Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!elnk-atl-nf1!newsfeed.earthlink.net!prodigy.com!atl-c02.usenetserver.com!news.usenetserver.com!feed3.newsreader.com!newsreader.com!yellow.newsread.com!news-toy.newsread.com!netaxs.com!newsread.com!POSTED.monger.newsread.com!not-for-mail Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated Approved: ascem@earthlink.net Organization: Better Living Thru TrekSmut Sender: ascem@earthlink.net Message-ID: From: "Elizabeth Helena" MIME-Version: 1.0 Mailing-List: list ASCEML@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCEML-owner@yahoogroups.com Subject: NEW DS9 "Let the Punishment Fit the Crime" Revenge fic challenge (G, O) PG-13 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Lines: 220 Date: Sat, 04 Sep 2004 12:55:25 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.198.142.218 X-Complaints-To: Abuse Role , We Care X-Trace: monger.newsread.com 1094302525 209.198.142.218 (Sat, 04 Sep 2004 08:55:25 EDT) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sat, 04 Sep 2004 08:55:25 EDT Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated:83477 X-Received-Date: Sat, 04 Sep 2004 06:27:19 PDT (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net) Title: Let the Punishment Fit the Crime Author: Elizabeth Helena Series: DS9 Codes: G, O, challenge response Rating: PG-13 because children should never be subjected to metaphors involving Tain's nipples. Okay, okay, no one should, but this *is* a revenge fic! Warning: The worst torture an anal-retentive writer could imagine, laundry day disasters, a silly Wonder Woman reference, and a very, scary cameo at the end. The kinky fantasies contained in this story do not necessarily reflect the fantasies of the writer. Okay, maybe one or two :-). Spoilers: Other than the delicious - I mean the chilling - TNG "Chain of Command" two-parter, and any DS9 episodes which implied that plain and simple Garak used to work for the Obsidian Order, nope. Summary: Response to Stephen's Revenge Fic Challenge: The Obsidian Dedication: To Lyrastar, whose "The Green Meanie" set the gold standard for all revenge fics. But she's still a bitch ;-). Beta: Adrienne, who I'm totally jealous of because it only took her half an hour to write her entire ENT story, whereas it takes me that long to decide if I should use feeble instead of paltry as an adjective. AND when posting, her damn story formatted correctly the first time. Asceml's pet :-(. Disclaimer: Unlike Lyrastar, Babs, and Birgit's misadventures, this story never happened in canon or reality. Hang on a sec, someone's at my door :-o. Feedback: I can be reached at elizabeth loves her thesaurus @ hotmail.com (no spaces), on the list (no flames), or Obsidian Order headquarters, level 47, cell 69 (no visitors). Archiving: Other than the usual suspects, please let me know by delivering a Hasperat souffle with a file inside to the above address. Yet another quote that is frighteningly true: "Infinite hopes - and fears - may both be yours. Be sure that, whatever else you get, you will not get justice." "Are the gods not just?" "Oh no, child. What would become of us if they were?" C.S. Lewis, "Till We Have Faces: A Myth Retold." Let the Punishment Fit the Crime Elizabeth Helena woke, curled up on a hard, chilly surface. "Where am I?" She mumbled, rubbing her eyes. "Considering how many times you've written, let alone fantasized, about this precise setting, I have difficulty believing that you don't recognize it." Elizabeth sat up and surveyed her dimly lit surroundings. Yes, the overwhelming dimensions of the room were unmistakable, as was the array of bright lights above the lone metal desk. "A Cardassian interrogation chamber," her voice quavered. Elizabeth stared at the very familiar figure seated below the four, she blinked, five lights? "Um, Garak-." "Gul Garak, if you please." He abandoned the desk, and crossed the room until he loomed over her. Damn, Elizabeth thought, why was it that only gay men looked that hot in black leather and spandex? "Gul Garak, why am I here?" "Do you really have to ask? Have you already forgotten writing and posting "A Fate Worse Than Death?" "No! That was Elizabeth Humiliated - check the author line, it wasn't me!" "My dear, must I remind you who you are addressing?" As the Cardassian glared at her, Elizabeth suddenly understood why Dr. Parmak had broken, whimpering: "his eyes, his eyes!" "Yes, I wrote it," she confessed, setting a new Alpha Quadrant record for crumbling like a girly-man. "Not only was it a story of questionable literary merit," Garak resumed, "but it also inspired Sorlak's "Doctor's Doctor," the first of several vignettes that stole the lead from Deep Space Nine on ascem-l." "It's not my fault," Elizabeth snivelled. "It was only a silly Worf/Wes piece for Brigit, I never meant for it to -." "There is also the more immediate issue of what you are wearing. My dear girl, what in the universe convinced you that navy blue and olive green go together?" "The laundry machine broke down and I -." Garak cut her off again, "Do you really believe the Cardassian Union is interested in your feeble excuses?" "Um, no?" She hazarded a guess. "No," he confirmed with a nod. "Does this mean you're going to torture me now?" Visions of being stripped naked and strung up by her wrists by Garak - Gul Garak, no less - made Elizabeth's toes curl. Hell, she reflected, he was gay, but she wasn't! "It would be a terrible waste of the setting if I didn't, wouldn't it?" Garak purred. "Oh yes!" Elizabeth agreed, trying not to drool. "Firstly, I have removed all thesaurus, spell-checking, and grammar capabilities from your lap-top." Garak announced, with a smile as cold as Tain's nipples. "What?!" She cried out, shocked by the Cardassian's statement and the highly disturbing metaphor. "Yes, I believe you named this computer 'Elim' for some perverse reason." He frowned. "It's grey and has ridges." Elizabeth muttered, blushing. "Secondly, all access from this computer to websites with dictionaries or thesauruses has been blocked." Garak smiled as he paused for dramatic effect. "Furthermore, I have confiscated your hard-copy thesaurus." A strangled scream escaped from Elizabeth, "Not my 'Gage Canadian Thesaurus!'" "As in the 'elizabeth loves that particular thesaurus at hotmail.com?' Yes, that thesaurus." Garak smile grew wider as he gleefully continued. "Obsidian Order agents have also seized all of the numerous dictionaries and lexicons from your home. My dear, you really should consider consulting a Counsellor about this obsession of yours. For a suicidal idiot, Ezri can be quite insightful." "Btu, I neede - wat Es happining?" "Oh yes, the coup de grace. From now on, anything you create is going to be riddled with typos, spelling, and grammatical errors." "nooooOooo0ooo1!1!" This was definitely not the kinky torture she'd imagined! At that moment, the doors of the chamber slid open. Elizabeth cringed, fearing the appearance of Tain's cold nipples, but to her relief Odo entered. The Changeling was using his standard humanoid appearance, clad in a Bajoran Security uniform. "Constibble, pleese hlp Me!" "Ah Constable, good of you to come." "Well, these were hardly crimes I could overlook." Odo responded. Elizabeth stared at them both in growing horror. The Changeling removed a padd from inside his golden interior, and cleared his throat. "Elizabeth Helena, by the power vested in me by The Great Link, the Bajoran Government, and Admiral Kathryn 'I'm not a Dominatrix, I just like the feel of leather against my naked skin' Janeway, I'm arresting you on the following charges: willful posting of obscene trek parodies, recklessly jeopardizing Deep Space Nine's inevitable victory, wanton solicitation of trek sluts, inappropriately calling the trek goddess Lyrastar a bitch, gratuitous trek character assassination - ." "Kericter -," Elizabeth shut up, unable to bear the monstrosity of her words. Odo glowered at her. "Do I really need to read the relevant passages from 'A Fate Worse Than Death' and 'Targ Meat?'" Elizabeth whimpered. "I thought not. Finally, you are charged with making unwarranted assertions that I enjoy whipping naked Cardassians. With your permission, Garak, I will take the prisoner away." The Cardassian bowed his head. "Please, her outfit is beginning to give me a headache." A glimmer of hope arose in Elizabeth, for all fantasies aside, this manifestation of Garak was much too scary for her. However, she reflected, Odo was renowned throughout the quadrant as justice personified. Surely, she would be safer with him. "This will just take a moment." One of Odo's arms mutated into a golden lasso and dragged a slender, male human wearing a Starfleet uniform into the chamber. A locked Federation restraint cuff dangled from one of the young man's wrists. "I didn't have time to pick up supplies after arresting the Traveller Wesley Crusher for the crimes of gratuitous cameos, whining at Warp 9 in a designated Warp 5 corridor, and illegally enhanced eyelashes." The Changeling explained. As Odo hand-cuffed Elizabeth to Wesley, the young man grinned. "Hey, don't I know you?" Wailing, Elizabeth Helena was led off to a fate that was truly worse than death. - the end - ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ASCEM messages are copied to a mailing list. Most recent messages can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCEML. NewMessage: