Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!elnk-atl-nf1!newsfeed.earthlink.net!cyclone.tampabay.rr.com!cyclone.austin.rr.com!border2.nntp.dca.giganews.com!border1.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!newsread.com!newsstand.newsread.com!POSTED.monger.newsread.com!not-for-mail Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated Approved: ascem@earthlink.net Organization: Better Living Thru TrekSmut Sender: ascem@earthlink.net Message-ID: From: "Elizabeth Helena" MIME-Version: 1.0 Mailing-List: list ASCEML@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCEML-owner@yahoogroups.com Subject: NEW DS9 "Targ Meat" Mea Culpa Challenge (B & O'B, Ez, L. Khan) [PG-13] 1/1 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Lines: 144 Date: Thu, 02 Sep 2004 02:55:01 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.198.142.218 X-Complaints-To: Abuse Role , We Care X-Trace: monger.newsread.com 1094093701 209.198.142.218 (Wed, 01 Sep 2004 22:55:01 EDT) NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 01 Sep 2004 22:55:01 EDT Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated:83327 X-Received-Date: Wed, 01 Sep 2004 19:55:11 PDT (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net) Title: Targ Meat Author: Elizabeth Helena Series: DS9 Codes: B & O'B, Ez, Lenara Khan, challenge response, humour? Rating: PG-13 for violence against scientists and unwise dinner parties. Warning: Extensive, free-wheeling character assassination, in addition to a bloody if minor character death. Please note, the opinions of the characters do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the author. Although they probably do reflect her sick sense of humour. Spoilers: The season four episodes "Rejoined" and "Visionary," season five's "Dr. Bashir, I Presume" and "Empok Nor," and very possibly some tempers may be spoiled. Lexicon alert: Bat'leths are those multi-pronged, curved Klingon swords that Worf always seems to keep handy for dinner parties (hey, how else do you explain that silly scene in "Resurrection"?). EMP's are emergency medical personnel, which apparently Bashir gives all the really dooty jobs to on DS9. Disclaimer: Mea Maxima Culpa and Caveat Emptor. Not that anyone emptored me for this fic, honest. Summary: Mea Culpa challenge response: Bashir and O'Brien gossip sympathetic to the character then [sic] this)," while disturbing, proved very inspirational. Dedication: To the TOS insurgents of ascem-l, because they're targ meat if they think that Terok Nor (ahem, I mean DS9) is going down without a fight! :-p Feedback: Other than "this proves you hate Ezri," yes please. Because I don't hate Ezri. Really, some of my best friends are Ezri's ;-). Archiving: ASCEML has automatic permission, of course. All others should be prepared to "govel" for the privilege ;-). Quote which is frighteningly true: "We would often be sorry if our wishes were granted." Aesop Targ Meat "She didn't!" O'Brien spluttered. "She did." Bashir responded, fastidiously wiping the Guinness-laced spittle off his uniform. The two men were perched on their customary bar stools in Quark's, drinks in hand. Although Miles had temporarily forgotten about his. "Our sweet Ezri? I can't believe it!" "Believe it, Miles. Worf saw the whole thing, and you know what little imagination he has. Besides, I know for a fact it took the EMPs hours to clean all of the Trill blood out his quarters." "Jesus wept. What set her off?" "Well, Ezri, Doctor Lenara Khan and Captain Boday were over at Worf's for dinner." "Now I know you're pulling my leg, Julian." "No, no! Apparently Jadzia insisted in her will that they have a 'Reassociation Dinner' in her honour. She probably meant it as a joke, but you know what Worf's like when it comes to honouring the glorious dead." "Okay, okay." O'Brien gave the loquacious Doctor a 'get on with it' look. "At any rate, Lenara was going on and on about how Counselling wasn't really a science, and how it was more boring than Curzon's non-stop anecdotes about ambidextrous Risean masseuses. Ezri suddenly leapt up, grabbed Worf's bat'leth off the wall and screamed, "So that's why you wouldn't sleep with me, you bitch!" She then proceeded to, in Worf's words, 'chop Lenara up into snack-sized chunks of targ meat.'" "Damn." With a pensive frown, Miles swallowed more of his Guinness. "Did you manage to save the Khan symbiont?" "Pfff," Julian made a dismissive sound. "Genetically enhanced here, of course I did." "Hey, you don't save them all you know. Vedek Bariel, for instance." Bashir rolled his eyes. "Everyone knows Bajoran Angst is incurably fatal. It's a miracle I've kept Kira alive for this long." "Hmmm, true enough. But then there's Jadzia." "I saved the most interesting part of her, didn't I?" "No accounting for taste," O'Brien shuddered. "So, what's going to happen to Ezri? Penal colony, personality restructuring, losing her commission?" "Nah," Julian took another gulp of his stout. "Ezri told Sisko that she was really, really sorry, but she was possessed by aliens at the time." Miles nodded, "Got to respect the classics." They exchanged knowing grins. "Although, I've always been fond of the old 'radiation poisoning made me crazy' defence, myself." "Well, you are an Engineer. As a Doctor, my favourite is the psychotropic drug overdose." "That excuse did help us get rid of that Security goon Amaro," Miles agreed. "Now, if only Garak had managed to kill Nog too." "I wouldn't worry about it, that boy's got transporter accident written all over him." Lifting his mug, O'Brien proposed a toast. "Here's to the Starfleet Excuse Generator ...." Bashir raised his own glass, adding, "Which never, ever fails ...." Clinking their mugs together, they proclaimed in unison, "As long as you always remember to tell the Captain you're really, really sorry!" - the end - ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ASCEM messages are copied to a mailing list. Most recent messages can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCEML. NewMessage: