Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!elnk-atl-nf1!newsfeed.earthlink.net!cyclone.tampabay.rr.com!cyclone.austin.rr.com!border2.nntp.dca.giganews.com!border1.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!newsread.com!newsstand.newsread.com!POSTED.monger.newsread.com!not-for-mail Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated Approved: ascem@earthlink.net Organization: Better Living Thru TrekSmut Sender: ascem@earthlink.net Message-ID: From: "Jesmihr" MIME-Version: 1.0 Mailing-List: list ASCEML@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCEML-owner@yahoogroups.com Subject: New 2 U: "The Origin of Fire" TOS K/S NC-17 by Jesmihr Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Lines: 723 Date: Fri, 03 Sep 2004 02:55:21 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.198.142.218 X-Complaints-To: Abuse Role , We Care X-Trace: monger.newsread.com 1094180121 209.198.142.218 (Thu, 02 Sep 2004 22:55:21 EDT) NNTP-Posting-Date: Thu, 02 Sep 2004 22:55:21 EDT Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated:83395 X-Received-Date: Thu, 02 Sep 2004 19:55:23 PDT (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net) Title: The Origin of Fire Author: Jesmihr Rating: NC-17 Summary: Spock relates an ancient Vulcan myth. she does for me. Here is yet one more heartfelt bit of gratitude!=20=20 Thanks for making my stories (and my days) better! Feedback: Gratefully received! theargentian@mfire.com The Origin of Fire He nearly died. I remember the rebellion breaking out in the street, his face pale=20 with shock, his blood spreading out across the front of his uniform=20 as I caught him and pulled him out of the line of fire. I remember=20 the whine of the transporter, running with him in my arms to=20 sickbay, and that look on Doctor McCoy's face - the one that told me=20 it was better not to ask. I remember going =96 I admit with some reluctance - to my duty on the=20 bridge, scanning to locate the mediators who still remained on the=20 planet's surface so that we could beam them to safety. I remember,=20 finally, the call from Doctor McCoy that told me Jim was conscious=20 and that he would live. =09 He nearly died, and I remember every detail.=20=20=20 =09 What I do not remember - what I cannot seem to recall at all - is=20 the precise moment when that phrase "He nearly died" became=20 unalterably translated in my mind to "I almost lost him." And yet I=20 say it again now: I almost lost him. And once again I feel the same=20 infinite coldness that always fills me whenever I contemplate a=20 universe that does not have James Kirk in it.=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20 He nearly died. I almost lost him. Five days after the uprising that almost took Jim Kirk's life, I was=20 working in my quarters attempting to complete the science reports=20 that I had started before the rebellion on the planet below. The=20 duties of command had superseded my duties as science officer while=20 the revolt had been taking place, but now the political situation on=20 the planet below was more stable, and the mediators had returned to=20 try to establish peace. I therefore had been able to steal a few=20 hours away from the command chair. I am not accustomed to being=20 behind in my work, and I therefore was determined that the reports=20 all would be completed before I slept that night. I was grateful=20 for the solitude I found in my quarters. Nevertheless, when the captain hailed me I answered=20 promptly. "Spock here." "Spock, I'm bored. Are you busy?" I took a moment to contemplate the content of this query, and=20 quickly reached the conclusion that the situation did not call for a=20 Vulcan's literal interpretation. In this case, the key word "bored"=20 told me all I needed to know about what the captain was asking: not=20 if I were busy, but if I would keep him company. Doctor McCoy had=20 finally released Jim from sickbay, but had ordered him to bed rest=20 for a week. After a vigorous protest, during which McCoy had to=20 apply a series of threats ranging from numerous painful treatments=20 to declaring Jim unfit for command, Jim had finally obeyed. Jim is=20 an excellent starship captain, but I calculate that he would rank in=20 the bottom one percent in the ability to rest, either physically or=20 mentally.=20=20=20=20 "No, I am not busy, Captain. Would you like a game of chess?" "That sounds great. I'll let you set the board up when you get=20 here."=20=20 I am not always adept at reading the emotions of humans, but even I=20 could detect the eagerness in Jim's voice. He had doubtless been,=20 as Doctor McCoy would put it, "climbing the walls" since being=20 confined to his quarters. I could understand that: I am not=20 especially proficient at resting myself. I admit that I did glance,=20 just once, at my unfinished reports before I answered him. "I will=20 be there momentarily, sir." When I entered his quarters, I found Jim in bed, propped up with=20 pillows, with three of his antique books scattered around him. I=20 allowed myself a moment to study him, in part to reassure myself=20 that he really was alive and recovering; in part because=85 =85because I find the captain's form and face aesthetically pleasing.=20=20 There is no shame in appreciating beauty; I do not know why it is so=20 hard for me to say, even within my own mind, that Jim is beautiful.=20=20 He seemed especially so to me that night, shirtless and tousled,=20 sprawled on the bed with his books, everything at rest except for=20 his eyes. His eyes are fascinating. They are mercurial, changing=20 color and mood without warning, full of life, teeming with all of=20 the emotions that I, myself, so carefully sequester away. The=20 captain is most un-Vulcan: he is unafraid to display his feelings -=20 a fortunate thing, because those eyes would betray him regardless.=20=20 They lit up at the sight of me.=20=20 For a brief second, I could only stand there and stare at him, with=20 that phrase running relentlessly through my head: "I almost lost=20 him." I had to swallow, and turn away, and busy myself with setting=20 up the chessboard. I had to allow time for that phrase to turn into=20 the barest of whispers before I could look at him again.=20=20 We both played badly. I surmise his game was off because he still=20 was weak from his injuries; or possibly he was distracted because he=20 could not be on the bridge. I played badly because of the whispered=20 phrase, and because of my memories. I moved my rook, and I saw=20 Jim's blood spread across his chest. I parried an attack by Jim's=20 knight, and I felt his lifeless form in my arms. He threatened one=20 of my pawns with his bishop, and the only response that came to my=20 mind was "I almost lost him." When my eyes fell, seemingly of their=20 own accord, to the place where he had been injured, I had to=20 exercise the most stringent of control to prevent my hands from=20 shaking. Finally, Jim sighed and fell back on his pillows. "It's no use. My=20 game's terrible tonight, and I'm afraid yours isn't much better.=20=20 Let's just scrap it and try again another time."=20=20 "Agreed. Perhaps you would prefer conversation instead?" He grimaced, and gave the far wall a cross look. "I would, if I had=20 one blessed thing to talk about. I've been so cooped up lately that=20 I don't have anything interesting to say." He settled further into=20 the bed; I noted that his face looked somewhat drawn.=20=20 "It would be advisable, then, for you to try to sleep. It will=20 assist your body in healing more quickly. I believe that is what=20 Doctor McCoy had in mind when he ordered you to bed rest." He scowled at me. "What do you think I was trying to do before you=20 came in? I'm honestly too bored to sleep. I tried reading, but=20 I've read all my books so many times I'm sick of every last one of=20 them. I thought maybe chess would do it, but that was a fiasco."=20=20 He sighed and said to me, "You don't have to stick around - I know=20 I'm no fun tonight. Go ahead and go back to your quarters and get=20 some rest." My voice came out so quietly I barely recognized it. "I would=20 prefer to remain with you until you sleep." He looked startled for a moment, and then his fascinating eyes=20 softened. "Thanks. No one could ever accuse you of being a fair=20 weather friend." I saw my opening then and took it. Making my face as blank as=20 possible, I said, "I fail to see what the weather has to do with=20 friendship. Even if it were a factor, the ship's environmental=20 systems guarantee that the temperature will not vary more than=85" As I had hoped, the captain laughed, and interrupted me. "Never=20 mind. It's just another one of those old Terran expressions. I=20 only meant that there could be flood, fire, and famine, and you=20 would still stick by me." He gave me an unreadable look, and=20 added, "And I don't tell you often enough how much I appreciate=20 that =96 but I do." I am, after all, half human. Therefore it is perhaps not surprising=20 that I felt a surge of pleasure at this statement. Before I could=20 either relish it or squelch it, however, Jim's face brightened and=20 he said, "I know! Tell me a story. That'll help me to sleep." I fear that I very nearly gaped at him; his request was so utterly=20 unexpected. But he only smiled at me with eager anticipation,=20 obviously never doubting that I would comply with his wishes. And I=20 certainly wished to comply, wished to help him to sleep and to heal,=20 but I was hard pressed to make an appropriate response.=20=20 I have no imagination, so it was unthinkable that I attempt to=20 formulate anything of my own. Thinking back to tales my mother had=20 told me, I realized that they were all Terran nursery rhymes and=20 fairy stories; therefore, Jim would already know them, and would=20 doubtless be bored if I were to attempt to recount one of them.=20 Vulcans are known for scientific research and philosophy, not for=20 great works of fiction: they simply do not have such writing in=20 them. Therefore, it was with some desperation that I scanned Jim's=20 bed to see what he had been reading that night, hoping for an=20 inspiration. My eyes fell upon a beautifully bound edition of=20 Bullfinch's Mythology.=20=20 "Perhaps a myth," I offered. "An ancient Vulcan myth about the=20 origin of fire." Jim's interest was piqued. "Like Prometheus," he said. "Yes," I replied. "But the ancient Vulcans had another explanation=20 for how fire came to be." "Tell me," Jim demanded. His eyes were intent, flashing with=20 interest instantly, and his lips were parted in an expectant smile.=20=20 Seeing his enthusiasm, I had to fight the highly illogical urge to=20 smile back at him. "Very well," I said. "This is the ancient myth of the Bond-Brothers=20 Kiltukh and Mintor, and the Origin of Fire." I took a moment to=20 collect my thoughts. The myth was very old, constructed long before=20 Vulcans pursued the path of logic. It was told rarely, and always=20 in Old High Vulcan, so I would have to attempt to translate it=20 adequately into Standard without losing too much of the meaning.=20=20 Finally, I began. "Many thousands of years ago, Vulcans were little more than vicious=20 beasts of the desert. They were born into clans, and these clans=20 fought among each other fiercely. At times, they warred for a small=20 bit of sand on which to live and hunt. Other times they warred=20 because they loved the sight and smell of their enemies' blood. To=20 these ancient Vulcans, war and life had the same meaning: one did=20 not exist without the other. But life was little more than=20 miserable existence. They had no words in their language for plenty=20 or enough, for they knew nothing of these. They knew only a=20 continual cycle of blood, and hunger, and cold."=20=20 "Cold in the desert?" Jim murmured. He already looked more=20 relaxed. Perhaps he would be able to sleep soon. "Yes," I answered. "There was great heat during the day of course,=20 but at night the desert grew frigid. All suffered. The clansmen=20 huddled together for warmth because that was their only way. There=20 was no fire =96 not yet." "Mm." Jim said. I continued: "Into the Kome Yasha clan, in the same month, on the same day, in=20 the same hour, two sons were born: Kiltukh, child of El'es, and=20 Mintor, child of Ta'an. Kiltukh and Mintor grew up side by side in=20 the usual manner of the clan. Together, they learned to hunt, to=20 fight, and to wage war. From the time they first crawled until the=20 time they reached young adulthood, the two were inseparable, bond- brothers from birth. They were known among the Kome Yasha as Itisha- Ana - literally, `Are One.'=20=20=20 As Kiltukh and Mintor grew, they became the most successful hunters=20 and the fiercest warriors of the Kome Yasha. If Kiltukh flushed a=20 beast from hiding, Mintor was in exactly the right place to make the=20 kill. If Mintor was overwhelmed in battle, Kiltukh instantly was at=20 his side to turn back the enemy. They knew each other's minds and=20 hearts so well that they did not need to speak or call, or even to=20 think. Where one was, there was the other. They were, indeed,=20 Itisha-Ana, and their fame grew throughout their own clan and all=20 the others. One day a rival clan, the Yatomi, invaded the Kome Yasha. The=20 fighting was fierce; soon, the desert sand ran green with blood from=20 fallen warriors of both the clans. Kiltukh and Mintor fought with=20 their usual skill; at first it seemed that none would be able to=20 prevail over them. But the Yatomi was a larger, stronger clan. As=20 the battle wore on, Kiltukh found himself fighting four of the=20 Yatomi at once. Mintor was at his side, but three Yatomi descended=20 upon him as well. Mintor saw that Kiltukh was about to be struck=20 and turned to help him, but he himself was stricken and fell=20 unconscious to the ground.=20=20=20 Mintor, though wounded, lived. When he awoke, his first words were=20 for his bond-brother. To his great anguish, he was told that the=20 Yatomi had carried Kiltukh away with them, taken him back to their=20 camp as a prisoner. Mintor was distraught. He knew that the Yatomi=20 would torture Kiltukh in an attempt to make him consent to join=20 their clan and help them fight their wars. Mintor also knew that=20 Kiltukh never would agree to this, and would therefore almost=20 certainly die an agonizing death at the hands of the Yatomi. Weakened by his own wound but thinking of nothing but Kiltukh,=20 Mintor donned the red cloak that marked him as a member of the Kome=20 Yasha, took his weapons, and set across the desert in search of his=20 bond-brother. For four days he walked. He did not need to try to=20 follow the trail of the Yatomi to find Kiltukh, for his bond- brother's mind and heart reached out to him across the distance and=20 guided him unerringly in the right direction. At the end of the fourth day, Mintor found the Yatomi camp. He=20 sensed that Kiltukh was alive but in pain from torture and weak from=20 starvation. Mintor's blood burned with rage, and he walked boldly=20 into camp and shouted, `I challenge your leader, Zul, to the Kalifi=20 Oyaka, in the name of Kiltukh of the Kome Yasha.' "What's the Kalifi Oyaka?" asked Jim.=20=20 "Literally, it means `The Splendid Test.' It was a challenge=20 sometimes issued between two people to settle a dispute, rather than=20 involving clans in an all-out war. By issuing it to Zul, Mintor was=20 in essence holding him personally responsible for the abduction of=20 his bond-brother, and absolving the Yatomi clan of blame. It would=20 have been considered shameful for a clan leader to turn down such a=20 challenge, as the leaders were always supposed to put the good of=20 their clan above their own personal welfare."=20=20 Seeing that Jim had closed his eyes again, I continued. "Zul strode forward. In his day, he had been a fierce and able=20 warrior. Although now past the very prime of his life, he yet was=20 tall and strong, and still wielded his weapons daily in practice or=20 in battle. He smiled as he regarded Mintor, wounded and now weak=20 from his trek across the desert. `What are your terms, little Kome=20 Yasha?' he taunted. `The life of Kiltukh,' Mintor said. `And if I prevail?' asked Zul.=20=20 `If you prevail and if I live, we both shall join the Yatomi,' said=20 Mintor. Zul was pleased at this. He was certain that he could defeat=20 Mintor, and he resolved to do so without killing him. In that way,=20 two famous and skilled warriors would be added to his clan, and the=20 power and renown of the Yatomi would increase. So it was that the Kalifi Oyaka was issued and accepted. Thinking=20 to dishearten Mintor before the test began, the Yatomi dragged=20 Kiltukh to the challenge ground. Bound with rope, bruised and=20 bleeding, he was barely able to stand. Mintor saw the condition of=20 his bond-brother and felt his wrath grow.=20=20 As the challenged, Zul had the choice of weapon. He sagely chose=20 the lirpa, knowing that the heavy instrument would be difficult for=20 the weakened Mintor to wield. But Mintor's anger gave him strength,=20 and soon the two warriors were engaged in fierce combat. The Yatomi=20 circled the challenge ground, shouting and chanting to encourage=20 their leader, excited by the ferociousness of the fight. No one=20 noticed Kiltukh, who was working to loosen his bonds. Even Mintor,=20 enraged as he was and intent on finding Zul's weakness, did not=20 realize that Kiltukh was freeing himself and moving closer to the=20 site of the challenge. The Kalifi Oyaka wore on, with neither the older nor the younger=20 opponent prevailing, until Zul's overconfidence betrayed him and he=20 made a misstep. Mintor took advantage: with a quick motion he=20 sliced Zul's right arm deeply with the lirpa blade. The pain of the=20 wound and the loss of face in front of his clansmen infuriated Zul;=20 he instantly forgot his vow to spare Mintor's life and began to=20 fight him furiously, swearing to end the young Kome Yasha's life=20 then and there. Mintor found himself growing exhausted in the face=20 of Zul's onslaught. Though he struggled valiantly, his thrusts and=20 parries were becoming weaker and less accurate. The onlookers could=20 see that it was only a matter of moments before Zul won the=20 challenge and Mintor fell to his death. Soon, it came: Zul hurled=20 the lirpa like a spear, aiming it directly at Mintor's heart.=20=20 Mintor, gasping for breath, totally expended, could do nothing to=20 help himself. But as the blade flew toward Mintor, Kiltukh sprang=20 from the edge of the crowd and jumped into the path of the weapon.=20=20 The lirpa plunged into his side instead of into Mintor. Kiltukh=20 fell to the ground, gravely wounded. Horrified, Mintor pulled Kiltukh to his breast, no longer caring if=20 he fell beneath the lirpa or not. But as Zul beheld the bond=20 between the clan brothers, he lost his thirst for Mintor's blood.=20=20 He left the lirpa lying on the ground. `Take him,' he told Mintor,=20 and turned his back and walked away into his camp. Mintor carried his bond-brother off into the desert. He walked=20 until he could walk no more, until the dark and the bitter cold=20 settled all around them. Then he laid Kiltukh upon the ground and=20 carefully covered him with the red cloak of the Kome Yasha.=20=20 Through the long night he held vigil, holding Kiltukh close to him=20 to warm him. `Do not leave me, my brother,' he begged Kiltukh over=20 and over again. But in the coldest hour, close to dawn, Kiltukh's=20 eyes opened. He gazed one last time upon the face of Mintor, and=20 drew his final breath. Mintor fell upon the body, weeping silently=20 in the frigid desert." I hesitated. Suddenly, I regretted that I had chosen this myth: as=20 I recounted the death of Kiltukh, the image of Jim Kirk dying in my=20 arms flashed comet-like across my mind's eye. I had to swallow back=20 the bitter taste that filled my mouth before I was able to speak=20 again. Jim lay quietly with his eyes closed, but I knew that he was=20 not asleep. He was waiting to hear the conclusion of the myth. I=20 shut my own eyes against the sight of his too-still body. Carefully=20 modulating my voice to mask my shameful emotions, I forced myself to=20 continue. "According to the myth, the first fire on Vulcan arose=20 from the all-consuming grief of Mintor, the grief that devoured him=20 upon the loss of Kiltukh and the bond." I risked looking at Jim=20 once more. He was nearly asleep, but not quite. He still=20 listened. I looked down at my hands, and went on. "This is why," I=20 said, "that to this day when one stares into fire, one sees these=20 colors: the yellow and orange of the sands of the Vulcan desert.=20=20 The red of the cloak of the Kome Yasha. The green of Kiltukh's=20 blood. And in the heart of the fire, where the flame burns the=20 hottest, the blue-white of Mintor's tears." "=85The blue-white of Mintor's tears." Jim did not speak this, but he=20 thought it, and I heard it as clearly as if it had come from his=20 lips. He drifted, then, off to sleep. At his request, I came to Jim's quarters every evening after the=20 telling of the myth, as long as he remained confined to bed rest.=20=20 To my relief, he asked for no more stories, but was content to play=20 chess. And I found that I could attend to the game, as long as I=20 did not look too much into his eyes. Indeed, he did not look at me=20 either: he focused his gaze instead upon the board, and kept his=20 thoughts to himself. We played in nearly total silence. There had=20 been other times =96 many other times =96 when we had played for hours=20 with hardly a word, and I had always found those times to be=20 relaxing, even comforting. But since the telling of the myth, I sensed that something had=20 changed. The silence between us was a barrier, not a bond, and I=20 must admit I resented it. Illogical, I know =96 but Jim would have=20 said it "just did not feel right." The quiet was awkward; we were=20 strangely self-conscious in each other's company. I searched my=20 paltry Vulcan arsenal for a way to bridge the gap, but all I could=20 think of to do was to probe gently at Jim's thoughts. To my dismay,=20 I found that he was shielding them from me. I did not know what=20 further action to take, so I waited. I waited for Jim to lower his=20 shields, or to tell me what was on his mind. I waited through the third night, and the fourth. I waited through=20 most of the fifth night, the night before Jim was to return to=20 duty. And finally, as I took his knight with my rook, I found I=20 could no longer wait. "I would know your thoughts," I said, surprising both of us with my=20 directness. And then he looked at me, and I am quite certain that my heart=20 stopped. Humans call the eyes the "window to the soul." I had=20 always thought it a most ridiculously fanciful expression, typical=20 of such an emotional species. But that night, I understood that it=20 is true. I looked into Jim's eyes, directly into his soul=85 and I=20 saw something there that I had never seen before. Something that=20 left me unable to speak, or even to breathe. "What would you do," he asked me slowly, "if something happened to=20 me?" I felt like a small animal in a trap: I froze. "What I mean is," he continued, without releasing me from his=20 gaze, "if I'd been killed during that attack down there =96 what would=20 you have done?" I will confess, here in the privacy of my own thoughts, that I was=20 horrified. If this human had had a sharp knife in his hand and had=20 filleted me with it, he could not have laid me open any more=20 thoroughly, or more excruciatingly. I struggled to regain my=20 composure, to draw breath in, slowly, between my parted lips. "You can't answer that, can you?" he said. "You can't envision=20 existence without me." "No." I do not, even now, know if this denial was in response to=20 his question or an attempt to make him stop. He, of course,=20 interpreted it as an answer to his question. "No," he repeated, and got up from his chair and began to=20 pace. "And you know, when I try to imagine my own life without you=20 in it=85" he turned to face me, with a smile full of so much sadness=20 that my throat tightened, "I see nothing. Nothing but blankness.=20=20 It's kind of the same thing that happens to me when I try to=20 comprehend how vast the universe is: I just can't do it. I'm not=20 made that way." He walked over to my side, looked down at me. I tilted my head to=20 stare up at him; I am certain with an expression made stupid with=20 shock and perhaps a little panic. "Why did you tell me about Kiltukh and Mintor?" he asked, in essence=20 taking the sharp knife and prying me open wider. I tried to rally. "You requested that I tell you a story. I- I=20 wished to help you to rest." "But why that story?" he persisted. Again, I simply could not answer. The silence hung long and heavy=20 between us, a gray dense wall. It was Jim's human courage that=20 finally saved us from the quiet: I saw, in his eyes, the=20 uncertainty, the fear, and finally, the resolve. He took a deep=20 breath and reached out and touched my cheek; caressed it with a=20 gentleness that utterly tore apart my familiar, logical, carefully=20 structured world. Under that touch, so tender and so devastating, I=20 was helpless, and more afraid than I think I have ever been. He=20 must have felt me tremble. For what seemed like forever he looked=20 down on me, with his hand upon my cheek. Then he said, so softly=20 that I had to strain to hear, "Don't get me wrong. It's a beautiful=20 story. But I think the Vulcans have it turned around. Grief is=20 ice. Love is fire." He kissed me on my upturned mouth. There are no words in Standard or in Vulcan, or most probably in any=20 other language, that can describe what that kiss was, how it felt,=20 what it did to me. I can only say that I wished it to last forever,=20 even as I became more and more convinced that it was going to=20 dismantle me, once and for all. I think I kissed him back; I know=20 that when he pulled away, his face was flushed, and even more=20 beautiful than I had ever seen it. My heart was pounding=20 uncontrollably. I had the stray thought that of course it would=20 be: everything else was out of control as well. My heart had=20 merely joined the rest of the universe. Jim fell to his knees. He placed his hand upon my thigh and leaned=20 toward me. "I'm not going to ask," he said a little=20 breathlessly, "if I've ruined everything between us by doing that.=20=20 I know I haven't. I know that we=85 We are like Kiltukh and Mintor,=20 aren't we? Bond-brothers?" "Yes," I whispered. "And=85 lovers. They were lovers, weren't they?" "Yes," I said again. Indeed, the Old High Vulcan version of the=20 myth was not ambiguous about this point; I had chosen what I thought=20 were safer words when I translated it. A small lie, come back to=20 haunt me. Jim nodded. "I was sure of it - it's the only thing that makes=20 sense. That kind of love, and that kind of grief, could only come=20 from two who held nothing back from each other." He fell silent for=20 a moment, studying me, perhaps gathering his courage again. "It's=20 the same kind of love I feel for you. The same kind of grief that=20 would consume me if you were gone from my world." I saw the=20 question in his eyes before he uttered it, and I braced myself=20 because for the hundredth time that night I had no answer=20 available. "Why, then, have we kept this one thing from each=20 other?"=20=20 "This one thing?" I asked, stalling for time to pull my thoughts=20 together. He touched his finger to my lips. "This. This kiss. This touch.=20=20 We've offered each other our minds, our hearts=85 our lives. Why=20 haven't we offered this?"=20=20 Slowly, Jim got to his feet, then reached down and pulled me up as=20 well. I was mesmerized. I was dizzy. I was afraid. And Jim's=20 nearness consumed me as surely as Kiltukh and Mintor's fire: my=20 hard erection pressed into his belly as he pulled me to him in a=20 close embrace. "This is what we are," he murmured, his lips against=20 my neck. "Bond-brothers. Lovers. Itisha-Ana."=20 A low moan came from my throat as I descended upon him and kissed=20 him deeply, hungrily. All through that night, my mouth had been=20 able to offer up no answers to this man, but now it was wise, and=20 sure, and certain. I felt him respond beneath my lips; search with=20 his tongue, open himself to me. I trembled with the power of the=20 utter rightness of the kiss, and felt my fear burn away from me as=20 the fire flared within both of us.=20=20 He pushed me, with his body and his hands and the sheer strength of=20 his will, toward the bed. I felt its frame against the back of my=20 legs and sank onto it gratefully, no longer certain of my ability to=20 stand. He fell upon me instantly, tugging insistently at my boots=20 and then my shirt, fumbling at the closure of my pants, ferreting=20 and pulling and divesting me of garments until I lay before him,=20 panting and exposed. He sat beside me and surveyed me, his gaze as tangible as a=20 touch. "You are so beautiful," he whispered huskily, as he reached=20 out to run his fingers over my chest, across the nipples that were=20 already hard and needy. It was essential, suddenly, to have more of him against my skin. I=20 grabbed blindly at his outstretched hand and at his shoulder; pulled=20 him down to me, groped at his clothing. There was a breathy half- laugh as he assisted me in removing his shirt. I heard his boots=20 fall to the floor, and then both of us suddenly were in each other's=20 way as we hurried to rid him of his pants. He was the more=20 efficient of the two of us: he found the fastening first, undid it=20 swiftly. He arched off the bed for a moment, and kicked, and the=20 pants were gone. He was naked, and in my arms. There cannot be anything in the universe more beautiful than to hold=20 one's t'hy'la the way that I held Jim that night. I remember=20 marveling that none of this seemed new, although until that night I=20 had never kissed him, certainly never had touched the smooth, cool=20 skin of his chest or his thighs. Yet wherever my lips fell or my=20 hands caressed, there was the familiar, the known=85 what was mine,=20 and always had been mine. Jim. My bond-brother. My t'hy'la. My=20 second self. He knew of course, in his own, human way, the truth of all of this.=20=20 He knew that I was his, had always been his, and he claimed me with=20 confident hands, and then=85 Ah! The memory still has the power to=20 make me burn! =85then with his mouth, his lips, his tongue. I had=20 long since discarded any semblance of control: I called out his=20 name as his mouth slid down over my hardness, writhed beneath him as=20 he drew his tongue along my inflamed flesh. His fingers dug into my=20 hips, my buttocks, and I thrust into him fiercely. For a small,=20 bright period of time I knew nothing but his mouth, the curves of=20 his shoulders beneath my hands=85 and my need, expanding within my=20 belly and groin until finally I could contain it no longer. I=20 thrust again, deeply into his throat, and cried out as my seed=20 spilled from me.=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20=20 But he did not release me then; he gave to me, instead, a second=20 pleasure. He kept my softening organ in his mouth, sucked gently at=20 it, and coaxed the last remaining droplets from its tip. And I=20 watched him do this thing to me; torn between the wish to prolong=20 the sensation and the sight of it, and the desire to give him=20 everything he had just given me. "Jim," I finally whispered. He pulled away from me, looked up and smiled.=20=20 I reached down to him. He squirmed up on the bed until his face was=20 even with mine and kissed me. I could taste myself upon his lips; I=20 felt his hardness press against my hip, a reminder that his own=20 desire had gone unquenched thus far. Taking him in my hand, I=20 watched, fascinated, as I read on his face the jolt of pleasure that=20 touch gave him. He ran his hands through my hair as I stroked him=20 slowly.=20=20 I have spent the greater portion of my life studying the various=20 kinds of power that exist in this universe: the power of the atom,=20 of matter and antimatter, of gravity. But at that moment I knew, at=20 last, the power of touch =96 the power that resided in my own two=20 hands. I slid them along Jim's hard length and saw him bite his=20 lip, throw back his head. I squeezed him gently, teased at him with=20 my thumbs and fingers, and heard this man, so strong and always so=20 much in command, whimper helplessly. "All at my touch," I thought=20 in wonder and in gratitude, as I kissed him on his throat, and then=20 on his beautiful lips. Indeed, I tasted him everywhere, unhurriedly exploring the=20 smoothness and the saltiness of his human flesh upon my tongue and=20 the coolness of his skin against my questing lips. I bit gently at=20 one of his nipples, and he arched and trembled; I could feel his=20 swollen cock pulse in my hand and heard him whisper a half- enunciated plea. "Soon," I thought to him, and moved down upon him,=20 deliberately tormenting him with my tongue and my teeth. "Please," he gasped, and I watched, fascinated, as a shiny bead of=20 precum seeped out of the head of his cock. It glimmered enticingly,=20 and I caught the precious fluid quickly on my tongue, unwilling to=20 allow any small part of this man or this moment to escape my=20 senses. His liquid was slippery, salty and sweet; I found suddenly=20 that I must have more of it.=20=20 I took him in my mouth. Tomorrow, this ship might be destroyed - its fragments and Jim's,=20 and mine, scattered out among the stars, dispersed and eventually=20 forgotten. Indeed, the future holds no certainty; in that=20 dimension, probability is the sole comfort of mortal beings such as=20 Jim and me. It is the past where certainty dwells.=20=20 And I count myself a most fortunate man that in my own past, I was=20 given these truths to harbor throughout whatever span is left to=20 me: The sight of Jim's face, flushed and passionate and almost=20 unendurably beautiful. The silken feel of his trembling skin=20 beneath my hand. The musky, human scent of him surrounding me. The=20 taste of his warm essence on my tongue.=20=20 The sound of his voice calling out my name.=20=20 No matter what may come in the uncertain and the frequently cruel=20 future, I shall have no cause for regret, for I possess these=20 truths=85 bestowed upon me by my t'hy'la during that first night and=20 all of the others since.=20=20 I do not, to this day, know how long we slept once we were finally=20 spent and sated. I recall that I awoke to find Jim seemingly still=20 asleep; he lay facing me, with one arm thrown over me as if it were=20 a long established custom of his. I took some time, then, to gaze=20 upon his face, to study the curves of his cheeks and his lips, to=20 marvel at the improbable length of his eyelashes. I granted myself=20 a small, illogical moment to revel in the knowledge that it was my=20 right to look upon him, to lie with him, to touch him. My eyes fell, then, to his chest, to the bandage that covered the=20 wound that had nearly taken him from me. I immediately felt the=20 familiar chill, the pervasive coldness that had not quite been=20 banished the previous night. Carefully, I reached out and touched=20 the area, ever so lightly, with my fingertip.=20=20 His eyes opened immediately: he had not been asleep, after all. "I=20 almost lost you," I whispered to him, by way of explanation.=20=20 He sighed languorously and drew me closer to him. "And I almost=20 never found you," he told me, his lips pressed against my throat. I=20 felt his mouth curve into a smile. "It's a damned good thing=20 that `almost' doesn't count in this life." I pressed my face against the top of his head. The sensation of his=20 hair against my cheek, I found, was surprisingly reassuring, just as=20 reassuring as his embrace. We lay like that for some time,=20 listening to each other's heartbeats and thinking our own thoughts.=20=20 I found that for some reason I began to reflect upon Kiltukh and=20 Mintor.=20=20 Jim's thoughts must also have turned to the myth: he kissed me on=20 the neck and murmured, "Itisha-Ana=85 that's what you and I are, my=20 love." His hand stroked my back in soothing little=20 circles. "Itisha-Ana." There was something about hearing that Vulcan phrase spoken by Jim=20 that caused my throat to tighten and my heart to race. I closed my=20 eyes and held him to me fiercely, answering him with one word only: "T'hy'la." The End ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ASCEM messages are copied to a mailing list. Most recent messages can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCEML. NewMessage: