Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!elnk-atl-nf1!newsfeed.earthlink.net!newshosting.com!nx01.iad01.newshosting.com!yellow.newsread.com!news-toy.newsread.com!netaxs.com!newsread.com!POSTED.newshog.newsread.com!not-for-mail Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated Approved: ascem@earthlink.net Organization: Better Living Thru TrekSmut Sender: ascem@earthlink.net Message-ID: From: "Layla V." MIME-Version: 1.0 Mailing-List: list ASCEML@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCEML-owner@yahoogroups.com Subject: NEW VOY "Absolute Power" Chap 6a 13/21 (C/P, J, AU) [NC-17] Content-Type: text/plain Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Lines: 603 Date: Tue, 10 Aug 2004 12:55:31 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.198.142.218 X-Complaints-To: Abuse Role , We Care X-Trace: newshog.newsread.com 1092142531 209.198.142.218 (Tue, 10 Aug 2004 08:55:31 EDT) NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 10 Aug 2004 08:55:31 EDT Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated:82612 X-Received-Date: Tue, 10 Aug 2004 05:55:35 PDT (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net) TITLE: "Absolute Power" Chapter 6a (July 2004) AUTHOR: Layla V CONTACT: v_layla@hotmail.com WEBSITE: http://www.geocities.com/laylatrek ARCHIVING: Personal website, CPSG, Cha_Club, ASCEML SERIES: Star Trek Voyager RATING: NC-17 for violence, sex and language PART: 13 of 21 CODES: C/P, J/m, P/T implied, All Voyager characters, AU, Angst, H/c, OCC SUMMARY: Voyager's encounter with an intergalactic STORY NOTES: Evil!Janeway alert. See Part 1 of 21 for the details. DISCLAIMER: All characters, other than the original ones created by me, are owned by Paramount. I am merely playing. No copyright infringement is intended. NOTES: Thank you, Britta, for your clearheaded suggestions CHAPTER 6a "Demented" **48 hours later, afternoon** Kathryn Janeway was incensed. She knew Kel'kar'vheel had lied to her. The minute the away team was located and brought back to the ship, she'd known something had gone severely wrong. And all it had taken was those few moments she'd chosen to go and check on their status in the Sickbay when he'd decided to disappear behind her back. That filthy back-stabbing coward, her nostrils flared. Her fury had erupted in full force after that as she'd thrown out all the Zokaa'rian personnel present on Voyager. No one could question the cause of that anger. It was more than justified. After all, prior to the away team's location, the Voyager crew had been treated like criminals themselves--a fact Kathryn had relentlessly begged the local authorities to change and fought with the Guard Patrol to show forbearance for. But now that Chakotay and Tom were back on board, it had been plainly made clear that they had all been grossly mistreated. The Sovereignty was fittingly mortified at how they had dealt with her crew. However, now the only answer she was getting from the Kel'zian diplomatic channels was that His Excellency was busy conferring with the Zokaa'rian High Council on the status of the Voyager dilemma. The Zokaa'rian High Council be damned, she snarled as her grip on the coffee mug tightened. She could not believe how mad she was, how much this situation upset her. How many times was she going to come across men who would cross her, disobey her and disregard her position just because they had failed to realize the power in her disposition? Her teeth gritted, and she felt the mug shake in her hand. *How many times?* But she knew what hurt worse, what made her even more infuriated. It was facing the profaned depravation of infidelity from the one she'd trusted more than anyone else--the one who'd promised to share her burden and vowed to stand by her side till the end of times. That betrayal was like being slapped in the face. That lie made her want to smash the face that had dared give her this ultimate deception. Chakotay. She felt her breath catch in her throat, as the pain and anger sank into her senses. How could he break the confidence they had forged together while crossing all those intimate lines in the privacy of their quarters? How dare he cheat on her, go behind her back? How dare he even touch another person without her permission? She felt sickened--disgusted beyond belief. How many times would she cross paths with heretics who would dispute the magnificence she was born to lead with? HOW MANY TIMES!?! With a screeching shout, Kathryn yanked back her arm and with full force threw the glass mug at the far wall of her quarters--watching as it smashed into smithereens. Broken. Just like her heart. Jagged and prickly, shards of glass. Her heart thudding loud, she tried to bring her breathing under control. Dammit, she had to get a grip on herself. She had to look at things rationally. Hadn't the Doctor said it was the drugs that had made Chakotay act the way he had? That mélange of wayward alien microscopic toxins, which had given Chakotay and Tom's nervous systems a blow unlike any they'd ever known before. It was clear that what he'd done with Tom had only been influenced by drugs and hadn't meant ANYTHING. He'd just been out of his mind. That's all. Why else would he choose to have sex with *Tom*? She snorted. Of all the people to choose: Tom Paris. Tom was someone Chakotay couldn't even stand. She'd made sure of that. What had he called Tom to her? Her pet reclamation project? He hated Tom. He detested him. And Tom detested *him*. These two couldn't even stand to be in the same room together. And they'd had sex in that alien prison? Kathryn's eyes narrowed as she analyzed the data at her disposal. Yes, she had to think things clearly. It had been two days since the away team had returned to Voyager. Both Chakotay and Tom had been released from Sickbay the previous night. She had had enough time at her disposal to figure out a way to approach her line of questioning. Besides, this wasn't the first time she'd faced a betrayal from someone she'd trusted. The last time she'd come across a similar situation, facing treachery at the hands of those she'd entrusted with her deepest beliefs, she'd taken payback with interest. And then some more. Kathryn Janeway smiled. Yes, she knew exactly which way to go now. When faced with a particularly complex deception, there were really only two options. Make the person admit their guilt. Or make them pay with blood. # # **Evening** His thoughts running in an endless tortuous loop, Chakotay sat on the floor of his living room, his head in his hands, his back against the couch, his mind lost in commotion. From his reaction to Tom's outburst on their first night in the Xaoln prison to Tom's arrival in the second cell to save him two nights later, every word he'd spoken, every touch he'd felt, every breath he'd taken seemed entrenched, engraved, and encased within his soul. Even though his body still cringed at the fleeting memories of the Xaoln violation of his mind, foremost on his mind was the feeling of that sudden and complete safety that Tom's touch had evoked in him. His gentle exploring hands, his shouted desperate pleas, his softly voiced entreaties--all of them filled Chakotay's senses with a tingle unlike any he'd ever felt in his life. Pain and love and agony and hope and doubts crashed into him from all sides like a serrated mesh of bewilderment--his thoughts wrangling and twisting at the disarray they found him in. It was the drugs, the Doctor had said. The alien toxins were responsible, nothing more, he'd said. They should soon be back to normal, he'd assured. Such vicious jokes life played with you sometimes, Chakotay bit his lips. He had been a fool for many people in his life and he couldn't believe he was going to have to live this lie as well. No matter how much he didn't want to believe what the Doctor was saying, how could he dispute the evidence? The medical scans said it clearly. What they had gone through had been the physiological response of the intoxicants they'd found themselves subjected to. Nothing more. Tom had only done what he had because he was driven by guilt for what he'd said to him earlier. Chakotay had told Tom that he didn't owe him anything, but Tom had disagreed. He was sorry for what he'd said and that misplaced sense of culpability had forced him to do what he had. The only reason he'd had sex with Chakotay was because he'd thought he'd mistreated him and he wanted to make things better. But then Chakotay *had* such a large hand in placing all that blame on Tom in the first place, didn't he? His lips caught between his teeth, Chakotay found himself agonizing over the damning things he'd said to Tom in their first conversation. God, he gritted his teeth, how could he have placed the whole damn mess on Tom's head like that? How could he have censured Tom for never coming to him to clear the air, when he himself had never sat down to talk to him? Instead of ignoring the younger man's ravings like the drunken drivel that they actually were, he'd lashed back at him with all his anger, heaping up all those accusations that were nothing more than his immature reaction to what was clearly an insecurity issue on Tom's part. All those things he'd said, dammit, how could he have misjudged things so badly? Tom had been hurt, he'd been drugged, he'd certainly not been in his senses, and all Chakotay had thought of was how Tom's frenzied condemnations had dug up old wounds that simply had never had the chance to heal properly? Spirits, it wasn't Tom's fault that Janeway hadn't trusted him during the Jonas incident. Why the hell did he say all that to Tom then? What purpose did it serve? Tom had been in shock, for God's sake, he probably didn't even know what bullshit he was spewing. What other proof could Chakotay want of Tom's loyalty towards him? Tom had showed up in that filthy cell swarming with the Xaolns to save *his* ass. Tom had given him his body, had made love to him. So wrong, Chakotay groaned, he'd been so wrong. He felt his frown deepen. Was it just guilt? Or was there something more? What message had those blue eyes been giving him when they'd locked with his own in Sickbay when he'd woken up? Not a word had been spoken between them but then perhaps none had been needed. Perhaps, Tom was feeling as confused by the turn of events as Chakotay himself was. Perhaps it was just the proof of a physical touch--those warm fingers in Chakotay's hair--which Tom had needed to assure himself that all was well in the universe. Chakotay shook his head to clear the chaos building inside. He just couldn't understand why mere guilt would make Tom go to such lengths to make up with him? Could he possibly be wrong about Tom's reasons for doing what he had? He had been wrong about Tom before. Was it possible that Tom had risked his own well being for Chakotay because there was more going on than he saw right now? Spirits, could he dare to place his trust in those hands again? Like a gust of fresh, scented air, flowing down a hill on a riverside, that crazy hope filled Chakotay's every breath, every pore--electrifying every nerve ending. He raised his head and stared at the closed doors of his quarters. No. He was not going to disregard what Tom had shared with him simply because it was safer territory to retreat into. He was going to find out what was going on in Tom's head. He was going to talk to Tom. *Now*. # # B'Elanna Torres watched Tom's eyes drop from their scrutiny of the star view outside his window, and turn to her. The blue depths were shimmering with an emotion she'd never seen on his face before--something solemn, something almost earnest, and unlike anything she was used to dealing with when in his presence. Tom Paris had always been a playful guy. He liked laughing at people, loved poking fun at himself, and took constant delight in joking around with everyone and everything on Voyager. As far as she knew Tom Paris didn't do earnest very well. But then, with Tom she'd never faced a situation quite as... profound as the one she was facing now. It was a situation of outright dishevelment. This had the potential of changing everything in her life. "I didn't mean to do this behind your back, B'Elanna." The words were said quietly but B'Elanna felt as if they filled all her senses, inundated her whole being. For a moment it was as if there was no other sound left in the whole universe. Just these ten words, thrown out in the open: this all-encompassing, life-altering dilemma. Who was she really kidding? Could she lie to Tom and put the blame on him? Could she lie to herself and ignore the past three weeks? Could she lie to-- She stopped the mental barrage, her breath suddenly catching in her throat. Oh no, not right now, she couldn't go *there* right now. She looked at Tom. "You didn't." She swallowed. "You didn't break up with ME, Tom." His face was contorted with anguish. "But that's it, isn't it? I hadn't broken up with you and yet..." She stared into his eyes. "Yet what?" Was he going to blame this whole mess on himself after all? "You didn't have a choice, did you?" "And yet..." His face was flushed pink as he stared deep into her eyes, his blue eyes suddenly clear, not a shadow of doubt clouding them. "I fell for him, head over heels." For a moment, she felt lost in his gaze. Love? This was about *love*? She found herself at a loss for words. It suddenly occurred to her that his anguish was because of what he was feeling for... him. If this was love, then Tom's love *was* anguish. She had never known love to be painful. What she'd had with Tom had never been painful. It had been fun, joyous, mostly convenient, at times irritating, and recently an annoyance. It had never made her feel agonized, anguished, or heart-wrenched. Even the discomfort she was feeling right now was not because of what he'd done, but because of whom he had done it with. B'Elanna shook her head--Kahless, could she get any more clichéd than that? And did she even have the right to question what he'd done? After all, she knew the shit they had gone through down there. It wasn't like they had had a choice. It had been such a close fucking call. But her discomfort was private, untouched by anyone. Even unnoticed by the man she had come to break up with. "One minute we were yelling at each other." Tom was in his own world, pacing his living room, wringing his hands. "I was digging up every filthy dirty argument and misunderstanding from our past to stack up as accusations against him..." His voice was hoarse, his breath short. "And the next minute... he was there and he was hurt." Tom stopped and turned to look at her, grimacing. "And I knew I had wronged him, terribly, perhaps irreparably, and I had to do something, anything, to save him, to help him..." B'Elanna felt her throat get tight. "Tom..." "Because I knew he would've done the same for me." Tom's eyes shone with moisture. "In fact he got in worse trouble because the idiot thought he was trying to save me." Tom gritted his teeth. "Even after all that I'd said to him, all that I'd done to him, he was trying to save ME." Tom's voice was pure disbelief. But B'Elanna could relate to it one hundred percent. She knew the man very well. "Sounds like Chakotay," she said, and she suddenly realized that she could say his name after all without folding in on herself. She could even say it with the same glimmer of love and loyalty she always associated with him in her heart. "He really got hurt, B'El." Tom stared at her. "They hurt him, and they wanted to hurt him even worse." She knew that. She's read the reports. "But you stopped them," she told him, her voice firm. "You helped him." She also knew if she didn't stop this damn guilt routine right now, Tom would literally drown in self-recrimination. He was that kind of a guy too. "What are you going to do?" she asked him, when he didn't reply. "I am..." he leaned back against the wall, his lower lip caught between his teeth, his brow furrowed. "I want to..." he lowered his eyes for a moment and then brought them up to look at her. "I want to make it work, B'Elanna. I want to tell him everything, tell him how I really feel." He closed his eyes for a second and breathed hard. "God, I love him." So he could say the word for Chakotay far easier than he ever said anything for her. Hell, he'd *never* said it to her, period. She fought hard to keep her face calm. She was damned if she was going to let stupid hopeless thoughts of 'what-ifs' make this situation any worse for any of them. "Can you believe this?" He was looking into her eyes now, his expression awed. "I love Chakotay. I didn't mean to fall in love with him, didn't know I was capable of something like this, but I am, God I am." He was admitting that he'd thought he could never fall in love. Not with her, that is. At least he was being honest, unlike her--B'Elanna felt a bitter laugh gurgling in her throat and swiftly swallowed it. "You never expect to fall in love, Tom," she said plainly, telling him the truth. "It just happens." But there was something in his eyes. A quiet simmering realization that he knew what she was feeling. "I never wanted to hurt you, B'Elanna," he said. "You didn't, you idiot." She snorted, suddenly wanting to dispel any notion that she was wronged in anyway. "I dumped YOU first, remember?" Still Tom looked at her as if he knew what she was thinking. His eyes probed hers a long moment, that knowing look stamped on his face, and then slowly, quietly he nodded. B'Elanna watched a strange uncertainly replace the sureness in his eyes. "What's bothering you?" she asked. Tom shook his head, swallowed, raised his hand to run it through his hair, and then sighed. "I don't think... he trusts me yet." She frowned. "What are you talking about?" "I mean..." He took a deep breath and looked at her. "He trusted me with his body but he doesn't trust me with his heart yet." That hint of guilt again as his lips pressed together. "And how can I blame him? I hurt him so much, I was such a jerk." "But you went back for him after that, didn't you?" B'Elanna said. "He knows you came for him." "He doesn't trust me, B'Elanna," Tom insisted, his brow wrinkled. "Not with his heart." "Well, you won't find out for sure until you speak with him, will you?" she stared at him, her voice insistent, urging. And that was the ultimate test, wasn't it? Was Tom going to treat Chakotay with the same indifference that she'd treated Tom with or was he going to pursue the man with all his heart? Would he back off and hide at the first sign of trouble or would he take the risk? The door chime took them out of their thoughts, hers bordering on exasperation, his undoubtedly troubled--and with a staggering sigh, Tom straightened his stance, turned towards the entrance and called out, "Come." The door opened to reveal the object of their conversation: Chakotay. B'Elanna felt her eyes widen at the sight of the man, standing there, his hands pressed to his sides. This was the first time she'd seen him since he'd been released from Sickbay. Her eyes searched his face, his posture, for any signs of distress, any hints of pain or lingering illness. He looked exhausted, his face pale. She felt her heart turn in her chest. "Chak..." Tom looked equally stunned to see him there. Chakotay's mouth opened as if he wanted to say something, and then his gaze fell on B'Elanna, and in that one moment, she caught a glimpse of the bedlam within his soul. His startled eyes suddenly filled with a strange array of emotions--sorrow, guilt, hope, despair--and she watched him physically attempt to calm his appearance, to smooth out his expression. His mouth worked for a moment, and then his eyes turned to Tom again. "I... I am sorry, Tom..." he said, his dark eyes darting to her face for a second, "B'Elanna, I didn't mean to disturb you two. I just..." His brow wrinkled for a moment and then smoothed out as he swallowed. "Please excuse me." "No, wait," Tom called out, his voice urgent, as he took a step forward. "Chak..." "No," Chakotay staggered back, his hands in front of him, as if he wanted to stop Tom from coming any closer. "Please..." His body language screamed desperation. "Not now. I'll talk to you later, Tom, later." And then with one more look in her direction, he turned around and was gone. The door swished shut behind him. "Chak!" Tom cried out at the closed door, taking one more step, and then swung around, his hands balled into fists. "DAMMIT," he cried. "Tom..." B'Elanna sighed. "What did I tell you, B'El?" He groaned. "He does NOT trust me." "Would you shut the hell up?" she growled and huffed when he looked up at her with startled eyes. "Look," she said, "he was just spooked to see me here, okay? Give him a little time to settle down and then go after him, clear everything up with him. It's simple." Tom snorted. "Easier said than done." "Love isn't supposed to be *easy*, Tom." She gritted her teeth, ignoring the bitterness she felt at saying the words. "It's *your* call. You said you want to make it work." Her eyes locked with his blue ones. "Well, news flash, flyboy: you have to WORK in order to make it work." # # Chakotay found himself in Observation Lounge three, Deck 6. How conveniently he had forgotten B'Elanna, he thought, shaking his head in disbelief. His thoughts in turmoil, he felt a dull throbbing pain begin in his temples. His mind had focused solely on Tom, converged entirely on what he wanted to resolve with the younger man, and like a selfish bastard, he'd completely blanked out B'Elanna from the equation. So what if he'd known ages ago that she'd wanted to break things off with Tom? So what if she'd even come to *him* to discuss the situation two weeks ago? He was more than just a commander to her, more than just a fellow Maquis. He was family. She was like a sister. She always discussed things with him, always asked his opinion on matters most important to her. Tom had been one such matter. She had come to Chakotay to sort out her jumbled feelings about Tom. He'd even asked her to try, Chakotay snorted, to give Tom another chance. But she had said she couldn't lie to Tom anymore, couldn't keep him or herself hanging on that thread any longer. He knew her well enough to know when she had made up her mind. He had realized then that Tom and B'Elanna were over. And thus, with that knowledge safe in his heart, he had utterly put that matter out of his conscious mind. Even when Tom had brought it up their first night in the prison, he'd declined to talk about it because he felt it was an issue which only B'Elanna and Tom should discuss. He was just a counselor, a mentor to her. He could listen to her rants but he could not discuss them with anyone else. Not even with Tom. Especially not with Tom. But like an idiot, he had also completely disregarded the possibility of her discontent with what he and Tom had gone through down there. How could he have ignored that? Spirits, she had obviously not broken off with Tom before they'd gone down to Kel'nohr. They had issues to resolve, things to clear up. Had she changed her mind about Tom? He reached the viewport and stared out at the station. What was Tom thinking about right now? Chakotay's brow wrinkled. What was going to happen? He leaned against the window, his elbow pressed to the pane, and tried to calm his jangling nerves. # # Continued in Chap 6b _________________________________________________________________ Add photos to your messages with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*. http://join.msn.com/?page=features/featuredemail ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ASCEM messages are copied to a mailing list. Most recent messages can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCEML. NewMessage: