Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!elnk-atl-nf1!newsfeed.earthlink.net!atl-c03.usenetserver.com!news.usenetserver.com!news-xfer.newsread.com!yellow.newsread.com!bad-news.newsread.com!news-toy.newsread.com!netaxs.com!newsread.com!POSTED.newshog.newsread.com!not-for-mail Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated Approved: ascem@earthlink.net Organization: Better Living Thru TrekSmut Sender: ascem@earthlink.net Message-ID: From: "qzeebrella" MIME-Version: 1.0 Mailing-List: list ASCEML@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCEML-owner@yahoogroups.com Subject: TOS Poem: Balancing Through a Storm Pairing: Spock/McCoy Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Lines: 173 Date: Fri, 31 Dec 2004 19:55:06 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.198.142.218 X-Complaints-To: Abuse Role , We Care X-Trace: newshog.newsread.com 1104522906 209.198.142.218 (Fri, 31 Dec 2004 14:55:06 EST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Fri, 31 Dec 2004 14:55:06 EST Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated:86589 X-Received-Date: Fri, 31 Dec 2004 11:55:13 PST (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net) Title: Balancing Through a Storm Author: Qzeebrella Fandom: Star Trek the Original Series Disclaimer: the show and its characters are Paramount's, no profit is being made Archive: SpockMcCoyhaven, ASCEML Pairing: Spock/McCoy Author's e-mail: qzeebrella@yahoo.com Archive: Spockmccoyhaven, ASCEML Summary: Spock after being infected is told "how we must torture Rating: G 10th wave challenge: Write a S/Mc involving The Naked Time. Warning: angst Type of fic: Poem *** Humans call me logical Say Vulcans live for reason Believe they have no emotion Humans Constantly besieging me With teasing, ridicule, encouragement To show emotion Never considering the reality Of what could result If I gave in. Day after day I am surrounded by aliens Those who do not share My blood My culture or my beliefs Those with the barest Most basic knowledge of Vulcans Who day after day Point out how harsh, how severe My behavior is. Never seeing how their behavior Is so very, very severe They throw emotions at me Constantly As if hoping To erode my control Extolling the virtues of Emotions, hunches, acting on impulse Pushing always at me To let myself feel. They shun all mention of Reasoning, careful planning Acting in a logical, methodical manner Denying All mention of their using logic Or of being methodical In their work With their research Even if they reach their decisions Through logic. He hears them day after day Saying vicious things Uttering petty cruelties "Half-breed Stone face, green blood Satanic, overgrown elf, hobgoblin Cold-blooded, pointy eared Vulcan" Always about how he looks His appearance and his race Why no creativity. Remembering his childhood The cruelty and viciousness Of children to those different Unique "Emotional, change-face, half-breed Illogical, irrational, ill-formed Touchy-feely human, false Vulcan" Always about his emotions His supposedly showing them As if he was somehow below them. No one seeing him The person not the race The man he is Inside No one seeing how he balances Upon a tightrope to remain himself In the face of the constant barrage The constant bombardment of emotion Not seeing how he yearns To let himself fall into emotion. He knows that letting go By releasing control By letting himself fall into Emotion Will lead only to madness To unthinking rage To fall of the tightrope of control Would lead to savageness To the unending depths Of despair. So he carefully balances Week by week, day by day Minute by minute and even by The second Barraged on all sides With other people's expectations With other people's ideas Of what he should be like Of who he should be Never letting him be himself. Bombarded by ridicule From crewmates and friends Wondering why the ridicule from one Hurts So very much more Than all the others combined Why Leonard's words pierce deeper Causes his soul, his Katra to bleed And he despairs at the thought That Leonard will never care. Why is that thought So painful that it tears him apart Why does it cut into him Love Why must it hurt more To believe he can not have it To think that Leonard will never learn To care for him To want and need him Makes it hard to breathe. And he wonders why His face is wet Why his lungs are heaving Breathless Why does he hear someone sobbing "He'll never love me" And why is it That his heart is squeezed Torn apart and bleeding as he sits here With his head in his hands. He sits here with head in hands Salty water trailing down his face From his eyes to his lips Crying Knowing he'll never stop wanting Never stop needing the love The one thing he knows He will likely never have And believing he does not deserve Leonard's love. And he cries. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ASCEM messages are copied to a mailing list. Most recent messages can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ASCEML. NewMessage: