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Subject: NEW VOY: Risky Business, 1/1 [PG-13] P/T, C/T
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RISKY BUSINESS

Title: Risky Business, 1/1
Author: Jaye (Copyright July 2004)
Codes: VOY P/T, C/T PG-13

Disclaimer: Star Trek and all related characters and concepts are the
property of Paramount. No infringement is intended or profit made.
This is PG-13 for adult themes and language. If you aren't interested
(or aren't old enough), don't read it.

Archive: Not without permission, so please ask first. Please keep the
text (especially the disclaimer) intact. Okay for Die J/C Die Contest,
ChakotayFest, Trekiverse, and the C/T Archive.

Feedback: Yes, please, especially suggestions for improvement. E-mail
is reader8901@fastmail.fm

Summary: Unveiled secrets also reveal some hard truths about Tom and
Note: Set before the last scene of "Extreme Risk". Refers to events in
"Day of Honor", "Unity", "Scientific Method", "Vis a Vis", and
"Hunters". Written for the 2004 Die J/C Die Contest.

***************

This wasn't the first time Tom had braced himself to meet the business
end of Chakotay's fist: there was that first clash on Voyager's
bridge, any number of occasions when Tom's shenanigans had crossed the
line, when he'd played Chakotay for a fool per the captain's orders,
and then added insult to injury on his own initiative with a
half-assed apology on Neelix's show.

But this was the only instance when Tom had the feeling the Big Man
might actually hit him.

"I don't know what to tell you, Chakotay," Tom said, his hands open in
supplication. "She seemed fine whenever I was with her."

"But isn't that the point, Tom?" Chakotay's scowl deepened as he
stalked through Tom's quarters. Though his movements and tone were
controlled, he radiated a palpable anger that practically shimmered in
the air around him. "Just how much time have you been spending with
B'Elanna the last few months?"

Tom instinctively tensed, swallowing nervously as the older man
stopped in front of him. Intense brown eyes decimated all
prevarications and smart remarks Tom might have mustered in defense.
He shook his head, dropping his gaze as guilt tore at him. "Obviously,
not enough."

Chakotay's expression hardened. He took a step closer, and his voice
dropped to a growl. "You got that right."

Tom could feel the hairs rising on the back of his neck, a primal
warning of danger. He had the height advantage here, but Chakotay
seemed to be making up for the lack of a few centimeters with a couple
of extra kilos of menace. Tom played it safe and stayed silent.

"I never spoke one word against B'Elanna getting involved with you,"
Chakotay said, struggling to keep his voice level, to keep control of
his temper. And it *was* a struggle; what he really wanted to do was
punch Tom Paris's lights out, pound the careless, neglectful bastard
into the deck. "You had changed enough from Maquis days that she found
you worthy of her love, and as her friend I respected that decision.
But to now find out you've been ignoring her in favor of stupid games
on that damn holodeck..."

Tom took a hasty step back as the older man's fingers clenched into
fists once more. Now his back was to the wall---literally. "I didn't
know things had gotten so bad."

"And just when do you think you might have noticed?" Chakotay snarled,
getting in the younger man's face. "When her corpse was lying on the
holodeck, her neck snapped because she was parachuting into a planet's
atmosphere with the safeties off? When she was too tired or too
depressed to fix the hull breaches on your precious Delta Flyer and
everyone aboard learned what it's like to suck vacuum?"

Stung, Tom went on the offensive, shoving his accuser hard away from
him. "What about you, Chakotay? You're her best friend. Where were you
when all this was going down?"

"Giving her time and space to be with *her lover*," Chakotay snapped,
not yielding a micron. "Every time I would try to suggest doing
something together, she already had plans with you. At least, that's
what she told me."

He paused. "I didn't have any reason to suspect she was lying to me.
And I expected that you *would* be spending time together. That
B'Elanna would be your top priority. That you would have been there to
see she wasn't herself. That you would have popped into the holodeck
once in a while to find out what she was up to. You know, I actually
expected that for once in your life you'd put somebody else first, you
would think of *your lover* instead of letting her risk her life with
stupid, dangerous stunts that could have killed her---"

Chakotay's voice dropped, words strangling in his throat. "I entrusted
her to you." Chakotay hastily turned away to walk to the viewport.
"But you couldn't be bothered. And when I think how close we came to
losing her..."

Tom fell back against the bulkhead once more, mind working furiously.
The flash of agony he'd seen in those dark eyes was a revelation.
Observations from the past were re-evaluated, re-catalogued, his
perspective shifting as understanding dawned. "You love B'Elanna."

Chakotay froze, panicked for an instant. Then he forced himself to
relax, glancing over his shoulder, his retort dripping with sarcasm.
"*Of course* I love B'Elanna. We've known each other for years."

But Tom wouldn't be swayed. "You're in love with her."

Chakotay spun away to stare at his reflection in the viewport, silent.
He wasn't sure how to answer Tom's insistence. His automatic denial
was held at bay by a greater need.

To acknowledge an intrinsic part of his very being, a fundamental truth.

"Yes." Chakotay turned back, chin lifted defensively, gauging the
response to his admission. "I've loved her for a long time. I hoped
she would be...my lover, my wife, my match, my mate."

Tom shook his head, bewildered despite his stumbling discovery of
Chakotay's secret. "I thought---we all thought you were still waiting
for the captain."

Chakotay's brows rose. "Waiting for what? We had our chance to be more
than friends on New Earth; nothing came of it." He shrugged. "Maybe if
you hadn't come back for us, we would have become lovers as well as
companions. There was a foundation to build on: serving Kathryn and
Voyager's crew---that, they brought me peace."

His expression turned wry. "But peace is not passion. Kathryn has
never stirred my blood, my mind, my heart, my desire---or even my
temper---like one fiery half-Klingon from the moment I saw her."

Tom moved away from the wall. His mind was still buzzing in shock, but
the need to know overrode all distractions. "Then why didn't you say
anything?"

"When B'Elanna and I first met, I'd just broken up with Seska,"
Chakotay explained with a shrug. "I wasn't ready to risk another
relationship with a member of my crew. You know how it is: once
burned, twice shy. Plus I had to be sure that B'Elanna was really
interested in me."

Tom snorted. "What, you thought she might fake it just to get into the
captain's bed?"

"No, but I had saved her life, and her perceptions might have been
colored by gratitude." Chakotay shrugged again, the gesture revealing
a touch of embarrassment at his insecurity.

After a beat he continued, "There was never any time to explore the
possibilities in the Alpha Quadrant. And when we got tossed out here,
B'Elanna had a lot on her plate when she was named Chief Engineer. I
didn't want to make life even more complicated for her. I figured that
the right moment would present itself later on...but before I knew it
years had passed, and I was too late."

Tom was surprised to see Chakotay's eyes on him again, the anger gone,
replaced by wistfulness, and a kind of muted sorrow that spoke of what
might have been.

Chakotay's smile was resigned. "B'Elanna chose *you*, Tom. Twice. When
she was infected with the blood fever, and again on her day of honor.
It's pretty obvious that if at some point I even *had* a chance, it's
long gone."

Tom stayed silent as he watched the older man move toward the exit.

Chakotay triggered the door, but paused in the opening, his gaze
resting on Tom once more. "You are a very lucky man, Tom Paris. Never
forget it."

***************

Tom knew he'd never again forget the responsibilities that came with
the privilege of being in a relationship.

But right now, there were other things he was starting to remember.
And he wasn't sure he liked the direction his thoughts were taking.

Chakotay was right---B'Elanna *had* chosen Tom. But Tom was beginning
to wonder what in fact she was choosing.

The blood fever that had raged in both Vorik and B'Elanna had been a
primal thing, reverting the civilized Starfleet officers to the
mindset of their forebears, primitive savages filled with the need to
mate.

But was there more to it?

Tom wondered if B'Elanna recognized the *other*, untalked-about
imperative that had been driving her that day: the urge to dominate.

Klingons were aggression personified. Relationships were as fierce a
conflict as any on the battlefield. And while the modern incarnation
of the warrior race valued honor, seeking worthy opponents rather than
sure victory, Tom doubted the preference was encoded in their genes.

So that day on the planet, did B'Elanna choose him over Vorik, Tuvok
and Chakotay because Tom was the worthiest mate---or the easiest conquest?

There was no way of knowing, and Tom was honest enough to admit he
wasn't sure he wanted an answer. Especially now that he was
remembering the way B'Elanna would gaze at Chakotay in the early days
aboard Voyager. Hungry. And hopeless. But eventually those longing
looks had disappeared, and Tom figured she had moved on.

Which brought him to the second time B'Elanna had chosen Tom, by
declaring her love the moment they were about to die.

It was the *only* time she'd ever actually said it. Possibly because
Tom had never confirmed his own feelings for her.

He couldn't bring himself to speak the words, for reasons he refused
to examine. As time passed it became easier to ignore the deeper
emotions that were part and parcel of most relationships. He let the
holodeck and Delta Flyer distract him from the knowledge that he and
B'Elanna weren't all that close. That they should, but maybe weren't,
joined by more than just sex.

But there wasn't even all that much sex anymore. Their passions had
cooled three weeks after the Srivani stopped experimenting on
Voyager's crew, to be exact.

Which made Tom wonder if the aliens' manipulation of their hormone
levels had more to do with his and B'Elanna's coming together---in
both senses of the phrase---than the participants themselves.

And that brought Tom rather uncomfortably to the realization that
again, B'Elanna didn't actually *choose* him until her brain chemistry
had been messed with by forces beyond her control.

He pushed to his feet with a sound of exasperation, moving to the
viewport.

Did any of this soul-searching really matter? After all, the plain
fact was that B'Elanna and he were lovers.

But staring out at the stars, Tom couldn't help wondering if they were
truly in love.

***************

B'Elanna paced her quarters, wondering if the agitation twitching
along her nerves was better than the leaden depression that had
weighed upon her since Voyager received word of the destruction of the
Maquis.

Honestly, she wasn't sure *how* she felt, now that she was actually
experiencing emotions again. Embarrassed, definitely, that she'd been
caught taking foolish risks in an attempt to counteract the numbness
that had deadened her for months. Grateful, that Chakotay had finally
jolted her back to life, and trusted her enough to give her a chance
to redeem herself on the Delta Flyer.

She quickly wrenched her thoughts from her best friend and former
captain. She'd learned long ago not to read too much into the
expressions in his dark eyes. That path only led to heartache, and at
the moment she just couldn't handle it.

Besides, wasn't she involved with Tom now? B'Elanna frowned and
stopped in the middle of the room. Was she?

It seemed like another lifetime. As if a different person had made
that deathbed declaration of love.

There *was* some truth to that assessment. Back then, she'd been
overwhelmed by the need to connect, a desperate urge compounded by the
futility she'd felt after reviewing the emptiness of her life on the
day of honor.

The adrenaline kick of imminent death and lack of oxygen hadn't hurt
either in lowering her inhibitions. So she'd told Tom she loved him.

He never responded, which meant he either couldn't say he felt the
same...or truly didn't.

But she slept with him anyway. As often as possible. They had been
joined at the genitals, to put it bluntly.

For a while, at least. After the Srivani stopped the experiments that
had Tom and her high on hormones, however, their libidos had taken a
nosedive.

That was when she and Tom started drifting apart. Apparently there
hadn't been much else holding them together---the love she'd claimed
to have for him certainly didn't do the job.

Looking back, B'Elanna could see the chasm between them, the distance
growing ever greater after their encounter with the Hirogen array. Tom
started amusing himself with other people and other pursuits, while
B'Elanna spent time alone playing more and more dangerous holodeck
games...

She wasn't even angry that Tom hadn't noticed anything was wrong until
it was almost too late.

After all, when had he actually seen her? Nearly every time she told
Chakotay she couldn't get together with him because she had plans with
Tom had been a lie. The sad fact was, she'd had more of a romance with
the alien impersonating Voyager's helmsman than she ever did with Tom
himself.

The situation had to change, that much was clear. But B'Elanna wasn't
sure what to do about it.

The chime broke into her thoughts. "Enter," she called, curious to
learn who was checking up on her.

Tom sauntered in, trying to project his usual Flyboy confidence.
"B'Elanna, we have to talk." He wondered if he looked as wary as his
lover did as she led them to her couch.

B'Elanna got straight down to business. "Look, Tom, if this is about
the stuff on the holodeck---"

"---It isn't."

She stopped, startled, and simply waited for him to speak. He was
staring down at his lap, where his fingers nervously twisted around
each other. B'Elanna knew that whatever he was here to say, it wasn't
going to be easy. She involuntarily tensed, unsure if she was ready
for a heart-to-heart chat so soon after being reminded she actually
*had* a heart.

"B'Elanna," Tom began, then stopped, dreading the next few minutes. He
snorted to himself, thinking that he really wasn't built for big
melodramatic scenes. Taking a deep breath, he raised his head to gaze
into the eyes of a woman he wondered if he ever really knew.
"B'Elanna, did you settle for me?"

For a moment, panicked denials quivered on B'Elanna's lips. Her first
instinct was to hold her hands to her mouth, to hide the horrified
gasp at knowing that somehow Tom had uncovered her secret. Second was
to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him into oblivion,
knee-jerk determination to hold on to her man. Third was to grab him
by the shoulders and shake some sense into him for *daring* to
question her commitment to the relationship, especially since *he'd*
never bothered to make any declaration at all.

But she didn't do anything except sit silently for at least thirty
seconds, until Tom was fidgeting again. Then she dodged. "Settle? I'm
not sure what you mean."

Tom was sure that was a lie. He'd easily read the "oh, shit" look in
his lover's eyes, more emotion than she'd shown in months. He was torn
between relief that B'Elanna was at least slightly recovered from her
funk and anxiety about her answer. "Come on, B'Elanna, it's an easy
question: did you choose me, or did you settle for me when you thought
you couldn't have the man you really wanted?"

B'Elanna quickly decided the best defense was a good offense. "What
makes you think I didn't choose you because I wanted you, I loved
you?" Her eyes narrowed, searching his face. "Just spit it out:
*you're* the one having second thoughts about this relationship."

"Isn't it natural?" Tom snapped as he shot to his feet. "I find out my
girlfriend---who couldn't tell an alien was impersonating me even
after taking him to bed, by the way---has turned into a thrill-seeking
zombie while I wasn't looking. Now I'm getting dumped on for not being
a good partner while my *better half* is the one who's been in
emotional lockdown for months."

She egged him on with, "Look, I'm sorry my depression has been such an
inconvenience for you."

He glared at her taunt as he continued to pace. "But does anybody
point out that it takes two to tango and you weren't even bothering to
show up to the dance? No, of course not. *You* may need to get your
head screwed on straight, but *I'm* the one who screwed up,
apparently. So why jump all over me if I'm not sure I want another
ticket on this guilt trip of a---"

He stopped, sick confirmation twisting his guts. "Shit, I *am* right.
You picked me because I'm way too easy to manipulate." He sank back
into his seat, suddenly weary. "You can throw me off-track without
even trying. If the Doc hadn't found out about your injuries, you'd
still be halfway to killing yourself."

B'Elanna was all set to deny it, but the sadness in his eyes demanded
the truth. "Maybe, Tom. But I never really made a conscious decision
about any of this. You were there when I needed someone..." Her smile
was wry. "We just kind of fell into it, didn't we?"

Tom nodded. "And we didn't even notice when we fell right out again,
huh?" He didn't wait for an answer, just leaned in and tucked a lock
of B'Elanna's hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry things turned out this
way, B'Elanna, but I can't go on like this. I don't think we're right
for each other."

He sighed, the knowledge that he was doing the right thing a small bit
of consolation. "There's someone who cares a lot about you. Far more
than I realized---he thinks you're his other half, the love of his
life, his mate. I have feelings for you, but..." He dropped his eyes.
"To be loved like that, to love someone like that...I know that's not
something we have, B'Elanna. We never will. And that's what I want."

B'Elanna was surprised to see the carefree Flyboy so vulnerable. "Your
timing leaves a lot to be desired. You're kicking a gal when she's
down, you know." B'Elanna's growl was half-hearted, but she was
relieved to see Tom's face brighten at her attempt.

He shook his head and grinned softly. "Think of it as returning a
consolation gift in hopes of winning the grand prize." He got up to leave.

She grabbed hold of his hands, keeping him beside her a moment. "Thank
you, Tom, for your honesty." She stood and hugged him. "I hope you
find what you're looking for."

"I hope everything works out for you too, B'Elanna. You deserve it,"
Tom said, then walked out the door, feeling strangely at peace.

B'Elanna soon followed, but she was ready for war.

***************

Chakotay was still berating himself for his slip with Tom. How could
he have been so stupid as to admit his feelings for B'Elanna to the
younger man?

Well, perhaps not so stupid if the declaration kept Tom on his toes.
Maybe Tom would pay more attention to his lover now that he knew he
wasn't the only man on Voyager interested in B'Elanna.

Someone signaled for entrance. Chakotay sighed and got up from his
chair, hoping he wouldn't have to deal with a crewmate's personal
crisis. "Enter."

He froze when B'Elanna barreled into his living room. "You bastard!
Were you ever going to tell me?"

Chakotay groaned silently; he couldn't help it. He was going to
strangle Tom the second he got the chance. No, wait, he couldn't kill
B'Elanna's lover, no matter how much a primitive part of him relished
the thought of eliminating a rival.

Sometimes he truly wished he weren't so civilized.

"No," he answered quietly.

B'Elanna stopped short, stunned and stung. She couldn't take much more
of this emotional roller coaster. She'd been dumped by her sort-of
lover after finally learning that the man she had wanted for years
loved her---she'd known without question whom Tom was talking
about---but now she was being told that the man of her dreams had
never planned to do anything about his feelings. "What? Why not?"

"What would have been the point, B'Elanna?" Chakotay felt his muscles
knotting; he couldn't believe how wound up he was. He felt exposed,
even more than when he'd made that foolish declaration to Tom. That
B'Elanna knew...it was almost impossible to fathom. Chakotay honestly
hadn't considered the possibility that Tom would betray his secret.
Why admit to your lover that someone else had feelings for her?
"You're with Tom, you *love* Tom. I wasn't getting into the middle of
that."

"Damn you," B'Elanna hissed, fists clenching. She knew she was
overwrought, her emotions rushing back to her with a vengeance, but
couldn't stem the flow. "I followed you around like some lovesick
teenager for *years*! I thought that someday, there'd be a chance
you'd see me as more than a friend." She turned away. "I told myself I
was imagining things when I saw hints of something in your eyes,
because you were sleeping with every blonde to come down the block, or
fixated on *Captain Kathryn Janeway*. And how could I compete with any
of them?"

She whirled back to face him. "But I was right all along. It's just
that you were too much of a coward to take a chance with me."

Goaded into fury, Chakotay abandoned his pose of calm and shouted
back, "Do you know how hard it has been, living with the fact that you
chose Tom? Twice!" He shook his head, admitting, "It made me crazy for
a while, knowing I had missed my chance---why do you think I keep
trying to start something with Kathryn, why it was so easy for Riley
Frazer and Kellin to manipulate me? I was desperate for distraction,
and I thought they would help me to get over *you*."

He paced his quarters, one hand running agitatedly through his hair.
"I tried to be happy for you, for both of you. To be the good friend
and pretend everything was fine." He stopped, and B'Elanna tensed at
the glint in his eyes. "But things weren't fine, were they, B'Elanna?"

He stalked toward her. "Do you have any idea how scared I was when I
saw you lying on the holodeck. I thought you were dead!" He grabbed
her shoulders and shook her. "You almost were! But I'm supposed to
play it cool, be the best friend, concerned commanding officer, find
out what the hell's going on in your head so I can turn you back over
to your lover when all I want to do is---"

"---Is what, Chakotay?" B'Elanna spat, trying to throw him off. "Take
his place?"

"Yes!" Chakotay pushed them into the bulkhead, trapping B'Elanna's
hands between their bodies, dark eyes blazing down into her equally
furious ones. "I love you, damn it!"

Then he kissed her. At first it was more of an angry clash of mouths
than a tender joining. But B'Elanna wanted it, wanted him, so she
opened up, letting him plunder at will.

Chakotay relaxed, letting her hands slide free. He sank his fingers
into her hair as he softened the kiss, now caressing her lips with
his, his tongue delicately brushing her palate or twining with her own.

B'Elanna moaned and wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling her
nerves sensitize as she was pressed between the wall and his body,
solid, male. His warmth reached through their clothes to heat her blood.

Passion was awakening within her, need, desire, and she gave in to it,
wanting nothing more than to feel Chakotay's skin against her own, his
cock full and hot stretching her sheath, their sweat mingling as they
found ecstasy in each other's arms.

She was reveling in the feeling of rightness, of completion. The
knowledge that this was a connection she had never sensed with Tom.
She had found her match, her mate. But as she lured Chakotay's tongue
into her own mouth to suckle and tease, a small part of her mind
sighed in relief. Here was distraction, oblivion. A new way to forget
the grief and anger, to bury the pain before it had a chance to once
more take hold.

Chakotay slid his hands slowly along B'Elanna's neck to her shoulders,
then down along her sides to her hips, savoring the feel of the woman
in his embrace. It would be so easy to sweep her up in his arms, to
carry her to his bed and finally, finally claim his beloved. She
arched into his body with another long moan, clinging to him...

"No," Chakotay said, suddenly pulling his mouth from hers.

B'Elanna said, "You don't have to worry. Tom and I broke up and---"

"No," he repeated as he took a step back, face flushed, breathing
hard, eyes glittering. "You're not going to use me as some kind of
crutch so you don't have to face what you're really feeling."

"What the hell are you talking about? This is what we both need. And I
thought friends, lovers, *mates* leaned on each other," B'Elanna
snapped, reeling at the sudden loss.

"I would be honored to have you lean on me, but because you *can*,
because you want to," Chakotay retorted, expression hardening. "Not
because you have no choice, because you're like some desperate dancer
at a marathon who doesn't know when to quit, to admit the truth, who
keeps shuffling and clinging to keep going on."

"Why don't *you* admit the truth, Chakotay?" B'Elanna didn't like his
insight, and took refuge in anger. "You're big on speeches, but not so
great with the follow-through. Ask Seska, or Kathryn. Sure, you say
you love me, but when the time comes to put up or shut up you run
scared. You're trying to hedge your bets, in case you wake up tomorrow
and figure out that you can't handle being with me. Because I'm not
the person you always thought I was."

Chakotay shook his head, hearing the fear and the hurt behind her
words, and approached her again. "Cut the bull, B'Elanna. It won't
work with me." He gathered B'Elanna into a gentle embrace, wondering
anew at the mix of power and fragility in her small form.

She resisted a moment, then her arms wrapped around him, the emotional
upheavals of this very long day still trembling through her. "I'm
afraid, Chakotay," she admitted. "I thought I was strong, dealing with
everything. But now I know I've just been hiding from you, from Tom,
from myself. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore."

His breath was a soft caress against her skin. "Maybe you're right,
B'Elanna, maybe when you cut through all the lies and the bullshit
you'll come out a different person. But I don't think so."

She could feel his smile against her temple as he continued, "I think
you'll still be the most beguiling mix of hot-head and genius, mule
and minx."

He chuckled, a low, breathy sound. "A beautiful woman who can take off
a Cardassian's head with a bat'leth without breaking a sweat but who
hides a stash of trashy romance novels because she wants to believe in
happy endings."

Chakotay released her enough to look down at her face. One hand rose
to cradle her cheek. He almost couldn't speak, the emotions were so
strong within him. "I know who you are, B'Elanna, and you're not some
shrinking violet or hothouse flower ready to wilt at the first sign of
trouble." He smiled once more. "You're a survivor, a wild rose, beauty
and brambles come as a package deal."

He sobered. "But you could be right, maybe all I'm seeing is illusion.
And I need to be sure you know the truth out about me, too. Spirits
know I've made my share of mistakes, especially about not telling you
how I feel. But I want to take a chance with you, to let us learn
about each other all over again. To find out what we can have
together, as colleagues, as friends...and maybe more."

He released her. "Let me know if you want the same. When you're
ready." Then he brushed a kiss across her forehead and went into his
bedroom, leaving her standing alone in his quarters.

B'Elanna shook her head with a snort. If nothing else, Chakotay still
knew how to make an exit.

Part of her wanted to follow him, impatient to claim him for her own.
But instead she left, heading for the Mess Hall for some banana pancakes.

B'Elanna knew that she wasn't ready to start a new relationship. She
had a ways to travel alone, figuring out exactly who she was and what
her path would be.

But she now knew that when the time was right, there was a special man
waiting to walk by her side.

THE END


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