Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!elnk-atl-nf1!newsfeed.earthlink.net!in.100proofnews.com!in.100proofnews.com!prodigy.com!border1.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!newsread.com!newsstand.newsread.com!POSTED.newshog.newsread.com!not-for-mail Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated Approved: ascem@earthlink.net Organization: Better Living Thru TrekSmut Sender: ascem@earthlink.net Message-ID: From: "djinn_fic" MIME-Version: 1.0 Mailing-List: list ASCEML@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCEML-owner@yahoogroups.com Subject: NEW: TOS Nexus 2/2 [PG-13] S/Ch, Su/Ch, Su/R, ChFF Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Lines: 601 Date: Sat, 20 Nov 2004 13:55:06 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.198.142.218 X-Complaints-To: Abuse Role , We Care X-Trace: newshog.newsread.com 1100958906 209.198.142.218 (Sat, 20 Nov 2004 08:55:06 EST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sat, 20 Nov 2004 08:55:06 EST Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated:85754 X-Received-Date: Sat, 20 Nov 2004 05:55:11 PST (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net) TITLE: Nexus AUTHOR: Djinn CONTACT: djinn@djinnslair.com http://www.djinnslair.com SERIES: TOS RATING: PG-13 CODES: S/Ch, Su/Ch, Su/R, ChFF PART: 2/2 SUMMARY: Some events change lives forever. Rand watched Hikaru as he got up and walked around the bridge, talking to each of the bridge crew as was his fashion. He didn't look like a man who'd had mind-blowing sex all night. So either Christine wasn't that good, or Spock had interrupted them. Or maybe got there before they could get started. That idea made her feel much better. "Sir," she said as he worked his way over to her. "Spock's requested the logs from the Enterprise-B and other ships. The search mission." "Who am I to deny Spock what he wants?" Sulu shrugged; he seemed a little annoyed. Or maybe she just wanted to see that. "Aye, sir." She was about to ask him how his evening was, but the lift doors opened, and Christine stepped onto the bridge. Walking over to them, Christine turned to Hikaru. "Sorry about last night. I didn't expect him to show up." She looked over at Rand, who was trying to keep a neutral expression at the news that her friend and Hikaru had not hooked up. "So Spock showed up here for you?" Rand asked softly. Christine nodded. But there was no excitement--nothing that would have shown that this colder version of her old pal was still in love with Spock. Rand wondered why it was suddenly so important to her that Christine be in love with Spock. Glancing at Hikaru, she forced that thought away. She did not care what he did. What either of them did. In bed. Together. "So, is he staying on?" She knew her voice was way too perky at the thought. Christine smiled, as if she knew exactly what Rand was thinking. "Until we turn back." Rand glanced at the ribbon, saw Christine do the same. "Do you want to see our scans of it?" Christine nodded, taking an empty station and looking at the data Rand fed her. It almost felt like the old times in Ops. Them working together again. Easy. Once Kirk was out of the picture. Hikaru watched them for a moment, then continued his circuit around the bridge. Rand didn't realize she was following him with her eyes, until Christine murmured, "You've got it bad, Janice." "I don't." But she couldn't look away from him. There was no way she was in love with him. Or in lust. He was her friend. Sure, he loved her. But there was nothing between them. He turned, as if feeling her eyes on him. His eyebrows went up, as if he was extremely puzzled by her interest in him. Finally, he turned away. "Why didn't you tell me that?" Christine frowned at her, exasperation clear. "I'd have backed off if I knew you cared." Her frown deepened. "You haven't always cared, have you?" Rand sighed. "No." Did she care now? Or was she just resenting Christine for other things and projecting that onto this? "I'll stay away. But you need to do something about this." Christine touched the picture of the ribbon. "Life is short, Janice. So damned short." She blinked hard, then got up. "Can you send that to the computer in my quarters?" Rand nodded as she reached out and laid her hand on Christine's arm. "I'm sorry. I know we couldn't talk about him, but I am sorry for the pain you're in." Christine nodded, then hurried off the bridge. Hikaru walked back over to her station. "Everything okay with her?" He looked like he was thinking of going to find out for himself. Rand felt a rush of jealousy. Oh, holy crap. She was in love with him. "She's hurting. But there's nothing I can do. Or you either." He looked down at her. "No?" "No. Nothing." She put a lot of emphasis on that last word. "She's got Spock." "I don't know about that." Rand suddenly had a sinking feeling in her stomach. Was Sulu in love with Christine? "I think I'd know. He followed her clear out here. To what? Stare at the ribbon of death? I don't think so." "You seem unusually vehement about that." His expression was one of carefully controlled hope. "I am." Her heart was beating crazily, as if it was going to beat out of her chest. She gave him her best smile. The one she'd tried to win Kirk with and never even come close. His expression cleared, but then a frown ruined the happiness that had taken over his face for a moment. "Why? Why now?" She shook her head, knew her look was sheepish. "Life is short. And I'm an idiot?" He grinned. "Well..." She laughed softly. "Get back to work, mister." Then she looked up at him, staring at him intently. "This is the part where you ask me to dinner." "It is?" "Yes it is. But to speed up the process, I'm going to just pretend that you already asked. And I said yes. Stop by after shift." "Because life is short?" She could tell he was completely confused by her sudden about- face. "I'll give you more personal reasons at dinner...or after." One side of her mouth tipped up into a crooked smile. One she could tell he liked because he smiled too. "Okay, then." He hurried to his chair, as if afraid she'd change her mind if he stayed there too long. ------------------------- From deep within his meditations, Spock heard his door chime. He rose swiftly to full consciousness, pushing himself up to his feet and fighting the dizziness that always accompanied such a hasty return to reality. "Come." Christine walked in. He could tell she had been crying. "Are you all right?" She nodded, then took in the mat on the floor, the small flame of the lamp. "I'm disturbing you." "If that were the case, I would ask you to leave." She smiled, a knowing "been there" smile. "That's true. You never had any trouble telling me to get lost in the past." She eased by him, seemed to be trying to pace the small quarters. "Would you like to walk?" She nodded gratefully and followed him out of the quarters and down the corridor to the lift. When it opened, Ensign Tuvok was inside with two other crew members. Spock saw his face register the same disapproval he'd shown before. Christine did not appear to notice. They got out before Tuvok and the others, leaving the lift to them as Christine led him to the observation lounge. The ribbon swam in front of them. "Do you think it's pretty?" she asked, choosing seats that were far away from anyone else. "It has an inherent attractiveness. But any emotional response I have to it is one of hatred." She looked at him in surprise. "Vulcans can hate. We usually do not admit to it, however." "Do you hate Valeris?" He sighed and saw her surprise at that too. "I have tried to ease my feelings for her. Both hate and love still war inside me." She nodded, and he supposed she might be the only other person who could understand the complicated range of emotions he felt for Valeris. They sat in silence. Not an uneasy one, but one filled with shared sorrows and pain. "She gave really good backrubs," Christine said after a few minutes. "Yes. She was quite skilled." "Oh, yeah." Christine looked over at him, and laughed softly. "This is so weird." "Indeed." Christine glanced around, and he followed her gaze. When it was clear that she was satisfied that they had their part of the lounge to themselves, she leaned her head against his shoulder, barely touching him. "Is that okay?" It should not have been all right. But her touch was a comfort. "Yes." "I saw the look that ensign gave me. It made you mad." He was startled. Both that she noticed but also that she had been able to read him. "I was with Valeris for two years, Spock. I got really good at translating all those versions of blank face." "I had not considered that." "Does that ensign think I'm guilty, somehow?" He decided not to lie to her. "I believe so." He had softened it even so. He did not believe Tuvok suspected her; he knew it. "He's not the only one, Spock." "You were a victim no less than Jim or I." "Or Gorkon." She eased away, the need for touch apparently over. Or else she was thinking of his comfort. "Do you mind if I change the subject, Spock? I don't want to think about her or what she and Matthew did." "I do not either." It was odd being so in tune with her. It was not how things had ever been between them in the past. "I don't want to talk about Jim either." "I will talk about whatever you wish." He touched her hand, just long enough to let her know he was serious. And long enough to feel her interest in him. Subtle, half-swallowed by pain and anger, but there nonetheless. He suspected something similar was growing in him. It was entirely unexpected. "What's next for you?" she asked softly. "A ship of your own?" "No." The answer came quickly. Forced out by emotion he was not expecting. "Not a ship." Never a ship. Ships went with Jim. Ships were in his past. "What then?" Starfleet diplomatic had been making overtures for some time. Maybe it was time to switch disciplines permanently? She waited, not pressing him for an answer. Her eyes were fixed on the ribbon. "I am considering transferring to diplomatic." She smiled gently. "A good fit, I think." "And I suspect that it will please my father greatly if I do so." "I bet you're right." Her smile grew, and he remembered that she had forged her own relationship with his father during her years in Emergency Operations. Sarek had always spoken highly of her. "And you?" he asked. "What will you do?" "I don't know." Her smile faded; her voice was bleak. "You are finished with Emergency Operations?" "They're finished with me." She looked at him, her eyes hard but filled with what he knew to be only realism about her situation. "Matthew is a black mark against me. Valeris too. And even Jim in some quarters. I make people nervous or I make them mad. I should probably resign and go into private practice. I'm still a doctor." "Do not resign." He was surprised at how quickly he said that. How strongly he felt it. Starfleet could not afford to lose her. Her only crime was loving not wisely but too well as the old saying went. The same could be said of him. "What should I do then?" "I will need a staff. You could be a part of that." She laughed. "I am quite serious." He felt a twinge of annoyance that she was not taking what he said with the proper amount of consideration. "You are?" She sighed. "Pity is nice, but it will wear off and then you'll regret ever offering." "I could list the skills you would bring, the attributes you possess that I would value in a member of my team?" "Would you? My self-esteem could use a boost." She moved closer. She didn't lay her head on his shoulder this time, but her arm pressed against him. He found it oddly comforting. "You are accustomed to working in a crisis environment. You have encountered and dealt with many of the eventualities that will arise. You are both a scientist and a healer, and as such should offer a unique perspective. You are dedicated, persevering, and exercise excellent judgment." He saw her smirk and let his own lips tip up slightly. "Except, perhaps, in matters of the heart." She conceded with a nod, then she cocked her head and said, "I don't know, though. Valeris was only one out of how many good choices?" He suddenly wondered how many lovers she'd had over the years. Certainly more than he'd had. "Come with me," he said quietly. "You're sure?" "Yes." Diplomatic was not aware of his plans. They might tell him to wait. On the other hand, he had a history of getting what he wanted. "You haven't even talked to Diplomatic have you?" "I have not." She laughed again, and her arm pressed harder against him. "Let me know how that goes." "Jim would want me to look out for you." He could feel her tense, then she pulled away, but not before he sensed a rush of sadness from her. Sadness and guilt. "I don't think he would, Spock." He looked over at her and saw that she was crying. But she brushed the tears away, seemed to stop any more from falling by sheer force of will. "Why would he not want that? He loved you." "Yes. Past tense." She looked down. "He moved on. He had Antonia. And then Carol after David died." "That did not last long." "Long enough." She sounded angry and hurt, and he was not sure what to say to make it better. "Spock, the things I said to him. They were hateful." "When?" "The last time I saw him. A few weeks before he died. I ran into him at Command after I'd been released. I was so mad at him. I yelled at him. He could have gotten me out of there. But he didn't." "He did not know if he could trust you." "Why didn't he know that?" But she looked down as if she understood. Valeris had warped them all. "I believe that he loved you deeply, even if your relationship was over." "And I believe that you're a hopeless romantic, Spock." He let a single eyebrow show her what he thought of that statement. She leaned closer, and he touched her hand. Soon her shoulder pressed against his again. "I feel like someone cut my heart out, Spock. And I don't know if they took all of it or just the part that Valeris and Jim owned." He pressed against her, trying to offer some comfort. But he was not sure he could because he felt the same way. As if there was an empty space in his chest. A space that was indeed shaped like Valeris and Jim. "You never loved me," Christine said. "That is true." He kept his voice as gentle as he could. "But I respect your abilities. And I will try not to hurt you." There was more he was feeling, but he thought it premature to admit to it. And the feelings confused him. Better to let them lie to ripen or not as they would. "That sounds pretty damn good about now." She looked over at him, giving him a sad smile. "If you want me to go with you, I will." He nodded. It was a good solution. She would indeed be an asset to him in his work. And together...he was not sure what, if anything, he wanted from her. All he knew was that being with her gave him a small measure of the peace he had not found any other way since Valeris had betrayed him. ---------------------------- Sulu watched as Jan finished her meal. They'd both chosen light dinners. She'd laughed when she saw his tray--a husky, sexy laugh that he'd never heard before. He could barely eat. He saw Chris come in with Spock. They looked strangely right together. He saw her bump against Spock's arm when a crewwoman pushed past her. Spock reached out to steady her, and she smiled up at him. A small smile, but a real one. Jan followed his gaze, then turned back as if trying to decide why he was so interested. "I've never asked if you're in love with her." "No. You never have." It was mean, but she'd been rejecting him for so long that he didn't mind seeing her squirm for a moment. "I love her. In love with her? No." "Why not?" "I'm in love with someone else. Have been forever." Jan smiled--in relief, he thought. "Anyone I know?" He nodded slowly and saw her smile grow. Turning to watch Spock and Chris, she said, "You think they're together?" Sulu shrugged. "They look together." Jan shook her head. "Wouldn't it be funny if after all this time, he finally fell for her?" "I don't think it would be funny." He saw her surprise and continued before she could say anything. "I think it would be nice." Her look was sad. "I'm not very nice sometimes, Hikaru." "You think I don't know that?" He grinned at her. "I like you anyway." He pushed his tray away. "I just wish you'd stop resenting her for having what you wanted." Her lips tightened. He knew he should probably let this go, but they needed to talk about it. They needed to talk about Kirk. They never did. Talking about him was taboo. "I don't resent--" "--Don't lie to me. I know you better than that." He kept his voice low, so only she could hear. She glared at him a moment, and he waited her out. "Oh, fine." She said it with such irritation that he laughed. "Can we go now?" Apparently they still weren't going to talk about Kirk. Oh, well. Small steps. He followed Jan to the recycler, dumping his tray. Turning, he saw Spock and Chris walking toward them. "Captain Sulu," Spock said easily. "Commander Chapel and I will be leaving tomorrow." "You will?" He shot a look at Chris She smiled, a more genuine smile than he'd seen since she arrived. It would be ironic if Spock turned out to be the only person who could bring back the sweet smile he remembered from years back. "I'm going to be working for Spock. In diplomatic." She looked as surprised at the news as Sulu was. Spock nodded. "I am being reassigned effective immediately. The commander is as well." Sulu nodded, admiring the way Spock seemed to always get his way with Command. Of course, it helped your case considerably to be a living legend. "It's been a pleasure hosting you. You sure you don't want to stay until the ribbon heads into the neutral zone?" "The ribbon can go to hell," Chris said. "I find myself in agreement with Commander Chapel. If Vulcans had a hell, I would wish the ribbon to reside there." He let an eyebrow punctuate the unexpected sentiment. Chris turned to Spock. "I think Hikaru and Janice were just leaving." She winked at them both. Sulu could feel himself blushing. Jan looked fine. Jan looked more than fine. He suddenly, desperately wanted out of the mess. Amazingly, Spock seemed to get Chris's drift. "We will not keep you. Live long and prosper, Captain Sulu, Commander Rand." "You do the same," Jan said, with a big smile for both Spock and Chris as she led Sulu out of the mess. They were silent in the lift, walking down the hall. "My place," she said softly. Sulu didn't argue. There was plenty of time to try out his quarters later. Following her into her quarters, he stopped and watched her move across the room. Suddenly, he was filled with nerves. What if he wasn't any good? What if he bored her? She looked down. "You've wanted this from me for so long. What if it wasn't worth waiting for?" He smiled. He hadn't expected her to have the same kind of doubts as he did. He began to cross the room. "It'll be worth it." She moved toward him. "You're sure?" "Positive." He caught her up, pulling her close, his hands running down her back and her arms and everywhere he'd ever wanted to touch her. He heard her moan as their kiss deepened, his mouth opening. He felt his knees trembling. He'd never wanted anyone the way he wanted Jan. He'd never loved anyone the way he loved Jan. She pushed him to her bed, already pulling off his uniform, then her own. He'd been afraid that she'd realize this was a mistake, that she'd stop it, or even worse just go along. But she was giving him everything he'd ever wanted: passion and love and esteem earned by working side by side for so many years. "Jan, I love you," he said as he let her push him onto the bed, as she crawled on top of him. She started to say it back, and he stopped her. "No. Not till you know it for sure. I don't want an echo." Her eyes were soft as she leaned in to kiss him. Her touch now was gentle and tender, and if this wasn't love then it was the next best thing. "I do love you, Hikaru. I didn't realize it until this morning." He frowned. "Why this morning." "I was glad that you and Christine didn't sleep together." She moved closer to him, closer and closer and then oh, holy god... "I think you like this," she said softly, her voice a purr of seduction. He said something, wasn't sure that the words made sense. But Jan said, "Me too," and kissed him deeply, so he must have said something good. Then he lost track of everything but Jan and her body welcoming him, and her tongue and lips making him moan. He gave himself up to her, felt her do the same thing. She wasn't holding back. He had her. Finally, he had her. After the first fires were spent, they lay curled together like spoons, both staring out at the ribbon. "We're going to be all right." The way she said it, it wasn't a question. "Yes. We'll be fine." She moaned happily, her hand tightening over his. They fell asleep for a while, bodies pressed close. Then they woke up and pressed their bodies even closer. It was all right. It was all good. It was all his. FIN ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ASCEM messages are copied to a mailing list. Most recent messages can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCEML. NewMessage: