Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!elnk-atl-nf1!newsfeed.earthlink.net!prodigy.com!prodigy.com!border1.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!newsread.com!newsstand.newsread.com!POSTED.newshog.newsread.com!not-for-mail Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated Approved: ascem@earthlink.net Organization: Better Living Thru TrekSmut Sender: ascem@earthlink.net Message-ID: From: "djinn_fic" MIME-Version: 1.0 Mailing-List: list ASCEML@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCEML-owner@yahoogroups.com Subject: NEW: TOS Nexus 1/2 [PG-13] S/Ch, Su/Ch, Su/R, ChFF Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Lines: 710 Date: Sat, 20 Nov 2004 13:55:04 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.198.142.218 X-Complaints-To: Abuse Role , We Care X-Trace: newshog.newsread.com 1100958904 209.198.142.218 (Sat, 20 Nov 2004 08:55:04 EST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sat, 20 Nov 2004 08:55:04 EST Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated:85753 X-Received-Date: Sat, 20 Nov 2004 05:55:08 PST (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net) TITLE: Nexus AUTHOR: Djinn CONTACT: djinn@djinnslair.com http://www.djinnslair.com SERIES: TOS RATING: PG-13 CODES: S/Ch, Su/Ch, Su/R, ChFF PART: 1/2 SUMMARY: Some events change lives forever. Sulu looked out at the ribbon of light and energy. This...thing had killed Captain Kirk, and Excelsior had been following it since it had left the Enterprise-B and Sulu's daughter behind and made its way across space--presumably back to wherever it had come from. "It looks so harmless," Jan said as she handed him the padd she'd been studying. "These are the last readings Demora took before the Enteprise-B limped home." The look she gave him was full of sympathy--this was not the way any of them had wanted the launch to go. "They shouldn't have called it the Enterprise, Jan." "There've been Enterprises before ours; I think there will always be one. The name's not a curse, Hikaru." She smiled--a smile that he'd been waiting for years to turn just a little warmer, to invite him in. But if anything, she was farther away than ever. He thought maybe she was out there...wherever Kirk had gone. Looking down at the padd, he let her escape back to her station. He was glad she was on Excelsior; she was a wonderful first officer. And an even better friend. It wasn't her fault he'd always wanted more from her. "Sir, we're being hailed." Carruthers looked up from the communications station, surprise in his voice as he said, "It's a private shuttle, sir. Commander Chapel wishes to come aboard." Jan's head shot up. Her eyes met Sulu's, an emotion he couldn't read filling them. She wasn't still jealous that Chris had been with Kirk all those years ago, was she? "I'll meet her, tell the shuttle to stand by," he said, already rising. He saw Jan getting ready to accompany him and said casually, "Commander Rand, you have the conn." The strange emotion again flickered in Jan's eyes. He turned away. If she was jealous of Chris, there was nothing he could do about it. Hurrying down to the transporter room, he nodded to the transporter chief to beam their guest over. A moment later, Chris materialized on the transporter pad. She seemed tired, and her attempt at a smile only reinforced that sense of weariness. "Permission to come aboard, sir?" "Permission granted." He smiled, warmly--as warmly as he could. She looked like she could use the welcome. She was in uniform. He hadn't been sure what to expect since she'd arrived on a private shuttle. "No Fleet ships in the area, Commander?" he asked, trying for a breezy tone as he led her out of the transporter room and to his private office. "I'm on leave. And I was in a hurry." She looked over at him. "They still haven't found a body." "I know." There was no need to ask who she was talking about. "I'm not sure they ever will." "I can't believe Jim's really gone." She followed him into the room, sitting down in one of the soft chairs set up near the viewscreen. Her sigh as she settled into the cushions was full of exhaustion. "How long since you've slept?" "Since I left. A day and a half ago. I wasn't traveling with the most reputable group of people." "Fast often equals shady." "I know that." Her expression seemed to dare him to tell her she'd been stupid to hitch a ride on what was probably a smuggler's ship. He might have lectured her if she hadn't looked so beaten down. "You're here now," he said gently. "I can show you to guest quarters?" "Later." She swiveled the chair around, stared out at the ribbon they were following. "Five more days?" He nodded. Five more days and it would cross into the neutral zone and Excelsior would go back to more interesting things. "I hate that thing." He didn't answer, wasn't sure what to say. "I had to come. The Enterprise was off limits, but your ship wasn't." He frowned. Demora hadn't mentioned that the Enterprise-B was under some kind of lock down. Chris seemed to read his look. "Off limits to me, Hikaru, not to everyone. Command doesn't trust me. And they don't know I'm here. But they will soon, if they check your communications log." "They usually don't. Just random audits." "Some things don't change." She sighed, turning away from the viewscreen as if she couldn't stand to see the ribbon anymore. "Why off limits?" "Valeris was my protege, Hikaru." Chris's face went hard. "And I was Admiral Cartwright's protege." He looked down. "Command was deeply interested in what I knew of the conspiracy." "You were detained?" "That's such a nice way of putting it." She swallowed hard, got up and walked to the far side of the room, staring down at his desk. "I'm only wearing this uniform out of stubbornness. They want me gone, but I don't feel like resigning." "Is there a reason you should leave?" "No. Except that I'm guilty by association." She played absently with the things on his desk. He pushed himself up and walked over to her. Reaching out, he barely touched her before she leaned back against him. How long had it been since they'd done this? Was it really since Excelsior had been launched? They'd been friends forever. They'd been more than friends for almost as long. More than friends but less than lovers. "Sex buddies" was the term. He'd heard some of his colleagues call it something ruder. It wasn't an uncommon arrangement for people who spent their lives away from home and hearth. It was easier than trying to make a life with someone perpetually left behind. He'd found that out the hard way. Wrapping his arms around her, he kissed her neck. "Chris, why are you here?" He felt the sob shake her before he heard it. "The last time I saw Jim...it was awful. I'd just been released from detention, and I ran into him in the corridors. I yelled at him, Hikaru. For not getting me out." She sobbed again. "He didn't trust me enough to get me out." "I'm sorry." He held her tighter, let her cry. It was hard to picture Chris and Kirk being so at odds. They'd become close during the mission after the V'ger encounter. It had surprised everyone at first that they were together, but they'd seemed so much in love that no one had begrudged them their happiness. No one but Jan. She'd never cared if Chris slept with Sulu, but sleeping with Kirk had been another story. It had hurt Sulu a little--okay, a lot--to know that he would always rank behind Kirk with Jan. Far, far behind. It had shocked him when Chris and Kirk had broken up after the Enterprise was transferred to the Academy as a training ship. Many from the crew had elected to join the Academy ranks--to stay together and to stay close to the Enterprise. Chris had moved on, though. To Emergency Ops, where she'd become a star. Her career was going straight up, and Sulu supposed Kirk had not been easy to live with once back on solid ground, especially not when he had seemed so miserable and Chris had seemed so happy in her new position. "Were you still in love with him?" She shrugged, wiping at her eyes. "What difference does it make now?" "I don't know." Turning, she stared up at him. "How's Jan taking it?" "Pretty much like you'd expect." He couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice. He'd idolized Kirk, but he'd spent most of his life jealous of the man's hold on the woman he was crazy about. "Have you told her how you feel?" He nodded. He'd told her several times. Each time had been after a serious bout of alcohol. He didn't drink as a rule. Mostly because booze made him stupid enough to blurt out truths that Jan didn't want to hear. Chris shook her head. "She's an idiot." "No, she's not. She's just Jan." He knew his smile would be the twisted, sad one that told way too much to anyone who really knew him. And Chris really knew him. But she let it go. Instead she leaned in and kissed him softly on the mouth. "So, if Jan's still being stupid, do you have a special friend already on board, Captain?" He managed to give her a stern look, ignoring how her lips made him feel. "I do not." "Want a temporary one?" He nodded, pulling her back for a longer kiss. When he drew away, she buried her face in his neck, her arms pulling him close. She wasn't crying, but he could tell she was close to breaking down. "I've missed you," he murmured. It wasn't a lie. They'd always been compatible. Solid, easy friends who occasionally fell into bed together. "I've missed you too. And I needed this. It was sheer self- indulgence, and I'll get in trouble for it, and you might too, but I needed to be held." "It's okay." He kissed her hair. "It's nice to be needed." ------------------------- Rand walked down the corridor toward the guest quarters. She felt a strange reluctance to keep going, wanted to turn around and run back to her deck. Christine scared her. Or maybe it was just the envy she felt that scared her. Christine had loved Kirk. Kirk had loved her. And Hikaru... Rand sighed. What Hikaru did with Christine was his own business. Anything Hikaru did was his own business. Wasn't that what she'd been telling him for so long? Didn't she mean it? "Janice?" Christine's voice came from behind her, not from the door to her quarters. Turning, she saw Christine coming down the corridor, a mess tray in her hands. "Come in if you don't mind watching me eat," Christine said, her voice a mix of friendly and cautious. "I didn't expect you to show up on Excelsior." "No reason you should have." Christine's tone was sharp. "I mean, you could have told me you were on your way. We're friends." Christine shot her a look but didn't say anything. She set the tray down at the table and sat down, looking up at Rand. "Eat. Before it gets cold." "Too late for that. It was cold when I got it." Rand realized that Christine had never fallen out of the Emergency Ops habit of ordering food that could weather a crisis, something that could be set aside without going bad or getting stale. "You can take the girl out of Emergency Ops..." Christine shot her another sharp look. "You've still got ties. I know you know what happened to me." "I know they questioned you." "Questioned me? I was 'detained,' Janice. For two months." Rand looked down. "I didn't know it was for that long." She'd never checked to see. It had never occurred to her to check. "Why so long?" "Valeris. You were right about her." Rand nodded. She'd never warmed up to the young Vulcan woman. But then Valeris had never wooed her the way she had Christine. Rand had never been the star in Emergency Ops that Christine had been. And Rand suspected that Valeris had made it her business to know who the stars were. "And Matthew." Christine's face changed as she mentioned Admiral Cartwright. He'd died while in custody. Some said suicide, others were sure that he'd been killed. Rand decided not to bring that up. "You were always closer to him than I was." "Some say I got where I was by being close to him. That I was pulled along on his coattails." Christine studied her, as if trying to read what was underneath the expression Rand was trying to keep bland. "Some say I got ahead by riding other parts of him." "Did you?" The question was out before Rand could stop it. She could feel herself blushing. "No. And if you need to ask, you don't know me very well." "I don't mean you got ahead that way. But did you sleep with him? I mean for fun?" "No." Christine started to eat, spearing the food with sharp, angry thrusts of the fork. "You sleep with Hikaru for fun." "Since when do you care what I do with Hikaru?" "I don't." Rand looked down again. She didn't care. She didn't care what Christine and Hikaru had done in the past. And she didn't care what they were going to do in the future--the very near future probably. Was he on his way now? "Then you won't mind if I do it again." There was more hurt than anger in Christine's voice. "Do what you want." Rand sighed. Hikaru and Christine didn't need her permission to do what they wanted to do. And that they were going to do it had been clear the minute Hikaru told Rand to stay put on the bridge while he went to welcome Christine alone. "We haven't talked about the captain," Rand said, unsure why she was in such a masochistic mood. "Jim." Christine didn't look up. Rand nodded. She never referred to him that way, even if she'd breathed the name in hundreds of fantasies over the years. Christine put the fork down. "He's dead. What more is there to talk about?" She stabbed into her meal again, then just stared at the piece of cheese she'd trapped. "I wasn't with him, Janice. I haven't been with him for years." Rand was about to turn to go, when she realized Christine's eyes had filled with tears. "Do you wish you still were?" she asked gently. "What do you think?" The comment would have been sharp, if there hadn't been such a note of self-deprecation in Christine's voice. Finally, her old friend was peeking out of this harder, older woman Christine had become. Rand could almost see the Christine she'd palled around with, the one who'd heard her whispered longings about Kirk, who'd shared her own fantasies about Spock. Those shared secrets had stopped the day Christine had taken up with Kirk. The day Rand had started to hate her. It wasn't fair; it wasn't Christine's fault. It had become painfully obvious to Rand that no matter what she did, Kirk wasn't going to fall in love with her, no matter how cute she was or how perky she acted. It just hurt that he'd turned to her friend instead. A friend she'd never thought would be a rival. If anyone had asked her, she'd have picked Uhura as the one to snag him away, not sweet little Christine. There wasn't much that was sweet about Christine anymore. But then there wasn't much that was cute or perky about Rand anymore either. They'd both changed. She shouldn't hold that against her. "I'm sorry." She watched Christine. Her friend nodded but didn't look up. "I'll let you eat in peace." Another nod. Rand walked out and saw Hikaru coming down the corridor. He looked guilty as he saw her. "You two catching up?" His eyes met hers, but slid away quickly. "I guess you could call it that." He looked at her, his eyes not moving away anymore but holding hers firmly. As if he was asking her to tell him not to go in. To give him a reason not to go in. She wasn't going to do that. Turning to go, she felt his hand on her arm. "Jan..." "Just go in, Hikaru. She's waiting for you." She gave him the look that had turned him away all these years. The look of a friend and colleague--and nothing more. Something in his expression changed, died. She swallowed hard, wanted to say she was sorry, but didn't know what it was she should be sorry for. So, he loved her. That was his problem. So what if he wanted to sleep with a woman who had been her best friend once upon a time? That was old news. She'd lived through it with the man she loved, she could survive it happening with a man she only liked. Turning, she walked away slowly. Until she rounded the corner, and then she fled. ------------------------- Spock's private shuttle approached Excelsior, the big ship looming above him. It lacked the pleasing lines of the Enterprise--Jim's Enterprise, not Harriman's. Spock had never understood why Command had selected Harriman for the center seat. With so many other captains in the Fleet, he had seemed an odd choice. Jim would no doubt agree. Spock fought back the stab of pain he felt, and the stab of guilt. He should have been there. He should have been at his friend's side. Maybe Jim would have survived. Or at least not died alone. Spock allowed himself the indulgence of a sigh. The shuttle was empty save for him; there was no one to hear him express so much with only the release of breath. Jim dead. Valeris betraying Spock. Spock and Christine. As he piloted his shuttle, he knew that Christine was somewhere on board, drawn to this ship as surely as he was. It was not magic. Not some new-found sympathy with her that told him. It was the calm determination he had read in her when he'd melded with her back at Command--the meld that had finally convinced them to let her go. She loved Jim still--and had a long relationship with Sulu that transcended the friendship Spock had thought had been the only thing between them He imagined she'd wanted to look for Jim, but others had already tried and too much time had passed for even a man as determined to survive as Jim to still be alive. No, Spock's friend and Christine's lover was gone. Swallowed up by space and fire and the energy ribbon. His body no doubt pulverized by the impact or consumed by the immense power of the ribbon. Jim was dead, and he wasn't coming back, no matter how much they wanted him to. Again the sharp cut of emotion. Pain, guilt, love still. His best friend was dead. He'd always known he would outlive him, but he'd expected the moment of death to come later. He should have known better--Jim would not have wanted to die in bed. But he'd died alone. Just like he said he would. All alone working to save someone else's Enterprise. Spock closed his eyes, seeking control before shutting down the engines and opening the hatch. He was surprised to see a Vulcan waiting for him. "Sir, it is an honor to welcome you aboard. I am Ensign Tuvok. Commander Rand sent me down. She thought you would welcome the company of another Vulcan." Rand did not know him very well if she thought that. Especially after Valeris. "Where is Captain Sulu?" Spock knew the answer to that; Sulu was no doubt with Christine. "I am not sure, sir. I will find him--" Spock waved the younger man's efforts. "I will find him later. Please show me to guest quarters." Tuvok seemed annoyed. He didn't betray it the way a human would have, but Spock could read that emotion from him nonetheless. "Is something wrong, Ensign?" "No, sir." He motioned for Spock to leave the shuttle bay. "Has Commander Chapel arrived?" Spock saw Tuvok's seeming annoyance change to visible disapproval. "You have an opinion about the commander?" Tuvok turned to study him. "She was a friend of Valeris." Spock let an eyebrow rise and wondered what Tuvok would infer from that. "I too was a friend of Valeris, Ensign. Do you disapprove of me as well?" "Sir, no sir. I just meant..." For a Vulcan, the young man was stumbling over his tongue like the greenest human crewman. "Good." Spock walked past him. "If you could take me to my quarters it would be most acceptable." Tuvok led him very quickly to a lift and rode in silence for a moment. "Sir, may I speak plainly?" "I thought you had been, Tuvok." Spock turned to study the man. Had he really been as green as this young Vulcan? "Sir, we all detest what Valeris did. I know you were not part of the conspiracy. But the human woman..." "The human woman was not involved. I know this to be a fact." Spock's voice was tight. He felt an odd impatience with Tuvok, which wasn't fair. He was not the only member of Starfleet who had doubted Christine's innocence. But Spock wasn't used to being challenged. His earlier comment should have stopped this line of conversation. "As you wish, sir." Tuvok was giving up without giving ground, and ignored the look Spock turned on him. "These are your quarters, sir. If that will be all?" "Thank you for your assistance." He did not sound at all thankful, and he knew it. Tuvok bowed his head, then was gone. Spock set his small bag down upon the bed, then obtained Christine's location from the computer. Walking a few doors down the corridor, he reached for the chime, ringing it once, then again when Christine did not answer. Was she out, or was she occupied? He was about to turn away, when the door opened. Judging from the state of Christine's hair and makeup, she and Sulu, who was sitting at her table, had not been in the middle of making love. "Wow. It's old home week. Did you bring the rest of the gang?" Her voice was not entirely friendly. "I am alone." Spock pushed past her gently. "Come on in." Moving to the table, Christine picked up the remnants of what looked like her dinner and took them into the head, presumably to dispose of them in the recycler. Sulu smiled, but there was something off in his expression. Spock guessed that he did not like being interrupted. Even by an old friend. Perhaps especially by an old friend. "I didn't expect to have so many guests," Sulu said quietly. Spock stared out the viewscreen at the ribbon. "I believe both Commander Chapel and I had the irrational need to view with our own eyes the phenomenon that killed Jim." He dropped his voice. "Perhaps Christine also had the need to see you again." Sulu looked surprised. "Maybe so." "I can speak with her later if you had...activities planned?" Spock saw Sulu's eyes widen with surprise. Had Sulu thought he'd come to speak with him? Christine came out of the head, her eyes narrowing as Sulu pushed up from the chair and walked to the door. "I'll be in my quarters," he told her. "I can come back when you're done...if you want." Spock looked over at her, saw her sigh as she nodded. He wondered if she would want to see Sulu later now that he was here. He'd seen lingering attraction to himself in their meld along with all the other things he'd learned. Establishing her innocence had been the paramount thing at the time, but a meld as intense as the one he'd had to use had a wide reach. Many things were caught in the net as he delved in her memories with her own permission. Things he'd expected to see and some he hadn't. Once Sulu was gone, Spock sat down at the table. "Make yourself at home," she said, the sarcasm not surprising him. It was her shield, and he thought it probably had been ever since she had been detained. He gestured to the chair opposite him. "Sit. Please." She did so, dropping more heavily than he expected into the chair. "You are exhausted." She didn't argue, just nodded. "I was about to go to bed." "Yes. I gathered that." She sighed. "What didn't you read in that meld, Spock?" "Very little." She nodded, as if not surprised. "Did I say thank you for getting me out of there?" "You did." "Good." She rubbed her hands across her eyes, the way Jim used to. "I miss him, Spock." He knew she was not referring to Sulu's having just left her. "I know. I too miss him." "Neither of us was with him. Why weren't we with him?" She met his eyes and whispered, "Valeris." "Yes. Valeris." He had gone back to Qo'noS, letting the work that needed to be done on the Klingon homeworld exorcise his anger at a woman he'd been in love with. A woman who Christine had also been in love with. "You haven't told anyone, have you?" She reached over, taking his hand. It did not occur to him to stop her from touching him. He let her twine her fingers with his. "I have not." "If she hadn't been so fanatical about privacy..." She let go of his hand. "I thought it was just because she was a Vulcan. I didn't know she was seducing you at the same time." "She used us both." "Yes, she did." Christine looked up at him. "And she was so good at it." "She knew what we both wanted. A Vulcan who would want us--a full Vulcan." Her mouth quirked up, a sardonic expression that resonated with him. "Oh, she was a master at manipulation, Spock." Her eyes met his. "And we were probably easy marks." "We undoubtedly were." He'd had occasion to reflect on this during the months after Khitomer, as he thought about all the things he had seen in that forced meld with Valeris. Things that went far beyond just the conspiracy. He had seen her with him; he had seen her with Christine. He had felt her amusement--an un-Vulcan amusement at how easy they were to play. She had not loved either of them. The whole time she was making love to them, she had not cared a bit. He reached for her hand, could feel her pulse in her fingers, could sense her pain and exhaustion and grief as their skin touched. "You never suspected she was seducing me at the same time she was your lover?" "I knew she looked up to you. But she was with me, why would I suspect? In bed she was..." "Yes, I know." Valeris had been focused and skillful and utterly adept at making her lover feel as if nothing else existed outside of the bed he--or she--shared with her. And she had enjoyed sex with both of them. Just as she had enjoyed the idea of it being the two of them that she was using. Spock had seen in the meld that Valeris had known that Christine had loved him. She had expected to replace him in Christine's heart, and to replace Jim too. When she had not been able to, it drove her to hate Jim. It was not that Valeris had been in love with Christine. But she was competitive. It was what had driven her to finish first in her class at the Academy. It had carried over to her personal life. She had not liked that she had not been first in Christine's heart. Or in Spock's--Jim had been first, not as a lover but still owning most of his heart. Valeris had nearly gotten Jim killed. She had enjoyed that too. Valeris had been laughing at them. If a Vulcan laughed. "Do you want me to leave so you can go to Sulu?" He did not let go of her hand. "Do you want to leave?" "No. I would like to talk." She laid her other hand over his. "About Jim?" He nodded, wondering if she'd had anyone to talk to about Jim. Her sad smile was his answer. "That'd be nice." End part 1 of 2 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ASCEM messages are copied to a mailing list. Most recent messages can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCEML. NewMessage: