.

"You are my captain. There is nothing I would not do if duty required it
of me."

That response hurt more than anything else Spock could have said.
Swallowing hard, Kirk fought off a sense of futility. Had he already
lost the person who meant more to him than anyone else?

"And what if it isn't Captain Kirk who is asking you to talk?" he
continued quietly. "What if it's Jim, your friend?"

Spock seemed trapped. His knuckles turned white, gripping the armrests.
For some reason, that gesture gave Kirk hope.

"What do you wish to talk about, Jim?" Spock said, his voice raspy with
emotions he couldn't seem to hold back.

Kirk relaxed. Somehow he had managed to reach Spock, and maybe they
could get past this. But how?

Was Spock so ashamed of what A'sharon had demanded from them? Or was he
disgusted by the idea that Kirk actually wanted him?

Spock must know exactly how much Kirk had wanted him that day, despite
the circumstances.

"I want to talk about what happened between us on Praxis, Spock."

"There is no reason to discuss the matter," Spock said stubbornly, not
meeting his gaze.

"Yes, there is," Kirk protested, gripping the armrests of the chair,
looming over Spock, causing their hands to brush lightly.

Spock inhaled as if the touch was painful, and his face was mere inches
from Kirk's. He held Spock's gaze-he could be just as stubborn-and this
was far too important to let go.

"We must talk about it. Our friendship depends on it. Everything depends
on it!"

"What you are saying is that you wish to speak of how I shamed myself,
and how I tainted our friendship with emotions that have no place
between us!" Spock said and shot out of the chair, pushing Kirk aside so
fast that he had no time to react. He was taken aback by the disgust in
Spock's deep brown eyes, by the absolute horror and self-loathing there.

Spock must be very distraught to be showing his emotions so openly, but
before Kirk was able to deny the misunderstanding between them, Spock
had bolted from the room.

Shocked by Spock's outburst, Kirk was unable to move. The Vulcan was
always logical and Kirk had never seen him acting or thinking so
irrationally..

Spock had said something so completely illogical that Kirk had to stop
and think. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what Spock
meant. His words brought Kirk back to that moment when they both thought
they were going to have to go through with the sexual act.

Spock had been calm, centered. He had even encouraged Kirk. Reliving the
memory, he wondered if he hadn't seen more than just acceptance in
Spock's eyes. Had there been a hint of anticipation as well? Had they
both secretly wanted this forced encounter? No wonder Spock was blaming
himself. It was just like him to take the blame for something he
couldn't control. Kirk wasn't surprised that Spock resented the feelings
once they surfaced and made him do things he normally wouldn't. Rushing
to Spock's cabin before making some decisions on his own was of no use.

Suddenly, his mouth was very dry. Kirk brought out a bottle of scotch
and poured himself a drink. He grimaced at the burning sensation as the
amber liquid slid


down his throat, but he knew that no matter what he decided, at least
Spock cared for him, very much indeed. Whatever his decision about their
future, he must let Spock know that the reverse was also true.


ŻŻŻ


Early next morning, Kirk was torn from his deep sleep by the sound of
yellow alert klaxons blaring through the corridors. Reflexively, Kirk
got dressed, and stopped dead in his tracks just as he was about to
leave his cabin. He thought he would go mad. McCoy would have his head
if he went to the bridge now.

"Dr. McCoy to Captain Kirk."

"Yeah, Bones, I'm here. I'm not going."

The doctor chuckled knowingly. "I was just about to offer to go with
you, to make sure you don't over exert yourself. Put your uniform on."

Relief washed over Kirk at the physician's words and he didn't bother
trying to keep it from his voice. "Thanks, Bones."

The doors to Kirk's quarters slid open to reveal the physician waiting
in the corridor outside.

"All right, Captain, let's go."

Together they strode to the turbolift. The ride felt twice as long as
usual. When the doors finally slid apart and Kirk could step onto the
bridge, he felt like he'd finally come home. It had been over two weeks
since he'd sat in the command chair. Two long, agonizing weeks. Some of
the aches and pains just drained away when Spock turned the command
chair to see who had just entered.

"Captain," he said calmly, as if there were nothing amiss between them.

Kirk smiled into the dark brown eyes. Spock rose and offered the chair
to him. With a look at Bones, who nodded, Kirk slid into it. He touched
the armrests fondly, reveling in the feel of the soft leather, and
rejoicing in the fact that he was back on the bridge.

"Should we leave you two alone, Captain?" McCoy quipped.

"What?" Kirk didn't realize what the doctor meant until he looked
pointedly at Kirk's hands, still moving across the armrests as if they
were the soft skin of a lover. He blushed and stopped.

"Mr. Spock. Report," he said curtly and ignored the chuckle coming from
McCoy. Spock had taken his place at the science station, and was now
studying the readouts.

"The vessel we are pursuing seems to have.vanished, Captain," Spock
informed him.

"Vanished?" Kirk leaned forward. "How could that happen? Mr. Chekov?"

"Unknown, sir. The sensors are no longer picking up a varp signature. Ve
have been following it steadily, but here it just.ends, keptin," Chekov
responded.

"Keep scanning."

"Yes, sir."

Three hours later, no trace of A'sharon's vessel could be found. Kirk's
body was rigid with tension, and a dull ache throbbed behind his
eyelids. Staring at the screen for so long, only seeing blackness, was
wearing him down, and still he didn't want to leave. He felt as if by
staying, he could make the lost ship appear by force of will.

"If you don't leave now, Jim, I'm gonna drag you back to sickbay and
have you stay there for another week," McCoy threatened.

Kirk sighed and rubbed his eyes. "All right, Bones. I'm leaving."

"Good."

He looked at Spock, but the Vulcan still leaned over the science station
with his back turned. It seemed he wasn't even going to acknowledge that
the captain was leaving. Kirk wouldn't have it, and he stepped from the
center seat to put his hand on Spock's iron-hard shoulder. The Vulcan
could seem standoffish and cold to a lot of people, but Kirk had never
seen him so tense.

"Spock."

The Vulcan finally met his gaze.

"Yes, Captain."

"I'll see you later."

Spock didn't reply. Kirk hadn't expected him to, so with a nod, he left
the bridge with McCoy.



ŻŻŻ


"Spock?"

Again, Kirk heard the door chime ring inside the Vulcan's quarters.
Impatiently, he banged at the door when it was ignored yet again. Since
Spock refused to come to him, it was Kirk's move. "Come on, Spock! Open
the door. We have to talk.."

Kirk knew that Spock would let him in if he kept pleading like that.
Anyone who heard the captain practically begging to be let into the
first officer's quarters would have a scoop as far as the scuttlebutt
went on the Enterprise, and Spock detested it when gossip included him.
Kirk had no qualms about using that to his advantage.

Still, he was unprepared when the door slid open and he could step
inside. Spock turned from him immediately.

"Speak," Spock said curtly.

He didn't invite Kirk to sit or even to come further into the room. A
couple of hours had passed since Spock had come off his duty shift, and
he was still aloof.

"I should have come sooner," Kirk said.

"There is no need to apologize, Captain. I was not expecting you."

"Perhaps you should have. Can I sit?"

Spock arched an eyebrow before nodding.

Kirk stepped further into the room and sat on the chair next to Spock's
desk. He crossed his legs, trying to relax. The Vulcan remained
standing.

"I don't want you to talk at all right now, Spock. I just want you to
listen to what I have to say, all right?"

Spock turned his back to Kirk and went into the sleeping area. He was
dressed in his black meditation robe and seemed even more intimidating
than usual.

This wasn't going to be easy, but nothing really worth anything was ever
easy. He waited for Spock's reply and rubbed his hands together,
noticing how sweaty his palms were.

After a few moments, Spock turned toward him and nodded.

"I shall listen to what you have to say, Captain."

"First, would you please go back to calling me Jim? We're friends,
remember? This isn't an official visit."

At that, the Vulcan seemed to tense even more.

"Very well-Jim," he said pointedly.

Kirk looked down at his hands and cleared his throat. How to begin?

"I don't want you to blame yourself for what happened on Praxis, Spock.
Neither you nor I could stop what A'sharon nearly forced us to do. The
mercury poisoning weakened us both, and even healthy, you and I couldn't
have taken on the guards alone. You know that."

"That is not.."

"No, Spock," Kirk said and held up his hand. Spock silenced immediately.
"I know you desired me, and it's all right."

All right? That was an understatement, Kirk.

"You shocked me in my quarters last night-and I will never forget what
you said to me." He contemplated what to say to make Spock truly
understand. This was probably the most important thing he would say in
his life. He must get it right.

"I want you to listen to me and listen very carefully. You haven't
tainted our friendship in any way. We were forced into that situation
and it revealed some things that neither of us had expected, but I don't
think I'm wrong when I say that those feelings weren't new for you."

Spock averted his eyes, and slowly moved over to the fire-shrine,
looking into it as though it held all the answers he would need. Kirk
remained seated, trying to find the right words. His heart constricted
when he saw the incredible tension in the Vulcan's tall body. He must
make sure Spock knew there was no reason for shame or guilt.

"There's nothing wrong with what you feel, Spock," he said softly, but
realized that was probably not the right thing to say. He had felt
shamed, too, by A'sharon's words, her actions, and the way she had
described the rumors about their relationship. She had made their
feelings sound like something they should be ashamed of. "Maybe there
was something wrong in feeling the way we did under the circumstances."

Spock turned his gaze from the fire-shrine and looked at him
quizzically. Kirk sighed, feeling weary. "I'm not doing this very well,
am I?" Impatiently, he ran his fingers through his hair. He rose and
started pacing in front of Spock's desk. He couldn't sit still. Spock's
dark eyes followed him for each step, and Kirk felt like he would break
apart. He wanted to do this right, but damn, it was difficult. He moved
further away from Spock, hoping that some physical distance between them
would make it easier for him to think.

"What I'm trying to say is that A'sharon turned what we feel for each
other into something dirty, when it isn't. What you feel for me isn't
wrong or something to fear, Spock." Kirk paused and the words he uttered
next came so easily. "I feel the same way about you."

Their eyes met across the room for a long moment and held. It felt as
though they were closer now than they had been in days, and yet, Spock's
entire cabin separated them. Kirk took one step closer to the Vulcan,
and then another. Something flickered in Spock's eyes. Warmth. And Kirk
then realized just how painful Spock's distance might be. Still, he felt
as though Spock hadn't truly listened.

"Didn't you understand that? Didn't you see how much I wanted you,
despite A'sharon, despite the circumstances?" Kirk waited for Spock to
answer, but the Vulcan remained silent, as though he was trying to make
sense of Kirk's words. There was pain and a quiet, hesitant hope in the
dark eyes. With a wry smile Kirk said, "You can answer that if you want,
Spock."

"No," the Vulcan said. "No, I did not realize the desire was mutual. I
have never suspected that it was." Spock tilted his head. "Is it true?"

Now what was he going to do? If he admitted the truth, he would have to
prove that he meant what he said, and that was impossible.

"Wait," Kirk said and held his hand out to the Vulcan, who was slowly
moving closer. Spock froze only inches away. The dark eyes looked at him
expectantly, and Kirk felt like the lowliest worm. After all that Spock
had gone through in his life.he didn't deserve this. T'Pring had
rejected him, and now Kirk was about to do the same.

"Spock," he said softly, apologetically. "We can't do this. I want you,
too, never doubt that, but.."

Spock's eyes narrowed, and Kirk winced as the Vulcan started talking.
"But I do doubt it, Jim. I believe that you are saying this to alleviate
the shame I feel." Spock's voice was very cold. "You do not wish to lose
my friendship or 'the best first officer in the 'fleet.'"

Kirk could detect the bitterness and the pain in the Vulcan's voice.
Spock was hurt, or he wouldn't talk this way. The deep voice went on.
"You are afraid that I will transfer off the Enterprise if I realize
that your emotions for me do not include.desire and.." Spock cut himself
off.

Normally, Kirk would never stand for such unfair accusations, but all he
could feel was need rising inside when he saw the way Spock reacted
because he believed that James Kirk didn't.love him? Kirk stepped into
the Vulcan's personal space. So close that he could feel warmth
emanating from Spock.

"You're right, I don't want to lose you and it scares the shit out of
me, thinking that what's happened might convince you to transfer off the
Enterprise. But you're also wrong," he said calmly. "You are so very
wrong, Spock."

"Am I?"

"Damn it-you're always the one telling me to be logical! I'm trying to
be just that. You know how Starfleet frowns upon sexual liaisons between
their officers."

"I do. I am also aware of many such partnerships, which are not
addressed by the powers that be, Jim."

"It's not the same thing. You're my first officer. That's different. You
know it is."

"Indeed," Spock said ironically. "I am also male."

It seemed Spock was determined not to believe that his feelings were
reciprocated. Or perhaps it was only that Spock truly didn't believe
they were. He had been rejected so many times in his life. He didn't
know what it was like to be truly loved-by anyone. And it was clear he
wouldn't believe it now. Not without a demonstration.

Kirk couldn't give into that. He would be utterly lost if he gave Spock
what he wanted. For some reason Kirk couldn't determine, losing control
with Spock was the most dangerous thing he could ever do.

"Your being male has nothing to do with it, Spock," Kirk said.

"Then perhaps it is the fact that I am Vulcan that frightens you, Jim."

Kirk swallowed.

"A relationship with me would be a commitment for life," Spock finished.

The thought hadn't occurred to Kirk until then. He had only been vaguely
aware of something he had overlooked and that something had scared him.
Now he knew; Vulcans mated for life, they bonded, and a chill traveled
down his spine at the very thought.

Committed for life.

Kirk met Spock's knowing eyes. Feeling defeated, and as though he hadn't
made any difference, Kirk left Spock's quarters.



ŻŻŻ



The following days were spent attempting to track down A'sharon's vessel
with no luck.

"Klingon wessel decloaking," Chekov reported.

"It is the IKC baHwI," Spock clarified.

"Open a channel," Kirk ordered.

"Captain Kirk," grunted a broad-shouldered Klingon with little hair. "It
is an honor to meet you. I am Commander Korasz of the IKC BaHwI."

"Pleased to meet you, Commander," Kirk replied, feeling like a real
hypocrite.

"Captain?" Spock said questioningly, and Kirk nodded in response.

Don't worry, Spock. I'll be good, his glance at the first officer said.

It was eerie how well Spock knew him. Even now, through the uneasy truce
between them, his first officer read him like an open book. Did anyone
else know him that well? Would he even want anyone to know him the way
Spock did?

"I hear you lost A'sharon's trail," Commander Korasz said, with a hint
of disdain in his voice.

"That's true, but we've got great hopes that we'll find her again,
soon."

"I fear that your hopes are not well-founded, Captain."

"Oh, really?" Kirk leaned forward, watching the Klingon commander
intently. "Would you care to be more specific?"

"Bah!" The Klingon waved his hand in the air as if to get rid of an
annoying insect. "A'sharon.."

Another Klingon-this time a female-appeared on the view screen. She shot
Kirk a look and he shuddered, the mere gaze making him feel ill. She and
A'sharon were the spitting image of each other.

"Captain, meet She'zaron, A'sharon's sister," Korasz said. "She brought
some very interesting information to our attention a few days ago."

Kirk stiffened, but he wasn't really surprised.

"And why should we trust this woman?" he said coldly.

"Because." Korasz said, ".she is my wife."

Kirk didn't know what to say to that. He had many questions, but how to
express them without insulting the Klingons?

"With all due respect, Commander," Spock interjected. "I do not wish to
offend, but if this is true-how can it be that the Klingon High Council
was not aware that A'sharon is a woman?"

"A'sharon is a very common name-both male and female-among our people,
Commander," She'zaron informed. "Of course, I don't expect you to know
this." Her disdain for the Enterprise's crew was clearly visible on her
face. "My sister was believed dead, but when I recently found out that
she is alive and that she is the head of the Golden Dust operation, I
decided to help the Klingon government. She has dishonored my family in
a way that-"

"How noble of you," Kirk interrupted.

"Isn't it though?" she leered.

"Tell him," Korasz said, waving his hand impatiently.

"Are you certain?" She'zaron hesitated, as though her look could make
Korasz change his mind.

"Yes. There is no reason to drag this out any longer."

"What?" Kirk interrupted. "Get to the point."

"Such impatience. Are all humans this way?" The Klingon female looked at
Spock, and Kirk watched as the Vulcan's eyebrow lifted.

"No more than the Klingons I have encountered in my time," Spock
replied.

"Very well, Captain. The information I have may help us find A'sharon."

Kirk frowned, and the Klingon commander continued as if he already knew
the question that was on the tip of Kirk's tongue.

"There is only one reason we are giving you this information, and that
is the fact that catching A'sharon and putting a stop to her activities
is more important to my people than anything else. She has caused much
trouble for us on the home world because of her greed and her
callousness. She is like a disease spreading throughout the Klingon
Empire."

Kirk tapped his foot, but he didn't say anything. Luckily, She'zaron
gave her husband a curt look and it interrupted him in his poisonous
monologue.

"A'sharon has stolen her sister's research."

"You are a scientist?" Spock asked.

"Yes, I am," She'zaron confirmed.

"Interesting. In what field?"

"I am the head scientist of the Department of Star Cruiser Development."

"Indeed?"

"My specialty is cloaking devices."

The silence on the bridge of the Enterprise was deafening.

"I see," Kirk finally said, understanding at last what the Klingons were
getting at. "So, what you are telling us is that A'sharon has gotten
hold of your latest research, which involves a new type of cloaking
device. This is also the reason why we can't find her?"

"Correct."

Kirk turned to Spock with a puzzled look on his face. "But why didn't
she use it sooner? Why wait for us to almost catch up with her before
engaging the cloak if she had one?"

"Maybe I can shed some light on that, Kirk," Korasz said. "A'sharon is
not a scientist herself, but she has managed to persuade people from
She'zaron's staff to join her. There are Klingons whose greed is more
important to them than their honor. Making the cloak operational
requires taking the original device off line, which would leave the ship
vulnerable for a time, but once they have the new cloak operable, there
would be no way for an enemy ship to detect them. She could be anywhere
by now."

"Unless the ship in pursuit has the necessary information to detect
her," She'zaron added.

"I see," Kirk repeated, waiting patiently now. He knew that a normally
cloaked vessel would be somewhat tricky for the Enterprise to track, but
in no way impossible. The Federation had learned to read warp trails
from cloaked ships well enough to pursue them a long time ago. Most
Federation vessels could pinpoint their location with nearly one hundred
percent accuracy. Military secrets were seldom secrets for very long.

"Why are you telling us this?" Spock said. "Why does not the Klingon
Imperial Fleet track A'sharon down on its own?"

"Because, Mister Spock.." Korasz hesitated for a moment, looking grim,
then drew a deep breath and continued. ".Our equipment is not sensitive
enough to detect the emanations from this new cloaking device. However,
I am quite sure that Federation sensors can.if you know what to look
for."

Again, the silence on the bridge was so thick it was uncomfortable. Kirk
crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair. For the Klingons to admit
to this, they really must want to catch A'sharon very much.

"Fine, Commander. You and your scientists may beam over. Mr. Spock will
work with you on the necessary configurations of the Enterprise's
sensors."

Uhura closed the connection and Kirk was out of his chair almost before
the image of Commander Korasz had disappeared.

"Mr. Spock. You're with me. Mr. Sulu, you have the bridge."

"Aye, sir."

In the turbolift, Spock didn't look at his captain. Kirk wanted to talk
to his friend. But what was he supposed to say? No matter what he did,
nothing would change. He was between the proverbial rock and a hard
place.

Kirk sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He had a pounding
headache that McCoy might have blamed on the remnants of the mercury in
his system, but he wasn't so sure that was the cause. He was worried
about how to repair the damage to his friendship with Spock. Could they
even be friends anymore?

He loves me, he wants me. What do I want? What I don't want is a life
without Spock.

His mouth went dry, and he barely finished the thought, but he couldn't
address this now. It was hard to believe that the individual beside him
harbored feelings so strong that they would last a lifetime and beyond.
Kirk felt like he was standing without protection on the ice planet
Bo'oree.

Funny, he thought wryly. I thought Vulcans were supposed to exude heat.

Remembering the sensation of Spock's body against his own, deep in
A'sharon's dungeon, sitting so close to him, Kirk knew that the Vulcan
indeed emanated considerable warmth. Despite that truth, Spock could
certainly give off a bone-chilling coldness. Never before had Spock cut
Kirk out in such a way, and he reminded himself that the distance was
Spock's way of protecting himself. It wasn't born from malice or even
anger, and that made it easier to bear. Once they had captured A'sharon,
Spock and he would talk, and all would be right between them. It had to
be.

They entered the transporter room, and four Klingons materialized.

"Captain Kirk," Korasz said, stepped forward and grabbed his hand in a
firm, dry grip. The Klingon's eyes met his without hesitation, and
Kirk's respect for Commander Korasz rose a notch.

"Welcome aboard the USS Enterprise, Commander," he said.

Seeing Commander Korasz's wife in the flesh was more uncomfortable.
She'zaron's likeness to her sister was uncanny. Despite their
differences in hairstyle and clothing, they were as alike as twins.
Kirk's mouth suddenly went dry, but he pushed the uneasiness away and
bowed respectfully toward the Klingon female.

"Madam." Kirk barely acknowledged the other Klingons, who were no doubt
Korasz's security guards.

"I thought you would be taller," She'zaron said.

Kirk didn't dignify her with an answer.

"We should proceed to the science labs immediately," Spock pointed out.
"Time is of the essence."

"Naturally," She'zaron agreed. "I will remain on the Enterprise during
this mission, unless you have objections, Captain?"

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, Kirk knew he couldn't refuse. She was
essential to the mission, and considering how forthcoming these Klingons
had been, he was duty bound to treat them with the same respect.

"Of course you can stay. Your assistance is crucial."

"Thank you, Captain," She'zaron nodded respectfully.

Slight differences between her sister and her now became apparent to
Kirk-the facial expression for one. She'zaron might be a Klingon
warrior, but her eyes lacked the unfeeling coldness in A'sharon's, and
her smile was gentler. Relaxing a fraction, Kirk led the way to the
science labs.

"This way," he said.

Spock walked just behind Kirk, as always, but there was a larger
distance between them than was normally there-perhaps another inch.
Nobody else would have noticed, but to Kirk it might as well have been a
mile.

As they entered the science lab, Kirk stopped Spock with a light touch
on his arm, a gesture he had used many times before, but at the subtle
reaction from Spock, he pulled away.

"May I have a word with you, Mr. Spock?" he said.

Spock seemed reluctant, but he nodded. "Very well."

Kirk walked out of earshot of She'zaron. "Will you be comfortable
working with her?" he asked softly. "Perhaps there is someone-"

"That won't be necessary, Captain," Spock interrupted
uncharacteristically. "I am the person most suited for the task."

"I know that, Mr. Spock."

"Why should I not be comfortable working with her?"

Kirk shifted uneasily. "Because she looks so much like A'sharon." Their
gazes locked, and in that glance Kirk revealed the unease he felt about
having this Klingon woman aboard the Enterprise.

"Captain," Spock said, infinitely softer. "I understand your concern,
but it is not necessary. There is no logic in your reasoning. She'zaron
is in fact not A'sharon, and there is no reason for me to treat her as
though she is not welcome here. As a skilled scientist, she will most
definitely be of great value to me in making these scanners operational.
For that, I owe her respect."

Kirk lowered his gaze and stepped back, his voice at normal. "Very well,
Mr. Spock. Get to it."

"Certainly, sir."

Kirk didn't usually remain in the science labs, but he stayed with
Spock, the Klingon commander, and his wife. Working swiftly, Spock
prepared the computer for a Klingon chip. Several of the tech-lab
assistants buzzed around them with hardware adapters and other details
to make the transfer work smoothly.

"Lieutenant Mendez. Did you install the software I requested?" Spock
asked.

"Yes, Mr. Spock. I downloaded it into the primary systems."

Spock's fingers moved gracefully over the control panels, and Kirk
watched the program run on the screen.

"I am ready," Spock said, and he turned to She'zaron.

"This will enter the specifics on how to track the new cloaking device,"
She'zaron explained. Her hand clenched around the chip as Spock reached
for it. The Vulcan hesitated.

"I do understand," he said. "Your achievement in this field is
remarkable."

There was respect in the Vulcan's voice, a deep admiration that Kirk
seldom heard. He was envious of it. There was a connection between Spock
and She'zaron that went beyond race or military alliance. It was the
respect of one scientific mind for another.

This was one of the instances when Kirk realized how different he and
Spock truly were. How could Spock act so unaffected around this woman
who reminded Kirk so much of A'sharon, someone who had treated them with
such cruelty?

She'zaron extended her arm toward the Vulcan and released the chip. "I
will simply have to improve the device," she said. "I will have to
eliminate the emanations from the warp coil. That's all."

"A worthy challenge for a skilled scientist," Spock said.

Kirk would have gritted his teeth if he hadn't worked his entire life to
master the art of keeping his emotions in check. Perhaps he didn't show
it, but he acknowledged to himself that he was jealous.

The Vulcan took the chip and inserted it into the science computer.
Several minutes passed as they waited for the results.

"Fascinating. I would not have guessed," Spock uttered finally. "Look at
this, Captain."

Spock's eyes were alive with excitement, but his demeanor was utterly
professional. Kirk suppressed a sigh.

"What is it?" he said.

"This," Spock said and pointed at a white flowing line on the screen.
"It is not a chemical emanation, as I would have suspected. I would not

have been looking for this. It is not even molecular." Spock's voice was
always even when he spoke of scientific discoveries, but Kirk had seen
his reaction to a new development often enough to sense the quiet
satisfaction and awe in the voice now. "This is an electromagnetic
pulse; with the proper equipment it can be detected through subspace.
Most ships, even in the Federation fleet, do not have sensors
sophisticated enough to single out such a faint trace."

"Why not?" Kirk said.

"Subspace is filled with old electromagnetic pulses from radio
transmissions and other natural signals. Singling out such a faint pulse
would be most difficult."

"But?" Kirk prodded.

"Fortunately, the Enterprise's sensors are more than adequate. With some
small calibrations to aid in the search for this specific anomaly, we
will be able to detect the signal effortlessly."

"How long?"

"The sensors will be recalibrated within the hour, Captain."

Kirk left the science laboratory and steered his steps toward the mess
hall. He couldn't even remember when he ate last.



ŻŻŻ


Kirk nursed a cup of coffee as he absently watched Yeoman Rand and
Lieutenant Hansson enter the mess hall. He watched Rand's shapely legs
out of habit and noticed that Hansson must have done something to her
hair. It was black like a raven's wing and tied back in a practical but
intricate way. Both women were among the most beautiful on the ship, and
Kirk noted this with an air of disinterest. He frowned. He might have a
policy against fraternizing with people under his command, but he wasn't
dead. It wasn't like him to notice beauty and not react to it.

"Bridge to Captain Kirk," Uhura's voice came through the communications
system.

Rising from the table, Kirk looked at the chronometer. It seemed Spock
had finished early. Kirk hadn't been gone for more than half an hour,
he'd barely had time to finish his cup of coffee and a sandwich. Leaning
against the wall, he switched the communicator on.

"Kirk here, Lieutenant Uhura. What's going on?"

"Mr. Spock reports that the sensors are calibrated. He's on his way to
the bridge, ready to test them now, sir."

"Very well, I'll be right there."

As Kirk stepped onto the bridge, he noticed that Spock was already
there, and so were Commander Korasz and She'zaron.

"We are ready to test the equipment now, Captain," Spock said.

"Very well. Proceed."

Kirk sat in the command chair watching the Vulcan's fingers move swiftly
over the panels. She'zaron was standing right next to Spock, and she
ignored Kirk's presence. She was one of the most disrespectful Klingons
Kirk had ever met. Maybe it was a family trait, Kirk thought sourly.
Korasz nodded toward him, standing with his hands folded, feet wide, as
though he'd rooted himself on the bridge.

Kirk watched his crew and sympathized with the uneasy glance Sulu shot
over his shoulder. Uhura seemed her usual calm self. That woman had
nerves of steel, and Kirk wasn't surprised to see her keep at her work
without letting on how on edge she truly was. The only reason he could
see it was because he worked so closely with her almost every day. He
suspected that the Klingons had no idea.

Silence fell while they all waited for Spock's report. The seconds
stretched to minutes until finally the first officer spoke: "It is
working."

"What heading?" Kirk couldn't contain the excitement in his voice.

"322.45, Captain."

"I shall beam back to my ship now, Captain Kirk," Commander Korasz said.

"Very well." Kirk heaved a sigh of relief. "Mr. Scott, will you see
Commander Korasz to the transporter room?"

"Aye, sir."

"It's been a pleasure, Commander," Kirk said and shook the Klingon's
hand. "I hope you will forgive me for not accompanying you."

"Of course. Just capture A'sharon. That's enough."

Kirk caught a look between Korasz and She'zaron. It was definitely
encouragement from a husband to his wife, and Kirk vowed to himself that
no matter how he felt about the woman, he'd try to get her back to the
Klingon commander in one piece.

Nodding toward Korasz, Kirk watched as the chief engineer and the
Klingon left the bridge. A few minutes later, the intercom beeped.

"Transport complete, Cap'n." Mr. Scott reported.

"Return to bridge at once." Turning toward the helmsman, he continued,
"Mr. Sulu. Set course."

"Course 322.45 laid in, Captain."

The doors behind Kirk slid open to admit the chief engineer. "Scotty.
How much muscle do we have?"

"She's all rarin' ta go at full speed, sair."

"Very well, Scotty. Ahead warp factor nine, Mr. Chekov."

"Aye, sir."

The Enterprise flew through space at full speed, stars streaming swiftly
by on the viewscreen.

Kirk leaned back in his chair, satisfied. He was back on the bridge, and
they were on A'sharon's trail. Now, he'd be damned if they wouldn't
catch up with that bitch, lock her up and throw away the key!

For the first time since he and Spock had come back to the Enterprise,
Kirk felt as though things were finally going their way. He glanced at
his Vulcan first officer and it felt good. Spock was where he should be.
Somehow, they would work out their problems. Warmth flooded his body as
he watched Spock work efficiently.

Their luck was turning.

END part 2


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